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Hugs have never been a foreign concept to Sara.
They're very simple, all one needs to do is to bring one's arms around another and press slightly into them.
Very simple indeed.
Sara used to hate hugs. Humans are smelly and noisy and far too willing to invade her personal space.
Well, she used to hate the idea of them, anyway. She didn't get very many hugs before. Any at all, really.
Takayuki had forbidden Masahito and Kamaji from hugging her when they were still children, and there had be no one else around that would be willing to give her any.
She doesn't think she'll ever forget the look he'd given her as he'd told her "To desire such things is unbecoming of you. You're still a child, you'll understand your place soon enough." As he was about to leave, he'd turned around and looked her dead in the eyes. "I expect that you will not disappoint me in this matter, Sara."
It was fine. She was fine with it.
Even if watching the soldiers under her command, or even random civilians on the streets of Inazuma City, be embraced by their laughing families and loved ones sometimes felt like being punched in the chest and she sometimes couldn't keep her eyes away from when laughing children were picked up to be embraced by their parents.
It is all fine.
The first hug Sara remembers receiving had been given to her just the day after she was promoted to oversee public order in Hanamizaka.
She'd been in a good mood, and so grateful that she'd finally be able to properly repay what she owed to the Kujou clan.(Never proud. What right did she have to be proud when it was the Almighty Shogun that had given her everything she had?)
As she'd been contemplating her lot in life, the door to her office had been opened and the men she'd sent out to investigate alleged explosions along one of the beaches outside the city walked in, a nervous looking girl wedged between them.
"Madam Kujou, ma'am!" The two saluted. "We've determined that this girl is the cause of the reported explosions. She claims to be a fireworks maker, ma'am!"
The girl in question again looked nervous, but she'd perked up at the mention of fireworks. "That's right! I'm Naganohara Yoimiya, my pops have been making fireworks for ages, and he's finally started to let me put together my own! I was just trying them out, , I swear, I didn't mean any harm!"
Sara spent only a moment considering the situation. There were merits to Naganohara's words. She was aware of Naganohara fireworks, even if she had never been allowed to indulge in them, and if she had wished to cause a disturbance or harm she would not have gone to the beach to do it.
"Very well. Since there have been no reports of damages, and this is the first time that you've caused such a disturbance, I will let you off with a warning to not disturb public order in the future. If you wish to engage in such testing again, please apply for the appropriate permits."
She'd barely finished speaking before a squeal filled her ears and she felt herself be grabbed and spun around in the air. She stiffened at first, thinking that she was under attack, but just as she prepared to defend herself noise again returned to her.
"Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! You're the best, Madam Kujou!"
All the thoughts in her head ground to a halt as she realised what was happening, replaced with an almost panicked buzzing.
Naganohara was very loud, yes, but she wasn't smelly in the way most humans were. She instead smelled of saltpetre and smoke.
If anyone said that she leaned into the embrace slightly she'd fervently deny it.
It was nice, however.
Sara has met with Naganohara many times following their initial encounter, both when she applied for the permits, as Sara had instructed her to, and when she, in her great haste to test her newest concoctions, forget to.
She also seems to take every chance she gets to greet Sara whenever they cross paths, happily chattering about whatever has happened to her that day.
Every single time Sara finds herself cursing her own weakness, her shameful inability to ignore her unimportant desires.
It is a mistake to indulge Naganohara's whims. It is, after all, much easier to ignore how thirsty you are if no one is offerering you water.
The vision hunt decree comes as a mercy more than anything.
As much as it stings to see children that used to look at her in awe run away whenever they see her and their parents, once politely greeting her when she approached them, look at her in fear, it gives her something to occupy her mind with.
Even Naganohara avoids her. That stings a bit, but Sara doesn't know why she should expect her to have be an exception.
When Watatsumi rebels, and the Army mobilizes to bring them to heel, she's almost thankful.
Her almost gratitude is soon replaced with more misery.
What she thought would be a distraction instead ends up being a confrontation with the fact that her men are friends, comrades in a way she can never be a part of.
Whenever she tries to approach them they grow silent and self conscious, everyone sharing her pool of awkwardness as opposed to her wallowing in it alone.
It is humiliating. She knows that they respect her, but what good does that do for her if she can barely speak to them?
The fact that her shameful doubts about the vision hunt decree only grows with time doesn't help her in the slightest, either.
It feels as if the entirety of the life she's spent so much time working to deserve is falling apart in her hands.
It feels as if she's going insane.
When she wakes up in the Tenshukaku infirmary, the wounds from her impulsive storming of the throne room patched up and dressed, she's horrified to find herself wishing she was awake for it.
It's outright pathetic, but she doesn't remember if anyone's touched her at all without intending to hurt her since Naganohara.
That thought, and others like it, haunt her as she drifts in and out of consciousness.
Finally, as she wakes up, she's not alone.
"Hi Sara! You're awake!"
The squeaky voice of the traveller's companion fills the entire room. It makes her head hurt, and she's unable to contain her pained groan in response.
"Paimon, please be a little quieter. I'd also like to say hello, though. My name's Lumine. I don't think I ever properly introduced myself."
Sara didn't understand why, but the two stayed with her for several hours, telling her about the things that had happened in Inazuma during her absence, asked her questions about herself, and generally helped her pass the time.
When they'd turned to leave, Paimon (as the creature had demanded to be addressed as) flew up to her and wrapped her tiny arms around Sara's neck.
She too was very loud, as the past hours had proven, and she smelled of spices and the air around the food stalls in the city. She was also very warm and soft. The hug felt like one of Sara's pillows.
(She was embarrassingly familiar with the feeling of hugging her pillows, as it were. She'd die before she told anyone about that. It was childish and undignified, nothing less than an expression of her own weakness.)
Swallowing down the humiliation and Takayuki's voice spewing reproach in her head, she simply leans further into the flying creature's embrace.
To her great surprise and consternation the two return to spend time with her whenever they have the time.
She again doesn't understand why, but she is also unwilling to bring the issue up and risk them reconsidering.
Their presence is nice, however, calming in a way she has trouble even putting thoughts to.
To her great frustration, neither of them touch her again, even in passing. Not even focusing in on Takayuki's voice, still ringing in her ears, lets her fully hide her disappointment of the fact.
It keeps on even after she's finally released from the infirmary, the pair even making sure to set aside some time for her during the lulls of the peace negotiations with Watatsumi.
She's always been envious of the close relationship other people manage to build, but now that she has her own companions (not friends, she wouldn't dare to be that presumptuous) she's stuck wanting even more, just like Takayuki always told her she would.
Her turmoil clearly doesn't go unnoticed, if the looks Lumine is giving her is any indication.
The proverbial kettle boils over one evening as they sit in Sara's residence, the air filled with awkward silence.
"So, I've been thinking." Lumine's tone is light, but there's also an uncomfortable undertone of placation, the kind that the daughters of the other noble houses use whenever her awkwardness makes them tire of her and they tell her that it'd be best if they stopped associating.
It's mortifying, frankly.
Lumine, seemingly noticing her her worries (she always does that, somehow. Sara would ask her how if it wasn't so undignified for a daughter of a Noble clan to ask for help with basic social skills), immediately placates her.
"Sara." Lumine says as she reaches forward to place a hand on Sara's arm. "Don't worry, I don't want to stop doing this. It isn't healthy to only have a single friend, though, so I've been thinking."
It's just as humiliating as it is to admit that she's lonely to realise that just a single hand on her arm still sends her mind buzzing. It's a challenge to truly pay attention to Lumine's words.
"So, I was hoping I could help you broaden your horizons, if you will."
That didn't explain anything.
"As I told you, I have been studying various methods of discourse lately, I'm sure that. . . " Lumine cut her off with a raised hand and a smile.
"Yes, and I thought that we should help you put them into practice. I've been speaking to someone that's in a similar situation as you are, and if you're okay with it I'd like you to meet. She's very good at dealing with people, so you could ask her for tips, too."
It is, by all accounts, a reasonable suggestion. Limited trials before major operations is common practice among the troops, and Sara sees no reason to treat this differently.
"Very well."
Lumine smiles again, but doesn't mention the arrangement again until a full week later, the next time she visits Sara.
Almost as soon as she's through the door, she reaches into a bag. "Wait just a second."
Sara has often been made aware that parts of her behaviour makes no sense to humans. Refusing to let others touch her back, discomfort in crowds, parts of her body language, all coming naturally to Tengu, are only the surface layer of behaviours they find strange.
Placing a teacup on the floor and gently rubbing it, however, would be odd even if she didn't know that humans considered it as such.
She has no chance to question it, however, before the entire world is suddenly swirling.
When she comes to her bearings, she finds herself standing in a courtyard on a beach. Part of her duties as a General is to ensure that the various estates of the Nobility follow regulation.
It's for that reason that she knows immediately that, despite being built in an identical style, this is not one of them.
"I know this might be a bit weird at first, but this is going to make doing this so much easier in the long run." Lumine's voice ring out across the sand.
She motions for Sara to follow her into the main building. As the doors swing open, sara only feels awkward. There's no one else here.
"What is this place?"
Lumine stops and looks back over her shoulder, a look of realisation across her face. "Oh. Yeah, you wouldn't know, would you? This is the Serenitea Pot. An adeptus gave it to me in Liyue, it's kind of where I live, but I'm rarely here since I've got so much to do."
Sara can do little but ponder the response as they walk further into the building. Lumine no doubt has no idea what the implications of showing someone your home is among Tengu.
As she fidgets with the idea of informing her, Lumine leads her through another door, and they're immediately met by another voice.
"Hello again, traveller, I will admit that I was getting. . . Madam Kujou?"
Namely, the voice of Sangonomiya Kokomi.
The silence that follows is almost physically painful to Sara. It usually takes at least a little while for her to cause this kind of scene.
Lumine, again sensing the discomfort resting thick in the air, intervenes yet again. "Yes. As I said, I think the two of you have many things in common, and I believe it'd do you both a whole lot of good to get to know each other a bit more."
Kokomi eyes her up and down, as if contemplating whether it's worth it to try. "I am not opposed to the idea, but I was under the impression that Madam Kujou was respected among the people of Narukami. You said that the person you'd bring was having trouble socially, did you not?"
Even just the confirmation that others are aware of the fact forces Sara to hold back a flinch.
"unfortunately. . ." She has to clear her throat awkwardly to continue. "Unfortunately, being respected does not necessarily translate into being adept socially. As I have told Lumine, however, I have been reading treatises on how to optimise my approach when engaging in discourse with others, and. . . "
The look both of them direct first at her, and then at each other, makes Sara trail off.
"I see your point, Traveller." Sangonomiya nods. "I'll leave you to it, then." Lumine nods in response, and turns around to leave.
"As for your predicament, Madam Kujou, I can relate." Sangonomiya's smile is melancholy, tired, but nonetheless kind. "Please, let's sit down, I think the Traveller is right when she says that we have much to talk about."
The initial meeting quickly turns into several.
It is far more cathartic than she expected to be able to speak to someone that understands, really understands, what it's like to feel hopelessly isolated even when surrounded by a sea of people.
She understands many other things, too. The weight of duty, the burden that the privilege of name carries, sacrifice for her people.
It's a wonder that she still remains as patient and kind as she is.
What isn't a wonder is the way Sara finds herself unambiguously infatuated with her in short order.
That particular habit of hers used to be a major point of contention with Takayuki, back when his opinions on anything she does with her life still mattered, her particular preferences making it even more pronounced.
Kokomi (as she insists to be called now) hasn't noticed yet. at least Sara thinks so, since her behaviour hasn't changed at all, which is usually the hint that tips Sara off that she's stuck her foot in her mouth a bit too much once again.
Talking to Kokomi in general has turned into the high point of her week, so she's quite worried to be found out. Kokomi will probably react like the other noble ladies do, and despite how dishonest it feels, she'd like to keep their acquaintance for as long as possible.
This, however, is not at all helped by a few of the issues about the logistics of holding these meetings in the "Serenitea Pot".
Namely, they need Lumine to return to be able to exit the Teapot.
Secondly, Kokomi has a sleeping schedule far less refined than her own.
Put together, as they are now, this results in Kokomi leaning against Sara, barely awake, as Lumine is several hours late.
Which leads to the third point of trouble: Sara is aware, through her previous inspection of the premises, that there is only a single futon in the building. Kokomi, such as she is, will insist on sharing it, and Sara, notoriously ineloquent even in normal circumstances, will no doubt come off as incredibly suspicious no matter what she does.
"Sara. 'mtired."
Finally, the biggest problem of all: She's run out of excuses to stall.
"T-then I suppose it is time for you to rest."
Kokomi's tired smile makes her feel as if she's punched right in the chest, impact and all.
"Mm-hm."
She clings to Sara as she picks her up. It isn't quite a hug, but Sara's mind nonetheless starts galloping away like a frightened horse.
It isn't fair. Sara doesn't deserve this.
Despite her running mind, there's no coherent thoughts in it until she's managed to place Kokomi in the singular futon available.
As she leans back to distance herself, however, Kokomi's hand shoots up, far quicker than Sara thought she was able to.
"Sara. C'mere. you need t'sleep too."
Despite her drowsiness, and despite being a full head shorter and far spindlier than Sara, Kokomi's grip is Iron. Again before she can react, she finds herself pulled onto the futon and caught in Kokomi's half-asleep embrace.
Her face heats up like a fire, but there's nothing she can do. Any attempt to extricate herself will involve disturbing Kokomi.
It would seem that Kokomi is fully capable of defeating her even outside of the battlefield.
As she slowly calms down, she recalls a particular phrase from one of the treatises of interrogation she studied before assuming her duties.
"A tired mind is honest."
Kokomi is not loud, and she only smells faintly of the sea. She is also soft and warm.
Maybe hugs aren't so bad after all.
Lumine knows that she's really got no excuse.
Sure, she was stuck in a hilichurl camp for a bit longer than she expected, and there were a lot more of them than the adventurer's guild told her there was, but both Sara and Kokomi both appreciates and practices strict punctuality.
This was going to suck, no matter how good of an explanation she could come up with on the fly.
Hastily running for the doors as soon as she solidifies inside the teapot, she practically throws the doors open.
The entire building is completely silent.
Has something happened? Nobody else has access to the Teapot, so surely there has been no sudden infiltrations of it.
Paimon suddenly flies up to the side of her face.
"I found them, but you have to be silent!"
Ironic, given how well the fairy's squeaky voice carries no matter where they are. She follows her, though. To the. . . bedroom?
"Shhh!" Paimon again manages to be a hypocrite, finger held up before her mouth, her other hand pointing towards the bed.
Both Sara and Kokomi is lying in it, cheeks flushed just a tiny bit, holding on to each other like Teddy Bears.
She quickly snaps a photo of them with her Kamera.
With a giggle, she decides that she'll frame it on the wall for the next time the two come here. She knew this was a great idea.