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Days passed painfully slow after the incident.
No, "incident" couldn't cover the wreckage brought to both Zaun and Piltover. Dozens of collective deaths from both regions. Topside and bottom, both stained red. The nation's tragedy is what it was, not an "incident".
Incident implied it was an accident- many knew that countless lives were lost for selfish reasons. Reasons for one girl to survive.
Caitlyn's mother, along with many other council members were locked away in comas ever since the worst of tragedy had occurred. That vivid cerulean shade of blue shooting at the building in a blink of an eye. The council building was in shambles, the members within the room all suffered with all sorts of injuries. A few thankfully were left on the better end, a couple of concussions and wounded limbs. Then there were the others on the unfavorable end, comas and broken limbs- those who kept flirting with death herself.
Since then sleep has been a struggle to come by. Caitlyn spent nights beside her father, praying for her mothers awakening. Vi never entered the room, frankly she cared for no within the room besides Caitlyn. Though, she did hope for Cait's parents to wake up too just to see her smile again.
Smile again?
Vi and Caitlyn shared a room. Most nights the bed was only occupied by one party member. Vi had trouble sleeping on her own. Knowing what the undercity was like- what her home was like. Why would she be able to sleep? The lanes and every other part of Zuan no longer had a ruler yet was about to head straight into war with topside. And Jinx left to roam with weapons that could kill thousands in seconds.
But now her new home, her home with Caitlyn slowly crumbling around her. With passing days thoughts came in and out. Should I just leave? Was the most of many. Mosquitos in the form of guilt flew around in her head which only took over the rest of body as if it was a corpse; The thoughts were feasting on her. Ever since she's been let out of Stillwater, the guilt has risen by millions. Just by watching how much her sister changed in 8 years.
All that red in Piltover. All that red in Zuan. Both caused by blue.
Anything blue.
Everything blue.
Vi pushed a stool towards Caitlyn's bedroom window, the cool hue of blue muted over every other color in her room. The same blue taking control of Vi's thoughts. It'd be best for the both of us, Caitlyn won't have to worry about me and… "And?" And what? What's in it for Vi? Does the guilt just evaporate? Is it erased from her mind forever?
Caitlyn hadn't been in the room. Hours before she mentioned to her partner that she'd be out investigating into what was to come. Of course that was a lie. Vi knew she was with her mother and father.
She stood up and wandered around the bedroom, her first step was Caitlyn's bed. Besides the couch that laid near a wall, the bed was her most visited place. Laying there for hours, waiting for Cait to come back after speaking to her parents before the council meeting. The place where she opened her heart many times to this girl.
"I'd say, no monsters gonna get you when I'm here. Then a real monster showed up…and I just ran away."
Over and over her own words repeated. Over and over that move Caitlyn made on her cheek.
Over and over, she sometimes wished she never said a word. Because, even now she's still running away from her own monsters that can't be punched and bruised, that she can't soothe.
Her hands clenched and formed a fist. Then she looked hastily at everything in her girlfriend's room. Bed, floor, bed, walls, bed, window, window, window. "Leave." Her own voice sounded foreign to her. Leave. You do not deserve to stay here with how much harm you've brought to these people. To Caitlyn. Window, bed, window window. Her sight only focused on the window. Powder said it herself. You made Jinx, Violet. That little girl you tried so hard to protect crashed and is now doing what she needs to survive. You told her that, didn't you? Take the blame and leave. She wanted to disappear; she needed to disappear. You couldn't save her, you couldn't save Mylo. You couldn't save Clagger and Ekko.
You weren't able to save Vander.
And you won't be able to save Caitlyn.
All those memories rushed back like a slap across the cheek.
Watching her own brothers Mylo and Clagger be crushed by chunks of a freshly exploded building.
Watching Vander die in her own hands.
"Why did you leave me?!"
It rang so vividly in her ears.
"Violet please!"
She cried so desperately out loud that night. Just wishing her sister was on her side. Just wishing she could be comforted.
With a sudden crash Vi was on the floor like a crumpled note and glued down by her own soaking tears. She bawled as jumbled words slipped through her lips. Mixtures of "leaves" and "I'm sorrys" dropped like heavy weights. "I'm sorry Powder, I'm sorry…" her words sounded like a broken record player.
The midnight blue well corrupted the woman's thoughts. Her hands moved in a broken rhythm that were in sync with her speech. Throwing punches at her head as hard as she possibly could. A guilty person deserves whatever they get. So why not speed up that process? Maybe she could give herself a concussion too.
The last few punches were thrown at the carpeted floor and Caitlyn's bed. What was she thinking? "...I" she took a breath, as if that'd help. "I..?" Words wanted to form, but nothing dropped. No real sentences at least. Vi attempted to wipe away the rapid tears that stained her cheeks but more just came plunging down.
From across the wide room a door crept open, not catching the attention of Vi.
She assumed Vi would've been well asleep by now as it was almost 4 a.m. She had just returned from her parent's room after accidentally falling asleep on her father's shoulder again.
"Vi?" Caitlyn whispered to herself. It's not like she wasn't expecting Vi to be up at this hour, it's been a normal routine for the last few days. But on the floor? Caitlyn tip-toed over to her punch-pink haired girlfriend. "Love, are you alright?" Caitlyn sat on her knees, being weary of Vi's current state.
"Cait…Caitlyn?" Vi peeked her head up, wanting to meet with those azure eyes.
"What happened? Why are you on the floor??" She had so many questions at once but restrained from asking. Vi was left vulnerable, her walls broken around her just as hushed sobs croaked through her mouth. Caitlyn took hold of Vi's left hand with her own while using her right to stroke her cheek. "Vi, hey, it's alright."
Vi pulled her body away from Caitlyn shakily standing. Her eyes met with the window once again. Despite barely being able to hold herself up, Vi's steps faltered as she walked towards the window past the girl on the floor. She refused eye contact with Caitlyn. It'd be easier to leave without Cait's distorn look burned in her memory.
Caitlyn wasn't dumb. She knew what Vi wanted to do. She knew where she wanted to go.
And she wasn't allowing it to happen again.
Swiftly standing up, Caitlyn reunited with her at the window. "Violet.." she spoke softly, reaching towards Vi's pinky with her own. A silent plea that Caitlyn did whenever Vi declined any sort of affection from her. Intertwined pinkies meant, "Yes, go ahead" as in comparison to only one pinkie was wrapped around was an ask.
Vi hesitated, she wanted to do it. She wanted to hold Caitlyn and never let go. She wanted to have peaceful days with Caitlyn. She loved her oh so much. She loved every inch of Caitlyn, every word she spoke, everything she did. The way she knew exactly what Vi needed without saying a word. The way they would cuddle during the night for each other's sake.
But she loved Caitlyn more than just how much she's aided her. She loved the way Caitlyn took control of problems. She loved how it was so easy to make her flustered yet she'd teased back. She loved her giggles. The way she'd get so interested in anything.
Vi loved Caitlyn
But do I deserve this? Vi thought.
Did she deserve this? All the radiant love Caitlyn had given her, was it truly deserved?
Reluctantly, Vi's pinky gripped around Caitlyn's. A gracious smile painted itself across Cait's warm cheeks as she pulled Vi into a hug from behind.
"Cait…Do…" Crying as she spoke, she was so unsure if she should even attempt to finish the sentence. She loves Caitlyn, but these dreadful days made her question herself. Does Caitlyn love me?
If so then why? How? For what reason would Caitlyn devote herself to this beast of a person.
"Oh Vi, that's such a foolish question…" not only is she an excellent shot, but an excellent mind reader, "I do love you. I love you so so much." Caitlyn's grasp of the shorter one's body grew tighter.
"But…?"
She carefully moved herself around Vi so their faces met once again.
The moonlight shone on the back of Indigo hair and to Vi, she resembled an angel. If she didn't know better, she could've been an angel, she sure acts like one.
Caitlyn now had a better view of Vi's facial features. Her cheeks all red from sobbing so hard with her eyes following the same pattern, bloodshot red they were. Her eyes all swollen and her hair stuck to her cheeks.
"Violet," she pushed back the strand of hair that covered her eye, "I love you. I love everything that makes you, you."
"What about your home, Piltover? It's…it's all turning to shit because of my sister. The…little girl I couldn't help. And so many others that have to- to struggle just to survive. I don't want that to happen to you- i…I don't want to lose you too."
"And you won't. I'm going to be here with you for as long as I live." Caitlyn paused before continuing, "I overheard what she said, at that teaparty. When…she said you created Jinx. No matter what happens, I know that she can be helped. I'm not giving up on you or her."
"Your mother almost died! How- How are you just putting it off? She almost died because of someone I can't help!" Frustration took control of her voice. How? How does Caitlyn do it? Still standing so strong after the hell Vi accidentally put her through.
Caitlyn pulled Vi into another hug, "I know my mother. Her condition is improving, just slowly. It's not something that you were in control of. You are not in control of others' actions."
"You are not in control of others' actions."
Wouldn't she be though? Powder said it, Vi
made Jinx, no one else.
Vi destroyed her own sister. Those were her actions.
"Please, just listen closely for a moment- whether it helps or not. What happened to her is not your fault. Many failed her, but that doesn't mean she's gone. We'll get her back. And I'll help you." She practically had to repeat herself, but saying it more than once means it'll stick.
"...You're too damn sweet," Vi finally pulled her arms up around Caitlyn with a light squeeze, "cupcake." She attempted to joke with a croaky voice.
"Just means I love you."
"And- and I love you too."
"Come on, it's late. I know you've been up all night." The two released from the hug, Caitlyn stroked Vi's head gently then moved her hand down to cup her cheek. "I think we need a day off tomorrow anyway."
"Yea…we do." Vi said with a whisper, bringing herself close enough to leave a small kiss on Caitlyn's cheek.