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A bustling city at night. A bustling city with cars going far too over the speed limit, tourists bumping into one another as they struggle to find their destination in the dark, and beauty in the chaos as twinkling buildings paint a picture with the stars.
A bustling city at night. That's where Marinette wanted to be.
Unfortunately, she was instead stuck on a dusty rooftop in Paris, looking over the abandoned streets and lack of city lights.
Paris was typically a stirring city: romantics sharing a late-night dinner, families crowded around the Eiffel tower, and children running around way past their bedtime. But not tonight.
Tonight, Marinette stood on a rooftop, suffering the loss of just about every Miraculous she once guarded. And Paris didn't feel like celebrating tonight.
Quite frankly, neither did Marinette.
Though Félix had only decided to obliterate her and the entirety of Paris's being just a day ago, it felt like it was never going to leave her side. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe this feeling of guilt and regret was something that would just worsen and worsen until Paris was in flames and Hawkmoth was cheering over the blaze.
She did feel a bit better though, compared to last night. Maybe better wasn’t the word, but she was barely responsive before. Sure, Chat Noir reassured her immensely, but he had no way of being there for her the second she made it home. Home to a vacant bedroom, absent of chatty Kwamis and their mysterious morals.
She could barely remember what happened when she returned from the rainy night on that rooftop. Just a lot more crying, struggling to breathe, and sweet nothings from Tikki. Eventually, she did fall asleep, though she wouldn't be able to recall just how long she slept, even if you forced an answer out of her.
Marinette couldn't remember her day either. She woke up at 11? 12? to a concerned set of parents. The girl was no stranger to late mornings, but spending half the day asleep was even a bit unusual for her. After waving her parents off (Marinette loves them, but ugh, they can be overbearing at the worst times), Marinette returned to bed.
Maybe she went back to sleep. Maybe she stared at the ceiling, hoping for it to crumble onto her like the burdens filling her mind.
She couldn't remember, even if you forced an answer out of her.
Eventually, her alarm went off. More specifically, her "patrol with Chat Noir" alarm. There was no getting out of that one. She vowed to herself to never make Chat feel unwanted again; she cared about him way too much, especially after last night’s events.
Trying to swat away the blush on her face, Marinette washed her face and brushed her teeth (because what better time to do that than six hours after she woke up).
"Are you sure you want to go out? I'm sure Chat Noir would understand if you skipped out on patrol, especially after seeing him yesterday," Tikki chirped. She was always trying to help, and Marinette had to give her credit for that. Sometimes, she can't understand why Tikki didn't choose to strip Marinette's earrings from her and fly into the night, searching for a new, more exceptional holder.
"I don't want to be Ladybug right now, but I need to see him," Marinette answered, making her way to the balcony. The stars were out tonight, about the only sign of company in the lone city.
So that's how Marinette ended up on a dusty rooftop, waiting for her partner to join her. She felt stupid. As of recent events, she always felt a little stupid. She felt like everyone was waiting for her to mess up, and maybe they were, and maybe they were surprised or happy or confused that she finally made a mistake.
She could feel her throat constricting her from speaking. Oh gosh, if Chat came around now, she'd have to deal with that awkward moment where she tries to find her voice, only to conclude it’s hiding behind the emotions she wants to push back so deeply.
Chat Noir comes minutes later, his arrival strangely silent. Usually, Chat is the type of person to make a loud entrance. A boot shrieking on the gravel, baton slamming on the pavement sort of entrance. But today, his arrival faded with the soft breeze.
"Feeling any better?" he asked, walking up next to her.
"Mmph," Ladybug half responded, partially because she hardly feels better and partially because she's still struggling to find her voice.
"We don't have to patrol if you don't want to," Chat suggested, kicking a rock to cure his anxious desire to pace around.
"We probably should. Who knows when Hawkmoth is going to unleash an akuma. He probably already has and I'm sitting here, doing nothing about it." Ladybug could feel herself suffocating again. She just wanted to stare at her ceiling and sleep. She is so tired. She slept all day and she is still tired.
Unfortunately, her self-deprecating comment took to Chat Noir's attention, his eyebrows brushing with concern.
"Hey hey hey. Now we're not going anywhere until we talk," he said, placing a delicate hand on her shoulder.
Oh look, she did it again. Made other people worry about her when she didn't deserve to be worried about. She made a mistake. Again. Why did she always have to feel like everything she did was a burden on others?
"It's nothing," she shot back. Maybe it would be better to turn the conversation towards her partner. Right! She promised to check up on him, and here she was, already abandoning that promise the same way she abandoned the Kwamis who depended on her so greatly.
She ignored the sick feeling in her stomach.
How are you? This whole thing has to be hard on you too, right?" Ladybug inquired instead of telling him the truth about how she felt. In all honesty, she wanted to know how he was doing. She wished she could always know how he was doing.
"Yeah, I guess. But at the end of the day, I know that I've got you. Honestly Ladybug, as long as you're by my side, I feel like I can do anything. I feel like we can do anything. And I know this whole situation seems impossible – like we have no way of winning, but I know there’s a way. Look, even after everything that happened last night, we're still here. Still protecting the city on these rooftops. And it may take some time to be at full strength again, but I know we can do it. I know you can do it."
Ladybug looked down, afraid her partner would see the way her eyes began to mist and her throat began to fill up with glass.
To her surprise, Chat noir continued his speech.
"To be honest, I'm really worried about you. It may sound selfish, but a part of me wishes I could always be with you. Not even in a romantic way, just in a way that reminds you that you aren't alone. Gosh, I remembered last night. I was so scared about you getting home. I'm just- I don't know. You deserve the absolute world and seeing this happen to you, to us, makes my heart break more than ever before."
Silence. That's all Ladybug could respond with. Her voice wasn’t coming back now, hell, the only thing she could make out was how dainty and lovely Chat’s hand felt on her shoulder.
Please don't point out how vulnerable I look. Please don't point out how vulnerable I look.
"Hey, look at me, I can feel you tensing up."
She couldn't. There was absolutely no way she could look at him right now without breaking into a fresh set of tears and staggering breaths.
So, she shook her head.
Her partner took a step closer, rubbing her shoulder in an attempt to calm her nerves.
"It's okay. I promise. If you feel like you want to cry, cry. If you feel like you want to scream, scream," Chat reassured her, his eyes trying to find her saddening expression.
Then, he lifted her chin with his fingers.
Ladybug still couldn't look at him.
"M'lady, please just tell me what's wrong,"
That was what broke her. M'lady. One stupid nickname. She loves him so much. He cares about her so much. Why?
So, the first tear came. Next, the second. Then, a cascade of emotions was running down her face to the point where she could barely breathe. Her hands rush to her face in an attempt to hide her contorting expression from her partner.
Chat could do nothing in response but hug her. His arms wrapped around her like a lifeline, like she would disappear if he didn't hold onto her tight enough.
He just wished he could take all of her pain away.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Ladybug said in between sobs, barely registering her partner delicately rubbing his hand along her back.
"You have nothing to be sorry about," he muttered, moving one clawed hand into her hair.
"B-but I do! I can't, I keep, I just -- mess everything up. I'm so tired. I don't want to fight akumas. I don't want to see Hawkmoth or Félix or anyone. I never even asked for this! I never even asked for this and now I went and ruined everything and, and I just, and..."
The breathing was really difficult now, like, a borderline panic attack difficult.
Ladybug was getting quite sick of the panic attacks.
"You're okay, you hear me?" a voice, his voice, shook her back into reality.
Ladybug stayed silent for a minute, not counting her attempt to regulate her breathing.
Eventually, she managed to find her words. Words she's been dying to ask for so long, but could never find the right time to do so.
Maybe now wasn't the right time either, but she was too worn out to care.
"Why do you love me?"
Chat Noir held back a smile.
"Why m'lady, there are about a million answers to that question-"
"No, I'm serious. How can you love me? I just feel like this messy, broken burden, and here you are, looking at me like I'm the only person that matters in the world." Ladybug rolled her eyes during that statement, or at least attempted to. Her eyes felt so heavy with emotion that she could barely feel them.
"Well honestly, you’re the person who matters the most in my world.”
Ladybug hoped her blush was hidden by her previous breakdown, just like it had been once before.
"But all I've done is ruin things. For you, for everyone. And I'm so afraid we, I won't be able to fix it."
Chat Noir loosened himself from the hug, readjusting his hands from Ladybug's hair back to her shoulders.
"First of all, we are going to fix it. Like hell am I going to let you go through any of this alone. And if you're ever having a bad day or you're just not feeling like being a superhero, I'll be more than happy to work extra hard to lighten any burden you may feel."
"And second of all, I love you because you're you. Even if you don't realize it, you light up so many lives. Not just mine, but everyone around you. You're strong, supportive, and an all-around beautiful person. I just...wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I love you so much I can't even describe how I feel. Please don't ever doubt that."
Yeah, there was no breakdown hiding that blush. Damn red super-suit just had to amplify the crimson color in everything.
"You're too good to me," Ladybug declared, finding her head tucked under Chat Noir's chin in an attempt to hide her embarrassment and lack of response. There were a million things she could say, but she didn't know how much emotional vulnerability she could take for one night.
"Ah come on, I think I've had my fair share of bad moments," Chat Noir reacted with a laugh. He's thinking of all the roses he's offered her during patrols, but little does he know she finds his knowledge of flowers freaking adorable.
Ladybug knows he isn't perfect, but he's everything she could ever need.
So, she reminds him just that.
"Still! Okay, promise me this. If you're ever having a bad day, or if you just want to talk, you tell me too. I want to be there for you. I want us to defeat Hawkmoth together," Ladybug said, her bluebell irises meeting his jade. It was the first time she looked at him all night, and Chat cannot deny that he was taken aback a bit by her beauty.
Even when she feels at her lowest: red cheeks and wet eyelashes clinging together, Chat finds her to be absolutely breathtaking.
"Of course m'lady, anything for you."
The pair match one another as they slid against a unit behind them, the cobblestone wall giving enough support to temporarily carry their anxiety and fears.
Ladybug slipped her hand into Chat's, rubbing her thumb on top of his.
"I don't want to go home tonight," she mumbled under her breath, almost as if she was scared to admit it.
"Do you want to stay here?" Chat offered, hoping the lovely girl next to him couldn't hear his heart beating out of his chest.
Chat Noir had always been in love with Ladybug, right from the moment they met. But tonight, tonight felt different. Like he was seeing a different side of her.
And that side made him fall in love with her all over again.
Ladybug found her head on Chat Noir's shoulder. Despite his strong physique, she could easily fall asleep in this position. He just felt like home.
"I don't know...I feel a bit at risk with Hawkmoth roaming around the city, but..."
"But?" Chat intervened.
"I'm just so tired. And I just want to be with you."
Good grief. If Chat had known a sleepy, drowsy Ladybug could be this flirty, he would have prepared himself. She was just so...cute.
"Don't worry about it. If you're tired, I'll let you sleep."
"And you?" she asked, turning her crooked head to meet his gaze.
"This cat can lose a few hours if it means you're sleeping sound."
"Chat...." Ladybug groaned.
"I'm serious! Get some well-deserved sleep m'lady."
Ladybug would have continued to protest, but her heavy eyes were offering a fight of their own. Before she knew it, she entered a peaceful sleep.
Chat looked down at the charming girl next to him. Despite a few sniffles from her, she was at peace. He loved seeing her like that. Honestly, he always loved seeing her, but he really loved seeing her at ease.
Damn, he loved her so much, he wished he could give her the entire world. And he wished he could punch Hawkmoth and Félix in the gut for making her feel like this.
A groggy Ladybug interrupted his thoughts by letting out a content sigh, tightening her grip on his hand. He didn't want to let go. Of both her hand and her. He just loved her too much.
Meanwhile, Ladybug, mostly asleep in dreamland, knew one thing for sure.
Okay, maybe two things.
One, she did not want to leave this spot. Ever.
Two, she did not want to leave her partner's side. Ever.
Because maybe, just maybe, taking the world on together was something she wouldn't trade anything for.