Chapter Text
Eren
Merely one hour remained until my departure into the terrifying void known as the outside. My fingers shook lightly while they fastened the button on my jeans. Mikasa had scolded me, ranting it was too hot for jeans, but I begged to differ. Jeans blocked out the sun's penetrating UV rays. No sun, no sunburn, no problem. Hers and Armin's opinions contrasted greatly with mine; while I wore jeans and a T-shirt, they always wore tank tops and shorts.
I don't think I even owned a pair of shorts.
"Will you hurry up? You're taking longer than I did and I'm a girl," Mikasa huffed from my bedroom doorway. She leaned up against the frame, shifting foot to foot with excitement.
"What does gender have to do with anything?" I retorted with an eye roll and my own huff of breath."Keep your diapers on. I just need to get this belt on and we can leave." For some reason, the excess length of the belt wouldn't tuck into the last loop. I fumbled with it a few more times before giving up and yanking my shirt down over it.
"Well, now it looks like a dick," Mikasa snorted in amusement. She shook her head at my futile attempts then took matters into her own hands. Her fingers lifted my shirt out of the way and set to work on looping the leather though the fabric while I growled in frustration for having to get help from my sister once again. "There. Done. Now let's go," she commanded, lightly smacking my stomach.
I hastily snatched my phone off the dresser, across from my bed and closet, and rushed out of the room to keep up with the crazed girl. She took the stairs three at a time so I took my time on each step just to irritate her. By the time I reached the bottom step, she was out the front door, into the scorching heat, ticket grasped in a tight fist like it was the most important thing in her life.
"Lock the door on your way out," our adoptive father's voice rumbled from the living room, then tacked on threateningly, "And don't. Be. Late." I gulped, ducking my head down, and gave the man a quick nod of acknowledgement as I shuffled through the open space between where said man sat and the kitchen. After testing the door knob a few times, I declared it safely secured.
Armin was chattering with Mikasa when I finally reached the pair socializing by the driveway. The blonde boy ran up and tackled me in the blink of an eye. My body unwillingly tensing up under Armin's bear hug, but he mentioned nothing about it.
"Oh my god, I've missed you guys," he confessed with a pout and grabbed Mikasa to pull her in for a group hug. I let out a short breathy laugh right beside his ear.
"It's only been a week, Ar," I reminded him. He pulled away from us with an offended expression, his arms crossed over his chest.
"Wow. You didn't miss me even though I brought back souvenirs from the beach? Well gee, okay then," he jokingly grumbled and whipped out two boxes: one for me and one for Mikasa. I first watched my sister open up her gift.
Her face lit up like a christmas tree and she carefully lifted up a necklace nestled inside the small pillow of cotton. A red and black pendant with the Aquarius symbol carved on the front, dangled from a silver chain. She was obsessed with zodiac stuff, and if the way she hugged the shit out of him didn't prove my point, I don't know what would.
Now I was just afraid of what he'd brought me. Before he'd gone, he'd told me he'd bring me back a baby squid. I didn't even know where I'd put one if I had it. I hesitantly opened the box, trying to peek in through a small crack just to make sure there wasn't a squid about to pop out and strangle me.
It wasn't a squid. Nor an animal.
Inside sat a mount of sand and on top, a familiar golden key rested on its side, connected to a brown leather cord. I instantaneously jumped on the blonde, unable to help myself, chanting 'thank you's at him. He smiled against my neck and hummed back in response.
I knew the key wasn't the real thing, but it was close enough to match the description in the stories my mother would tell us when we were kids. It was close enough to make me grin like the happiest little shit on the planet.
"Are you two done with your bromance yet?" Mikasa butted in with a sly smile. The two of us gave her an oh-fuck-off look but laughed, nonetheless.
"Let's go or we'll be late," Armin said swinging his arms around our necks. I managed to hold back the involuntary flinch that time and sighed staring down at the concrete sidewalk.
Maybe I could get through this.
_____________
The band on stage was finishing up their last song and the next one coming up, Lion In Fear or something like that, was who my best friends had been waiting three years to see live. From the excitement on their faces, I could tell there was no turning back now. I was officially trapped and there would be no escape.
We weaved our way through all of the tightly packed bodies, holding hands so none of us got separated. The stench of beer and cigarette smoke wafted around and somewhere in the mix, there was the hint of marijuana. I turned my nose up at the funky skunk scent. My attention was derived from the mix of aromas when we reached the center of the ocean of people and a mosh pit had formed. I scrunched up my eyebrows in distaste and turned to look at Mikasa.
She beamed at me with a shit eating grin, her dark hair flopping around in its pony tail, and yelled over the powerful beat of drums, "As soon as Lying In Filth comes on, I'm jumping in there." (At least I was sort of close to the actual band name.) A constricted feeling grasped my chest and the pain must've shown on my face when Mikasa's ecstatic expression faded to concern in the fraction of a second. "Is that alright? I already know Armin won't get in. He's too scared he'll get trampled." Her grin returned but had a playful edge to it when Armin smacked her arm lightly and argued back.
"For your information, I'm planning on crowd surfing. I would get in the mosh pit, but I'd rather not consume dirt," he shouted to us and wrinkled his button nose up at the thought. I chuckled trying to hide the nervous feeling in my gut. I didn't want to be left alone with a bunch of strangers. It would leave me feeling vulnerable.
"Oh shush. Hey," she turned to me, "you should crowd surf with Armin! Its amazing; it feels like you're floating, I promise. And they won't drop she tried to tempt me. I chewed on the lip ring adorning my face and shoved my hands deep in the pockets of my jeans with a shrug. The sun soaked through the black fibers of the shirt I wore, making me shift my weight to block out the sun as much as possible with the help of another guy's towering shadow. I gave a small huff of irritation as the guy shifted on his feet as well, letting the sun return to simmer my skin. It increased my discomfort tenfold.
"I might," was the simple response I came up with. Armin took my answer as a "yeah sure why not", but, in reality, I would most likely have a panic attack if someone ever tried to lift me off the ground.
"Okay. Let me know if you wanna and we'll find someone to get you up," he poked my cheek and tucked in his tank top. The last band's set equipment was cleared off while new props and equipment for Lying In Filth was rolled out. A giant banner rolled out across the back of the stage with the band's name written on it, to which all the fans screamed and 'woo'ed. My friends bounced on the balls of their feet while applying more sunscreen, and I impatiently stared up at the cloudless sky.
Please, please, please. Just let there be a few clouds soon.
As soon as Armin grabbed my arm, the band bounced out on stage. A guy with short, pale brown hair came out first, spinning a pair of drumsticks and beginning a fast-paced beat as soon as he was seated. Next, two girls sauntered out on either side of the stage; one had a bass guitar strapped over her shoulder and blonde locks that fell just above the guitar strap. The other girl carried an electric guitar and had red pigtails framing her face. As soon as the girls took their places, they joined in with the drummer, creating a euphonious (and almost entrancing) sound. The fans screamed louder and louder as the group filed out on stage.
Mikasa and Armin were already head banging to the beat while I stood awkwardly on my tip toes trying to spot the vocalist. For a good minute, I thought maybe that was it and there wasn't one. Or maybe they were having technical difficulties. However, a second later, the fog machines were cranked up all the way and a pale man with black hair parted down the middle slowly walked out to the middle of the stage with a smirk dancing across his features.
I had to cover my ears for a moment due to the shrieks and shrills of all the girls around me, but let out a laugh when I saw Armin and Mikasa do the same. Honestly, I was screaming on the inside too. My sexuality was no secret, I'd dated many guys in the past. Majority of the people that knew me, knew I wasn't straight in any way, shape, or form. So it was clear to see that this guy was easily the most attractive man I'd ever laid eyes on- as cliché as that may sound.
Despite being soo close to the stage, all I could make out was his sharp jaw line, a pair of thin narrow eyes accompanied by low set eyebows, spider bites, a small spiked choker, and the muscles in his arms, chest, and abdomen. A black Misfits shirt with the sleeves cut off hugged his body perfectly while a pair of black skinny jeans with holes cut in the knees rested on his hips a little too low for the sake of my sanity. The bullet belt and a silver studded belt did nothing to calm my burning hormones. Jesus, Jaeger, get a grip.
Mikasa brought me back to reality by wiping a hand across my chin and yelling with a chuckle, "Stop drooling, lover boy." I rolled my eyes with a wave of my hand to shoo her away to the mosh pit. She complied and disappeared within a second.
I turned my attention back to the stage after making sure Armin was still by my side. The beat of the drums slowed down to a steady rhythm before the singer raised his fist straight out in front of him, everyone following suit, and his deep voice formed lyrics.
Our names won't be remembered
If we die like trampled flowers
I refuse to be forgotten
Written off as less than worthless
The beat picked back up a tiny bit and I found the corners of my lips lifting as I watched everyone around me sing along and dance.
Scream and cry
But none will hear you
Plead and beg
But none will help you
My chest constricted in the slightest bit and I subconsciously winced, looking down. I glanced to my right when Armin took my hand in his for encouragement and gave him a small smile in return.
There are beings that live off of fears
And their words are like knives
As they play with our lives
They'll try to control you
As if they own you
Will you let them still your freedom?
I took a deep breath to calm myself and let go of my friend's hand. It was time I learned to stand on my own. My shoulders swayed with the tempo and slowly, my muscles began o relax. Armin smiled brightly up at me, relieved I was finally getting comfortable, and pointed to himself then up towards the sky. I nodded and flipped him a peace sign as he was raised into the air and thrown into the crowd.
I gave a short laugh at his terrified expression as his shirt was accidentally pushed up to the middle of his chest. By the time he tugged it back down, he was whisked away to the front of the crowd.
Throughout the next four songs, I lightly bobbed my head to the beat, waiting for Mikasa or Armin to return. Occasionally I'd stare at the vocalist, and at times I thought, with some wild ray of hope, maybe he was returning the stare. But there were thousands of people around me. It was impossible to tell.
During their third song, the drummer was rapping the sticks at a lightning speed, leading up to a dramatic pause right before the chorus picked up again. When that pause came, he threw his drumsticks out to the crowd and snatched two more from his pockets.
One of the sticks actually came my way, but the fans went bat shit crazy trying to grab it, and somehow, I managed to get knocked in the ear by an elbow. I scowled up at the giant sweat-drenched douche bag even though he wasn't paying attention to me.
I turned my attention back to the stage with a quiet growl of annoyance and took note of that amused wide smirk on the vocalist's face, threatening to turn into a thin laugh. I childishly scratched my head with my middle finger and smiled when he shook his head at my behavior. Instead of allowing myself to be irked any further, I shut my eyes and listened to him sing. His voice was hypnotizingly beautiful, deep, melodic. It was like heroine and I was undoubtedly hooked on that shit like I couldn't get enough. It almost felt as if we were alone and he was only singing to me.
For the first time in a while, I felt elated to be outside.
As the fourth song ended, the raven-haired man announced, "This next song isn't one we wrote, but a cover we'd love to play for you all. And just a heads up- it's a bit slower than our usual stuff." He nodded to his band members and immediately, I felt my heart sink when they began to play.
I'd only listened to the song a couple of times, but both times it left me in a certain kind of mood. My eyes drifted back to the ground, smile erased.
I can see every tear you've cried
Like an ocean in your eyes.
All the pain and the scars have left you cold.
I glimpsed up and there was no mistake; the singer was still looking down at me. I crossed my arms over my chest as if to protect myself and hummed along.
I can see all the fears you face
Through a storm that never goes away.
Don't believe all the lies that you've been told.
The crowd started to sway and some lifted a hand or two in the air.
I'll be right here, now
To hold you when the sky falls down.
I will always
Be the one to take your place.
I closed my eyes and hummed louder, to the point where I was almost singing while feeling the man's gaze on me still. Why wasn't he looking at anyone else? It was uncomfortable having an intimidating gaze bore into you like they could see every little bad thing you've done.
When the rain falls
I won't let go.
I'll be right here.
At some point in the song, Armin returned to my side and leaned his hip against mine to give me comfort. Seeing the expression on my face, he did the most comical dance that never failed to cheer me up.
Although it helped, it didn't stop the shitty flashbacks of forceful hands wrapping around my arms, dragging me backwards into a van. Or the flashbacks of the sun blistering my chest, ropes bounding me to the earth. My eyebrows furrowed and I dragged in a shaky breath. 'I'm not there anymore. It's okay. I'm fine.'
The song ended and everyone hooted and hollered. Afraid to look around, I kept my eyes closed as the next song started up, this one being just as fast paced as the first four they'd played.
Somewhere nearby I heard a booming voice with a country accent say, "This one wants to?" and another familiar voice gave an affirmative response. I cracked open an eye to see Jean, an annoying old classmate who I always called pony boy, standing about a foot away with an evil look in his eyenand a devilish smirk to match. My eyes narrowed on him in confusion then widened to the size of Dolly Parton's tits as two large calloused hands wrapped around my arms. By the time I was being lifted, I was already kicking and screaming bloody murder.
'No no nono. It can't happen again. It. Can't.'
Everything around me became a blur. It all swirled in a mixture of colors.
There was no crowd.
There was no band.
There was nothing.
I was back in that deserted field, stripped down to nothing but my boxers, tied to the ground. I called for help but my lips didn't make a sound. Breath wouldn't fill my lungs anymore. My throat felt like it was closing.
But for some reason, when I looked up at the sky, there was a ghost image of a pair of thin gray eyes staring back at me, calming my nerves, and a voice in the back of my head saying, "Don't let them steal your freedom."
And the world was consumed by the dark.