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Ramon feels lighter. His life, spent playing pretend perfection, has crumbled; he’s been stripped naked by the one person he tried to forge in his image, who was able to figure him out right away, with a swift look and a complementary furrowed brow.
Ramon, however, feels proud – his son, despite everything he’s been through and what he thinks, didn’t turn out to be like him; if anything, the fact that Eddie is genuinely trying his best for himself is what makes the biggest difference between them. Seeing him free from the burden that weighed so heavy on his shoulders is making Ramon wonder if he could do the same. Apparently, he can – as Eddie tells him before they stand up and leave the kitchen – with the right amount of open mindedness, therapy, and family support.
Yesterday, Ramon would have never considered it. He would have brushed it off, muttering something about men and weakness and being soft. Now he’s certainly neither that much changed, nor perfect, but he’s looking at things in a newfound light, and he doesn’t feel the urge to deflect, protect himself and flee.
Now, Ramon sits on his couch, family surrounding him: Helena is by his side on their bigger couch, Mami and Pepa are sitting on the old, worn-out armchairs near the windows, while Eddie and Christopher lay huddled together on the smaller sofa. (The kid should be a lot more tired after such a big day, but Eddie doesn’t seem to be worried and Ramon decides that, from now on, he’ll try his best to trust him.) Despite the comfortable silence they settled into, Ramon feels the need to talk. He’s curious: unlike Pepa, who’s still living in LA, he and Helena don’t really know that much about how Chris and Eddie’s life has been in California for the last few years (other than major life-changing events, obviously); he wants to take this step towards them.
“So Chris,” he starts, voice calm and low so not to startle him “how’s school?” he asks, trying to sound genuine, because he truly is interested.
The kid lights up and straightens his back, still holding on to his dad, and Ramon is filled with something akin to bliss and comfort from that sight.
“It’s so cool, Abuelo!” he exclaims, excitedly waving his free hand in front of him. “Last week we started studying the universe and we got to learn how stars and galaxies are born!”
“That sounds great, mijo.” Helena nods, encouraging him to continue.
“Miss Chen said that the stars we see now are really old” Christopher was now on the edge of the seat “Some of them are already dead!”
Ramon shifts his attention to Eddie, who’s staring at his son with a soft smile, and something dawns on him.
Eddie was never this excited to share his interests and passions when he was a kid: anytime someone asked him what he’d done in school, he shrugged and avoided the question entirely. When he tries to remember why, the answer comes to him way too quickly.
“Dad! Dad!”
A nine-year-old Eddie called for him, breaking his focus on one of the most complex routes he’d ever had to plan for work. As exhausting as it was, Ramon knew it was going to bear its fruits.
“What, Edmundo?” he snapped, already annoyed by his son’s antics.
The boy was unfazed by his irritable mood. “Look what they gave us today in class! It’s a blue rock. It’s really pretty!” he showed him a sharp-edged stone of a deep night blue, spotted with specks of green on its underside “If you look at it in the sun it’s shiny!”
Ramon frowned and dismissed him with an uncaring glance, but the boy kept on talking, clearly engrossed with the matter at hand. “The teacher said it’s called Azurite and he also said that he can let us borrow his book on geology if we want” Eddie paused, and Ramon turned back to him, his gaze questioning.
“Con you write me a note so I can give it to him and get the book? I want to know more about rocks! And he said that if I really like it, he can bring me a copy of my own!”
His response came sharp and bitter, his time running short, his patience running shorter. “You’re a boy, Edmundo, you’re not supposed to play with gems. Now throw that away and get ready for your sport practice. I already spend money on that, we don’t need a useless eating-money hobby. Now get going.”
He'd never seen Eddie’s reaction to that, but he could imagine now, with a clearer head and a heavy heart, why the boy – now turned man – had never again expressed an interest in anything that he and Helena didn’t approve of first. He feels his heart breaking for the second time today, wishing he could turn back time and do some things differently; he knows he can’t but, as he has promised Eddie before, he’ll try and do better. Emulating his own son, when it should have been the opposite, is something Ramon would have never thought of doing, yet here he is, looking at Eddie and Chris and longing for that bond.
“We saw a photo of a black hole on Thursday, and it was really blurry, but it looked like Sonic’s rings”
Christopher’s eyes are shining with passion and Ramon can’t help but smile as his grandson carries on. “And I had so many questions, but Miss Chen had to teach another class” he pouts adorably for a moment. “So, when I got back home, I asked Buck and he told me all about space!”
It takes a few seconds for Ramon to put a face to the name, remembering the tall, blonde, white guy Eddie worked with at the firehouse.
“We tried to look at the stars, but he said that you can’t really see them in LA because of light pollution, so he promised to take me and Dad to the Griffith Observatory next month so we can see the Milky Way and we can learn everything about all the constellations! And he got me a book!”
Eddie chuckles, a fond look in his eyes. “Do you want to show it to your abuelos?”
Chris nods eagerly and sprints to his room to get the book from his backpack.
“Dios” Mami exclaims, with a hand on her heart “he talks just like Buck! Ay, Eddie ¿cómo está Evanito? Le echo de menos todo el tiempo. ¿Por qué no está aquí?”
Eddie doesn’t even try to hide his wide and fond smile, and Ramon can’t help but wonder what this boy could have ever done to make his son this happy. He’s heard some stories about him from Mami, and he has the feeling that if he were to ask, even Chris would go on another excited rant, just to talk about the man. Out of everyone in the room, he and Helena are the only ones who don’t know much about this Evan Buckley: Mami has left Los Angeles not long ago, and Pepa still lives there, so they’ve had the chance to get to know him properly.
“He’s alright Abuela, he told me to say hi, and to give you a hug when I could.” Eddie says, “He didn’t want to overstep, even if Chris and I wanted him here.”
Mami looks at him knowingly, her eyes glistening with affection at the memory of the man. Then she stands up, slow but steady, and disappears in the kitchen, just as Chris appears from the hallway. Moments later, Isabel back in the living room, holding a piece of paper Ramon has seen many times in his life, but was never allowed to read or even touch.
Chris is sat on the sofa, a big book in his lap waiting to be opened, but everybody’s attention, including his own, is on Isabel.
“I’ve been meaning to give him this.” Mami holds out the old, yellow sheet and, as Eddie takes it, Ramon can see his eyes watering and his hands shaking. “I’m not going to be around forever, mijo, and I want Evanito to have this.”
Helena gasps softly realizing the weight of what just happened. Ramon doesn’t know how to react, so he looks at Pepa, only to find her calm and smiling. Eddie is staring in disbelief at the Tamales recipe in his hands – it’s the one Isabel has never given away, not even to her daughter, protecting it like a fragile thing – and he looks like he’s about to collapse on himself, his fingers trembling, his breath heavy.
Instead, he stands and wraps Isabel in his arms, careful not to crush or ruin the sheet as he does. It’s then that Chris breaks the almost solemn silence, looking at his father and great grandma. “Does this mean Buck can make your Tamales now?” he asks tentatively, his voice quivering with excitement.
Mami nods and Chris smiles wide, happy with the answer, and opens the book.
“He’s such a good man.” Ramon hears Pepa talking to Eddie, undoubtedly about Buck, soft enough not to disrupt Chris – who’s now showing Helena the life of the stars – but loud enough to be heard. “He’s been taking good care of you.”
Eddie nods, his eyes watery. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us.” He says, stealing a glance at Chris. “The best thing that’s ever happened to me, after Chris.”
The last part is private, almost like Eddie is talking to himself, but Ramon hears it anyway and, after everything that’s happened today, after all the revelations, after this newfound awareness, he wants to wrap Eddie in a hug and tell him he loves him.
He will, later in the evening. They both cry, and Ramon doesn’t feel that bad about it.
Planes fly in both directions, Eddie was right, and Ramon knows he’ll catch one, to say thank you to the man who loves his son and grandson so selflessly.
Planes fly in both directions, Eddie was right, and Ramon doesn’t feel so afraid to fly anymore.