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Ren had learned to expect the unexpected, always. Not only because life liked to surprise him in the nastiest ways, not only because he had literally seen the world crumble apart in front of his eyes and rebuild it from scratch (something that still baffled him to this day, and felt unreal).
Mostly, because he wanted to be a certain someone's refuge, and for that, he'd have to be prepared for just about anything at any time.
It was good that he'd adapted this attitude, because tonight proved to be yet another one of those nights where he was confronted with a rather unexpected situation.
He should have seen it coming, though.
Ren and his boyfriend Akechi had been invited for a small family gathering today. Futaba and Sojiro had been looking for a simple occasion to celebrate, but then realized they didn't need a proper occasion to gather and have fun together; hence their invitation today.
He and Akechi, they'd been together for a while now, but Akechi had always refused and declined any invitations for gatherings; be it from their shared circle of "friends" (Akechi still had issued referring to them as such, even years after knowing them), or- even less - from Ren's family.
Ren had officially been adopted and taken into the Sakura's family register shortly after he'd graduated high school. He'd never lost contact to Sojiro, and he was glad for it; his blood family had never accepted him back after everything that had happened, and he'd continuously been shunned by anyone and everyone back home, even after his name and record had been cleaned.
Some people simply never forgot, and some people never wanted to be on your good side.
It was fine. Ren had never liked his quaint hometown anyway, had missed seeing Akechi at least once a week, missed the familiar feeling of waking up to the smell of grinded coffee beans. And so, when Sojiro had casually suggested over a phone call to move back in and let himself be adopted, Ren's mind had been set in less than a second.
Perhaps Akechi's "I miss you" had also had a hand in it, the text message arriving at roughly the same time the phone call had taken place. But Ren never mentioned that little detail to his lover- after all, Akechi would surely think he'd forced Ren into a decision he had most definitely not been forced to, and actually wished for for weeks and months.
Besides, Akechi had deleted the text message roughly a minute after it had been sent, and refused to acknowledge that he'd ever written such a message to this day. Luckily, Ren had made it a habit to screenshot any soft, vulnerable message coming from the former detective prince quite immediately once seen.
Sometimes, Ren didn't even wait to read the message properly before screenshotting it, too scared Akechi's nimble hands would be quicker in deleting than him reading and saving the content; after all, once a message had been deleted, it would be near impossible to get Akechi to open up about it again.
Well, back then, at least.
Once Ren had moved back to Tokyo, and cut off all relations to his blood family for good, it had been a slow, but steady progress until he and Akechi had officially gotten together. Sure, they'd always had a little flirt here and there, but given their past, Akechi seemed hesitant about making any actual moves and romantic advances; most probably afraid he was asking for too much.
He never believed that Ren had realized he'd been in love the day they'd taken a hot bath together, and Akechi had poured his heart out about his past. Ren had already been in love, had fallen for Akechi little by little; but he'd only truly grasped the true meaning of his feelings on said fateful day, and had been too cowardly to act on them until years later.
Years later, meaning three months after Ren had moved to Tokyo, been unable to fall asleep after a slow, nice evening spent together with Akechi at Jazz Jin, and called Akechi in a frenzy, demanding to meet him as soon as possible.
Akechi, worried, had biked his way to Yongen-Jaya in record speed, and had still been sweaty and sticky all over when Ren tackled him in a hug, confessing his undying attraction to him clad in nothing but old pajamas. It had been- as textbooks went- the most unromantic confession of all times, awkward and rushed, but very real; and perhaps that had been the reason Akechi had given him a chance, in the end.
He hadn't outright rejected him, but he didn't return Ren's feelings in that way at all back then. It had taken another three months of "official" romantic advances for Akechi to show up late at night at Ren's doorstep, completely drenched from the storm raging outside, quietly asking for shelter; then hearing him confess in a very Akechi-esque way as Ren cuddled with him in bed.
"I don't know what exactly these feelings that I harbor for you are," he'd mumbled, nearly making Ren miss his words, "I'm not even sure what's going on through your head. But you're my rival. I've never not taken anything seriously coming from you; when you confronted me with your straightforward attitude, your surprisingly gentle gaze, and your steely determination. And so…"
Ren remembers to this day how Akechi had buried his face in his chest, noting the skip of his heart with a faint chuckle.
"Well, I've thought about it. And I wasn’t completely...aversed to the idea of, well. Dating you, I suppose."
His lover had cleared his throat, and been unable to talk until Ren had gently nudged him one, two, three times. Then, he'd spoken up a little louder, a little clearer, showcasing his rather snarky attitude.
"Don't get me wrong. I don't belong to you," Akechi had growled, while bunching Ren's shirt up in his hands, betraying his words, "And neither do you belong to me. We're two completely different entities, but-"
Akechi had once again cleared his throat, and had expected Ren to say something. He hadn't expected Ren to stay quiet, to quietly wait until Akechi would feel comfortable talking on.
"Er," he'd stuttered, "Aren't you- don't you have anything to say?"
"Oh, there's a lot," Ren had honestly confessed, "But I'd rather you have this moment all to yourself, and be able to express yourself the way you want."
In the end, Akechi hadn't said more, but simply surged in to capture Ren's lips in a clumsy, heated kiss. Ren had been so surprised, he hadn't been able to reciprocrate at all, and by the time his higher brain functions kicked in, the kiss had been over, and he was confronted with the most adorable frown he'd ever seen on Akechi's face.
"I, uh. I don't know what you expect of me, but I know I won't be very good at this."
"You don't have to be. I expect- honestly, I want nothing more than to be with you," Ren had whispered, "And it doesn’t have to be tied to anything. We don't have to be together if that's too much pressure for you. So long as- so long as you're with me, so long as you don't mind my feelings for you-"
Akechi had surged in, and kissed him quiet before he'd had a chance to finish; this kiss, Ren reciprocated with all that he had.
"You're a damn fool."
A huge grin had split across Ren's face. "But I'm yours- ah, wait, no. I'd choose being a fool over and over again, if it means knowing you, staying with you. You know?"
Akechi had fallen quiet afterwards, and not spoken much for the rest of the night; but he did reiterate that they were together now, that Ren couldn't run from trying this out; that Akechi was a mess, but wanted to be with him nevertheless, even if "Damn fuck if I know what you see in me."
Well, Ren showed him what exactly he saw in him many times after.
But despite being together for roughly two years now, there were a few things that hadn't changed, and were unspoken, unwritten rules Ren had jotted down in his mind regarding how to handle his boyfriend:
- Longer times of skinship had to be initiated by Akechi himself (he grew too overwhelmed if Ren touched him for too long, or was confronted with other awkward issues neither of them wanted him to suffer under).
- Cuddling at night was fine if Akechi consented to it beforehand (though he'd told Ren a few nights ago that he was sort of expecting cuddles ever since they'd gotten together, and so Ren didn't feel obligated to ask anymore these days).
- Ren had not yet been allowed to call Akechi by his first name (for now; Akechi had told him being called by his first name reminded him of times long gone, time spent with his mother, and he wasn't yet ready to commit to that level of intimacy yet. He told Ren repeatedly that he wanted to, though; that he wasn't aversed).
- Akechi shouldn't be pressured into anything; especially not regarding social activities involving more than the two of them (he got along fine with Futaba nowadays; he liked Ryuji, even if he never outright admitted it. He also had a weak spot for Ann, but he sometimes felt awkward hanging out too many days in a row with someone. A faint aftereffect of their somewhat difficult history together, Ren assumed).
Akechi always inquired whether he wasn't "too much", or "too slow" regarding their relationship. And it was true that sometimes, Ren grew weary of the many rules, of the unspoken promises. Sometimes, that led to clashing; sometimes, Akechi would grow mad and petty when Ren was tired and forgot to be mindful.
But in the end, they'd always make up, and things would be forgotten, or at least forgiven. And it wasn't as though Ren wasn't aware of his own flaws; he was sure Akechi had his own list on how to handle Ren.
Like how he shouldn’t ever ask if Ren was comfortable with anything; how he shouldn’t revert to calling him "Amamiya-kun", that Ren was fine, and the only way he wanted to be called by him. How Ren would never expect, but always hoped for some sort of advance from his side;
Those were just some of the things Ren assumed Akechi had taken note of, and was mindful of himself.
And one of the things he was especially weak for was when Akechi didn't only wish to fulfill one of his desires, but actually craved said thing himself.
Tonight would prove to be such an occasion.
Sojiro always invited Akechi to come over and have dinner together, even stay the night when Ren sometimes slept over at Sojiro's house. But Akechi had always declined, had never felt too comfortable being welcomed into his family like that, and neither Ren nor Sojiro felt like pressuring him.
So it had come as a pleasant surprise when Akechi had agreed to come along tonight, even moreso when Ren had noticed he was genuinely enjoying himself. He and Sojiro had a long discussion about coffee beans, and later, Ren caught Akechi playing a few rounds of competitive games against Futaba, losing one on purpose when Futaba grew upset that she hadn't won a single game so far.
Though she grew mad when she'd realized he'd rigged the loss, and so Akechi dutifully went back to obliterating her in the next few matches again; this time, both of them wore smiles on their faces.
It had been a very fun, relaxing evening; everyone was all smiles as they parted ways for the night, with Akechi reaching for his hand as they walked back to the café, seeing how Ren was still staying in the attic.
He told Akechi once that he simply didn't feel like home anywhere else just yet; and until he felt ready, he wouldn't move out from there, as inconvenient as it was.
What surprised him was that Akechi didn't just kiss him goodbye when they'd reached the café, but mumbled,
"I'm going to be staying over, if you don't mind. I'll take the couch."
Ren didn’t put up much resistance when it was clear Akechi wasn't going to change his mind about sharing more sleeping quarters, and he felt the brunet falling into a sort of odd mood; Ren wasn't sure where exactly this "mood" would be leading the two of them tonight, but he would be patient and watch it unfold; and if nothing happened, all the better.
Ren was once again surprised when late at night, a warm body snuggled up to him from behind, curling up against him like a lost puzzle piece finally slotting into place. He barely dared to breathe, let alone move as these sorts of advances were rare and precious- even if they came way more often these last few weeks.
"Ren," Akechi mumbled, hot breath fanning across the back of his neck, instantly causing him to shiver, "Are you...still up?"
Even if he wasn't, he sure was now.
"Mhm," he mumbled, attempting to turn around, but halted when Akechi's grip on him tightened, digging into his clothes the same way a drowning man would hold onto a lifeline.
Alright, so no flipping around yet; that was okay. Fine. More than just fine, actually, if Akechi continued to hold onto him like that.
"I didn't wake you up, did I?"
He knew a frown was forming on Akechi's pretty face, growing aware of the fact that he'd asked something Ren wouldn't have minded either way.
Better put an end to Akechi's derailing thoughts before they strayed too far again.
"Nah," Ren hummed, finding Akechi's hands and resting his own atop of them, a a smile forming on his lips, "And besides, there's no better way to be stirred from slumber than being cuddled awake by you."
Now he heard the scowl loud and clear in Akechi's tone, his voice.
"So I did wake you up," he grumbled, and much to Ren's surprise, sighed. "I suppose it doesn’t matter either way. What's done is done."
"-? Akechi?" His response had been rather uncharacteristic, it was worrying. Usually, he'd be frotting over his "misstep", and need to be reassured for a while (a secret pet peeve of Ren's, if he was being honest. He liked spoiling Akechi.)
But all of Ren's worries, thoughts and questions were forgotten when Akechi pressed a soft, burning kiss to the back of his neck.
"Ren," Akechi whispered, and Ren turned into putty rather effortlessly, "Ren, I...I'm not sure what I'm feeling like tonight."
"Can I-?"
"Please don't turn around yet," Akechi pleaded, "I feel rather naked under your gaze sometimes, and I'd rather work through this...this odd ball of feelings churning in my chest myself. Well, for a little bit at least. At some point…I do want you to take it from wherever the heck I end up at."
"Oh, of course," Ren hurried to say, and he let out a noise when Akechi pressed yet another kiss to the back of his neck, sending him tumbling down a spiral of lovely feelings.
"I...you know what? I think I can actually- I may actually be able to put this whole thing rather shortly."
"You don't have to," Ren assured him, "You know I never mind listening to your voice late at night, no matter what. And that I like listening to you talk about your feelings, whatever it's about."
There was a short pause.
Then:
"...Really," Akechi mumbled, before audibly shaking his head, and damn, what Ren wouldn't give to see his face right now, "I mean- of course. You wouldn't. You don't. I mean- you do. Sometimes, I think you're rather smitten, Ren. Really."
The raven chuckled, squeezing Akechi's hands. "You mind?"
"No," Akechi responded, and the earnesty in his voice caught Ren off-guard, "It's a rather loveable trait, really."
For a moment, Ren forgot how to breathe.
"Sometimes, I think it's too good to be true, but I've come to accept the fact that this is no dream, and that...that calling you mine makes you rather happy. Doesn’t it? It…it does, right?"
Ren's throat clogged up; he felt as though he was choking, and he couldn’t hold himself back from flipping around this time. He was surprised at the lack of resistance, and when he was finally able to look into Akechi's wine-red eyes-
He felt like retreating, of running away himself; because he'd never seen Akechi look so affectionate, so soft, basked in the shine of the moonlight, gazing at him ever so appreciatively.
Ren was suddenly glad that the room was illuminated by the soft glow of the moon, because had the lights still been on, he might have suffered from a stroke. He wanted to say something, but his voice came out muffled and indistinctive; Akechi seemed confused about what he wanted to say, and Ren didn't complain when his lover closed what little distance lay between their lips, sealing his words away for good.
"Was that alright?" Akechi asked, and Ren grew a little concerned as to why he was asking so many questions he usually wouldn't raise tonight.
But he simply nodded, and leaned in; and when Akechi showed the faintest signs of a smile, Ren's throat clogged up again, and he stole himself another kiss.
"Was that alright?" he mumbled when they parted, and his heart shattered into a million pieces when Akechi smiled; the sort of shatter that made you feel whole, that made you feel like you couldn't contain that feeling bursting inside your chest, instead splitting it up into many many pieces-
So you could assemble it anew, and be reborn from fire, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
"You idiot," Akechi chuckled, causing Ren's heart to soar into his throat, "Of course it was. I guess I can see now why you always insist that I shouldn't ask for affirmation, though. I mean...it's so obvious."
Akechi's thumb trailed across his face, gaze permanently stuck. "It's so obvious how much you love me, and…well, I suppose, how I love you."
Ren's throat clogged up, and he croaked out, "Well, if you like being showered in praise, though- keep asking. I don't mind telling you how much I like being pampered by you, if I know you're just asking because you want to hear me say nice things about you."
"You really are a sentimental idiot," Akechi giggled, then captured his lips in a soft, languid kiss.
"Is it- are you really Akechi," Ren mumbled out when they parted, "He's never as forward as this. Unless special circumstances require that of him, but even then- well. Sorry, I guess that's a stupid question. I shouldn't even be saying stuff like that-"
"No, it's fine," Akechi mumbled, "I understand why you're raising the question. And I have to admit...that I'm not behaving like my usual self tonight. Perhaps you should make use of that?"
There was a challenge hidden in his tone, a hidden dare; one Ren hesitated to take, afraid what would happen once he did. Afraid what they might end up doing, that one of them would end up regretting something-
Or worse, both of them.
And it seemed as though Akechi read his mind, picked his worries up, and rescinded them with a wry smile.
"You're always so considerate of me," his lover sighed, and then surged in to give him one of his most passionate kisses yet; one that made Ren's chest feel light and heavy at the same time, that caused his mind to spin and to freeze, his body to feel heavy as lead, and light as a feather. "Do you never grow tired of me? Weary? Are you never annoyed that I'm just- being my usual, insufferable self, that-"
Ren cut him off with a kiss, then stared deep into his eyes as they parted.
"Was that answer enough?"
Akechi scoffed, but there was no venom in his tone.
"I don't understand how you can never tire of me. Honestly? A part of me is still expecting you to grow sick of me, to leave and be done with me and all that I am-"
"I would never," Ren sincerely said, "I love you way too much than to do something like that."
His toes curled inwards when Akechi lazily slung an arm around his torso, nudging a leg in between his own, diminishing the space between them as he shuffled forwards.
"You're insufferable," the brunet mumbled, foreheads touching, "And yet so endearing. Sometimes, I feel like you're too good to be true."
Ren tried to say something, to say "The same goes for you", but Akechi muted him by covering his mouth.
"Ah, don't say it. I know you want to say 'I'm as real as they come, but only for you'. I've heard it often enough now. It's just…a little difficult to believe, really."
"But why-"
He knew exactly why; yet he still asked, and Akechi still answered.
His lover shook his head, a distant, glossy look settling in his eyes. "Ren, I've never...I've never been accepted anywhere, let alone been welcomed. And even if I was, it had never been a permanent stay."
Ren imagined it; a smaller, younger Akechi being passed from home to home, getting his hopes up of finally finding a place to stay; only to have said hopes and dreams crushed over and over again, be forced to leave, and feel more miserable than before.
An intruder; that's how he felt most of the time, he'd once explained. A stranger trying to crash a family gathering, never fitting in, but desperately wanting so.
Ren's heart ached just thinking about it, and he shivered involuntarily. He drew Akechi closer again, nuzzling his face into the crook of his lover's neck, and pressed a few kisses to his skin.
Then, he simply waited- and for a while, the two of them simply stayed like that, never changing in their orbit, but simply existing for a while.
"I'm afraid," Akechi confessed at some point, breaking through the silence, "I'm constantly afraid, as cowardly as it may sound."
There was no cowardice in being honest, and confronting one's feelings head-on-
And striving forward, despite fear clinging to your body like lead.
Ren didn't say any of that; he'd said it enough times, and when he found Akechi's gaze, he simply conveyed his message like that, before he finally raised his voice again.
"You're afraid…of us parting?"
He had said it as gently as possible, and yet still he caused Akechi to flinch. Quickly, Ren shuffled upwards, cradling his lover into his arms, and drawing him as close as he could manage without suffocating his dear boyfriend.
"It's...It's not because you ever gave me room for doubt," Akechi began, the words rolling off his tongue rather slowly, "Not because you're not good enough, not because you don't try enough. Rather, it's the opposite: I'm afraid of my fate messing with you. Us. See, I-"
Akechi cut off, swallowing harshly as he averted his gaze.
"I apologize. I know it's pathetic to be afraid of something as measly as fate in front of a trickster; the one who changed the world's fate single-handedly."
"Well, I wasn’t alone," Ren threw in, and snuggled in closer, drawing Akechi towards his chest, "And I was still terrified."
"You? No way."
"Yes way," Ren hummed, drawing lazy circles on Akechi's exposed skin, "I was freaking scared everything would blow up in my face and poof- everyone turns up dead. The only reason I kept going was because I knew if I didn't do anything, doom was neigh anyway. And…"
He grinned. "I thought about how you, my designated rival, would reprimand me if I hesitated now of all times. I thought to myself 'If I don't do anything now, Akechi will come and bite me in the ass, and try to kill me for an altogether different reason this time around. For being a coward. For being afraid'. In my mind, I could hear you saying something like 'Oh, I'm so disappointed in you. Truly, I expected better', and I really didn't want that. I hated the lone thought of it, so much that I found the willpower to move and fight again."
"You didn't actually think that." Akechi's tone was tainted with disbelief, and so was his gaze; but there was hope hiding underneath, subtle as it was.
Ren grinned. "Who's to say? You can't proof anything, and you know best when I lie. Do I look like I'm lying to you?"
He met Akechi's gaze, and chuckled when his lover's cheeks reddened, visible even in the dark.
"Insufferable mongrel," he muttered, before giving Ren a quick kiss, "You really thought of me when the world was ending?"
Ren rose an eyebrow. "Who else? I mean, sure- quite many people and many things crashed through my head back then, but...you were definitely the one who gave me back courage first, who caused my feet to inch forward little by little. That's a fact I ain't even gonna deny."
"And you didn't want to disappoint me when shit went down?"
"Yeah," Ren drawled, "And I thought to myself what a shame it'd be if the world ended, and I hadn't confessed to you, nor kissed you even once."
"Surely, you'd still ask me for consent, even at world's end eve?"
Ren gasped dramatically, laid a hand over his heart as he knocked their foreheads together anew; there was no way he'd let Akechi run from his gaze now of all times.
"Of course! Who do you take me for, a savage?"
He liked hearing this particular chuckle that he drew forth of Akechi; liked that it was such a carefree sound, a wild mix of ugly snorts and genuine laughter- a sound Akechi would never have allowed himself to procure, let alone escape his lips a few years ago.
It was an exclusive sound he'd coaxed out of Akechi; no one else ever managed to draw forth this particular sound, and so, it never failed to make him feel special.
Ren felt a million things as they lay there, unable to procure even a single word as Akechi's hands caressed his face, a crooked, but very genuine smile on his lips.
And then, slowly, after exchanging a few more lazy kisses, a few more whispered sweet nothings, and a few more reassurances, Akechi sighed, and caved.
"I know you're smart enough to realize why exactly I've declined attending your family meetings so many times. Frankly, I...I did feel like I'd be intruding most of the time. Like I didn't belong."
Akechi's face was now casted by shadows, and he wasn't meeting Ren's gaze- rather worrying, really.
"I…I've always held my share of ugly feelings about- about families. About seeing them gather, about witnessing them having fun, and…just having a good time."
"Understandable."
He waited for Akechi to talk on, but his lover remained quiet, and Ren realized that his boyfriend was silently requesting his aid already; despite his efforts, he needed a little nudge from time to time, and it seemed as though now was the time.
"So you feel jealous when you look at families?" He cut straight to the core, just how Akechi liked it. "Were you afraid you would hate me, seeing me mingle with Sojiro and Futaba?"
Sometimes, Akechi liked to be coddled; other times, like right now, Ren could sense that he didn't wish to be handled with care at all.
"Kinda," his lover confessed, "Worse. I was afraid I'd wish you nothing but the worst; wish for your bond to break, to end up being stranded all alone. So you'd end up like me, for a change. The boy who wanted to be his mom's hero, and his father's reaper; instead ended up being his mom's reaper, and his father's tool. Truly pathetic."
Earlier, Ren's heart had ached in the best way possible; now, it ached in pain, an onslaught of feelings raining down his chest.
"Akechi," he mumbled, and he heard the brunet grind his teeth, and take a shaky breath of air. "Akechi, you know-"
"Don't coddle me tonight. Please."
"I won't," Ren assured him, "But listen, you don't understand-"
"Oh, I do. You don't need to validate my feelings. I know they're ugly at core, and nothing will ever change that. And besides…you know it's true: I was jealous of you. Still am, from time to time. Whenever you were invited to some gathering, I felt like 'Ah, how nice it must be to have a place to belong to'- and I was reminded that I hadn't found such a place yet-"
"But you were always invited as well, from the very start! You know Sojiro and Futaba, and even the former thieves, they-"
"I know ," Akechi grinded out, "I know, and I always felt like they were pitying me because they always tried their best to include me. I…I can't help but think that they don't truly want me there, sometimes. I thought to myself they must have been glad that I never tagged along, seeing how they only invited me out of a false sense of guilt."
Ren held his tongue back, resisting to say something that could perhaps end up hurting both of them.
So instead, he focused on one single word, one that made all the difference.
"You said 'was'," he heard himself say, holding his breath, "Does that mean you don't feel this way anymore?"
"I wish it was that easy," Akechi chuckled, and buried his face in his chest- and he must've been able to feel the wild skip of Ren's heart, yet he didn't say anything about it.
"I…Frankly, I still envy you a lot. I wish…I wish I had had someone like Sojiro from the start as well. Perhaps…perhaps some things would have turned out differently, then, but ah well- there's no use in dwelling in the past, and pondering what if's. I just…I both want what you have, and in the same instance, I do not. I don't regret the path I've walked. And all my pain, my suffering- it led me to who I am today, and while I can't say that I love myself- well."
Akechi crept in a little closer. "At least I'm someone…that seems to appeal to you. Not that I'd need anyone to like me. Frankly, I would have been fine staying alone for the rest of my life, if needed."
"...But it helps?"
Akechi sighed. "I don't know. Frankly, I don't know, and I don't care. But we were talking about a different matter altogether anyway."
Despite the bittersweet feeling spreading in Ren's chest, he was more than just elated to have reached the point with Akechi where he talked openly about his feelings without being prompted- well, prompted too much, that was. Ren remembered well the nights where he had to coax and punch out every single word out of Akechi, while balancing the fine line of not being too overbearing, and yet pushy enough to get somewhere.
Those nights didn't lay too far in the past, actually.
"The thing is," Akechi huffed, "The thing is- when I- when I tagged along, and they embraced me with open arms- well, I did still think 'How nice; Ren has a place he belongs to'. But…"
Ren waited.
Ren waited, and when he heard noises escape the back of Akechi's throat, he mumbled, soft and gentle,
"But you could see they were carving a place for you, too? You realized…that you had a place with me, and would one day accept you'd have one with them, too?"
More noises echoed through the room, sounding rather quiet and wounded. Akechi never allowed himself to cry, except for a few, special occasions; one of them being his mother's death day. But Ren knew Akechi was struggling right now, and if he was someone who allowed himself to cry easily, well-
He sure would be crying just about now.
"It just- it felt so alien," Akechi choked out, "I- I don't know. I wanted to yell at them, sometimes; for them to stop being nice to me, to be considerate. I wanted to tell them to drop their facade, to stop being fake and coddly, but- but they weren't. I know for a fact that they weren't pretending, and I think-"
Akechi stilled.
"...You think that's what made it even harder, huh?"
"Definitely."
Ren kissed Akechi's forehead, and just for good measure, kissed his lips, too.
"I don't get it. I thought family had to be tied to blood. Otherwise- why did my foster care families never love me?"
"Because they were all pieces of shit," Ren hissed, and then softened his tone, "And you deserved way better than them anyway."
"Huh." Akechi swallowed harshly, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears.
Ren caressed his face, stroking through a few loose strands of hair.
"I can't blame you, Akechi. For a long time, I worked really hard so my biological parents would recognize me. I twisted and bent myself, worked myself to death so I could earn myself a fraction of a smile. Of something resembling love and care."
Akechi remained quiet, but Ren knew he was listening with utmost attention.
"Then I got to know Sojiro, saw how he handled Futaba, and you know? Somewhere along the way, I realized that love and care aren't something to be earned for. You don't have to be someone else to be accepted. You don't have to be… anyone for your family to love you. They will love you regardless."
"...Are you saying you've been my family for so long now, and I was just too blind to realize?"
Ren crushed Akechi against his chest, hiding his dying noises behind fond laughter.
"I mean- if you want me to be. But if we're talking about it anyway, well- Sojiro and Futaba wouldn't mind being part of your family either. Or the rest of the thieves, for that matter."
"...I'd be fine with just you."
Ren smiled as he kissed Akechi, and the smile stuck to his face even as he drew back.
"It's fine to be greedy, though, you know? Family is- family isn't like a lover. I think- look, I don't know much about this myself, truth be told. But about a lover- well, I hope you only ever have one lover, as selfish as it sounds, and that it's only ever me. There are many ways to love, but just between us- I don't like to share, and- argh!"
Ren ran a hand through his hair, feeling his cheeks warm up. "What I mean is- even if I'm your only lover, I don't have to be your only family member. If- if you even want me to be part of your family-"
"If 'family' had a proper definition, then I believe you've been my family the last two years now. Perhaps even longer. But…I'm not sure it even has a definition."
It was Ren's turn to wail, to swallow a few tears and simply digest.
Akechi let him.
"I've never thought about that- what 'family' means," he confessed after a while, "But I suppose many refer to 'family' as the one place they can return to, no matter what. Where your heart feels at home, where you feel at rest. Some sentimental bullshit like that."
Akechi peeked up at him, looking absolutely adorable.
"So then…what do you think defines family?"
Ren kissed him, just for good measure, before he replied.
"Honestly? I don't think there's any right way to describe 'family' at all. For me, family…family consists of a lot of people."
"Like Sojiro and Futaba. And the former thieves, too? Your atrociously huge circle of confidants as well, most probably."
He both liked and disliked how jealous Akechi sounded as he said that; so he leaned in, humming as they shared a kiss.
"Don't forget yourself," he mumbled, swiping across Akechi's lips with his thumb, "You're more special than the others, though."
"I…I am?"
"Oh, Akechi." Ren giggled, a warm sensation spreading in his gut, causing his entire body to tingle. "The thieves, Sojiro- they might all mean a lot to me, but none of them could ever replace you. Or even hope to take your spot. I thought you were aware of that."
Akechi blinked; once, twice, and then he averted his gaze.
"Hm," he mumbled, then added, "That's…that's good to know. Not that I would have it any other way."
Ren grinned, and his smile grew when Akechi stole another kiss from him, grumbling something about him being "a piece of shitwork" or some other nonsense like that; he always sputtered nonsense when he grew flustered, when he revealed a little too much of his feelings at once.
"Of course not," Ren mumbled, "I'm yours, have you forgotten? In a way unlike anyone else's. And so…you get to keep tabs on me. Privileges. Not because of some rule, but because I want you to have those privileges. And if you make use of them, well- you won't hear me complaining. Unless you abuse them-"
Akechi shut him up with a kiss, as he always did when Ren began to ramble, and he wasn't sure who was laughing as their lips collided; perhaps it was both of them.
They shared a slow, languid kiss; a kiss shared between two lovers who didn't give a care about how much time would pass, because all that mattered was that they were together, the only thing on their mind right now.
They parted reluctantly, only because of their need for oxygen; even if for Ren, Akechi was the only oxygen supply he needed.
"You're a fool."
Ren grinned. "It's been two years, and you still call me an idiot. Is it because you think of yourself that low, that you feel the need to insult me for choosing you? Do you think I'm wasted on someone like you, like you did all those years ago?"
"No."
He was taken off-guard when Akechi crowded into his space, pressing their bodies flush against one another, his red eyes piercing through his very soul.
"I just think, 'How stupid, that he walked right into my nest; now there's no way I'll let him go ever again'. You've been caught in a spider web, Ren. And no cry for help will ever release you from this torment."
"First of all, I believe 'Crow's nest' puts it soooo much better, honey." He laughed when Akechi swatted him. "And besides, if this is your twisted way of saying you'll make me fall for you even harder- oh, I'm so in."
Akechi rolled his eyes, and huffed; but even in the dark, Ren could spot the smile spreading on his face- it never failed not to be contagious, and with a giddy laugh, he leaned into the kiss Akechi taunted him with.
"Whatever you interpret about my actions or words is none of my business," his boyfriend hummed as their lips parted once more, both of them yearning the loss. "But…but if whatever I say makes you happy, and…makes you feel content, and…daresay, loved-"
Akechi averted his gaze once more.
"Well, I wouldn't be opposed to that, I suppose."
In response, Ren pulled him flush against him, peppering his face with kisses until Akechi loudly protested, and drew back.
"Babe," he whispered, "It's totally your business. But I think you fail to see that no matter what you say, or no matter what you do, I'll end up loving you regardless."
Akechi had a strange look in his eyes as he met his gaze. "You're so strange, Ren."
"Nah, I just think you deserve nothing but the best."
Once more, his lover averted his gaze, but he tightened his grip on his body all the more for it; and so, Ren easily beckoned Akechi into another kiss, noting with glee how eagerly his lover craved the touch.
"I know it's not going to be easy to accept," he suddenly said, swerving back to their main point, and giving Akechi enough time to catch up, "That you…have a family now. That it's expanding. And that it's a safe haven for you to return to. Just like you accepted my love, you can accept their love, too, I believe. And you'll return the love; I know so for a fact. I…I already saw that happening today, in the way you treated both Sojiro and Futaba."
Akechi tried hiding his face, but Ren wouldn't have it.
"I was merely nice to them because it was the polite thing to do. And because I know how much you care for them."
"Stop lying," Ren giggled, bopping Akechi's nose- because when he cupped Akechi's face in his hands, and felt the heat radiating off his face in waves, he knew he'd been lying for sure; he was just too shy to admit it. "Though just for the record- a family comes with no obligations. If you barged in one day, asking for shelter, no one would dare raise the question of why you're there. Well, except if they're worried, and not because you're imposing, that is. But yeah- even if you behaved like a prick of ice, even if you weren't behaving like the most loveable human on earth- which you are- a family would still accept you."
"Then the only one I can call my family for now is you for sure. You're…you're the only one I could see that doing."
Ren's chest warmed. "For now, right?"
Slowly, Akechi nodded. "...For now."
Ren grinned, his heart somersaulting in his chest. "I really mean a lot to you, don't I?"
"You do."
Oh, fuck.
Ren had not been prepared for that; even less for the way Akechi was looking at him now, a gentle smile on his lips, his eyes crinkling.
"You mean…more than you can imagine."
A few dying noises filled the room, and Ren realized quite late that the source of the sounds was himself; at least Akechi made him shut up by claiming his lips over and over again, humming and smiling into their kisses, causing Ren's chest to burst and burst and burst with giddy, lovely feelings he couldn't even begin to count, let alone describe.
"You've always been there for me," Akechi whispered, just before he dove in for another kiss, "You always stayed. You never complain, no matter how prickly I behave, no matter what I do-"
"But I did," Ren muffled out, "We fought our fair share of times- hm!"
Assaulted by Akechi's lips, Ren squirmed, struggling to say just about anything; damn, it was a nice feeling.
"Yes, we did. And it's not always because of my behaviour, but also because of yours. And yet- yet you always make sure we make up. I've never- I've never been the one mending our fights. I've never had your patience, much less your understanding about human feelings, the complexity of feelings and the like."
Ren shook his head. "It's not as much of a science as you make it out to be. I don't know much about feelings and their many facets either."
"So then how do you-?"
He flashed his teeth at his lover, then cradled him close as he stroked through his hair.
"I just remember how much you mean to me, and how much I must mean to you. How we must both be hurting at the moment, and that neither of us probably wish to fight. Sometimes, it's difficult. Sometimes, even I get clouded by rage, or other nasty feelings."
Akechi peeked up at him. He looked adorable like this; clad in Ren's pajamas, his bangs messily crowding his face, the soft shine of the moon making him look ethereal, or the shadows casting him in an eerie darkness.
"And then what do you do?"
"Well, sometimes, it takes a few days. I mope, I cry. I look at old text messages you sent me, or messages you deleted because you were afraid of appearing too vulnerable."
"Wait, what-"
Ren quickly kissed his lover in an attempt to distract him.
"Believe it or not," he mumbled, brushing messy strands of hair from Akechi's lovely face, tugging them behind his ears, "In those dark moments, where I lose all hope, you usually show your face. You spit mean, empty words, that hide your true affection; or you hold elaborate long speeches doing the very same. And then I think, 'Right, I love this idiot, and nothing will change that. So let's go back doing the thing I love most'."
"...Which would be?"
Oh, stupid, stupid Akechi; stupid, lovely, oblivious Akechi.
"You," Ren smirked, loving the dark blush spreading across Akechi's cheeks, "I love you so much, I just can't help it. And I'd love you as anything you'd pick me to be- family, friend, lover. Just say it, and I'll oblige."
Akechi harrumphed. "I picked you as my lover first and foremost," he grumbled, "Once I picked you as a friend. And now I pick you as family, too. So…you have quite many expectations to fulfill, I daresay. Are you up for the challenge?"
"Even if I wasn't, there's no way I'd back down now. Not with so many rewards in sight."
"How greedy."
"As a stealer of hearts, I have to be."
Strange, how Akechi looked miffed at that. Ren didn't know what to expect when suddenly, Akechi climbed onto him, pushing him onto his back as he hovered above him.
"I don't care about Joker," he said, in his most earnest voice, "I care about you. And as far as I'm concerned, you're a stupid, lovestruck idiot, who would do anything to keep his loved ones close and happy. And you know what?"
Ren felt dizzy, but he still needed to know what Akechi was trying to say.
So he shook his head, and was blindsided by that brilliant, daring smile settling on Akechi's lips, a smile he really needed to kiss and taste right now.
"I made it my mission to be the very best among them. The one you won't be able to stop thinking about. Even when I'm very confused about many things, even when I don't know a lot of things- I know one thing for sure."
Akechi leaned downwards, and whispered into his ear.
"I know that I love you, deeply and wholly, and I think for now, that's all I need to know."
Oh.
Oh.
Ren's heart seized in his chest, then lodged into his throat. He hoped he was looking at Akechi the way he made him feel; like he was his moon and his stars, his entire universe.
It had always been obvious, of course, that Akechi loved him. And it wasn't the first time Akechi had professed his love to him.
But still, his words were touching, and his kiss enchanting, and Ren found himself at a loss for words when Akechi drew back.
"Stunned you speechless, haven't I? That's good. I should do that more often. Honestly, you look way better like this- lovestruck and dumb."
"H-hey- mpf!"
Ren did not complain about the kiss, really; he was rather thankful for it.
"Fuck, you're so stupid. Ren, you're probably the biggest fool on earth I've ever met. And I'm so glad you're mine. I…I really am."
Akechi let himself fall down, and Ren caught him when he threatened to slip off even the slightest bit; there was no better feeling than their hearts beating in the same rhythm, clouded by a thin veil of clothes as they crowded into each other's spaces.
"Thank you," Akechi breathed against his lips, a shy smile tugging at the corner of his lips, and he looked absolutely brilliant like this; tugging a few loose strands behind his ears, gazing down at Ren like he was his everything.
(Because he was.)
"You have nothing to thank me for."
"I do. But if I did- I'd probably spent my lifetime thanking you, and I don't think either of us want that."
Ren contemplated that.
"My own personal maid Akechi? Hm-"
"You pervert," Akechi hissed, but he was laughing, "At least make me a damn butler!"
"Oh, that's a nice idea, too. You'd probably throw your monocle at me whenever I mess up my cutlery-"
"-which you'd be doing all the time, because you like being reprimanded by me. Or do you think I haven't noticed how you always jump at the first opportunity to suggest the wildest, dumbest shit to me- even more so when Sakamoto is involved?"
"I mean- you did say you wanted to try sky-diving with me, one day. I hope you haven't forgotten."
There was a dangerous smile spreading across Akechi's lips. "Oh, honey," he smirked, melting Ren into a putty once more, "You'd be stupid to think you'd walk out of that one alive. Or unscathed, at least. And yes- I am up to that, still."
"I wouldn't die," Ren lied, like a liar- seeing Akechi jump off a plane would certainly end him in many ways, but seeing him strike poses while falling- which he would be doing- that would end up distracting Ren so much, he'd probably forget pulling the trigger for his parachute to open. "I have a secret trick up my sleeve."
"Oh? Do tell." Fuck, fuck, fuck- that smile, the smirk- it was everything. "That sounds rather interesting."
Ren swallowed, forcing his thoughts away from how nice Akechi looked like this. "Well, as a former detective, I suppose you must be curious about my thievery ways. It's rather simple, really."
"Well? Don't keep me waiting."
Oh, I sure would love to, but I can't resist your charm.
"My lover gives me wings to fly," Ren announced rather dramatically, "And so- hey!"
He was mercilessly assaulted by Akechi's hands, tickling and squeezing him in all of his sensitive spots, cutting off any chance to reply. "A-ah-Akechi- psh, stop- hey!"
He was so busy keeping his laughter at bay that he nearly missed the way Akechi's expression twisted, how his movements slowed down. But because he was Akechi- his very dearly beloved lover- he noticed it quickly.
"Sweetheart," he whispered, fully aware how Akechi loved and hated being called petnames, and gently tilted his face towards him, "Hey- what's wrong?"
Akechi's expression contorted even more, and he bunched up Ren's shirt as they stared at one another. Ren briefly wondered if he should attempt another joke; that Akechi was staring down at him like they were boxers in a ring, his gaze intense and piercing.
And Ren would love nothing more than to be obliterated by him, going down willingly.
But the fact was that Akechi's gaze soon dulled, that it softened, causing a shiver to wrack Ren's body as he lay there, completely surrendering himself to his lover's mercy.
And what mercy it was.
Akechi leaned down, and pressed a gentle, fluttering kiss to his lips, but retreated rather quickly. He didn't meet Ren's gaze, instead hid his face in the crook of Ren's neck, breathing in his scent rather obviously.
"Goro," he mumbled, "My name, it's…it's Goro."
Ren wasn't sure whether that meant what he wanted it to mean, and so he lay there, stiff as a poker, only croaked,
"Uh- I know that."
How very smart and eloquent of him, really.
But instead of Akechi retreating into his shell like he usually did when Ren messed up, the brunet bit his lips, and squeezed his eyes shut.
Ren wasn't sure whether he imagined the words, "You're always so brave, so valiant; it's high time I return your love in kind," but he sure did take note of the soft, fleeting kiss Akechi pressed onto his cheek before quickly hiding away again.
"Ren. Ren, you love me, right?"
"Of course I do," he immediately fired off, feeling slightly offended at the question, "And before you ask- yes, I believe I will always love you, too. If it's within my power, that is. If you let me. Uhmmm. Yeah."
"Hm," Akechi muttered, "Then you shouldn't call me like everyone else does, should you?"
"...Huh?"
Akechi angrily bunched up his shirt, and Ren wondered if his clothes would survive Akechi's wrath.
"I said," he grumbled, "You should call me differently, you idiot."
"Ooooh. Oh, yeah- oh, okay," Ren was clearly a little overwhelmed by the suggestion, but also lapped it up immediately. "Sugar, then. If honey is too standard. Cutiepie is also an option. Sugarboo- hey!"
Akechi swatted him, and threw him a glare. Soon, Ren's chest heaved under heavy laughter, and he caved.
"Goro," he chuckled, and his laughter got stuck in his throat as he watched the many emotions flick across his lover's face. "Goro?"
Goro kissed him, and that was answer enough.
How far they'd come, compared to two years ago; how much still lay in the future for both of them to tackle, too.
"Goro?"
"Hm?"
Ren smiled, and kissed his boyfriend as gently as possible, hoping to convey the huge chunk of feelings swirling in his chest.
"I can't wait for our future to come for us," he mumbled, and was confronted with an odd glare.
"Live in the present, dummy, not the future," his lover rightfully objected, and Ren sighed into the kiss that followed.
"Right."
…I still can't wait for the day you truly make me yours; the day we seal our love with rings, if you even want that, that is.
I love you, Goro. I love you so much.
And I'll make it my mission that everyone knows, if they haven't realized it yet.