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Another day, another akuma.
This akuma was annoying, partially because Ladybug couldn’t tell what her power was by looking at her, or by what happened to the people she zapped. Her costume was bland and boring, just like any comic book hero complete with floating cape, but she had an abnormally large head, in an exaggerated, cerebral style- which suggested she might have a higher level of intelligence or mental powers. That would be bad, Ladybug thought, since it probably meant her lucky charm would be even more esoteric than usual.
The akuma wasn’t speaking at all, just floating slowly down the road, zapping people with her eye-beams. Ladybug followed along the rooftops, trying to keep out of sight while also trying to figure out what the akuma could do so she could decide on a plan. She didn’t want to give an akuma with potential mental powers any opportunity to use them against her before she was ready to attack.
The street was mostly deserted already, but occasionally people still tried to cross in a hurry before the akuma reached where they were. People who got zapped in the process wouldn’t even react all that much- maybe a startled expression or their eyes would get very big as they paused for a second… but most wouldn’t even do that, simply scurrying off to find a place to hide.
“So he’s at it again, eh m’lady? And I was in the middle of a nice catnap, too,” Chat Noir said, coming up on her left.
The akuma was on her right, so she didn’t even look at him, merely nodded and said, “Yeah. You’d think he’d get tired of this eventually.”
“If only,” Chat said, almost too quiet to overhear. “But, looking on the bright side, at least I get to spend time with you! What are we up against?”
“I’m not sure,” Ladybug admitted, trying not to be irritated at her partner’s optimistic view of things. “I can’t figure out what she’s doing, and no one seems to be talking much, even when they get hit with her eye-beams.”
“Hmm, well… only one way to find out! Hey! Over here!”
“Chat, no!” Ladybug hissed, but it was too late. The akuma whirled to face them, no longer floating slowly down the street.
“Ladybug, Chat Noir, at last!” she crowed. And then, without bothering to launch into a villain monologue, she shot her eye-beams at them. They were too close to the akuma to dodge, so Ladybug simply tackled her partner out of the way. There was a bright flash, but she didn’t feel anything so it must have gone over their heads. Oddly, the akuma didn’t try to shoot them again while they were down, simply turning back around and floating on down the street.
Not silently anymore, though. The air around them filled with the akuma’s voice, and they finally got an idea of what had caused this particular akumatization.
“- unfair and unjust! Well, now no one can claim to misunderstand me! Or anyone else, for that matter! We’ll all know exactly what everyone else wants, without any need for-”
Ladybug tuned out the ranting, jumping to her feet. “There were other ways to try and find out what her powers were, you know,” she said. Stupid cat- always leaping in full throttle without thinking it through.
“Hey, I think things through! … Sometimes. And besides, you weren’t coming up with anything, and I’ve got places to be. Actually, I wish I did… I don’t want to sit all alone in my room being ignored after this is over. Much better to find a nice rooftop with a bit of sun and finish that nap… I wish I could take the risk of hanging out with-”
“Can you stop with the monologuing?” Ladybug asked, irritably. “We have an akuma to catch.”
Chat also clambered to his feet, looking both confused and offended. “I wasn’t monologuing!”
Ladybug snorted. “Right. I must have imagined all that stuff about your room and finding a rooftop with sun.” Not that that sounds like a bad plan… if I didn’t have so much to do this afternoon, it might be nice, actually. But I don’t have time, and now there’s even more work to do. She took off after the akuma that had inexplicably disappeared while they argued. Luckily, some screams from the next street over indicated where she had gone, so she pulled out her yo-yo and swung across the now empty street.
“Now who’s monologuing?” Chat called after her.
Ladybug just shook her head. The akuma was right in front of her, still ranting, though currently with her head turned away.
“... and everyone will finally see- this will be so much better. No one can hide anything anymore! Everyone will be forced to be honest, for once in their lives! And if that causes a little bit of strife and mayhem, that’s just too bad. Maybe it’ll teach people to be more honest in the first place! And most importantly, no one can claim I haven’t been clear about my own needs! Especially not-”
Oh great. How does Hawkmoth even find these people? She thought indignantly. Seriously, akumatizing someone because they can’t communicate clearly? If that’s all it took, I would’ve been akumatized years ago!
The akuma whipped around to stare at her. She peered down at Ladybug with narrowed, judgemental eyes. Ladybug spun her yo-yo up into a shield, just in case she tried to zap her again.
“Oh, there’s no need to zap you again, Ladybug,” the akuma… did not say. At least, her mouth didn’t move, though Ladybug heard her voice very clearly indeed. “You and that cat have already been taken care of. Now neither of you can hide who you really are! Yes, Hawkmoth, I know! Shut up and let me do my… ugh, fine. Give me your miraculous!”
Ladybug let her shield falter as she put together what the akuma had said with the fact that she’d said it without moving her mouth. Chat Noir landed beside her again, his staff held at the ready.
“Chat Noir!” she whispered urgently. “I think the akuma forces telepathy on people! She’s talking with her mind, and we can hear her because we did get hit! Whatever you do, don’t think about your civilian identity!”
“Adrien Agreste,” she immediately heard him say- or rather, think, since his mouth wasn’t moving. His eyes widened a little behind his mask and he looked past her, grimacing a little, and for an instant Ladybug wondered if… if possibly … but then she glanced behind her and saw yet another Gabriel billboard with Adrien’s perfect face prominently displayed.
… ah, so dreamy… she thought for an instant, before her mind shifted back into gear.
“That’s perfect, Chat!” she cried aloud. “I’ll think of celebrities I couldn’t possibly be, too!”
Uh, Clara Nightingale! Kim Possible! Audrey Bourgeois!
Beside her, Chat started cracking up. More names flooded into her brain- clearly he was thinking of impossible candidates for his own identity as well.
“Ronald McDonald. Father Christmas. Enrique Iglesias.”
With her good humor (and trust in her partner’s good sense) restored, Ladybug leapt into action. As always Chat followed her lead, but both of them kept up a mental litany of ridiculous civilian personas.
Jacques, the pigeon. Andre Glacier. Kobra Kai Commander. Kim Kardashian. Jagged Stone! Penny Rolling!
The akuma, enraged that her ploy had failed, also went into action, but the fight was pretty easy with her most powerful weapon expended to essentially no effect. It didn’t even interfere with their usual ability to tell what the other was going to do. Hawkmoth hadn’t given her a lot of physical strength, though she was still more powerful than a normal human. In the end, Ladybug just wound her up with her yo-yo and let Chat look her over for the object, which he then cataclysmed.
Ladybug caught the butterfly and restored Paris to its usual, non-telepathic normality. Chat’s mental voice faded out of her mind, but the smile he’d put there stayed on her face. He really does make this more than just a job. As they shared a fist bump, Alya came running up to them.
“Ladybug! Chat Noir!” she panted, coming to a halt. “That akuma had telepathy powers, and from the way you were fighting it was obvious that you both got hit. Your moves were even more in sync than normal- a clear indication that you actually could read each other’s minds! Of course people want to know, do you know each other’s identities now?”
Ladybug was caught a little off-guard by the question- after all, Alya already knew who she was and fully understood the dangers of revealing any personal information to the public… but then she saw the quick wink Alya gave them both and understood. Alya was trying to give them the opportunity to get ahead of any media speculation by throwing out a few obviously fake identities. Naturally, Chat caught on quicker than she did. He leaned one of his elbows on her shoulder- she really hated that his recent growth spurt made him tall enough to do that without it looking awkward- and smirked at the camera.
“Of course! I’m happy to tell all of Paris- the world- even our nemesis Hawkmoth!- that my partner is the one and only… Emmy award-winning singer-songwriter, Taylor Swift!”
Ladybug snorted and bumped him- gently- with her hip. “Chaaaat! Don’t reveal my secret identity like that! How would you like it if I told the world that you were… the seven-time Tour de France champion, Lance Armstrong?”
Chat chuckled. “Wouldn’t that be something? But actually, you need to get your brain checked, because I’m actually… Prince Charles!”
Ladybug gasped, raising a hand to her chest. “Oh my goodness! Do forgive me, your majesty. You know, I can’t see it though- you’re much too humble for royalty. But you were wrong about me, too, because I’m obviously the endlessly interesting and talented Vera Wang.”
“Really? Because I would have guessed Edna Mode before Ms. Wang.”
This time Ladybug’s hip bump was hard enough to send him stumbling, though he chortled at his own joke. She tried to hide a grin even as she scolded him. “If that’s a crack at my height, just you wait-”
“Henry Higgins?” Chat interrupted, with a knowing grin.
Ladybug and Alya both looked at him blankly.
“Oh, come on!” He protested, holding out his hands in front of him. “My Fair Lady? The Broadway Musical?”
Alya rolled her eyes, but Ladybug narrowed hers. “Maybe you are old enough to be Prince Charles…”
“Hey!”
Alya interrupted with a laugh of her own. “Alright, alright, we get the picture- you’re not going to admit to knowing anything one way or the other. I guess that just proves Hawkmoth can’t rattle you two, even when his akuma can literally read your minds!”
Two simultaneous beeps of their miraculous interrupted anything else she had to say.
“Thanks for the interview!” Alya called after them as they both escaped to the nearest roof.
“Hey Ladybug!” Chat called, as Ladybug made her way to the other side of the roof to leave. She turned around, conscious of her limited time, but not wanting to leave him hanging after what had happened with Kuro Neko and Catwalker. Besides, she still had four minutes.
“Yes, Chat?”
“Why don’t we make this a regular thing?” he asked, leaning on his staff. “I know we can’t reveal our real identities, but we could make a game of trying to guess which unlikely celebrity our partner could be…”
Ladybug found that another smile was stretching her lips. She also couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her. “I guess that would be alright. After all, it might throw doubt into the minds of anyone who happens to overhear.”
“Great! Au revoir, m’lady! Or should I say… Audrey Tautou?” Chat said, and with a two-finger salute, he leapt off the building, doing a barrel roll just for the extra drama.
Ladybug rolled her eyes and shook her head, but her smile was fond as she made her own way home, already thinking of a different celebrity name to call him the next time.
Maybe Gilles Marini? No, he’d be too flattered.
Well… she had time before the next patrol to come up with a good one.