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His chest was tight and his face stung. He stumbled into the Room of Requirement, legs trembling. He tripped over his own feet and fell to his knees. He buried his face in his hands, but he did not cry. He couldn’t. He wasn’t sure why, he certainly felt like crying. There was just some kind of unknown force stopping him from crying. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t.
Distantly, he heard someone opening the door, but he was too lost in his misery to pay attention.Why had he done that? Why had he played into Snivellous’s taunting? Why had he let him get the best of him? Why had he told him to go to the Shrieking Shack on a full moon? Why had he sent Snivellous to his death like that?
Someone sat beside him and rested their hands on his knees. He didn’t flinch, instead soaking up the comfort.
“Siri?” the person whispered. “Do—do you want a hug?”
Sirius nodded slowly. Arms wrapped around him and he leaned into whoever was hugging him. He was pretty sure it was Regulus, though, so he was pretty sure it would be fine.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered, voice horse.
“I’m not the one you need to apologize to,” the person said softly. Now Sirius was sure that it was Regulus.
“You know what I did?”
“Enough of it.” Regulus sighed and his arms tightened around Sirius. “It was rather cruel, you know.”
“I know that!” Sirius huffed and forced himself to calm down. “I didn’t mean to almost kill him. I didn’t think he’d actually go.”
“It’s Snape. Of course he would go.” There was a pause. “I know you didn’t mean to almost kill him, though. That doesn’t make it alright though.”
Sirius hated that his sibling was right. He hated that he had done something so horrid and cruel that he wasn’t sure that he would be able to ever prove that he regretted it to his friends. He hated that he had almost killed a student, no matter how much he hated the student in question. He hated that he hurt Remus, James, and Peter, and had hurt the trust not only they had in him, but also the trust that McGonagall had in him. He hated that, but he couldn’t change that he had done it. He just had to live with it. Even if it sucked.