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The sunlight slipping through the window along with the chirping of the birds caused Kate to open her eyes. The viscountess didn’t get much sleep in the first place, having spent several hours staring at the ceiling, slumber not seeming to make act of presence. It was to be expected when it was the first night she spent without Anthony.
They had just got back from their honeymoon, and the Bridgerton family was settled in Aubrey Hall – they had planned on spending a couple of weeks there. Unfortunately, due to his duties as viscount, Anthony had to leave for several days. His farewell to Kate was probably the most painful thing he had ever experienced.
The viscount Bridgerton knew his responsibilities would keep him away from time to time. The thought didn’t trouble him for a long time, since he wasn’t planning on loving his wife after all – but contrary to his initial expectations, he did love his wife. He was passionate and unashamedly enamoured with her. And being away from her not only got Anthony unhappy and frustrated, but Kate as well.
Though in Kate’s case, she was feeling rather gloomy. Since she wasn’t in the mood to try drifting to sleep again, Kate woke up and began walking through the house’s halls. She had already been there, as a visitor, but now it was different – now she was viscountess, charged with taking care of that place and acting and hostess as well.
The thought was sort of scary, never in her wildest dreams Kate had imagined she would be leading one of the most influential families in London along with her husband. Not that she wasn’t content with her situation, it was her inexperience that worried her.
She was pulled back from her thoughts the moment her ears picked on a low, velvety voice coming from one of the house’s balconies. Her eyes then sighed at Daphne, who was still wearing her nightgown, rocking her little baby in her arms. She kept standing still, watching Daphne as she softly whispered to the baby and lulled him to sleep. Truly a heart-warming scene.
The duchess spoke the moment she repaired in Kate’s presence. “Did his cries wake you? My apologies.” Her eyes switched from Kate to her son. “Augie does not seem very willing to drift to sleep.”
“Well that makes two of us.” Kate got closer, eyeing the little baby. “And I was already awake, do not concern yourself.”
“Trouble sleeping without your husband?” Daphne guessed. She knew she was right the moment Kate’s face grew somehow disheartened. “I know that feeling very well.”
“Yes.” Kate smiled a little. “It is quite alright, I will need to get used to this.” She was very aware Anthony was the first one who wished to run away from his duties and stay beside her, but Kate refused to be the cause of him neglecting his responsibilities when he was the head of the family – well, they both were, to be fair.
Daphne could relate to the viscountess, having been in her position for a while now. Being in a house which wasn’t hers, surrounded by people she still wasn’t completely familiar with, flooded with new responsibilities… she had been there. “I promise it will eventually become bearable. That is not to say you will stop missing your husband, because you will not.”
“I suppose you are right.” Kate sighed deeply. “It feels odd, being like this when there is so much to do here as well.”
“That is understandable.” A tender smile grew on Daphne’s face. “I’m sure Anthony misses you as much as you long for his presence.”
“I know he does.” Kate’s voice was soft but confident. She gave another look to Augie, who was holding onto his mother’s nightgown. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
Kate inhaled deeply before voicing her question. “How does being a mother feel?” She hoped to hide the concerns which came with the question, but that didn’t go as well as she wanted, her voice sounding both curious and doubtful.
“Well,” Daphne began, pausing while her mind gathered the right words to say. “In short, it is wonderful. Every time I look at little Augie’s face,” She glanced warmly at her child. “I’m reminded he is the vivid image of the life of joy and love I share with my husband.” Kate knew Daphne and Simon were a love match. Indeed, she could tell the duchess seemed to be enamoured with her husband just because of the way she spoke about him. “Could you be uncertain about wanting children?”
Kate opened her mouth, but she found herself unable to say a word for a brief moment. The question caught her completely off guard. “It is not that I’m uncertain. I just never considered that option before.” Kate sat on the balcony’s railing. “Initially, my intention was to return to India and become a governess, marriage was very far from what I intended to do with my life.” The viscountess explained. “But then I met your brother, and everything I planned to do went through a drastic change. Not that I regret my decision.” She clarified.
“I suppose it is not unusual to hesitate. Nonetheless, I believe you should disclose this with my brother. Has he ever brought children into conversation?”
“A couple of times, yes.” In truth, they never actually had that conversation. Anthony did mention once he was sure Kate would be a wonderful mother – something she really wished to be true, and that if they had a daughter, he wanted her to be exactly like her mother. “Though he never actually insisted on the topic.”
“Perhaps he does not wish to rush you.” Said Daphne. “I personally have never seen Anthony to be particularly interested in marriage or children until you came into his life. He now seems enthusiastic about it.” She smiled warmly the moment Kate’s face lighted up. “Seeing my brother so deeply in love is truly a sight I began to think I would never have the opportunity to behold. I’m immensely glad he decided to marry you.”
“I am too.” Kate spoke fondly. “And I’m also glad I joined this family.” A tender smiled grew on her face when Daphne softly squeezed one of her hands.
Doing her best to keep her mind busy, Kate spent the rest of the day between taking care of her own duties and spending some nice time with the Bridgerton family; her family. She consulted Violet about how to properly host a ball since it would be her turn to be hostess soon, helped Hyacinth with her pianoforte lessons, exchanged travel experiences with Colin – Kate told him about where she had been with Anthony during their honeymoon, omitting the intimate details, and Colin shared his own adventures.
During one of her walks through the gardens with Daphne – in which Kate tried her hardest to ignore the giant, dark cloud floating not so far from there in the sky –, the duchess reminded Kate of considering looking for someone to paint her and Anthony’s marriage portrait. Little did Daphne know, the viscountess already had someone in mind.
Late in the evening, when both women parted ways, Kate headed to Benedict’s drawing room, finding him with his face buried in his hands. “Having a creativity crisis?” Kate inquired.
Benedict exhaled, leaning back on his chair and letting his weight fall against the backrest. “Something like that.”
“If it helps, I really do like your paintings.” Kate said while curiously eyeing some of his works.
“Do you?”
“Of course.” She switched her eyes to him. “I’m not saying this because I’m married to your brother.”
“I never thought so.” An amusing grin appeared on Benedict’s face. “You have always voiced your opinion loud and clear no matter what my brother thinks. That is pretty impressive, if you ask me.”
“Are you impressed by honesty?” Kate asked with a quirked eyebrow.
“I’m impressed by you having so much power over my brother. It is a sight I will never grow tired of.”
“Not the first time I have heard that.” The first ones who told Kate something very similar to what Benedict was saying were Colin and Eloise.
“But I mean it in a good way. I enjoy my brother being put in his place as much as I cherish his happiness. It was about time.”
Kate had heard about her husband’s previous serious and all-time dutiful persona from Anthony himself, and couldn’t help but wanting to hear what he may seemed like from other perspective. “Was he that… uh,” She tried to find the right word. “Unjoyful?”
“You can say miserable. And yes, sort of. I do not want to sound unappreciative of what he did for us, but he ended up being…” Benedict hummed. “Quite irritating, sometimes.”
“I see.” Kate spoke while she walked across the room, observing the rest of the paintings. “You should tell him. The fact that you are appreciative of his efforts, I mean. I’m sure he would be thankful for that.”
Benedict seemed to give it a thought, but his face never showed any trace of what could be perceived as disagreement. “I will.” He said in a confident tone.
Still a bit doubtful about how to word her next request, Kate decided to test the waters first. “Have you ever considered painting family portraits? Like that one of you with two of your brothers – or the one with three of your sisters.”
“In all honesty, I do not believe I am that good yet. I could try, but I cannot assure the result would meet the expectations.” He sighed deeply. “Why do you ask?”
“I was considering that maybe you could be the one in charge of painting viscount and viscountess Bridgerton’s marriage portrait.”
Benedict’s eyes went wide for several seconds. “I’m honoured you think so highly of me.” He opened his mouth again, but no words came out.
“You do not have to say yes if you feel like it is a lot of responsibility. Just think about it and remember you are the first one we will go to when the time comes.”
“We? What does my brother think of that?”
“Your brother,” Kate smiled kindly. “Is the one who suggested it.”
Benedict blinked. Kate could tell he was flattered. “I was not expecting that. Whether I say yes or no, thank you, Kate. I really do appreciate this.” He stood up and began to slowly walk towards the viscountess. “By the way, now you are here, can I ask you a favour?”
“Oh?” Kate raised her eyebrows. “Do tell me.”
“It is about Eloise.” He started. “I know something has been on her mind for the past months, and she does not want to say a word about it.” Even if Kate hadn’t known Eloise for long, she was observant enough to know something was indeed seeming to bother her. She wanted to ask more than once but didn’t want to sound intrusive.
“You want me to talk to her.” Kate stated rather than asked. She had always liked Eloise; not only they shared similar ideas about society, both of them were also quite direct and opinionated. Ever since Kate moved to the Bridgerton house, they had grown a little closer.
“Basically.” He nodded. “The last time Eloise was hiding something she dragged all of us into a tremendous scandal. And,” He paused. “She is my sister. And I’m inclined to worry if she does not open up to her favourite brother.”
“Colin says he is her favourite brother.”
“Colin still has much to learn.”
The comment made Kate snort. She thought about it briefly, and concluded trying wouldn’t hurt. “I cannot make any promises, but I will try.”
“Thank you.” His face grew happier. “I can see why she likes you that much.”
Kate’s face showed a tiny smile. “I will take that as you admitting you are fond of me as well.”
Remembering to have a talk with Eloise the next day, Kate called it a day and decided it was time to go to bed. Though to her disgrace, not soon after she attempted to fall asleep, the dark clouds she had seen earlier that day became close enough for the thunders to be heard. Kate was unable to remember the exaggerated number of times she tried to disconnect from reality or make her mind think about literally anything which wasn’t the impending storm, but it was futile.
The moment one of the thunders sounded louder than the other ones, Kate stood up and stomped outside of the room with a hand on her chest, instinctively heading to the library. Mainly because she needed a distraction and books could work, but also because in that very same place, Anthony had tried to comfort her during another storm and found the place sort of calming.
Maybe that didn’t make sense to others, it was just a room full of books after all, but Kate couldn’t let go of the memories attached to that place. She had never told Anthony, but Kate wished she would’ve let him comfort her that night. She was still questioning her feelings for the viscount after that day’s events.
When she opened the library’s door, Kate discovered she wasn’t alone there. Trying to sound composed, she looked up at the woman standing in front of her, whose body jumped a little at the sudden sound of the door opening. “Eloise.” Kate said in a low tone.
“Uh,” Eloise seemed to quickly think about a response. “Good evening?”
The awkward tone in Eloise’s voice made Kate chuckle under her breath. “What are you doing here?”
“I am not sleepy so I thought that maybe– wait, are you okay?” She asked when her eyes noticed Kate’s body was shaking a little.
“Yes.” Kate lied. “I am not fond of loud noises when I’m trying to get to sleep. That is all.”
“Oh.” Eloise imagined it was more than that, but didn’t insist. “I will be taking my leave then.”
“Wait.” Kate restrained Eloise by her shoulder when the other woman walked past her. “I,” She hesitated. “I would be grateful to have some company and talk for a bit, if you do not mind.”
“Sure.” Eloise nodded without a doubt. “Is there anything you want to disclose?”
“I suppose you can say that.” Knowing the smartest thing was to carefully approach the topic, Kate let go of Eloise’s shoulder, keeping a short distance between them and speaking in a very soft voice. “I have noticed you have been in a quite noticeable sulky mood during these past months, and wanted to ask if you wish to talk about whatever is troubling you.”
The moment the words hit her ears, Eloise’s lips pressed in a thin line. If she had gathered anything from Kate, it was that the viscountess competed with her when it came to being observant, among other things. Eloise was convinced Kate wouldn’t insist if she said she would rather not reveal the reason of her annoyance, but deep inside, she had been needing to tell it to someone. “Is it that obvious?”
“It sort of is.” Kate gave her a small smile. “I thought you could use some conversation. Though if you desire to be alone, say no more.”
Eloise exhaled deeply. She hadn’t told anyone about her argument with Penelope, even when the events of that day never seemed to leave her mind. These were the type of things she would share with Penelope – and for obvious reasons she certainly wasn’t a viable option anymore. “Actually, that would be much appreciated.”
“Very well then. Go ahead.”
“I had a fight with–” Eloise’s voice seemed to crack for a brief instant. “With a close friend. She hid several pieces of information from me – information concerning me, and basically lied to my face. I do not even know who she is at this point.”
As she paid close attention to the other woman’s words, Kate began to sense a very familiar feeling growing inside her chest, something she had experienced not so long ago. Guilt. What Eloise was describing sounded very similar to what transpired between her and Edwina. She swallowed hard, brushing those painful memories out of her mind.
Even when Anthony had reminded her countless times she wasn’t at fault and didn’t deserve any of that, Kate couldn’t help but still feel terrible about it. With time and Anthony’s support, the memory of that day and every disgrace which came with it became bearable, but sometimes Kate wished its complete disappearance from her mind.
If Kate recalled correctly, Eloise used to spend most of her time in the company of Penelope Featherington. She used to pay several visits to the Bridgerton house every single week – used to being the keywords. It had been a while since Penelope last visited, and that led Kate to believe the Featherington girl could be the reason behind Eloise’s anger. “Do you truly think that person intended to hurt you?”
“I want to believe she did not, but sincerely, I do not know what to think of her now.” Her voice grew equally sadder and bitterer with every word coming out of her mouth. “I have never been so furious in my entire life. Did I even truly know the kind of person she is?”
Oh how much Eloise was reminding her of her own sister. Even if Kate didn’t know for sure if the one Eloise had in mind was indeed Penelope, she could relate to her – she knew the feeling of being the cause of such pain. “I can understand why you would be furious about it.” She paused. “Though perhaps you should consider her position. If you shared a friendship, I am inclined to doubt her intention was to put you through this agony.”
Nothing but silence came from Eloise for almost a minute. “Maybe there is some truth to that.” She said in a low, tired voice. “But I have the right to be angry at what she did.”
“Absolutely.” Said Kate. “You get to be mad for as long as you need to be.”
They didn’t exchange a word for some minutes, hearing the sound of droplets against the window until Eloise broke the ice. “Thank you for listening. I do still harbour anger towards my friend, but still, it helps to try and see it from other perspective.”
Kate gave a small but tender smile in response. She had to admit to herself that maybe, just maybe, her words to Eloise were not only in order to help her but also an attempt to empathise with herself and believe what her husband told her about not deserving to have gone through so much pain because of her sister.
“Could you not tell any of this to my brother?” Eloise requested. “Or anyone for that matter. I would rather keep it between me and you, for now at least.”
“I shall not tell a soul.” Kate assured.
“You know, I usually have these late-night talks outside in the gardens of our London house with my brother. Benedict.” She specified. “Not that I do not appreciate my brother, but it is nice having someone else to talk to. Especially if that person is another sensible woman.”
“Well that is a nice way to compliment a lady.”
Eloise was about to speak when someone interrupted her. “Eloise! Kate!” She recognised her brother Benedict’s voice as the man stepped inside the room. “I knew you would be here.” He eyed Eloise and addressed her in a slightly joking tone. “You managed to drag Kate into your nocturnal readings sessions I see.”
“She did not drag me into anything.” Kate giggled a little. “We happened to run into each other.”
“What’s happened Benedict?” Eloise asked. “You surely were screaming our names for a reason.”
“Ah, right. I actually was mainly looking for you.” His eyes shifted to Kate. “Anthony is here.”
“Anthony?” Kate’s voice raised for a second. “He was supposed to be back in two days, why has he returned?” Not that she wasn’t happy, just surprised.
“I do not have a clue, I have just seen the carriage.” Benedict shrugged. “I figured you would want to greet him and ask him yourself.” Kate walked towards the door, but her eyes moved to Eloise. “I will keep my sister company, worry not.” Benedict assured.
With a little nod, Kate left them behind and stormed towards Aubrey Hall’s main entrance just in time for her husband to walk inside the house, his clothes incredibly soaked due to the heavy rain.
Kate spoke once she was close enough for him to properly hear her. “Anthony, what are you–?” She was cut off the moment her husband took her hands in his.
“Are you alright?” He suddenly asked, his eyes and voice full of concern.
“Why would I not be?” Kate asked in confusion. “Did someone tell you I was unwell, is that why you came back?”
“No.” He shook his head. “It is the storm. I could not simply stay away knowing my wife was having a hard time I was not by her side.”
“You–” Kate gathered her thoughts. “You came back here because you are worried about me being scared of the storm.”
“Yes.” Anthony answered without hesitation. “I could not even function, Kate. I had to come back to you.”
Kate inhaled sharply, her mouth slightly open and her heart beating so fast it almost hurt. This man, her husband, the one who reminded her every day of their life together how enamoured he was with her, had left everything behind just to make sure she wouldn’t be alone during a storm. “Oh, Anthony.” Kate cupped his face, her eyes displaying nothing but love.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, enveloping him in a tight, loving embrace. Anthony’s hands moved to her back and kept her close to him. “I will not leave you until the sky is bright and clear.” Kate nodded against his shoulder, and next thing she knew, Anthony was carrying her bridal style, not letting her go until they reached their room.
Anthony gently left his wife on their bed and disposed of his wet clothes. He was about to lie next to Kate when she stopped him by putting a hand on his chest. “Please put some dry clothes on first. You are already at risk of catching a cold.”
Anthony nodded, knowing she was right, and did as he was told before finally getting under the covers with Kate. Kate rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes as his fingers slowly threaded through her hair. “Do you remember what happened here when your family visited for the first time?” He asked in order to distract her from the storm.
“How could I forget? The bee sting, our first dance, the hunting, that one time your sister caught us in the same room.” Kate’s hand looked for his. “It was the beginning of everything for me. I never hesitated about returning to India until I saw the panic on your face that day.”
Only remembering Kate’s initial plan was leaving London, Anthony couldn’t help but feel a knot in his stomach, even when it was certain that would not happen. “That is probably the scariest I have ever felt in my life.” He held Kate’s hand tighter. “What would my life had been without you.”
“I should not have mentioned that.” Kate reconsidered. “Let us think about something el–” A loud thunder echoed in the sky, causing Kate’s body to shake violently.
Anthony held her closer, one of his hands running up and down her back while he softly whispered words of reassurance in her ear. “Shh, everything is okay, I’m here. I got you.” He kissed her temple. “I will always be here for you.”
Both of them had that night in the library inside their minds. Perhaps that memory was one of the main reasons which caused Anthony to instantly go back to his wife. He couldn’t comfort her that night, and refused to let that happen again. Now they were trying to replace that anguished-filled memory with a pleasant one – the first of the many, many more which were coming.
With her face buried in the crook of his neck, Kate breathed deeply, feeling herself calming down. Probably for the first time in years, storms didn’t sound so scary to Kate. Not with him by her side. “Promise?”
“Promise.”