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Saturday, 22:26
Five more minutes. Five more minutes, and if Natsuo wasn’t back by then, he was done.
Screw him for dragging him to a stupid party he never wanted to go to in the first place and for disappearing in the crowd not even twenty minutes after getting there. What kind of brother does that? Not a good one, for sure.
Touya sighed as he checked the time on his phone for what must be the hundredth time since he got there forty minutes ago.
He was a liar, by the way.
Of course he wasn’t going to leave his baby brother in this crowd of drunk idiots. Natsuo was a really smart kid but inclined to collapse under peer pressure. Touya had learnt this lesson the hard way a few years back. He’d been invited to his first party in college and Natsuo had heard him talking about it. The latter had then proceeded to pester the former every minute of every hour until Touya had snapped and agreed to let him tag along. Mistake number one. Once they’d gotten to the party, Touya had met up with his friends and paid less and less attention to Natsuo as time went by. Mistake number two. A couple hours later, the house suddenly came to life with most of the people there chanting “Jump! Jump! Jump!’. Touya recalled clearly the way he had rolled his eyes at the idea of an idiot on the roof about to jump and try to land in the pool a few feet away. He remembered thinking “let that idiot jump and break his legs”. Mistake number three. Since the curiosity got the best of him after that thought and he leant forward a little, just enough to catch a glimpse of the boy standing on the roof, with the purple shoes and the stupid purple beanie. The idiot had been Natsuo, drunk off his ass, persuaded nothing could go wrong. Touya had never run this fast in all his life. Not even with his father screaming threats behind him had he run this fast. He’d been too late though. Natsuo had jumped. And landed in the pool, perfectly fine, if a little numb and red from the collision with the water at full speed and from such height. To this day, Touya still cringed at the way he’d reacted, stomping outside and bodily dragging his brother out of the pool before pinching his ear and pulling him out of the backyard and into the street, dead set on walking home while yelling at him the entire way.
That was the first time Touya went to a party with Natsuo. The asshole still looked back at this moment with fondness and called it “epic”. Touya mainly remembered the fear of his brother getting hurt, and later on the fear of their father’s reaction when he would inevitably learn of the events that had transpired that night.
Blinking and focusing back on the reality and the present, Touya let his head drop backwards on the kitchen cupboard against which he was leaning. He rolled his head left, then right. There was no one else in the room. Of course there wasn’t. All the food and the alcohol had been brought out to the living room already, there was no reason to be in the kitchen. Unless your name was Todoroki Touya and you were hiding from every human in the area until your brother saw fit to come back and say “let’s go home”. Or until someone brought him said-brother passed out drunk. Whichever came first.
He pulled his phone out of his hoodie again. Why he kept putting it back in his pocket, he had no idea. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do or someone to talk to.
Sometimes he missed the way his life was before. When he wasn’t popular but generally well liked and considered handsome and mysterious enough to have an aura that spelled unapproachable. Nowadays, his aura was more on the “creepy psychopath” side.
“Are you alright?” A voice interrupted his train of thoughts. “Please don’t be passed out or dying, I don’t want to have to call an ambulance because then I’d have to tell my father I threw a party while he wasn’t there.” Touya watched, bewildered, as the dude stopped talking just long enough to take a breath before starting up again. “No, because you see, he already doesn’t trust me that much when I’m on my own so if he knew, I’d be grounded forever and probably would have my phone and TV taken away.” He laughed nervously. “You know how dads are.”
“No, actually.” Touya cut in, taking his chance to finally turn this monologue into a conversation.
“What? What do you mean? Oh shit sorry, do you not have a dad?” The guy started shaking his hands in a defensive gesture, like he never meant to offend. At least, Touya thought so. He couldn’t be sure. The kitchen’s light was still off. He hadn’t bothered turning it on when he’d come in to hide. However, at this instant, he felt a bit regretful. It would have been nice to see who he was talking to. Well. Who was talking to him, more like. “Is he dead or something?”
“Oh no, no. He’s alive and well.” The guy let out a heavy breath, obviously relieved to not have put his foot in his mouth. “It’s just,” Touya continued, “he doesn’t take phones away, he just beats us up.”
“What the fuck!” The guy around his exclamation of outrage.
“Says it’s more effective this way.” Touya shrugged. “Guess he’s right since I never threw a party when he left me alone in the house.” Touya deadpanned.
“Dude, stop. I-” He stopped for a second, obviously at a loss for words. “I don’t know if I should laugh or like, call the cops?”
Touya laughed quietly, feeling more entertained than he had since he got there.
“I’m not passed out or dying.”
“Uh?” The guy replied very, very stupidly.
“You asked.” Touya clarified. “When you came in. So, no, don’t worry, I’m perfectly fine.”
“Oh, that.” He chuckled. “Yeah, I figured as much but thanks for the confirmation.”
Touya watched as the silhouette swayed in the doorway, like he was shifting from foot to foot and looking around. A few seconds passed, the music blaring in the other rooms, dimmed by the distance and the probably closed door between the living room and the dining room. Laughter and screams echoed from the rest of the house periodically. Stomps could be heard from upstairs. The music wasn’t deafening like it usually was during college parties, it was bearable. Truthfully, it was the main reason why Touya hadn’t already gone on a quest to find Natsuo and beg him to just please go home. Not that he would have agreed to this, but-
“So,” The guy started again, “Are you planning on hiding here all night, or..?” He let his words hang in the air.
“Yep,” Touya answered easily.
“Oh,” he hummed. “Okay, then.” Then, he left.
Just, turned heels and fucked back off to where he came from. Touya wasn’t upset. Of course he wasn’t upset that the only person who’d deigned talk to him, left him after a two minutes conversation during which Touya managed to bring up his most awkward side and his abusive father. No, really, great job there, fucking moron. Did he just socially hit a new low? Like, was it even possible to sink lower for Touya who was, one might add, already pretty fucking low. Like the bottom of the sea low.
He groaned, hit his head against the cupboard, not hard enough to hurt. Just, enough to maybe not be such a fucking disaster all the time.
“Are you trying to give yourself a concussion? Because there are easier ways to achieve that, you know.” The same voice as earlier startled him out of his miserable and self-loathing inner monologue. The guy entered the room and walked slowly, even carefully, like he was trying very hard to remain as straight as possible.
“Why are you walking like that?”
“Wow, rude.” He finally reached the spot where Touya was sitting. “There I go, gallantly getting refreshment and only getting mockery in return! How dare!”
Touya stared at him for a second before bursting out laughing. What the hell was this guy? He reached up to wipe away a tear. That had been unexpected. Thank Heavens Touya was still completely sober.
“So?”
“So what?” Touya raised an eyebrow, not following.
“Do you want my 10 easiest ways to concuss yourself easily and with little pain and chances of failure?”
“Uh,” Touya blinked. “Sure.”
“Okay, first off,” He began as he sat down next to Touya. His hair caught the reflection of the light outside the kitchen for a second. Blond. The boy was blond. “Jump off a roof to land in a pool.”
“No way,” Touya couldn’t believe this kind of stupidity was spread out that much. Maybe his brother wasn’t the only idiot in the country. Who could have known?
“I’m serious! I saw it happen a few years ago! Some drunk high school kid tried it before getting dragged away by his brother!”
“Are you fucking serious?” Maybe Natsuo was in fact the only idiot.
“I swear it happened! I even knew the brother! He was in the same university as I was!”
“This can’t be real.” Touya shook his head. “Three years ago, mid-September? Right?”
It was the other guy’s turn to be shocked and straighten up, “how the hell do you know?”
Touya extended a hand toward him, “Hello son of the owner of the house, I’m the guy who almost died jumping from that roof’s big brother, Todoroki Touya.”
“Holy shit,” he swore as he grabbed his hand, “Well, nice to meet you, I’m Takami Keigo.” They shook hands. Then Keigo handed him one of the plastic glasses he had put on the floor between them.
“To wild student nights?”
“Cheers!”
Sunday, 00:41
Touya felt light like he hadn’t in what must have been years.
He was still sitting on the kitchen floor at the random party a random guy had decided to throw. And it turned out the random guy in question was leaning against his side, just as drunk as he was, if not more.
Touya was laughing. Not the usual awkward half chuckle half breath he let out, but a full on belly laugh with tears in the eyes and the bellyache that came with not being able to breathe correctly through your wheezing. Touya had a split second of doubt. Was he too loud? Was he annoying? He searched Keigo’s eyes and felt relief washing over him when he met them. Keigo was so open, still laughing, obviously enjoying his time.
Touya wasn’t in control anymore. He wasn’t in control of himself, of the situation, not even his laugh. That felt alien to someone usually so obsessed with it. He didn’t care, though. He was free, giddy, happy, in a little bubble nothing could burst.
“Touya, we have to go.”
Except his little brother, of course.
He winced when the lights were turned on with absolutely no warning. Keigo put his hand up to shield his eyes while Touya tried his best to glare at Natsuo.
“Don’t act mad, I called your name like four times okay? But you didn’t even notice MrGiggly MacGiggles.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you don’t,” Natsuo denied quickly, not a trace of doubt in his voice. Touya liked that.
“We have to go.”
Touya rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to.” As he said this, he realised how petty and difficult he was being. His brother only wanted to help, he was well aware of that. They had to get home before their father, or there would be Hell to pay. Petty as it was, a part of Touya was glad that for once Natsuo was experiencing the adult side of this conversation. Since they both were really familiar with this conversation, but for the first time Natsuo knew how Touya felt when he had to come and get him out of his beer pong games to drive him home.
“Come on.”
A long suffering groan echoed off the walls, deafening in the relative quiet and peace the kitchen offered. Natsuo approached the two boys still on the floor. Keigo’s legs were stretched out in front of him. He suddenly put more of his weight against Touya’s shoulder causing him to tense slightly. It was like Keigo had suddenly decided to go boneless.
“Don't go,” he whined.
Touya twirled the rings on his fingers mindlessly, a habit that had emerged from his anxiety and that he had never managed to break out of. He had his hood on, hanging low on his face and hiding his face.
“You’re not wearing your mask.” Natsuo sounded so surprised, like that didn’t ever happen.
“Nuh-uh, you’ll find it surprisingly hard to drink through the mask.” Touya teased, receiving an eye roll for his cheek. “Okay, fine, I’m coming.”
Touya rose to his feet, slowly. Anyone would put that on the account of the alcohol and the possible hours spent sitting in the same position without moving. It wasn’t that. Touya, finally fully standing, stretched and bent backwards, his back popping in a satisfying way as he did so. His hood fell off. Leaving his face bare, exposed to the light. Alcohol made him slow. His reactions sluggish. It took him way too long to realise how the hood falling off was a problem. And once the realisation hit, his face showed pure panic, his hands were clumsy as he tried to put his mask back on, his heavy-handedness dooming him to failure. He gave up and just pulled his hood back on, even lower than it used to be.
Unfortunately, it was too late.
“Wow dude, what happened to your face? Did you fall into a fire or something?”
Touya looked like he was slapped. His emotions obvious through his body language. His hurt was visible in the full body flinch that followed the comment. The betrayal in the way he clenched his hands. The way he hung his head screamed his shame to the world.
Natsuo stepped forward, just enough to stand between Touya and Keigo, blocking his brother from the other’s sight. He glared at Keigo while simultaneously grabbing Touya’s upper arm.
“Come on,” He murmured as he jerked his head toward the exit. “Dad will be pissed.”
Touya merely hummed, and pushed back a little against Natsuo’s hold, clearly a sign to start moving. So Natsuo did.
They left, quietly, in a whirlwind of high feelings and words unsaid, while Keigo stood there, stupidly staring at his kitchen’s doorway, uncomprehending.
Wednesday, 15:52
Touya stared at Shoto from his spot on the floor. He was comfortably reclined against the couch, one hand absent-mindedly playing with that stupid fidget toy his therapist had given him a few months back, while the other was toying with his phone, hitting each corner on the floor, one by one, following the rhythm of the TV’s sounds. Tv which no one was even watching but it felt soothing to have some light noise echoing around the too quiet room. Shoto was sitting on the floor, right next to him, his left knee often hitting him in the side. He was hunched over the homework laid in front of him on the coffee table.
Touya was waiting. He smirked as Shoto sighed for what must have been the twentieth time since he’d started working. He watched as his baby brother dropped his pen and groaned, fondness threatening to overwhelm his heart, warming him at his core.
“You okay, Sho?” He whispered.
“Yes.” Another sigh. “No.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“Well,” Shoto dropped all pretence of homework and turned until both his legs were resting lightly against Touya’s right leg. “Here’s the thing.” He drummed his fingers on Touya’s leg, gaze dropping to look at his fingers moving. “You’re not at school.”
“Good job, detective!” Touya mocked.
“Shut it,” Shoto grumbled, “You know what I mean.”
“Yes,” Touya confirmed as he ruffled Shoto’s hair lightly. “What about it?”
“It’s making dad angry at you, again.”
“Oh kid, you know he’s always angry for a reason or another,” Touya shrugged. “That’s the way he is.”
“Yes, but.” Touya looked up. “You like going to school, you always say it’s your daily break from him and your best chance at getting an indefinite break with a degree and your own life away from here. But you’re not going. And Fuyumi is worried. And I am, too. Because you haven’t left the house in four days. And Natsuo looks angry a lot.”
Touya sat up a little straighter, ever careful to not dislodge Shoto’s legs and hands. He breathed in a few times, trying to get his feelings under control. That’s what he got for forgetting his baby brother had grown up. Shoto may have been the youngest but he was still fourteen now. Almost in high school. Already so serious and mature, thanks to their fucked up parents. But, still.
“You shouldn’t think about all this.”
“Don’t patronise me, please.”
“I’m not,” he quickly countered, dropping one of his hands on Shoto’s to prevent him from pulling away. “I just mean, it’s nothing bad. Sort of? You’re not stupid so you must have noticed Natsuo and I sneaking out ? And then next day, Natsuo mad as all Hell and me staying home? Some guy I liked just said something shitty and I didn’t take it well. I just need some time to forget it and move on.” Touya raised a brow. “See? Nothing bad, just some college drama.”
Shoto hummed as he played with Touya’s fingers. Touya smiled gently. He could see the curiosity eating away at Shoto’s composure as he bit his lips, trying to make himself silent.
“Speak.”
A second passed. “What did he say? The guy you like?”
“First of, I don’t like him anymore. He said something shitty.”
“Yeah but what?”
Touya grumbled, “Saw my face then asked what happened to it, and if I fell into a fire or something.”
He had expected sympathy, or maybe the usual guilt Shoto seemed to carry on his shoulders whenever the fire or his face was brought up. What he got instead, was a manic laughter as Shoto broke down, tears in his eyes, holding his belly. The laughter was so clear and bright, so unlike Shoto.
“It’s not funny you little dick!”
“It is!” He said through his laugh. “It really is, though.” Shoto wiped his tears away. “I mean, how on point was that comment? Isn’t it how it went down, basically?”
Touya felt his blood rush to his cheeks. He pushed Shoto away from him. “Shut up,” he said, though there was no heat to it.
Touya laid his head back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling. Shoto followed his example and leaned sideways, letting his head rest on the couch too, but staring straight ahead, straight at his brother.
“You know, no one can give shit about your face, or your arms, or any part of you. No one can. Not me, not strangers, not your friends, not dad. You’re you and you’re a good person and you deserve so much more than what you have. And I know you don’t want to hear it, but thank you, for that day and for everything else. Also,” Shoto added quickly before Touya could speak up, “I know you don’t hear this enough, but you’re good just the way you are. If others can’t see that, they can just jump in a fire and see how well they do after that, eh?”
Shoto saw the tear roll down his brother’s cheek, of course though, he pretended like he hadn’t seen anything. He turned back to his homework and picked up his pen. He hesitated a second, thinking about saying something else but unsure if it would be welcomed. He ultimately decided he didn’t care.
“If you didn’t like that guy anymore,” he murmured, just loud enough for Touya to hear, “then you wouldn’t be so hurt and avoiding the entire world right now.”
Friday, 18:27
“I’m sorry.”
Touya looked up from his computer to the man standing on the other side of the table and couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. There stood Takami Keigo in all his -five feet seven, eternal fuckboy-coat, too big for his face sunglasses- glory. Touya didn’t know if he should ignore him or ignore him. The choice was quickly made for him when Keigo just kept talking:
“I was drunk when I said those things. I swear, man. I would have never said- Well, to be fair, I would have at some point,” his eyes widened on realising what he’d said,” No, but like- I would ask with way more tact than that! I wouldn’t straight up tell you you’re ugly to your face or anything!” Eyes widening again. “Not that you’re ugly! I just meant-”
“Stop talking.” Touya cut in. He shook his head as he looked at Keigo up and down. The latter was near shaking with nerves and guilt. “You’re a fucking mess.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, so you said.” Touya turned back to his computer and closed all his tabs, knowing damn well he wasn’t going to study anymore that afternoon.
“So, uh-”
“Shut up.”
“Okay.”
Keigo stared as Touya packed all his belongings in his bag then rose to feet. He stared as Touya patted his pockets to make sure he had everything he needed, meaning his phone, wallet, and keys. He stared as Touya nodded to himself and started walking away. He stared when Touya stopped abruptly and looked back over his shoulder.
“Are you coming or what?”
Keigo startled.
“You promised me a KFC last time we talked, I haven’t forgotten. Come on, now, we need to talk.”