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This is different, thought Troy as Abed laced their fingers together while they were walking down the poster-littered halls of Greendale Community College.
Abed had been Troy's best friend/right hand man pretty much since the day he came to the school. They were inseparable, wherever Abed went, Troy followed, and vice versa; nothing could keep them away from each other. As they became closer, the boundaries of their friendship expanded with them as they grew. At first, Abed didn't want to be touched unless they were doing their special handshake, now though, Abed would ask Troy to lay over him as if the boy were a weighted blanket. In the beginning, Troy asked Abed to try and be careful as to not interrupt Troy when he was talking (he didn't like the feeling that came with it, the feeling that nothing he said mattered and that no one cared) but now they can start and finish each other's sentences with a simple glance. They had changed, sure, but they were still Troy and Abed.
Troy squeezed his friend's hand with an inquisitive furrow of his eyebrows, why did this feel strange? When he felt Abed subconsciously squeeze his hand back though, he figured it didn't matter.
As they walked into the library and took their respective seats, still talking about some bad movie Abed had stayed up all night watching, Troy noticed their friends staring at them in a confused manner. Abed soon realized it too and cocked his head to the side.
"Why are you all staring at us like we're aliens?" He asked before gasping, a small excited smile overtook his features (Troy definitely didn't think it was the most adorable thing he'd ever seen) "Are we aliens?!"
"No, Abed, you and Troy aren't aliens." Jeff responded, his voice somehow sarcastic and genuine at the same time.
"No, something just seems..off? Do you not feel it?" Britta asked, trying to be subtle about her psychoanalyzing. Spoiler alert: it wasn't very subtle.
Troy's eyes shot wide open, "So it's not just me?" He turned to Abed who had his face scrunched up, he was trying to figure out what everyone else was talking about.
"Abed, sweetie," Shirley started, "Does anything feel different to you? At all?" Her voice was sickeningly sweet to Troy's ears, he'd always thought so. Like she was trying to make the inky poison out to be freshly harvested honey straight from the comb. That was for a different day, though.
There was a confirming silence, Abed hadn't noticed anything off, though Troy hadn't really expected him to.
Annie hummed, grabbing everyone's attention. She pushed a strand of hair out of her face and behind her ear before speaking, "In my ex's favorite show there was a different air surrounding the main characters because one of the characters realized they had feelings for another."
Everyone groaned and she huffed frustratedly. Troy, though, had frozen in place. It was him. He was the reason everything was messed up.
The night before last, as Troy and Abed were getting ready to go to sleep, Troy had noticed his eyes lingering on his best friend and studying his face as if he'd soon forget it. He brushed it off, excusing it as his brain wandering as it did so often. His thoughts toward Abed had become increasingly homosexual and he was trying to find every known excuse from the innermost folds of his brain to try and brush the thoughts off as something else entirely. His old football friends used to tell him he would do anything to stay in denial. Usually they were talking about him not fessing up if it was him that drank the last, clearly labeled forty in their shared fridge or if it was him that ripped so much ass they had to evacuate the classroom. He had since come to terms with the fact he liked Abed in a not so platonic way, and was fine with it.
As he zoned back into the conversation they were arguing amongst themselves, Abed, though, was staring at Troy with that stupid concerned look on his face that made Troy fall for him in the first place.
"Okay!" Jeff exclaimed, "Let's rule out who it can't be. Is that okay?"
The rest of the group, now quiet, nodded hesitantly. Jeff took a breath and nodded again, this time to himself. "Okay. So, It's not Shirley on account of marriage and kids and all. And it can't be Annie because of the whole lesbian thing and also she definitely doesn't have a crush Britta"
Britta went to argue but Jeff shut her down.
"And it's not Troy and Abed because they're dating. Well it's not me-"
"Wait what?! Me and Abed aren't together!" Troy exclaimed, his eyes blown wide open and his posture straight and stiff.
"You aren't?" The rest of the group said in unison.
Troy doesn't think he's ever felt this embarrassed in his life. Not that there was anything embarrassing about potentially being romantically involved with Abed! It was just that they had totally caught him off guard and he thought he was keeping his feelings on the DL and apparently he wasn't and oh god he needs to stop thinking-
"No! We aren't! Here, raise your hand if you thought me and Abed were dating." Troy demanded, his cheeks burning in anticipation. He watched as his friend's instantly put their hands in the air, then watched as Abed hesitantly raised his as well. Troy was taken aback. Even Abed, the other party in this debate, had thought there was something between them. That's what was wrong this morning! The feeling was mutual! He felt happy and then his mood deflated into something more childish. He sank back into his seat with a pout.
"Aww man! We've been dating this whole time and I never knew? I could've been, like, kissing you on the forehead and sappy stuff like that!"
"You already do that." Annie and Abed said.
"Shhh! I was doing it a different way! Like a 'you're my best friend and I like you but am too scared to say something so I'm gonna play this off as no homo' type of way! It didn't count!"
"Your only problem with this whole situation is that you could've been doing things you're already doing..in a more romantic way?" Britta asked.
Troy buried his face into his hands in embarrassment.
"Wait so" Abed said, causing Troy to look up, "All those times we did our handshake while staring into each other's eyes, like, really intensely..that wasn't like a mouth kiss to you?"
Troy's face, if not already burning, was 10 times hotter now. "No?! Well, yes but no!"
"Mouth kisses? Why not just say kisses?" Jeff asked, his voice incredulous.
"Because you guys, or just neurotypicals in general I guess, kiss on the mouth to show affection. I don't like kissing on the mouth, it makes my body feel like it's full of spikes and they're stabbing me from the inside out, so I say mouth kisses because I mean the same level of affection that you would put into that, not like cheek or forehead or nose kisses."
Everyone stared at him in confusion or concern but Troy just nodded, understanding and storing the information in his head. Then he shook his head rapidly, "But why did you think we were dating?"
Everyone muttered in agreement, wondering the same thing.
"Oh that was just me misreading things again, I think. Like how in the mornings when Annie makes pancakes and you always wait for me to finish and be full before you eat. Or how whenever either of us have nightmares or are sad we sleep in the same bed; when you have that thing in your eyes when you look at me. It's like this weird fondness that reminds me of Carl and Ellie from Up. How you fall asleep on my shoulder during movie nights and never question anything that I do or say that other people say is weird. You're always the first person to comfort me or take me away from a situation that's harmful to me in any way, no matter how much you would've liked to stay. Or how you told me you loved me last night in your sleep."
Chaos erupted at that last statement, their friends shouted over each other in astonished fits of mania. But Troy just kinda sat there in silence, reflecting on just how stupid he really is. How could he have missed the signs, he'd been in plenty of relationships! Even if he was never happy in them…but he'd seen movies! He should've known!
His head was swarmed with dark clouds, each new thought berating him and his blind ignorance. He felt a hand on his own pulling him up from his chair and leading him into the hallway.
Abed sat them both on the floor behind the library, the chaotic screams of their friends served as their soundtrack.
"I'm sorry, Abed. I've been so stupid."
There was a quiet moment before Abed spoke, his voice calm and quiet, soothing his self deprecating friend, "You don't have to be sorry though. Just like how you're more inept socially, I'm better at picking up stuff that I've seen in movies. I just so happen to enjoy certain romance movies to know when I'm being hit on or when someone has feelings for me."
Troy leaned his head on Abed's shoulder, a small grin gracing his lips, "You're awful. How dare you be so likeable."
Troy felt the vibration of Abed's voice as he chuckled. Troy joined him and soon enough they were laugh-crying and leaning into each other as if their life depended on it. Troy leaned his forehead against Abed's and closed his eyes, trying to bask in the bliss of being loved and loving back. When Troy pulled away from Abed it was only to place a featherlight kiss on the tip of his nose. "Do you wanna be mutual boyfriends this time?"
Abed's face grew dark in color as he nodded and jumped to wrap his arms around Troy as soon as he initiated the hug.
This is different, Troy thought. But this time it was okay.