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Gou felt almost floaty as he congratulated Tokio on his win. Everything except his eyes and his throat felt like they were rising up above him.
Satoshi had said he’d felt floaty when he’d met him after his win against Raihan. But when Satoshi had said that, his smile was wider than ever and he’d hugged Satoshi tighter than he ever had as they walked to the train station, practically shaking. Gou had actually ended up running to get him the most sugary drink he could find, asking Cinderace to watch him.
Gou was fairly certain how he felt was different. Though he supposed he wanted a hug. He waited until the drone’s camera stopped broadcasting. The little red light shut off and he let his face settle into whatever expression it wanted. He didn’t breathe until he couldn’t hear Tokio’s footsteps. He didn’t want to sully his friend’s victory just because he was a bratty sore loser. His eyes felt heavy. It felt like there was a rock in his throat.
He remembered Satoshi’s loss streak. He didn’t act like this. But Satoshi and Gou were different. Vastly different, an ocean away from each other and no matter how much Gou reached for that light that peeked out from above the water he’d never reach it, never be able to face it.
He didn’t have his other Pokemon with him. He was only allowed to take Inteleon with him and the chameleon needed rest, he’d worked so hard today. Gou had let him down but he still wanted his company, especially right then as he felt hot frustrated tears fall from his eyes without his permission.
Before he knew it, ten minutes had passed. He grunted as he rubbed frustratedly at his eyes. His face felt hot, and he felt less like he was going to float away or kick a wall. He wanted the company of his Pokemon but they were with Satoshi.
He started to walk up the steel staircase, his steps echoing throughout the cavern.
He wanted Satoshi.
He felt that familiar burn in his eyes again.
He walked faster. If he didn’t hurry, Satoshi would worry. Satoshi had been really happy ever since his win. He’d been happy before but this was different. It was like looking into the sun. Gou might even say his general happiness had been increasing ever since they first met. He couldn’t ruin that. He wanted his friends to be happy. He wanted Satoshi to be happy. He didn’t want to ruin that. He didn’t want to let him down. He didn’t want him to be disappointed.
Gou knew he was spiraling hard and he didn’t understand why. He knew there was a big chance of him losing against Tokio. No matter how his words had sounded, he didn’t think lowly of the other challengers, he just needed to catch up to Gary. Gou felt like he’d started years late and every time he took a step forward there was a new wall to climb.
The light almost blinded him as he made his way out of the ruined ship. He felt Satoshi’s eyes on him immediately, brown and worried and Gou couldn’t meet that look. He smiled briefly, hoping to reassure both Satoshi and Tokio. But he couldn’t hold it and let it fall as soon as Tokio was announced winner.
Satoshi stood close, closer than he normally did and he was normally pretty close. Gou pretended not to feel Satoshi’s fingers against his wrist and pretended he didn’t want to reach for him.
By the time they were back on Wailmer Gou was shaking.
“Gou?” Satoshi’s voice was soft and gentle, like when he sang to Pikachu, “Do you want your Pokemon?”
Gou shook his head, feeling robotic, “No. Can you hold on to them until we get home? I want to talk to them with Inteleon, but he needs to rest.”
“Okay,” Satoshi’s voice sent a shiver through Gou and Satoshi noticed. Pikachu noticed too and hopped off Satoshi’s lap to talk with Wailmer, brushing his tail against Gou as he passed.
Satoshi took a deep breath that Gou heard, his eyes firmly fixed on his hands in his lap. Gou isn’t sure how long he sat there as they floated through the ocean, staring at his hands, but he realized he wanted to say something.
“Satoshi, I forgot to thank you for coming along with me. You didn’t have to and you couldn’t even go in with me this time so-”
Satoshi covered his hands with his own, murmuring his name.
“So thank…thank you…” Somewhere between the first, second, and third ‘thanks’ Gou had started crying again.
Gou tried to pull a hand away from Satoshi’s but his grip was tight, and on the back of a Wailmer was not a place to Struggle. Gou heard Satoshi mutter what he thought was a curse but his friend never did that. Gou’s hands felt like they were burning where Satoshi touched them, even more than his cheeks were in embarrassment.
“Gou. Cmon, look at me. I’ll always be here for you remember? You don’t have to thank me like this. What’s wrong? You were amazing today! And you made it to the next part of the selection!”
Gou tried to say something, anything, but he just shook, still trying to pull his hands from Satoshi’s. All he could get out was Satoshi’s name and a pathetic whine, a sound he’d never heard himself make before, and Gou was truly going to dump himself off of Wailer, into the ocean and hopefully drown.
His head was still down so he missed Satoshi’s ears going red at the sound of his name, all he felt was Satoshi finally releasing his hands and as he pulled back to himself, trying to finally get control, Satoshi’s arms were around him.
It’s not like they hadn’t hugged before. But whenever they’d hugged it was in excitement or to protect each other from some danger rushing towards them, or in shock. It was never like this, never this soft, for comfort, to soothe.
Gou gave up and let go. He was all floaty again but he didn’t have to care because Satoshi was there holding him.
When he felt real again he wiggled his arms out from between them and gently touched Satoshi’s arms.
“Sorry.”
Satoshi shook his head, his hair brushing Gou’s cheek. Gou hadn’t ever been this close to someone else before. It was scary and nice.
“It’s okay,” Gou wondered why Satoshi’s voice sounded so rough, just like his own, “Are you feeling any better?”
Gou wasn’t sure.
“I dunno. I don’t know why I’m being so dramatic about this.” He laughed but it came out weak and fell flat.
“You’re not being dramatic,” Satoshi’s gentleness continued as he put a little space between them. Gou looked at him this time. Why were his eyes wet?
“I’m worthless. I always let everyone down. I feel like I’m never going to get any better.”
“Better at what? Battling? You have gotten better. You’ve been a great trainer. You’ve been amazing friends with your Pokemon. You’ve been making friends. You’re the most supportive friend I’ve ever had. You’ve been here for me every step of the way during the Championships!” Satoshi’s words were starting to pick up speed and Gou didn’t manage to resist the urge to cover his face with one hand. He was going to keep talking. Usually when Satoshi did this, it was about Pokemon or a battle strategy or anything but him.
“Please, that’s enough!”
Satoshi was pouting as he pulled Gou’s hand away from his face.
“You’re not worthless, you’ve never let me down.”
Gou shifted restlessly, unsure how to escape Satoshi’s suddenly piercing gaze, “Okay! Fine! Thank you-”
“I’m gonna hug you again.”
And to Satoshi’s credit, he did what he said.
Gou didn’t say anything when he hugged him back, burying his face in his shoulder.
When they got back home, and Inteleon is double checked for injuries, Gou goes out to the park to talk to his Pokemon.
He tries to but they all give him an exasperated look before hugging him, the larger one’s petting him on the head, some bringing him berries. Essentially they didn’t give him a chance to utter a single apology and Satoshi looked rather proud. Pikachu, after one look at his trainer, just looked tired and wandered off to find Koharu.
Eventually the Pokemon usher Gou back inside, once he’s sure Inteleon isn’t upset, or blaming himself.
Gou’s eyes are drooping in exhaustion by the time Lucario and Cinderace shove him into the bedroom. He’s glad he’d already showered off the stench of the damp paths he’d wandered and the sea.
He paused before climbing into his bed. He looked at Cinderace who shrugged. Lucario stared at his trainer, let out a confused little growl and then left .
The wolf left and had the nerve to take Cinderace with him. Cinderace let him drag him away.
Traitors. What was he supposed to do with Satoshi curled up in his bed? He’d even taken all of the blankets off of his own bed so Gou couldn’t go sleep there.
Well. Not like they haven’t bunked together before.
He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, trying not to wake the other before suddenly he was pulled down.
Satoshi didn’t say a word as he dragged the blankets over them and Pikachu hopped onto his cot near the windowsill.
Gou drifted, his mind racing. He was still upset but it wasn’t like before, he knew he’d tried his hardest, he knew he would get better and so would everyone else, and he knew he wasn’t alone, that others would still be there even if he failed. Even if he didn’t get to be a part of Project Mew, there were other ways.
“Gou. Sleep,” Satoshi muttered into the pillow.
“Trying,” Gou breathed out, “I’m not used to this.”
“Well,” and Satoshi’s voice sounded a little high, a little off, “Get used to it. I’m not going anywhere.”
And all at once the sun was there, he could feel its warmth with his fingertips.
“Okay.”