Work Text:
/ᐠ - ˕ -マ Ⳋ
Yoongi is in his studio, it’s a quiet early morning, or a late late night if you will. his window is propped open, letting in the soft breeze of the cold weather. He’s a fan of this type of weather, when there is a soft cold breeze blowing. It allows his sweater to not seem to warm or the scarf to be so useless. But anyways,
He’s in his studio. It smells vaguely of paint, most of already dispursted from the wind that travels through the room. A large canvas is taking up majority of the space, not enough for the room to be unusable, but enough for it to start seeming snug and stuffy. The painting itself is standing on an easel, that’s been lowered so it’d fit, showing it’s self proudly to anyone who comes in the studio space. It reminds him of the sea, deep deep sea, the type of sea he likes. Because in the deeper parts of the sea you’re unable to see the waves or the ripples in the water, they mostly go unnoticed. the ripples and waves don’t disturb or pry for attention, they happen and then they’re going, quickly forgotten about. He likes that, finds comfort in it. But he likes that even in the deeper parts of the sea, there always seems to be a light. A light that can help out, show a way out, that can be like a deep breath from the surrounding darkness.
A comforting warmth spreads through Yoongi’s chest, fingertips tingling. Reminds him of him. The painting itself is somewhat unfinished, like something is missing, like the piece won’t ever feel complete without it. It’s making Yoongi’s hands itch, but he knows better than to pick up the brush again. So he goes for the next best thing, the cold coffee. The cold mug, sweating from all the melted ice, is near the cup of water that the brushes are standing in. As he’s moving towards it, a thought drifts by in his head, that he roughly remember almost misusing the mug filled with coffee as the cup meant to clean his brushes, but he can’t remember if actually did end up misusing it or not.
Either way he doesn’t mind. The coffee is bitter on his tongue, sending a slight shiver, but he likes it. Likes that the coffee is bitter enough to help him snap out of his drowning thoughts, or that it’s effective enough to calm him down, allow him to feel as if he’s adrift at sea. Like the feeling of an iced americano on an empty stomach in the early mornings, calming almost soothing everything within him. Like he’s able to escape some of the dead ends of a labyrinth before he inevitably gets stuck again. Like he’s able to get through some of the darker patches of the deep sea, where somehow the waves and ripples feel stronger, more suffocating than the surface. The bitterness helps. The caffeine doesn’t harm either.
The thing is, painting helps. coffee helps. the soft cold breeze helps. the vague smell of paint and coffee that never seems to ever leave his studio anymore helps.
It calms the roughness of everything that he feels he can’t control. Like one misstep will cause everything to crash down, break apart without thinking once of what the younger him had put in to build it all. It scares him, not knowing the things that are bound to happen. The anxiety builds up like a tide that picks up and causes everything within its fingertips to feel like it will crash and break. That buildup that is unpredictable, unknowing whether it will continue building up and whether it will end up causing the significant burden that will crash anything and everything possible that he oh so fears.
But, that’s what that corner in the studio is for, that’s what the paints and brushes and the canvas that all litter the studio space are for. To help ease the build up, to help ease the impact that it will cause, that maybe it will help let the deep sea stay as calm as it always does. And that’s also why his shelf is always stocked with bitter coffee and tasteless ice, why he gifted himself the coffee machine that stands in the corner with the easel. Because it also calms the unpreventable tidal crashes, allows them to be calmer.
Yoongi is content with his studio where he can put all his feelings into and be able to come out not feeling as if he’s about to drown. Yoongi is content with allowing coffee and painting to be his life buoy, or life jacket. Either or really.