Chapter Text
Joel couldn't sleep.
This wasn't unusual. Insomnia was quickly becoming a constant companion of his and nothing he did would let him have one single night of rest.
So while his parents' house was silent, he would write music and lyrics, some nights sneaking out and going to the park with his guitar so he could play without waking anyone.
But while Joel's mind would usually circle a thousand topics, the last few days has all been the same.
He has soulmates at school.
Not just one, but three.
He didn't hide his soulmark, fuck anyone at that school that gave him a hard time. He didn't choose to have five soulmates, or to be the oldest of all of them, but until he was older this was the closest he had to ink on his arm and he was going to keep wearing his sleeveless vests and tshirts proudly.
He had never figured to find one at school, had received nothing but nasty comments from his fellow students, most of them seemed to hate him.
Until Joonas.
Joonas, who had walked up to him without a hint of doubt and said they should be friends.
Joonas, who had talked with him about everything, encouraged his singing and guitar playing.
Joonas, who delt with his some of his moods and didn't get frustrated with him like everyone else.
Joonas, who had pulled him aside after getting to know him and made him look at his arm, comparing their marks.
"It's not just us" Joonas had told him, "Tommi and Olli have them too, so that's four of us" He had smiled wide at Joel like it was the best thing in the world.
And it should have been, right?
But soulmates... That was heavy stuff, permanent stuff. And Joel wasnt sure how to react.
They had been talking about forming a band, their former ones each folding recently, and he been excited for it, but now he was questioning everything.
Did he really want a band with them? Or did he just want to be around his soulmates on some weird primal level?
Joel sighed and slipped out of bed and into some clothes. He needed fresh air, needed to get away from his thoughts.
He eyed his guitar for a moment, but he decided a walk would do him good.
The park was nice at night, quiet and empty, the moonlight bathing everything in it's pale glow.
Joel sat on a bench and pulled out his phone, scrolling through social media mindlessly.
He wasn't paying attention to what he was doing until his phone buzzed, indicating he had a message:
Joonas: can't sleep?
Joel: nope.
Joonas: wanna talk? If it won't wake up your parents.
Joel: not at home right now, needed air.
Joonas: park?
Joel: yeah.
Joonas: be there in ten.
Joel stared at the message, then looked at the time, 2:32. He cursed himself, he didn't want Joonas to get in trouble sneaking out because he couldn't get his head straight.
The thought made all of his earlier worries crash back on to him and he felt his breathing increase.
Was he even good enough?
He had never been able to keep his previous bands together, and as much as he always would try to deny that it was his fault, he knew a large contributing factor was always his attitude, his insecurities that would play on him, resulting in him being an asshole to everybody else.
He curled up on the park bench, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.
What if he did the same thing to Joonas, Tommi, and Olli? What if they decided they couldn't stand him like so many others had? What would that mean for them as soulmates? Would they ignore him? Forget that he was the wolf at the top of their arms? What would that mean when they found the other two?
Joel felt his heart beating out of his chest, his breathing matching the rhythm, his mind in a spiraling chaos. He didn't want to lose them, didn't want to lose any more friends.
Maybe if he learned to be calmer, not take things so personally... If he politely said he didn't want to form a band right now, put a little bit of distance now, maybe they wouldn't see that side of him and he could keep them.
"Joel?" He felt a warm hand on his shoulder.
His head snapped up from where it had been on his knees to meet Joonas's concerned look.
"What's wrong?" He asked, kneeling next to him on the bench.
Joel tried to say something back, but couldn't make his mouth work, could do nothing but stare at his soulmate with wide eyes, his breaths being torn from his chest.
Joonas watched him for a moment before grabbing one of his hands in both of his.
"it's ok Joel." He assured him in a soothing voice. "Whatever it is, will be alright. I'm going to count and I want you to breathe in ok? Focus on my voice."
After several rounds of Joonas counting to five and having him inhale, he was finally happy with Joel's progress, starting to have him do it as he exhaled as well.
When Joel had finally calmed down, Joonas wiped at the tears he hadn't even realized had cut tracks down his cheeks.
"Can you tell me what happened?" He asked, his voice still soft.
Joel told him everything, his worry over forming a band with them if it didn't work, that they would grow tired of his attitude and he would drive them away.
That they wouldn't want him around.
Joonas listened to him silently, let him pour his heart out, before responding.
"Joel," he sighed when he had fallen silent. "Do you think I haven't already seen all that with you?"
Joel looked over at him, fear rising up in him.
"I don't care about your attitude, as you put it, you're passionate about the things you care about, good or bad. You would get frustrated when your band wasn't doing well because you believed in it so much. You're talented and you just need the right group around for you to thrive, wolves are pack animals ya know."
Joonas hadn't let go of Joel's hand since he had taken it when he first got there and now gave it a little squeeze.
"And as for potentially driving us away... You're not getting rid of me if you tried. Olli and Tommi too, you're our soulmate and we will handle whatever you throw at us because you are already important to us."
Joonas looked at him earnestly, "believe in us, and yourself. This band is going to be amazing and one day we'll be on top."
Joel felt tears creeping up on him again and swallowed hard, trying to keep them at bay. He pulled Joonas into a tight hug, which was quickly returned.
"I'm not always comfortable singing by myself on stage," he admitted.
Joonas pulled back, "I can sing backing. Or we could always get a second singer, that would free you up to play guitar more too if you'd like."
Joel smiled at him. "Let's talk about it with Olli and Tommi tomorrow? At lunch?"
Joonas beamed.
Joel looked at his phone and groaned when he saw the time, "we should head home, school starts in a few hours."
With another quick hug they departed, Joel sneaking back home with ease and laying down, not bothering to strip so he wouldn't have to dress for school.
His phone buzzed.
Joonas: back in bed, no one saw me.
Joel: same, talk at school. Good night, fox.
He bit his lip for a moment, not sure if Joonas would like being called by his animal in the soulmark.
Joonas: sleep tight, wolfie. :)
Joel smiled at the message until he drifted off into a blissful deep sleep.