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Why do I keep doing this to myself? You thought, glancing over to your couch to see the most gorgeous archangel you had ever laid eyes upon. Maybe he was just cute the first time, and then as time went on, cute turned to handsome. Handsome turned to charming, with a bouquet of flowers and a sweet tooth. As charming went on, soon he had become a gorgeous pain in your ass. It was not that you did not enjoy his presence - you always seemed to - but it always ended in aching more. You always managed to get hurt again and again. Half the time it was you, while the other half of the time it was him. The two of you never acted like you were apart once the two of you had gotten back together, but it always ended in heartbreak. You cursed this knowledge, cursed the fact that you weren’t sure how many more times you could let your heart shatter in your chest. Swallowing thickly, you tried to brush that from your mind.
You joined the charming archangel on the couch, sinking into his arms as he flicked on Netflix. He put on a horror movie for the two of you to laugh at, though he knew you would jump for the jump scares regardless of how silly the movie actually was compared to your real life. While the movie began, your y/e/c eyes flickered over to his whiskey colored ones. They were always so stunning that you could practically get lost in them.
You and Gabe… you knew you worked when you were together , but fuck if you couldn’t curse those times you weren’t, curse those times that you remembered being a hunter meant every monster would try and use your lover against you. His brother, the youngest, Lucifer… Hell if you didn’t regret those times. For a little while, surely you could dissolve into your lover, pretend the world was normal and it was just you and him. It hadn’t been normal, though, and as a hunter, you knew you shouldn’t have fallen in love to begin with. You had, though, and each time he walked back into your life, you’d fall again and again.
As you sat upon the couch with him, you thought about each and every time that the two of you had split up. The first time was due to the realization that either of you could be used against the other. You were simply a human hunter, while he was a powerful archangel. He never wanted to see you hurt, and you would never want him put in harm's way. Knowing that, the two of you had split after a heated argument, and you were crying for months.
You did not know how he felt during that first split, but after almost a year, Gabriel had come back to you. He had trapped you in a television world, on a romantic comedy, and tried to woo you. The whole mystical trick world he placed you in was like an episode of I Love Lucy, and it was absolutely cheesy. At that time, you had fallen for it right away.
The second time had been Lucifer, and you could understand why he wanted to protect you from him. You knew that Lucifer was strong, and likely would have captured you to get at his brother. For that matter, for a brief time Lucifer had captured you, until the Winchesters had saved you. When he had faked his death, it was merely a month later that he had come back into your apartment, showing up in a tux with your favorite flowers in his hand, and large puppy eyes.
The third time you two had split, it was because Asmodeus had attempted to kill you for saving Gabriel. That time, the two of you had gotten into a heated argument about your safety versus the love the two of you had. He had lied to you, telling you that he had no love for you, and the two of you had split once again. When the two of you met once again, his grace low, he had asked for the Winchester's help for his revenge in exchange for helping with the apocalypse world. As the two of you worked together, you had become romantically involved once again.
When the two of you were leaving apocalypse world, he had feigned his death once again to allow everyone's escape from Michael. As you thought he was actually dead, once again, you cried over him until he came back to your doorstep once more. As you sat there watching the movie with him, entangled in his arms, you wondered why you let him in the door, but at the same time you felt at peace.
"Just look at that cheap CGI!" He said with a chuckle, popping a piece of candy in his mouth.
You could not help but laugh as well, seeing how fake the movie truly looked. As the movie continued on, though, the killer had been paired with a loud crash as he chopped a table in half. The noise had caused you to jump directly into Gabriel's lap, causing him to chuckle, squeezing his arms around you. "Oh, sugar, if you wanted to sit on my lap, you could have just said something," he teased, giving you a kiss on your cheek.
You curled into his lap, as if those times that the two of you had broken up hadn't happened. He nuzzled into your shoulder, causing blush to rise in your cheeks. "I can't help the fact that you're comfy," you cooed softly, before the two of you had gotten back into the movie.
The next jump scare that happened caused you to bury your face into his chest. He laughed at your actions, stroking your hair gently as your face was buried, causing you to hum softly. This time, the two of you had not gotten back into the movie right away, as his voice became hushed, asking, "Do you still love me?"
It was a tough question, and you had unburied your face from his chest, staring up into his whiskey eyes with your own y/e/c eyes. Biting your lip nervously, you glanced away, conflicted by your answer. If you told him the truth, would you be on the road to heartbreak once more?
Sucking in a shaky breath, you finally asked, "Are you going to break my heart again?"
Your question was simple and sincere, and yet his brows furrowed as he stared at you. There was a little something in those whiskey eyes that flashed in them, pulling on your heart. "I never wanted to break your heart," he murmured softly. "You don't know how much it hurt me too."
You frowned, nodding. "I know, Gabe," you replied, barely above a whisper. Part of you wanted to just cry, staring up into those whiskey eyes of his. That whiskey colored gaze met yours the first time that he told you that he loved you, and yet, it was the same locked gaze that told you goodbye. "I...I can't keep losing you, though. Of course I still love you, but can we really do this?"
His voice was almost weak as he replied to you, one hand moving to cup your chin gently. "Sugar…" he started, his voice breaking as he started. "...you know I need you. Each time we've split, it breaks me, too. I miss you every second."
Letting out a deep sigh, you bit your lip, questioning what you really wanted by this point. "If you break my heart again, Gabe, I don't know if I'll be able to take it," you whispered, your own voice breaking as you spoke. "It seems like every time the world's on fire, we just feed the flames with another goodbye."
"I'm done running," he said softly, his tone stronger than the last. "If you'll have me, I want to stay."
Despite your better judgment, the worries and concerns of each and every time he came running back to you, you moved to press your lips against his own. As you did, you could feel a few stray tears slip from your closed eyes. No matter how concerned you were that your archangel would leave once more, you knew you loved the blond, whiskey eyed angel that held you in his arms. Just maybe, your heart wouldn’t break again.