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“Alright what’s up everyone? We’re back with our playthrough of… Elden Ring. I’m obviously Blackbeard the pirate -check the… well more salt and pepper beard now but it was black at some point. To video game companies: I do not, in fact, pirate my games, I buy them like everyone else. Trust me, my sponsors wouldn’t want it anyway other way.”
Ed took a sip of the water next to him before continuing, simultaneously getting his bearings in the game. “Sorry for postponing this week’s stream. It was my anniversary yesterday and I was obviously going to celebrate. That’s right everyone, just a little reminder that I’m a taken man; sorry to all the dreamers out there.”
He checked the chat and roved over the emojis before landing on someone’s question.
kiddnotagoat: How did you celebrate?
“How’d we celebrate? Well in the morning we did the boring adult things: paid our bills, did some chores, took the dog out. Afternoon we went to this local theater production of Much Ado About Nothing. Acting was pretty good, actually. Then we got home where I made us some grilled fish with lemon asparagus and roasted green peppers.”
jj1849: Delicious
here4acnotdc: That sounds so good!
wlwm2007: You should be a chef
“Don’t even type that phrase. My partner is still up, any thought of a career change leads to a thirty minute conversation about reaching for my dream, starting a bar, blah blah. Honestly, it would be nice and I do like cooking, but for now I like doing this a little more.”
Ed continued switching between checking his stats and the map, planning his route and figuring out what he should level up next.
“Alright, I think we’ll get started. If you don’t remember last time, we defeated reject Frankenstein and we’re going for some side quests now if we can find em.”
—
“Hello my dears,” Stede said, smiling brightly at the screen. There were about 30 people watching him and he was quite pleased with that number. Granted, almost half of them watching were his friends, but there were strangers who had popped by, a few even becoming regulars!
“Right! We’ll get started shortly and tackle upgrading the wardrobe, I think. How was everyone’s weekend?”
A few people gave small updates in the chat, Stede ooh-ing and asking questions as he read them. “Oh, knitting with your grandma, that’s lovely! What color is the blanket?”
He turned back to his game and his smile faltered as he took note of the amount of bells he had. “Oh drat, I thought I had more. Hmm, any suggestions for getting bells?”
A few people responded, but he laughed as he read Lucius’s response:
Isn’t this one of the marital duties your husband should perform
“I’m not sure this counts as ‘marital duties’ but I’ll text him to ask. He might be busy, but I can switch to- oh, never mind he just sent a text saying he’ll pop by now.”
He rolled his eyes as he read the next text. “He is requiring kisses as compensation to the damage done to his animal crossing bank account.”
notafrenchmenbutstillfrenchie: harsh, but fair
luckylu18: So he’s stopping by tonight?
“Oh I don’t think so, Lucius. He hasn’t been able to for some time because of work.”
luckylu18: but it’s a good excuse to see you
dreadpirateblackpete: he wouldn’t drop by just for that
weejohnofthewoods: nah he probably would
Stede ignored the argument in favor of greeting Ed on his island and doing various reactions.
“Okay, we have the bells!” He declared a few moments later as he made his way to the shop. “Now, we’ll update our outfits and-”
“Stede, I’ve come to collect my payment,” Ed announced as he barged through the door. He immediately made his way to Stede, leaning down to start pressing kisses all over his face.
“Good lord, Ed,” Stede groaned in annoyance, though he couldn’t hide his smile and turned to peck his husband on the lips. Ed grinned back at him, stealing one last lingering kiss before turning towards Stede’s screen, taking note of their viewers.
“Alright, who lost the bet? I can see what you wrote in the chat”
jimothyjiminez420: hand emoji
swedishfisherman: yeah
oluwandewastakn: :(
“Ha! Suckers! As if I wouldn’t take the chance to see my husband in action.”
“Ed, really, you have been quite busy.”
“I’m never too busy for you, darling.”
The two kept going back and forth as a handful of the viewers on the chat reeled back from Ed’s abrupt entrance.
here4acnotdc: …ok so am i the only 1 freaking out that blackbeard is stedes husband?
like we all saw that right? i’m not hallucinating?
VIPINSPACE: no girl im right there with you
I saw it too
Some of the crew filled them in and let them know, yes Blackbeard was Stede’s husband, yes they know it seems weird, 7 years last month. Stede was heard in the background chastising his husband with quickly declining gusto as Edward continued to outrageously flirt with him with increasingly cheesy pick up lines.
—
“You’ve made a stir in whiteboy gamer circles I’m sorry to say,” Lucius said as he showed an article to Ed on his phone.
Twitch Streamer Blackbeard Outed as Gay. RE Village speedrunner finalist makes visit to husband’s Animal Crossing stream.
“Well now, this is some shoddy journalism,” Ed stated, wincing as he read the article. It wasn’t too bad, much less worse than what he was expecting from a small gaming news platform founded by incel Redditors. The grammar and syntax definitely needed some serious editing though. He smiled when he saw quite a few comments blasting the author and platform for the article.
He leaned away from the screen to stretch, scratching the back of his head and yawning. “So, what do you reckon I should do?”
Lucius tittered, considering, before saying, “Well, you are a big deal on twitch, but I don’t think that big of a deal that it’ll make people ask questions and want interviews. So… do whatever you want?”
—
“Alright everyone, welcome back to our playthrough of… Elden Ring. Now before we begin, I’m sure you’ve heard the buzzing about my husband. Yes, I am married to a man, not sure why that’s so interesting. Some quick answers to some questions I’ve seen going around: No, I haven’t been married before, Stede is my first, and only, spouse. Yes, my mother is aware that I’m married to a man, she was literally at our wedding. And 7 years last month. Where was I last time?”
Ed broke off topic to check his stats and surroundings more carefully. “Oh that’s right, I decided to try and beat Malenia again. Man, she really is going to take me forever. This whole episode will probably just be me dying, trying to get some sort of progress. Although, I did read what weapon is most effective against her somewhere on the Internet, I think it was Polygon, so I think I’ll give that a go. Hopefully I won’t actually die too many times, it’s getting to be sad.”
He started wandering towards the boss entrance and said, “Oh, and no, Stede doesn’t play most of the games I play. He gets terrified easily and hates the game play. His favorite game is Animal Crossing. He can’t even do Legend of Zelda, really, except Breath of the Wild, because we started him off with Ocarina of Time and he got sad. Someone, I think our friend Frenchie, mentioned to him the sequel is about the end of their world and how children die in it, like the cow girl and her sister, and now he’s sworn off the series. Petting dogs was how we got him to do BOTW. It also got him sad, but at least it was a good sad. Honestly, I’m fine with not playing the same games, doesn’t really bother me. A lot of you were wondering about that for some reason. But, no, we play animal crossing together and I make sure my love has all the bells he needs for his island.”
He continued trying to dodge the boss’s quick attacks, frantically healing between slaughters. Well, at least he was almost halfway there this time; the first time he tried to battle her, he hadn’t even managed to hit her. He moved to hit her again and-
“Ah, shit fuck. Damn, she is impossible to solo.” His eyes wandered to the chat as the loading screen popped up, eyebrows climbing as he read the argument going on amongst a few in the chat. “Oh I honestly thought everyone knew I liked men. I figured, well they’re fine with a felon playing games and making stupid jokes, obviously they’ll be fine if he’s gay. I don’t actually need this gig, my husband makes enough and I could get a part time job somewhere nearby, I just like doing it. Couldn’t get a job I actually liked when I left prison so now that I have a net, he’s pushed me to do this ever since I had the idea. If anyone had a problem, it would’ve turned out fine. Damn, let me go back to that merchant before I try again.”
He stayed quiet for a few moments, continuing to head to his goal. “Yeah, but I honestly thought I had mentioned my husband. Like I definitely had, but I don’t think I actually said the words ‘my husband’. He does his own streaming, by the way, of animal crossing usually. I see a few of you are dropping his channel in the chat, thanks. Please say nice things to him. He just does that once a week in his free time and he loves his island.”
He continued crafting silently for a few seconds before checking the chat again. “‘Why haven’t you dropped his Twitch before?’ Because he didn’t want me to. I was ready to print his twitch channel name on a shirt and wear it to all of my streams, but he wanted to earn followers ‘organically’. Honestly, he’s very cute when he plays AC, annoyed at the art thievery every time. So again, please say nice things to Stede.”
—
"Hello my dears! I see there are… quite a few more of you than there usually are. Welcome, welcome! I know Ed mentioned me in his last stream, so I’m sure that’s why many of you are here. Now, today we’ll- oh thank you! Yes, I quite like this jacket, I think it compliments my hair rather well. I’ll be playing Breath of the Wild today. I know a lot of you want to see my island, but I did have this game planned and honestly? I could rather use the help, I’m still not sure how to catch a horse; they keep bucking me off. Hmm? Oh yes, Ed will be visiting! He said he would help me and give me some hints. He’s also rather excited to show me a shirt he bought online. He said he’ll be wearing it during his streams!”