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Something’s off. Did she forget to brush her teeth again? Maybe. Very likely. She sucks a bit on her teeth. Yep, definitely dirty. Bleh. But that’s not what’s setting her off - something else is off, she just doesn’t know what. She lets herself cook a little longer in the oven of blankets she managed to wrap herself in on her way into bed, just her head poking out. Her hair is a mess, as usual. It’s such a hassle waking up and having to sort that out before school while also dealing with existence itself. Maybe if she stays buried for a little while longer, it’ll just magically sort itself out, and she can run straight out the door without having to deal with the old hag who’s guaranteed to comment on her appearance as always. She contemplates it for a few seconds, but that would also mean having to set a new alarm just in case she falls back asleep, and decides that’s not worth the effort.
She probably just slept weird. Yeah, that must be it! She plants her feet on the creaky floorboards and waddles over to the dresser, where her handy little round mirror usually sits. Of course, it’s conveniently decided to collapse under its own weight and fall to the ground some time during the night.
“You and me both, buddy.” She says as she picks it up from the pile of clothes that’s broken its fall.
“Ugh, I look like shit,” she tussles and fiddles a bit with her hair before deciding to leave it, “meh. It’s not like she’s gonna magically fall in love with me if I fix this up, right?”
She slips into her comfiest jeans. They’re a tad elastic, and they have big pockets. It’s everything a girl could ask for. She throws on whatever oversized t-shirt is most easily available in the sea of unfolded clothes in her dresser. This one happens to be chock-full of unicorns and horses, and is bright pink for good measure. If anyone asks her where she got it, she’ll swear by everything she holds dear that she doesn’t know. Of course, she’s keenly aware that it’s the same shirt she borrowed and ‘forgot’ to return to Adora after that one sleepover she can’t get out of her head. It’s not stealing, okay? She’s gonna return it. Just… not right now.
It doesn’t take more than a few steps down the stairs for that voice to ring through the living room, “finally awake, are we?”
“I wake up at the same time every day, it can’t keep surprising you.” Oh. Shit. Hopefully she’s in a good mood this morning. Good mood, naturally, meaning somewhere just north of seething.
“Watch your tongue, child. You live in my house, so you should at least pretend to put in some effort.” She can hear her clenching her teeth together. Some day, she’s gonna enjoy saying all the things she’s always wanted to. She’s got it all planned out, she’s gonna make a big scene on the front porch so all the neighbors hear it and then leave. As soon as she’s moved everything out first, that is.
“Not for long.” Why is she doing this!? Just shut up, get through the morning ritual of walking on eggshells to avoid angering her. It’ll only be a few minutes, just get it together.
“What was that?”
“I said not for long.” She clasps her hands over her mouth.
“Ungrateful brat! Sit down and eat some food before you leave. You’re skin and bones, I can’t have the other children calling you malnourished, you see. You can make the eggs I left for you.” That condescending tone always makes her blood boil. Catra notices the half-eaten pancake on her plate.
“I’d rather starve than spend another minute here with you. Bye.” She doesn’t realize what she’s said until she’s outside the front door, breathing heavily.
“Holy fuck, did I just say that?”
She gets on her rusty old bike and immediately sets off before the bitch can follow her out to yell at her. She’s gonna have to deal with the fallout later. Somehow.
It’s a point of pride for her to be a fast cyclist. She always gets to school on time, always a little bead of sweat threatening to roll from her temple. She’s gotten used to the routine of walking at a brisk pace from the bike rack to the classroom, clutching the straps of her backpack the entire way there. It’s rare that she stops to talk to anyone on the way there - it’s almost always Adora when she does. She likes seeing her unfairly white smile first thing when she arrives, it gives her that little boost of happy chemicals she needs to not die of boredom throughout the day. Besides, nobody can prove that she spends all the classes they don’t share thinking about her pretty blonde friend who, for whatever reason, keeps wanting her around. She can’t imagine exactly why, seeing as she basically never talks to anyone else at school. Well, there’s Scorpia and Entrapta, but she tries to be by herself if she can. It’s not something she wants to change, though.
She doesn’t spot her today. She’s probably already in class. Maybe she can find an excuse to talk to her between classes or something. As much as she feels guilty for sneaking little looks or even sometimes just full-on gawking at her while she’s busy talking in class, she can’t stop. It just feels right.
“Hey, Catra, wait up!” It’s like the flip of a switch. Her eyes go wide, and her pulse spikes higher than any exercise could make it do.
“H- hey, Adora.”
“I like your shirt, is that new?” She smirks and tugs lightly at Catra’s sleeve.
“No, I stole it from you a while ago.” What is happening–
“Oh? Oh! Right, at the sleepover?” She says in a low voice, leaning in and bouncing her eyebrows suggestively. You know, like a dumbass. A cute dumbass.
“I don’t want to give it back.” Stop talking, you idiot.
“No, that’s– you don’t have to,” Adora says, a little surprised, “you can have it. It fits you.”
“Thanks. It reminds me of you.” She squeaks so high-pitched it’s almost inaudible and turns to walk toward the big double doors leading into the school.
“Cute…” Catra stops so fast she could swear her heels skid across the asphalt.
“I’m not cute!” she says a little too passionately before speaking just above a whisper, “you’re cute.”
Adora’s definitely blushing now. Fuck! She’s embarrassing her. Change the subject, Catra. Please.
“You’re my favorite thing about this place.” Not like that! What the–
Adora smiles that stupid goofy smile that always makes Catra weak in the knees, “really? I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, I kinda stare at you in class all the time. Like, all the time.” At this point, it’s getting impossible to talk herself out of this. She’s never told anyone that.
“Oh,” she squints ever so slightly, clearly mulling that creepy outburst over in her mind, “really?”
“Psshh, n– I mean, obviously I was j– YES!” Catra groans in frustration.
“Huh,” she can’t tell if Adora looks weirded out or intrigued - possibly both, “why?”
“You’re nice to look at. Anyway, we should probably get to class before we’re late, right?” She can feel her entire body pulsing. Maybe on the walk to class, she can figure out if it’s a good or bad feeling. It’s uncomfortable, but in an exciting way, like when you muster up the courage to leap off the highest diving board. She hasn’t hit the water yet, but the free fall is exhilarating.
There’s a glint in Adora’s eyes as her blush returns, “yeah, we should. Wanna sit with me? I know that kinda messes up your whole plan to stare at me, but–”
“Yes. Yes, please, I mean. Definitely. Thank you.” Catra’s knuckles turn a pale white as she grips her backpack. Free fall.
She’s mesmerized. She’s walking side by side with Adora to class, but this time feels different; like she’s finally putting herself out there, at least a little. There’s a vague sense of pride bubbling up in her as she sees the way Adora greets everyone they walk past on their way to class. A little wave, a smile and a nod, sometimes a couple quips back and forth. She keeps catching Catra smiling at her in the way she always wanted to, but never dared. She smiles back easily. Every time.
When they finally maneuver through the crowd of people and reach the classroom, there’s only one table left in the back of the room. Perfect, Catra thinks. She hates sitting up front where everyone is probably looking at her and judging her, or where the teacher will notice her absentmindedly scribbling little doodles into her notebook. Some of them include a ponytail but it’s just because they’re fun to draw. And if she put a single light blue crayon in her pencil case to color in the eyes, would that really be so bad?
“I like your hair like that.” Catra is startled out of the blissful trance she’s been in since they walked inside the school. Did Adora just say something nice about her tangled mess of a hairdo?
“What? Really?”
“Yeah, it’s nice. I wish my hair could do that.” She leans in a little closer and everything but her seems to shift out of view. Catra’s always so keenly aware of her surroundings but being this close it’s like those gray plastic top desks no longer exist. It’s just her and Adora in the room.
“I’d be happy to give you messy bedhead hair.” Too far. Too far! Catra’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline as she tries to physically shut herself up by biting down on her lips.
Adora snort-laughs so hard she has to physically cock her head back, “Catra!”
“You’re blushing.”
“ Am not! ” She covers her cheeks with her hands. They must feel about as warm as they look because her expression immediately softens, “shut up!”
“Are so! It’s hot, don’t worry.” Catra wishes she could just bury her head in sand like an ostrich right about now. Instead, she does the next best thing and smacks her forehead a little too hard against the desk, hoping that somehow it’ll distract her from the pain of embarrassment.
“It’s… are you–”
“Class is in session. We’re continuing Hamlet, any objections? No? Good. Open to page 87, please,” Netossa says, brimming with her signature bravado as she waltzes into the classroom. The classroom quickly shifts from a comfortable murmur to complete silence, and despite nobody looking at Catra, she still feels so watched. She’s gonna have to endure this next hour and a half somehow without being creepy or weird. Of all the days for her brain to suddenly drop all inhibitions it had to be the one where she gets to hang out with Adora all day? The universe really does have a cruel sense of humor.
It’s surprisingly easy for just about half the lesson; she watches in quiet admiration as Adora raises her hand a couple times to ask a question in between marking spots in the text as she reads it. Obviously, she has no earthly idea what she asks about or what either of her and Netossa say to each other when she comes to help. She’s too busy looking at the way her hand shoots up, the way her shoulder tenses, the way her fingers separate and wave daintily in the air. She can’t stop staring at her jaw as it moves when she speaks or how her eyebrows dance full of life when Netossa speaks. Everything about her tells Catra that she should be a painting, but she’s very much real, and very much staring right into her soul right now.
“Catra,” Netossa leans on the table with her hand on her hip, confusion clear on her face, “you should be almost done by now, what are you doing on page one?”
“Sorry, teach, I was daydreaming about Adora. I’ll get right on it.” For a couple seconds, she does actually start reading the material, but when she still sees both of their heads turned toward her out of her peripheral vision, she stops to consider what the hell she just said.
“What is going on? Are you making fun of me or something?” Adora crosses her arms in front of her. She’s no longer smiling at Catra, and Catra really wants that pretty smile back right about now.
“No, I’m sorry. I swear, I don’t know what’s happening. I’ll just read this, okay?” She pleads to Netossa as much as Adora. Please, can they just act like she didn’t say anything…
“I need to go to the bathroom,” Adora looks over at the next row of tables, “Glimmer, come with me for a sec.”
Catra knows they’re not going to the bathroom. It’s obvious, really. She’s probably asking to switch seats when they get back because Catra is being a fucking burden. It takes her about 30 seconds to find an opening to sneak out of the classroom without Netossa noticing. She does actually have to pee a little, so maybe her brain will let her say that if she wants to know where she’s going.
She doesn’t hear anything when she gets out of the door. Part of her expected them to be just outside the door ready to scowl at her for intruding on them, but no such luck. She almost gets up on her tippy-toes, sneaking down the uncomfortably long corridor. Even after rounding the first corner, there’s still nothing. No sign of anyone talking about her behind her back. However, when she’s just about to round the second corner, she hears the familiar voice of someone who always knows just what buttons to press to piss her right the fuck off.
“--trust me? I swear, I didn’t tell anyone.”
“Are you sure?” She has to really concentrate to pick up what Adora’s saying. She must have her back turned.
“Positive.”
“Okay. Maybe I’m just being paranoid.”
“I mean, maybe? But not, like, irrationally. I’d be freaked out if I thought anyone found out, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course. It’s your secret, Adora, I’d never tell a soul. Promise.”
“Then I just don’t understand what’s going on. Like, why only now?”
“Who knows, she’s a weirdo.”
“She’s not a weirdo, Glimmer. She’s actually really cool if you’d just give her a chance.”
“Yeah, pass. I don’t need more of that in my life.”
“Asshole.” Catra mutters under her breath.
“What was that?” She hears them both take a couple footsteps, probably looking right in her direction. Okay, time to stay quiet and hope they don’t bother looking for her.
“Probably just someone in the cafeteria or something. Anyway, if she doesn’t know, why is she like this today?”
“You really think she was making fun of you?”
“Seemed like it. She’s always been a bit reserved and then suddenly she’s being all forward and… and flirty? I don’t know what to call it.”
“Here’s a crazy idea… what if she just, y’know, likes you?”
Despite her best efforts, Catra lets out a little squeak. When she doesn’t hear a response, she focuses all of her attention on what she has to imagine is footsteps drumming closer and closer along the floor. In a rush of panic, she does an awkward little sneak-shuffle-run down the corridor. She knows she looks like a complete lunatic, but whether anyone’s looking now is the furthest thing from her mind. She has to get back in that classroom before Adora and Sparkles find out she left - they’ll definitely piece it together that she was the one making noises.
Every moment after Adora walks back through the classroom door feels tense. At least Catra can fall back on her trusty method of pretending to do school work to avoid any more slip ups. She’s used to catching up on the necessary parts of school work when she gets home and can decide for herself what she needs to do to keep up, but soon enough she starts actually writing her answers down and checking the text. Anything to keep her stupid brain from dipping its toes in Adora territory. It’s painfully dull, but it gets the job done.
Suddenly, Netossa claps her hands and dismisses them out into the hallway. Catra’s made sure to have everything packed up and ready to leave, so she doesn’t have to talk to anyone. If she weren’t already on the watch list for skipping class too much, she’d just leave and go spend the day in bed where she can’t accidentally sabotage herself. What a weird day. She almost makes it out. She’s so close to that hideously reddish-brown door leading into the hallway, but, obviously, the universe can’t make things easy for her just this once.
“Hey, Catra, wait up!” She should have predicted that Adora would chase after her before packing her things. Stupid, genuine Adora who probably just wants to turn her down gently without making a big scene of it.
“I really should get going.”
“Oh. Okay. I just… one minute? Do you have time for that?” For a moment it looked like she was gonna reach out for her. Catra hates having to do this, but it’s in both of their best interests.
“I really d– yes. Fucking, god damn… I do have time, but I need to leave. I don’t want to talk to you, Adora.” Shit. That stings more than she ever imagined it could. With one furrow of her brow, Adora makes her feel like just the biggest piece of shit to ever walk this earth. The innocent pout doesn’t help either. Fuck.
“What did I do!?” She raises her voice a little, but she’s not quite yelling. Catra just hears hurt.
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I promise. I just fucked up and if I don’t stop talking right now, I’m afraid I’ll fuck up again.” She doesn’t let herself stop this time. The only thing she hears before her quick walk leaves her out of earshot is Glimmer’s voice.
“I guess you were right.”
Whatever class comes next, Catra doesn’t pay it any mind. She sees some numbers and symbols scribbled on the whiteboard, but there’s no way her brain can handle thinking about anything other than the giant disaster she somehow managed to end up in. Everything was going so well up until… up until she told Netossa about her daydreaming. Is that why Adora thought she was just messing with her? Today, of all days… it makes her chuckle a little to herself in the back of whatever classroom she’s in. It’s a bittersweet laugh, but at least it’s better than moping around. Possibly. Probably not, but she has to tell herself it is, or she’s gonna go insane. If her mentality is the only thing she can keep in check, then so be it.
When she notices a vague, blurry wave of movement from the desks to the door, she realizes she didn’t bother unpacking anything from her backpack and gets up to leave as well. She follows the stream of seemingly conscious people who can probably help guide her to the cafeteria, where she’ll see if they have anything good. Even if they don’t, she’s probably gonna have to eat something just so her brain doesn’t starve. Overthinking is both a sprint and a marathon today, and the finish line is nowhere in sight.
"Hey, Wildcat! You look like something's bothering you, is everything okay?" Scorpia slides up next to her, carrying the three sandwiches she always gets for them at lunch.
“I feel like shit. I kept accidentally flirting with Adora all day, and now I’m hiding.” Catra shakes her head in disbelief at the words coming out of her mouth.
“That’s okay, you don’t have to tell– you what!?” Her platinum blonde quiff wobbles as she rears her head back in surprise.
“I don’t know what’s going on, Scorp.”
“Well, what happened? Did she get mad at you?” There’s a hopeful glint in Scorpia’s eyes as she asks. Catra doesn’t have the energy to address this right now.
“I think so, yeah. I think she thinks I was just doing some terrible bit, or something.” She takes the sandwich Scorpia is holding out in front of her as they walk to a nearby table and sit down.
“And… you aren’t?” She looks confused.
“No! What?” she takes a big bite of mostly stale bread like she’s about to say the most mundane thing in the world, “I’m in love with her.”
“Are you crazy,” Scorpia grips the table with both hands and leans in, “someone could have heard you!”
Catra takes a quick peek around them. Nobody seems to know or care about their top secret conversation, “I think we’re good.”
“So… why are you hiding, exactly?”
“Because, for some god-damn reason, I just can’t keep my mouth shut today, and if I spend a single more minute with her, I’m gonna blurt it out.” She leans her head over the back of the chair in exasperation.
“Would– would that be so bad?”
“Adora doesn’t want me, Scorp…” she looks down and tugs absentmindedly at the material of the t-shirt she definitely didn’t basically steal from her, “not like I want her.”
Lunch goes by in complete silence after that. Catra knows she only has to put up with another couple hours before the angelic sound of the bell inevitably frees her from the dangers of her own mouth running loose. She’s called on to answer some basic math questions a few times, but for most of it she manages to stay safely tucked away in her own little personal space bubble in the back of the room. Luckily, people don’t seem to want her attention on a regular basis, which she is extremely grateful for right now. The 3 pm bell rings, and everyone storms out with carefree smiles strewn across their faces. Catra takes her time. It’s not like she’s in a rush to get back home and hear whatever scolding she’s got in store.
The hallway is bathed in the afternoon sunlight through the ceiling windows, light subtly refracting through the glass into little dancing shimmers. Weird, she thinks. She doesn’t usually notice that. Maybe whatever brain worm she’s gotten her hands on is making her… ugh, soft. She can’t help but think about how pretty a certain someone would look in that light.
“Hey, Catra.” Fuck.
“Hey, I was just thinking about you.” She bites down on her bottom lip in order to physically stop herself, but she already knows it won’t work.
“Can we– oh? What did you think about?” She loves hearing Adora’s voice switching into a softer tone. It usually happens when she says something cute unexpectedly, she’s noticed.
“How you’d look in this light. Pretty… Sorry!” She smacks her palm over her mouth.
“I– uh, thanks?” as if she weren’t already the prettiest thing Catra’s ever laid her eyes on, Adora has the audacity to blush. In this light. Unfair. That shade of pink under the light orange sky should not be seen by mortal eyes, she thinks.
“I like your–”
“Can we talk?” Oof. There it is. Everything Catra’s been dreading this whole day is finally catching up to her. She’s pretty sure she isn’t gonna be able to snake her way out of this one. Maybe she doesn’t actually want to. Part of her is weirdly looking forward to telling her, even if it’s gonna ruin herself.
“Yeah. I won’t run away this time.”
“Right, what the hell happened earlier?”
“I panicked.” Stalling probably isn’t the best play, but she doesn’t know what the hell is going to come out of her mouth next, so this feels like a safe place to start.
“I could tell. Why?” She sounds a little sterner, like she knows Catra is stalling. At least she still has that soft smile on her face, which feels like a little oasis in a vast, unknown desert.
“I– I…” she takes a deep breath in, and slides down to sit against the wall, “ ugh! I’ve been acting weird all day, and I freaked out cus I don’t know what’s going on with me.”
“Hey, hey,” Adora slides down next to her and grabs her hand. She grabs her hand. They’re holding hands. Catra is bursting with feelings and Adora chooses this moment to grab her hand, “it’s okay. Do you wanna tell me about it?”
“I… don’t know,” Catra sees her raise her eyebrow in confusion, “it’s true! Could we just sit here for a moment, maybe?”
Adora lays her other hand on top of Catra’s, “you weren’t acting weird, by the way.”
“What? I totally was, did you not–”
“You just are weird. No acting required.” She taps Catra’s shoe with the tip of her own and smiles like an idiot at herself.
“Asshole…”
“You don’t mean that.” Her smile turns into an exaggerated pout.
“Oh, I can assure you, I do.” She smiles knowingly to herself.
Adora leans her head on the wall with the back of one hand on her forehead, sighing, “my heart .”
“Get over it, princess. Just because I’m in love with you doesn’t mean you can’t be an asshole.” Those sunbeams dancing across the floor seem to all stop at once. The leaves and bushes outside stop rustling and moving around. The distant sounds of footsteps and chatter all fade into white noise as Catra slowly turns her head back to face Adora, “what? What did I say?”
“You love me?” Adora says. She looks both confused and hopeful, like the next words out of Catra’s mouth are the only important thing in the world right now.
Catra doesn’t respond instantly. Not because she doesn’t know what to say, but because she knows exactly what she’s going to say. She opens and closes her mouth a few times, looking for the perfect way to articulate something that she could spend decades upon decades working out and still not be sure of. At last, she says the only thing that makes sense. Sink or swim, she’s throwing herself out into the deep end. There’s no going back now.
“I always have.” In the second it takes for Adora to respond, Catra notices the sheen on Adora’s eyes as they start welling up. She sees the way her lips quiver just a little, like she wants to say so many things but doesn’t know if she can or should. She notices the way her eyelashes flick up and down, up and down, up and down, like she’s trying to tell her with just a look. Catra knows she’ll never forget how beautiful she looks just then, her messy blonde hairdo appearing almost translucent as little wisps of hair flicker in and out of the light.
“I love you, too.” She says. Simple. Confident. Catra doesn’t let herself believe it for a second. How could she? After all this time, it was that simple.
They stare into each other’s eyes. Adora’s gaze jumps quickly left and right. Catra knows she’s getting a good view of her differently colored eyes because she loves looking at them. She did the same thing the first time they met. Finally, Catra smiles softly at the idiot sitting next to her, who hasn’t done anything but dart her eyes back and forth for several seconds. She leans into her space, and she feels Adora’s hand instinctively squeezing hers in anticipation. Their thighs touch first, then their shoulders, and then, after what feels like an excruciating wait, their lips. Catra hates that rom-coms have taught her that it’d feel electric, like a spark going off between them, but it’s not that far off. It’s like there’s a grander purpose to this whole thing, like their kiss is not just for them. But it is. It is just them. It’s just her and Adora, sitting side by side, holding hands, finally doing what Catra has always felt guilty for imagining during those lonely late nights. Her eyes are closed, but she’s keenly aware of the sound of Adora’s feet moving slowly across the floor, as if they aren’t hers to control anymore. She feels her lips locking around her own, the little desperate whines that escape their mouths whenever they draw breath, the subtle longing to just tackle her to the floor right now. She doesn’t, of course. There’s something so innocent and intimate about sitting side by side with the girl she loves - has loved forever - knowing she feels the same. Warmth radiates throughout her body at just the thought of no longer having to quietly, tortuously yearn for more. The squeeze of their hands confirms that. She thinks she feels Adora coming to the same realization, as a little giggle emerges when she finally pulls back.
They sit in silence again, just smiling and giggling and staring. However much time has passed doesn’t matter. There are no footsteps or murmuring in the hallways anymore. They have all the time in the world to just be there, and that’s enough.
“So,” Adora finally breaks the silence.
“Mhm?”
“You gonna tell me what’s gotten into you today?” She’s got that smug smirk stretching from ear to ear.
“You’re not gonna believe me, but I swear to you , I am not lying.”
And she wasn’t.