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I was high in the sky with Pennsylvania under me
It was the summer before second grade. His friend Adam had a rope swing in the woods behind his house that hung just over a shallow creek. Buck was swinging really high. Adam had shown him how to jump off and splash in the water.
“Come on Evan!” Adam called, “It’s fun!”
“I’m Scared.” He shouted back. He was really high up and the creek wasn’t very deep.
“It’ll be fine. I promise.” Adam was so sure. It put Buck’s mind at ease, and he jumped off the rope into the water.
It wasn’t fine. Buck landed hard. His legs shot out from under him and he stuck his arms out to keep from face planting into the water. He felt something snap. White hot pain shot through his arm, tears streaming down his face.
His arm was broken. His parents were so mad. How could he be so reckless? Buck was grounded for the rest of the summer, and he wasn’t allowed to be friends with Adam anymore. He spent the night crying in Maddie’s room.
When he wouldn’t stop, Maddie stood up and walked over to her desk. “I have an idea.”
She pulled out a marker and sat down next to him on the bed and began drawing on his cast. She drew all kinds of different doodles making him laugh with some of the sillier ones. She made up stories to go with the drawings she did. The last thing she drew was a mini solar system on the back of his hand with little hearts by some of the planets.
“What do the hearts mean, Mads?”
“They mean I love you to the moon, Ev.”
“And to saturn?”
“Yeah, and to saturn.”
And I've been meaning to tell you I think your house is haunted
It was October of fifth grade. Buck was at lunch sitting with his friend Jackson and some others. They were discussing what they were going to be for halloween and which neighborhoods had the best candy for trick or treating.
“We should go to a haunted house.” One of Jackson’s friends, he thinks her name is Lily, says.
“My parents won’t like that.” Another boy, Gabe maybe? Says.
“Why pay for a haunted house when we could just go to Evan’s.” Jackson laughs.
“What?” Buck asks.
“Your house is totally haunted, Ev.” When Buck just stares at him confused Jackson continues. “It’s always so cold, and your dad is always on edge and it’s like no one lives there, everything is always picked up and put perfectly in place.” Jackson says like it's the most obvious thing in the world. “One time I swear I saw a door open all on it’s own.”
Buck doesn’t understand what any of that has to do with ghosts. His house has always been like that. It doesn’t mean it’s haunted. That would be ridiculous, there was no ghost in his house.
Buck can’t stop thinking about what Jackson said. His parents hated halloween. Especially his dad. Maybe his house was haunted? If that’s why his parents didn’t like halloween he could understand that. Living with a ghost definitely doesn’t sound fun. Buck had never noticed a ghost before though. Maybe his parents just did a good job at hiding it?
When Buck got home from school he decided to ask his parents about the ghost. He really wishes he hadn’t done that. They were so mad at him. His dad yelled that there were no such things as ghosts. His mom just stared at him crying.
He was sent to his room for the rest of the night. He was grounded for halloween too. This was the worst. Later that night his parents got into a fight. Maddie was away at college this year. Normally she would reassure him when their parents would fight, but without her Buck had taken to hiding out in the back of his closet. The small space made him feel safe. It also helped to muffle the yelling.
“Love you to the moon and to saturn.” He said to himself, a reminder of his sister to soothe his anxiety.
I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates
He was 13 when Maddie told him she was moving to Boston with Doug.
“You’re leaving me?” It was supposed to be the two of them against the world.
Maddie said he could always call, but it wasn’t the same. The house always felt too empty without her there, and now she’s moving away.
She stopped visiting for holidays. She said she was busy but Buck had a feeling it was because of Doug.
When he was 18 he went to her hospital. He told her he was going to be someone who mattered. She gave him the keys to the jeep ‘freedom’ she had called it. He wanted her to come with him. For a moment he actually thought she would.
“We can just go, travel the world, me and you like when we were kids.”
“We pretended to be pirates when we were kids.”
“Yeah but now it can be real, well minus the crime part.”
She laughed at him, but she said yes. He was going to pick her up the next morning. Her coworker told him she hadn’t come in, but left him a note. She wasn’t coming. She couldn’t leave Doug. Stupid Doug. He took Buck’s sister away from him. Buck really hated Doug.
“I love you to the moon,” she said that night when she gave him the jeep.
“And to saturn.” He whispered, crumpling up the note.
And just like a folk song our love will be passed on
“Evan’s house is haunted.” Jackson’s words echoed in his head. Maddie told him about their brother, Daniel. His house really had been haunted. Not by a ghost, but by the memory of a brother he never knew existed.
Of course his parents never saw him. How could he ever compete with the memory of the perfect son who never got to grow up? He was just a reminder that Daniel was gone. The son they wanted had died, and Buck couldn’t do the one thing he was born to do. Save Daniel.
He knocked on the door in front of him. In seconds it opened to reveal his boyfriend. When had he come to Eddie’s?
Eddie must notice something is wrong because he’s pulling Buck by his wrist to sit on the couch. Before he could stop Buck was spilling his guts out to Eddie. Telling him all about Daniel and how everyone had lied to him. “Even Maddie.”
Eddie just listened. He told Buck it wasn’t on him. That his parents failed him.
Eddie is a good dad. He would never make Christopher feel the way Buck’s parents had made him feel.
“Bucky?”
“Hey Chris, what are you doing up?”
“I heard you talking, would you read me a bedtime story?” Buck laughed. God he loved that kid.
“Of course, come on.”
They read a story that Chris picked out. Something about dragons. They got about 2 chapters into the book when Buck noticed Chris struggling to keep his eyes open. Buck closed the book assuring Chris he’d come back and read some more another night.
“I love you Buck.”
“I love you too Chris, I love you to the moon and to saturn.” That made Chris laugh.
“Goodnight Bucky.”
“Goodnight Chris.”
Buck shut the door to Christopher’s bedroom softly so as to not disturb the kid. He sat back down on the couch next to Eddie, he knew this conversation was far from over.
“For what it’s worth,” Eddie said, “I love you too.”
Buck smiled slightly as he looked at his partner. “Love me to the moon?”
Eddie rolled his eyes but let out a gentle laugh “and to Saturn.” He finished placing a kiss to the birthmark above Buck’s eye.
“Come on, let's go to sleep.” Eddie stood offering a hand to pull Buck up with him.
“Okay.”