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The cool breezes that make their way down to the city from Dragonspine really are quite refreshing, in Kaeya’s opinion. Often, especially during the summer months, he’ll find himself taking a late-night stroll through the streets of Mondstadt in an effort to clear his head.
For whatever reason, though—tonight it’s not working. The breeze is there as always, and the air is as crisp and cool as ever, so Kaeya can’t really understand why it doesn’t seem to be helping in the slightest.
Perhaps it’s because of the ever-persistent headache he’s had for the past few days. Hmm, perhaps he should look into getting that checked out, because—
No.
This can’t be happening.
Why…
…why can he hear their voices?
Kaeya feels his head splitting, and the ground is spinning beneath his feet. He’s felt like this before on occasions when he’s been very drunk, but never to this extent. What—
You could’ve saved us.
You could be with your family.
Your real family.
His pulse is racing now, and his breath is coming in short, uneven draws. His hands are shaking uncontrollably, and Kaeya wouldn’t be at all surprised if his legs suddenly were to give way beneath him. He needs to get to someone. He needs to get to—
Kaeya knows Diluc is probably the last person in the world who wants to see him this late at night, but Angel’s Share is the closest and Diluc is the only person who knows Kaeya’s secret and Kaeya just doesn’t want to be alone with…with them.
Kaeya barely manages to stagger into the closed tavern with a hand pressed against his temple, frantically repeating Diluc’s name before his knees give out and he collapses on the floor.
You were our last hope.
You could’ve saved us.
You could’ve saved me.
“No…” Kaeya breathes, still curled inward on himself and shaking on the cold, hard tavern floor. “Why…”
You were supposed to be something.
“Please…”
I thought you would be something.
“No…please…” Kaeya’s breathing is shallow and heavy, coming in clipped, disjointed breaths as he curls even more inward on himself like a child abandoned in a storm. “Please…I can’t…NO—”
“Kaeya!” Suddenly Diluc is by his side, an arm draped around Kaeya’s shoulder and helping him up off the floor. Kaeya makes a futile attempt to stand up on his own two feet, but Diluc catches him before he can fall again.
The two of them sit down on the floor, Diluc with his arm around Kaeya and holding Kaeya’s trembling body against his own. The temperature of the air surrounding them warms significantly, and Kaeya dimly registers the soft red glow emanating from the Vision at Diluc’s hip.
“I can hear them…” whimpers Kaeya, his voice unnaturally small and shaky. “Diluc…I can hear all of them…”
Diluc doesn’t ask who they are, and for that, Kaeya is grateful. He doesn’t feel like talking about it. He doesn’t feel like talking about them.
It also occurs to Kaeya that Diluc likely already knows who he’s talking about.
“Shh…” Diluc whispers, his voice uncharacteristically soft and reassuring. “You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” He runs his fingers through Kaeya’s loose, tangled hair, and the gesture makes Kaeya’s entire body relax, relieving him of tension that he hadn’t even realized was there.
Kaeya swallows and nods gratefully, grabbing hold of the fabric of Diluc’s coat as if afraid that if he doesn’t, Diluc might leave and never return.
Like Kaeya’s father.
Like both of Kaeya’s fathers.
Like Diluc, even.
Almost as if he’s reading Kaeya’s thoughts, Diluc presses a tender kiss to the top of Kaeya’s head and gently rocks him back and forth like he did when they were kids and Kaeya had woken them both up from another nightmare. “I’m not leaving you,” he whispers into his hair reassuringly, and something about the way Diluc says it warms Kaeya right down to his toes. It reminds Kaeya of when they were kids.
Oh, how much easier things had been then.
Kaeya misses it.
He misses being able to be this close to Diluc. Being able to be this vulnerable with him. And it hurts him so much that one of them has to be in debilitating pain for them to be able to act the way they used to with each other.
Kaeya is still shaking uncontrollably, the voices of all his ghosts racing through his head and overlapping each other and screaming and crying and each one is louder than the last and suddenly he can’t take it anymore because the pain is too much and he just wants it to be gone and how would Diluc feel if Kaeya asked him to finish what he started on that night four years ago because surely this closeness is temporary and Diluc still feels some sort of resentment towards Kaeya despite all of this because Diluc made it so so clear that he would never forgive him and Archons, Kaeya just wants to die and—
Almost as suddenly as it had begun, it stops. First the pain, then the voices—one by one until Kaeya’s head is mercifully and blissfully quiet.
Kaeya stops trembling, and he goes completely motionless against Diluc, stone-cold as a statue.
“…Kaeya?” Diluc breathes, his voice hitching on the second syllable.
Kaeya tries to respond, but his mouth can’t form the words. He just remains there, speechless and unmoving.
It is then that Kaeya feels Diluc’s body tense with fear. “Kaeya, please, say something,” he breathes, his voice wavering and making him sound dangerously close to tears.
Kaeya tries, he really does. But he can’t, he just can’t, and he doesn’t want to think about what would happen if Diluc were to believe that he’s dead—
“Kaeya…say something…anything…” Diluc practically begs him, and Kaeya feels the top of his head moisten as Diluc’s tears fall into his hair. “Please…not again…not again…KAEYA—”
Kaeya closes his hand around Diluc’s. The motion is small, but it’s there, and it’s just enough to give Diluc pause.
“D—Diluc…” Kaeya manages finally, his breath heavy with effort.
Diluc exhales a heavy sigh of relief; a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Kaeya…” he chokes out. “I—Archons, I thought I’d lost you.”
Kaeya manages a weak smile. “No, I don’t think you’re that lucky,” he laughs.
Diluc lets out a short, relieved laugh and pulls Kaeya closer to him, wrapping him in a full embrace. Like when they were kids.
Kaeya blinks, taken aback. Never in a million years would he have thought Diluc would’ve expressed any sort of emotion that isn’t pure hatred towards him—let alone give him a hug like they’re both ten years old again.
It’s a welcome surprise.
Kaeya returns Diluc’s embrace and does his best to ignore the warm, wet liquid seeping from his eye and onto Diluc’s shoulder, as well as Diluc’s tears on his own.
Really, all that’s important to Kaeya right now is the clear evidence right in front of him that some small part of Diluc still loves him—still cares for him in the way they both used to before everything. And even though neither of them says a word, Kaeya feels that nothing needs to be said, because the understanding silence that passes between them says more than any amount of words ever could.