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Replay
Banri knew he is doomed the moment he started thinking of how pretty Itaru is.
He’s pretty when he’s stuck in a quest, muttering strategies under his breath with his brows furrowed and tongue stuck out; when he finally sleeps after completing it, sprawling across the couch with his long eyelashes fanning across his cheeks; and even when he heads to the kitchen the morning after, walking like a zombie with bags under his bloodshot eyes.
Banri is going insane that he’s even seeing flowers bloom around him as he gives him a stinky look, defeated in a game.
Definitely doomed—
Especially when he finds out that Itaru is not in the least bit interested in dating.
When Banri casually brings the topic up, a chance presenting itself while they’re playing a dating sim, Itaru just scoffs before stuffing his face with their snacks for the night.
“Nope,” Itaru says with a mouthful of potato chips. “Never dated.”
“Seriously? I mean, I’m sure you know you’re quite the looker.” It’s goddamn annoying how Banri finds the crumbs around his mouth cute, especially when he’s actually quite a clean freak himself. He wants to wipe them with his thumb. “Didn’t date in high school? University?”
“I have a tragic backstory that no one will be interested in unlocking.”
I am. “How ‘bout flings?”
“Not interested.” Itaru turns to him and raises a brow. “You’ll know a lot about flings, won’t you? Mr. Heartbreaker.”
“Hah? Where the hell did that even come from?”
“You never really mentioned dating anyone… or are you?”
“Uh, no, but…”
“You do have that delinquent shtick going on,” Itaru mumbles. With a wave, he returns his attention to the screen. “Well, you’ll have a chance to turn over a new leaf or whatever in university soon. Go date to your heart’s content. You’re young.”
“But you won’t give dating a try now?” Banri asks casually like the good actor that he is, pretending that his heart isn’t thumping like crazy, threatening to escape through his throat.
Pretending that he doesn’t feel like he’s about to dive off a cliff.
“Nope,” Itaru says. Banri falls with no parachute. “Love and all that is just a fleeting moment.”
Not for me, Banri thinks as he picks up his controller and resumes playing. They exchange high fives when they defeat the true final boss, and warmth spreads across his chess at Itaru’s giddy expression.
For Banri, who spent a big chunk of his life feeling stagnant and bored, who thought he’ll never be challenged in any hobby he picks up, never be excited about working together and even being defeated at times…
This is my everything.
Maybe Banri is too hasty, maybe he should’ve come up with a strategic plan like he’s diving into a boss battle with a level cap, but his feelings are overflowing and he can no longer put a lid on them.
Not when Itaru grins at him the moment he arrives in the dorm, showing him a limited-edition charm he managed to snag from a shop. Not when Itaru yawns after a long event and leans on Banri, mumbling that he’s tired so he’ll be borrowing his shoulder for a minute. Not when Itaru starts invading his dreams too, as if his every waking moment isn’t already a struggle.
So on a seemingly usual hanging-out-in-Room-103 Saturday night, Banri confesses, even when he feels a hole being made in his stomach. Still asks (“Will you go out with me?”), even when he already knows the answer before he even finished speaking.
He might not know everything about Itaru and hasn’t unlocked his so-called tragic backstory, but he can confidently say that he knows him well enough to read the emotions in his eyes.
And he can see it. His reply, the upcoming—
“Sorry, Banri.”
Itaru doesn’t take his confession seriously, treating him like a child that doesn’t know better, a person just mistaking friendship for something else.
I’m just going to say this cringe-worthy line once, okay? But I’m glad I met you, Banri.
It’s my first time having someone like you, too, so I’m thankful.
We’re surprised we got along well.
It’s just like that.
It feels worse than outright rejection.
Sunday is supposedly for speedrunning a game from last month. They act normal, like Banri just didn’t have his heart crushed yesterday, but who are they kidding? There’s an obvious gap between them now, both physically and figuratively.
The couch no longer feels small with the space in the middle that no one dares to breach. The air of awkwardness threatens to suffocate them, but they both don’t know how to dissipate it—not when they have never experienced it, hitting it off and understanding each other right from the start.
It almost feels like an approaching farewell, even though no one’s leaving anytime soon.
Not wanting to make things worse, to widen the gap to the point of no return, Banri stops going to Room 103.
Banri buries himself in homework, much to the confusion and horror of some of his teachers. Spring Troupe begins rehearsals for their new play, and life goes on.
He makes sure to not be in a room where Itaru’s in—he’s no stranger to studying patterns and timings—and ignores the others’ questioning stares. Memories scratch repeatedly at his heart every time he goes to his room, the number 103 on the door beside his seemingly mocking him.
When he lies down on his bed, he can’t help but replay the past months, reality and dreams blending together, a traitorous voice whispering what if in his ear.
Because what if—
“You’re my MVP.”
Banri shoots up, wincing at the loud thud when his forehead hits the ceiling. Hyodo continues snoring, but he can’t even hear it over the blood pounding in his ears.
That’s right. Itaru called him his MVP once. It was said casually, maybe not meant to be taken to the heart then, but it serves as a good reminder now.
Why did he give up so easily? Him, who has faced many opponents, some of them bigger than him, only to emerge as the victor?
He unlocks his phone and squints at the bright light hitting him in the face. It’s just 2 AM. Itaru should still be awake; he has a guild event on his schedule today.
Banri climbs down from his bed and steps out of his room, shuddering at the night, spring breeze caressing his skin. Maybe he should grab his jacket, but he doesn’t want to go back inside. Can’t chicken out at the last second.
After silently closing the door behind him, he takes a step, and another, and another, until he’s in front of Itaru’s door.
The number 103 seems to be taunting him now, but Banri doesn’t back down from a challenge.
Sure, he might be young, but he knows himself better than anyone else.
This is him. This is who he is. This is what he does.
And if Itaru thinks love is a fleeting moment, Banri just has to show him what being the recipient of an enduring, evergrowing sincere love is like.
Taking a deep breath, he raises a fist and knocks.
Love Sick
Banri opens his eyes and automatically smiles at the sight in front of him.
Using Banri’s right arm as a pillow, Itaru continues to sleep, the sunlight peeking from the window making his hair glitter. He snuggles closer, tangling their legs together as if sensing Banri’s awake and refusing to let go.
With an amused huff, Banri raises a hand to cup Itaru’s face, grazing his thumb on the hint of tears left from the previous night’s activities. He’s always so pretty, and even more so in the throes of passion.
Still so pretty, even when simply sleeping.
Still my life’s everything.
How long has it been? It seems like only yesterday that Itaru didn’t take him seriously, not until he dared to make a bet that he’d still be into him even after entering college, vowed that he wouldn’t give up without a fight, proved his feelings—showed him just exactly how stubborn he could be.
With the tragic backstory to unpack, insecurities to address, things weren’t perfect even after they got together. To be frank, that was a most stressful time for Banri, especially when it was piled on top of his busy schedule with theater, university, and part-time gigs.
(“No. I ain’t leavin’ you.”
“That’s easy for you to say now—”
“Because it’s the fuckin’ truth?”
“—but you’ll still meet a lot of people in the future.”
“So? Fuck them! Fuck the future!”
“You’re young—”
“I’m a damn adult!” A deep breath. “I mean, I can say the same, right? You’ll meet people ‘coz of your work, too.”
“…That’s the thing, Banri. I already did. I met a lot of people, and it has just been you.” A shuddering breath. “I can’t…”
“You won’t lose me, Itaru-san. You won’t be able to get rid of me.”)
Winters passed, springs came, and Banri is now lying down right next to Itaru in their own apartment. In the end, they made it work.
Never in his wildest dreams did he think he will actually have this—have Itaru in his arms, be able to call him his.
And yet, a part of him still feels that it’s not enough. His heart aches, like he’s still thirsty for something, for anything and everything that Itaru can give.
Is it his greed?
Never said he’s the nicest, most selfless person on the planet anyway.
His musings are cut short by a groan, and Banri stares at Itaru’s eyes, impossibly bright even when he has just woken up. He leans forward to give his sleepyhead a quick peck on the lips.
“Mornin’, Itaru-san.”
“Morning.” Itaru yawns before leaning over him, grabbing his phone on the table before lying back down. “What’s up?”
“I was just thinkin’ that I might need a doctor,” Banri says, moving his hand down to grab Itaru’s left hand, interlocking their fingers together.
The frown on Itaru’s face is visible above his phone which is now playing a familiar BGM. “This is why I told you to take a shower first— no, you shouldn’t have waited for me in the rain in the first place. Are you sick?”
Itaru sets his phone down to touch his forehead, and Banri resists the childish urge to grin.
Banri’s hand - 1, Itaru’s phone - 0
“You’re temp’s normal.” Itaru’s hand lands on his cheek, not unlike how Banri held his face earlier. “How are you feeling?”
“My lips…”
“Is something wrong with them?” Itaru’s eyebrows almost meet with how hard he’s frowning, thumb caressing Banri’s lips and taking a closer look.
“I think I need somethin’ on my lips.”
“Huh?”
Banri licks his thumb before letting out a small smile. He’s thirsty for— “The sweet syrup called you.”
The pillow thrown at his face muffles his laughter. When he feels the bed dip, he darts forward and circles an arm around Itaru’s waist just as he was about to stand up before pulling him back.
Itaru struggles against his hold, but Banri just wraps his arm around him tighter.
“Banri, let go. I need to get out before I catch whatever you have.”
Banri grins. “It’s called lovesickness. You gotta catch it, too.”
“Can you even hear yourself?” Itaru squirms some more before giving up a moment later, collapsing on the bed with a sigh. “You do need a doctor.”
“Nah, I just need you.”
“Is this because of last night? Tsk. If I knew you’d be like this, I wouldn’t have worn—”
Marry You
It’s a Super Rare occasion where Banri’s and Itaru’s professional worlds collide, a collaborative event between their workplaces that, of course, went smoothly. Their companies hold a party in some grand villa to celebrate the success, which means wearing their best suits and best smiles as they hang around the patio, glasses of champagne in their hands.
It’s obviously not Banri’s first time seeing Itaru in a suit; he wears them when he has special presentations, when he plays certain roles, or even when they try those formal dates once in a while.
While Itaru is pretty every day, and Banri especially holds his unkempt appearance—that’s only for his eyes to see—close to his heart, there’s something about him and suits that never loses its novelty.
This all-white suit with gold accents and slicked-back hair, combined with the silver wristwatch Banri bought him years ago after saving up part-time money?
Absolutely gorgeous.
Even with his public persona thing, or maybe because of it, Itaru is dangerous as hell. Even his manufactured smile is blinding, makes him shine despite being surrounded by people wearing even more luxurious clothing and jewelry.
And that’s the thing. He’s surrounded.
See, Banri likes to appear confident—and he is confident, don’t get him wrong, but he does feel a tad bit… nervous, sometimes.
Like tonight.
He sets his empty glass on the table and approaches Itaru, giving the other men and women around him his own recently-perfected manufactured smile. “Hey, everyone. Can I borrow Itaru-san for a moment? I have a question about the previous collection.”
Itaru gives him a subtle questioning look before nodding at the others and excuses himself, giving a fake bashful smile when an older man (a big shot from their company if Banri remembers correctly—and he always does) gives him a pat on the shoulder and congratulates him for ‘another job well done’.
They walk away from the crowd, Itaru handing a server his own empty glass, and stop when they reach the empty garden. The sound of crickets and muted music fill the air, the wind cool enough unlike the previous chilling winter.
Banri didn’t have any specific plan in mind earlier, his body just moving on autopilot to whisk Itaru away, but he has a certain objective now. Probably crazy, probably childish, but why not, right? It’s the season of new beginnings and all that.
He takes a deep breath, looks Itaru right in the eye, and opens his mouth.
“Gimme your fourth finger.”
Itaru blinks. A second later, he clutches his hand to his chest. “Excuse me?”
One moment, Banri is chuckling at how Itaru protects his most precious asset when it comes to gaming… among other things. The next, the trepidation from earlier returns and hits him tenfold, making his knees tremble.
It almost makes him want to collapse due to sheer nervousness, but he steels himself, keeps himself upright.
Who is he if not Banri Settsu, someone who has to keep Itaru on his toes?
“I wanna marry you,” Banri says, loud and clear.
“Uh, you mean, like, right here?” Itaru aims for casual and fails, voice shaking at the end of his question.
Banri nods, dead serious. “Right now.”
The following silence is too loud.
No one speaks for a minute.
Two minutes.
Three.
Where’s my parachute?
Banri doesn’t regret asking; it’s inevitable. He knows that he’ll have to tell Itaru at some point anyway. Knows that he’s eternally ill, with no cure to this cheesy thing people called lovesickness. Knows there are no other options, no other choices, aside from staying with him.
Knows that Itaru was, is, and will be the sole everything of his life.
It takes Itaru what felt like an eternity to reply, and Banri is willing to wait even if it is longer than that.
“Shouldn’t there be a ring to this?” Itaru says with a raised brow, the corners of his mouth curling upward. “Where’s the kneeling? Where’s the box?”
Relief washes over Banri so strongly that his knees buckle, and it’s only through sheer power that he’s not collapsing to the ground. There is a disconnect between his body and mind, feeling like he’s an outsider watching himself head to the nearest flowers, plucking out a pink cosmos from the bunch.
He walks back to Itaru and grabs his left hand, wrapping the stem around his ring finger twice and doing a quick knot to make it stay in place.
Banri steps back. They both look down to survey the makeshift ring before snorting.
“This is OOC,” Itaru says.
“Yeah, yeah,” Banri replies, waving a hand nonchalantly. “I’ll talk to… which NPC was it again—”
“Lamara.”
“—right, Lamara, and unlock the marriage dialogue option when we get home.”
“You already have the Amulet?”
“Yep. Been savin’ it for a while.”
“You couldn’t have proposed earlier?” A woeful sigh. “The Shared Spouse Skill would’ve been helpful last event.”
“Err…” A sheepish chuckle. “We can use S3 for the upcoming raid, at least?”
“Oh, right. Good idea,” Itaru says with a nod. He turns around and heads back to the main event. “Time to go back to being proper working adults.”
Banri takes a step forward, opens his mouth, pauses. No way that Itaru, who is meticulous when it comes to his public appearance, doesn’t remember the flower wrapped around his finger, right?
(If they had an audience, they might’ve found everything anti-climatic. Confusing. Strange. Odd.
But this is them. This is who they are. This is what they do.
This is how they will be for the rest of their lives.)
Shaking his head, Banri hurries after him and smiles.