Archive of Our Own ^beta

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lando created a new group chat

lando added charles, pierre, max, alex and george to the chat

lando: guys

lando: guYS

lando: GUYS HELP

george: what the fuck is going on and why did you make a group chat for it

lando: i think i’m about to get sacrificed

max:

max: good luck with that because i’m not getting involved

max: i don’t want to get sacrificed

lando: NEITHER DO I MAX

charles: that’s… incredibly concerning lando

pierre: elaborate

alex: pierre if he’s about to get sacrificed i don’t think he has TIME to elaborate

lando: oh no i have time

lando: i hope

pierre: what’s going on then

lando: so basically

lando: i accidentally ended up at a concert

george: how the fuck do you-

lando: don’t question it

lando: ANYWAYS

lando: they’re singing about satan and rituals and shit and the lead singer stared me dead in the eyes and HE HAS A WHITE EYE IT’S SO CREEPY

max: sounds… fun

alex: lando what kind of music is it

lando: fucking TERRIFYING

alex: no i meant what genre u dumbass

lando: oh

lando: it’s rock or metal or some shit like that,,, idk but it’s LOUD and my ears are HURTING

max: rip your hearing lmao

lando: [IMG-234.png]

lando: this is what i’m dealing with rn

pierre: what the fUCK IS THAT-

lando:

lando: the bassist i think

charles: rock? i know someone that might be able to help here

lando: lowkey afraid to ask but

lando: who

charles added sebastian to the chat

george: omg it’s the man himself

sebastian: uhh hello? why am i here?

charles: lando thinks he’s about to get sacrificed at a concert and i thought you might be able to help

charles: since it’s a rock concert (according to lando anyways)

sebastian: that could apply to a concerning amount of bands and artists actually

sebastian: also i don’t know why i specifically will be helpful but okay then

charles: because it’s rock music seb

charles: that’s your Thing

sebastian:

sebastian: fair point

lando: I THINK THEY JUST STARTED CHANTING DEMON NAMES WHAT THE FUCK AM I ABOUT TO DIE-

lando: [VID-231.mp4]

sebastian: oh that’s

sebastian: that’s a really good shot of papa actually

max: seb WHAT

pierre: PAPA?!?

george: kinky

alex: george i am kindly requesting that you shut the fuck up

george: …noted

sebastian: NO IT’S NOT LIKE THAT

charles: how is it not like that

sebastian: the lead singer’s name is literally papa emeritus iv

charles: THERE’S MORE THAN ONE?!?

sebastian: well technically it’s tobias forge but that’s unimportant

sebastian: also lando do you need me to come and stand in the pit with you

lando: wait

lando: seb

lando: are you here???

sebastian: [IMG-051.png]

george: is that

george: is that a seb selfie

max: that’s definitely a first

alex: we have been blessed

lando: seb why does this whole thing feel like a ritual

sebastian: because it is a ritual :)

lando: SEBASTIAN THAT DOES NOT OFFER ME ANY FORM OF COMFORT

george: oh we’re busting out the full names already are we

lando: IN FACT IT HAS QUITE THE OPPOSITE EFFECT

charles: seb… why would a concert be a ritual…

pierre: was wondering that actually

sebastian: oh don’t worry it’s just a ghost thing

lando: GHOST??? IS THIS PLACE HAUNTED OR SOMETHING???

sebastian: no you dumbass

lando: just got called a dumbass by sebastian vettel, that has to be some kind of life achievement or something

sebastian: shush

sebastian: ghost is the name of the band, lando

lando:

lando: oh

lando: that… makes sense actually

lando: doesn’t explain why the lead singer literally stared me dead in the eyes and reached out to me though

george: what do you mean he reached out to you

lando: that was a terrifying and enlightening experience all in one

sebastian: you

sebastian: you fucking

sebastian: YOU GOT CIRICED?!?

pierre: seb

pierre: i mean this in the nicest way possible

pierre: but nobody except you knows what the fuck you’re on about right now

sebastian: i’ll explain at some point

sebastian: but i’ll also have to explain the lore

charles: hold on a minute what did you just say

max: THERE’S LORE?!?

sebastian: yes

lando: …what the actual FUCK am i seeing with my own two eyes right now

pierre: did someone actually get sacrificed

lando: that would probably be easier to explain than what i’m seeing right now

alex: summarise it for us

alex: pls

lando: old man in kinda cool sunglasses that’s basically dressed like the pope was revived from death and is now playing a saxophone solo

george:

george: i’m sorry WHAT

max: pics or it didn’t happen

lando: [VID-931.mp4]

pierre: what

charles: the fuck

sebastian: ah that’s papa nihil

sebastian: that’s pretty much all he does these days

alex: that still doesn’t explain anything about who he is-

sebastian: like i said i’ll explain the lore to you all

sebastian: one day

lando: quick question for you seb

sebastian: ask away

lando: why the fuck do most of the band look the way that they do

sebastian: oh those are the ghouls!

lando: the WHAT

sebastian: THE GHOULS!!! THE NAMELESS GHOULS!!!

george: still not helpful seb

sebastian: and the nameless ghoulettes too actually

charles: i have no idea what they look like but

charles: omg go queens

sebastian: charles what the fuck does that mean

sebastian: anyways wait until i get to the bit where nihil’s ex-girlfriend had his sons killed so that their (potential) illegitimate son could take over the band

pierre: everything that i have learnt about this band tonight concerns me more and more

sebastian: oh and they’re a satanic church too! :)

max: i think i’ll be staying well away from this band thanks very much

sebastian: lando do you still need me to come and stand in the pit with you

lando:

lando: …yes

sebastian: i’m on my way

charles: what do you MEAN THEY’RE A SATANIC CHURCH

charles: SEBASTIAN VETTEL GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RIGHT NOW

george: you know, before tonight i actually liked seb

george: now i’m just lowkey scared of him

alex: same

max: same

pierre: same

charles: …same

sebastian:

sebastian: …rude

charles: sEB ELABORATE ON THE SATANIC CHURCH THING RIGHT NOW

sebastian:

sebastian: no (:

george: inverted smiley faces scare me

alex: agreed

alex: they have Bad Vibes

max: wait hold up

max: why has lando gone quiet all of a sudden

pierre: i think he’s finally been sacrificed

alex: i hope not

max: can we get an f in the chat for lando

george: f

pierre: f

charles: f

alex: f

lando: f

lando: wait

lando: sorry guys i’m alive lol

max: unfortunately

lando: fuck you too max

alex: thanks for telling us

lando: you’re welcome alex

lando: anyways i shall disappear for now

lando: but i leave you all with a single parting gift

lando: that definitely wasn’t demanded of me by seb as payment for making him run halfway around the arena or anything

lando added mick to the chat

max:

max: so we all agree seb forced him to do that right

george: yep

pierre: oh for sure

charles: wouldn’t put it past him

mick: hey you do realise i can see you all right

mick: glad to know how much i was wanted here :(

charles: no wait fuck

charles: we do want you here mick

mick: :)

alex: it’s just what lando said made it really sound like seb did, in fact, demand you be added

mick:

mick: you know what that DOES sound like something he would do

lando: SHIT SHIT SHIT

lando: BACK FOR A SECOND

lando: FUCK

max: …why

pierre: did seb get sacrificed or something

mick: WHAT

george: long story

lando: I FORGOT TO ADD CARLOS TO THE CHAT

lando: FUCKKKKKK

charles:

charles: lando how could you

lando: i was PANICKING okay i thought i was about to DIE

max: overdramatic much

lando: once again

lando: fuck you too, max verstappen

lando added carlos to the chat

lando: okay goodbye again bitches

carlos:

carlos: i feel like i missed a lot here

charles: no you didn’t

carlos: hi charles

charles: hi carlos welcome to hell

max: unless you count lando almost getting sacrificed by a band seb apparently likes as ‘a lot’

carlos: WHAT THE FUCK-