Chapter Text
Makoto sighed shoving his books into his backpack quickly ignoring the look he was getting from Nagisa from the Skype call they were on. It was beginning to get late and if he didn't hurry he was going to be late for his usual Thursday study session. Ever since they'd moved to Tokyo they'd made a habit of studying together despite going to different universities. It's not that he didn't want to talk to Nagisa, he just hadn't realized what time it was when they started the chat.
“Going to Haru-chan's again?”
Makoto smiled slightly turning to his computer. He was glad Nagisa wasn't offended.
“It’s our Thursday night ritual.”
“And Monday, and Friday, and nearly every other day of the week,” Nagisa said with a giggle shaking his head.
“Shut up.” There was no bite in his words though, he could never actually be angry at the blond.
“Are you ever going to tell him how you feel?” Nagisa asked him, and Makoto fought the urge to sigh.
“Haru isn’t interested in me.” He told Nagisa, despite how much it hurt him to say.
“How do you know?”
This time Makoto did sigh, putting his backpack down. They’d had this argument many times but Nagisa didn’t know how to give up.
“I just do Nagisa. If he was interested in me I would have known by now," he said.
He'd been in love with Haru since before he knew he was attracted to guys. He would know if Haru returned his feelings.
“Never know until you try, right? Isn’t that what you told me?” Nagisa reminded him.
Makoto frowned. He knew those words would come back to him one day. He’d told Nagisa that before they left for University when he found out that Nagisa was interested in Rei.
“Did you ever make a move on Rei?”
Nagisa opened his mouth and closed it quickly.
“I thought so,” Makoto said, reaching over to close the call.
“No…don’t. It’s not that I didn’t tell Rei, it’s, Rei’s response may have changed things.”
Makoto frowned sitting at his desk concerned. He knew he should be hurrying over to Haru’s, but Nagisa sounded upset and Makoto wasn’t going to leave the conversation like that.
“What do you mean?” He asked.
“Rei told me he’s asexual.”
Makoto blinked confused.
“Asexual?”
Nagisa sighed leaning back in his chair blowing a bubble from his gum.
“It means he’s not sexually attracted to anyone. I didn’t understand it at first either. I did some research when I got home. He told me we shouldn’t be together because he wasn’t sexually attracted to people, and that it wouldn’t be fair to me. That he couldn't care for me the way I wanted him to.”
Makoto frowned at the look on Nagisa's face. He couldn’t be upset with Rei. He’d been honest with Nagisa and that was all he could do, but he felt awful that Nagisa was upset.
“What’re you going to do?”
Nagisa sighed.
“I’m going to do more research. This website says that many people who are asexual date. Maybe he just isn’t interested in me as well? Or maybe he thinks I won’t be interested in him anymore. The most I can do is be supportive and then talk to him about it."
Makoto nodded slowly.
“Good luck?”
“Thanks. Anyway, go on. Go to your date with Haru, have a good time.”
“It’s not a date.”
“Might as well be. You two act like an old married couple.” Nagisa said, the teasing tone returning to his voice.
"Ha."
“It's the truth Mako-chan.” Nagisa said with a laugh. “Talk to you later.”
“You too Nagisa,” Makoto said with a smile before disconnecting the call and shutting down his computer.
He really did enjoy his calls with Nagisa. The boy kept him up to date on the swim team, and it was nice to have an outsider view of his relationship with Haru. He wasn’t sure when Nagisa became aware of his feelings for Haru, or if he’d known since they’d been young. But the blonde had been incredibly supportive of his being gay, and his feelings for Haru. It’d definitely been a blessing that he hadn’t seen coming.
Haru sighed looking at the clock. He'd been expecting Makoto to show up for more than fifteen minutes, and it wasn't like Makoto to be late. He frowned running his fingers over the top of his textbook, wondering once again what was going on with the other boy. Things had seemed off for quite a while, and he couldn’t figure out a way to fix them. He let out a breath of relief when he heard the knock on the door. He knew without asking that it was Makoto. He'd made very few friends since moving to Tokyo and the only one that knew where he lived was Makoto.
"Sorry," Makoto said as Haru opened the door. "Nagisa wouldn't get off Skype. He had a lot to say."
Haru let himself relax at the sight of Makoto's apologetic smile and nodded.
"It's fine. You can just blame him when dinner is cold."
Makoto laughed softly as Haru went to the kitchen to grab their plates.
It was tradition, if they could call it a tradition after only a few months, that they ate while they studied. Haru would make them dinner and they would sit down at the living room table and eat as they looked over their school books. Usually, he made them mackerel, but Makoto had loudly complained the last time they studied, so instead Haru had decided to try his hand at rice balls. He was usually pretty awful at them, but after a bit of practice, they’d come out rather decently.
"No mackerel?" Makoto asked with a smirk.
"You've made enough of a fuss over it, I decided to change things up," Haru deadpanned.
Makoto laughed softly sitting down. He hoped his blush wasn't too bright. He was oddly touched that Haru tried to change things up just for him.
"Is Nagisa okay?"
"Yes. He just needed to vent." Makoto told him, pulling his school books out of his bag. "You should call him soon. He misses you."
"I know. I just get so busy with classes, practice, and swim meets," Haru said quietly.
"I know. He understands."
Haru nodded slowly opening the calculus book in front of him. He was glad to be able to talk to Makoto so easily. He'd been acting strange lately, and Haru was beginning to think he'd done something wrong. He was glad things seemed back to normal.
"Ready to get started?"
"With calculus? Never."
Haru laughed, shaking his head as he pulled a stack of paper towards him.
Makoto smiled slightly watching as Haru got started. He was glad that Haru was living in Tokyo with him and could help him study for his more difficult classes. Haru had always been a better student than him, not that Haru would admit it. Despite his rough exterior, Haru was incredibly modest. He didn't like drawing anyone's attention.
Makoto turned his attention back to their school work, but every few minutes he found himself glancing back at Haru. He couldn't help but watch the way he chewed on his bottom lip while he was thinking and the little crease that formed between his eyebrows when he was confused. It was usually easier for him to ignore his feelings for Haru, but after his conversation with Nagisa, they were at the forefront of his mind.
Haru sighed putting his pen down looking at Makoto slowly.
Makoto flushed as he realized Haru had caught him staring once again.
"What is it?"
"Hmm?"
"Why do you keep staring at me? Do I have food on me or something?"
Makoto blinked before shaking his head slowly.
"No Haru, nothing like that."
"Then what is it?"
Makoto cleared his throat looking down at the table.
"Makoto?"
Makoto looked back up at him and paused. Haru had leaned closer, his bright blue eyes peering into Makoto's. Makoto slowly reached up to touch his cheek, causing Haru to pause in surprise.
"What..."
Haru's question was cut off as Makoto closed the distance between them, kissing him softly. He knew he was taking a giant risk, but he had to know. He needed to know if there was a chance he and Haru could be more than friends. He pulled back slowly, taking in Haru's response. His heart sunk as he realized Haru hadn't moved to kiss him back.
"M...Makoto? What was that about?" Haru asked softly.
Makoto sighed running his fingers through his hair. He'd known it was a bad idea. He shouldn't have let Nagisa's words get to him. He knew how Haru felt about him. They were best friends and that was all they were going to be.
"I..."
"Makoto?"
He sighed, gathering the strength he would need to get through this.
"I guess this is kind of late to be telling you this but... I'm gay," he started off, watching Haru's expression slowly, continuing only when he saw Haru wasn't going to react. "I'm gay, and...and I've had feelings for you for as long as I can remember."
Makoto sighed again as he saw Haru's eyes widening slowly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm just going to go."
He stood, gathering his things quickly.
“Makoto…” Haru said softly, but Makoto wasn’t listening. He shoved his books into his bag and walked out of the apartment before Haru could stop him. He'd already made enough of a fool of himself, he wasn’t going to stand around to listen to the rejection. Haru’s expression had been clear, he didn’t return Makoto’s feelings and he’d ruined the closest friendship he’d ever had because he couldn’t control himself.
He hurried down the street pulling out his phone to call Nagisa, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.
"Makoto?"
"I...I screwed up Nagisa."
"What'd you do?"
"I kissed him."
"You kissed Haru-chan?!"
"Y...yes."
"That's fantastic!" Nagisa cried happily.
Makoto sat down on the bench down the street from Haru's apartment dragging his fingers through his hair.
"No it's not Nagisa...He just sat there, staring at me like I'd grown another head. I completely blew it. I knew I should have just kept everything to myself. Now I can’t fix this."
"Oh Makoto...I'm so sorry..."
"What am I going to do? This is Haru. I can't lose him."
"Well...what'd you say?"
"I...I told him how I felt...and...when he didn't respond, I booked it. I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn’t sit there and listen to the rejection. I don’t think I’d be able to handle it, at least not without embarrassing myself further."
"Makoto!"
"I know. I screwed up."
"Well, you're just gonna have to wait until he responds Makoto. One way or the other."
Makoto groaned burying his face in his hands. It would have been better off if he'd kept his feelings for Haru a secret. He couldn't lose his best friend.