Chapter Text
Filming for the show is over, it’s done and New feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest, his breathing is heavy, his cheeks are flushed, he’s thinking of thoughts about his co-star slash friend that he most definitely should not be thinking about. He’s on fire.
He needs to calm the fuck down.
Their kiss. A couple of staff were talking about it and then the thing he said in Chinese, something about keeping it in and it’s okay, it’s fine.
Now in one of the staff rooms, he grips the edge of the sink so hard his knuckles go white and then hurries to pull the knob up. The water runs and he scoops some water on his face in hopes to cool down. He then looks in the mirror as he shuts it off and swallows hard seeing how dilated his pupils are.
No doubt Zee saw it.
Every single one of their kisses keeps replaying through his head like a broken record on repeat. Their most recent kiss—last kiss—he can’t fathom the thought.
His crush is obvious, it's been obvious since the beginning when he joined Domundi and everyone found it funny, cute even and so did Zee. But this, this was something else, a dangerous line and crossing it..
A knock sounds, pulling him from his thoughts. “Are you okay?” A familiar deep voice comes through the door. Zee.
What he wants to say is oh yeah I really like you and I want to keep kissing you and this definitely isn't the first time and I know this isn’t anywhere in the line of professionalism but can we?
“Hia, I'm fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” New says instead. He regrets it the moment it leaves his lips. It sounds cold, he doesn’t intend for it to come out that way. He isn’t trying to snap at Zee, he is more frustrated than anything with himself.
“New, don't lie to me na.”
“Im..” he starts to say but suddenly he feels tired, so exhausted and he just wants a hug, he wants to be able to confide in Zee and not carry the guilt of whatever this is.
But he can’t..
“I need.. a hug.” It comes out quiet. It’s not a good idea, he knows.. but he needs something.
“Okay, can I come in?” New mumbles out a yeah. The door opens and he inhales a breath as he looks up when the older is closing the door before turning around.
Their eyes meet and Zee opens his arms, New practically falls into his embrace, his own arms going around the olders waist and Zee’s hands come to rub up and down his back gently. It’s warm, safe, comfortable. Exactly what it’s always been but something is different.
He’s been realizing it for a while now but Zee’s touch and affection and just everything–it feels like a need all the time now.
“Stuck in character? Zee asks.
No is the first word that comes to mind, at least he thought he knew where him and Kuea ended, he thought but now? The line feels so blurry.
The older pulls back to look at his face and New shakes his head, “I dont.. I dont know.”
“It's okay na,” Zee starts in a gentle tone, pulling him into another hug, holding him tighter this time. “It’s okay not to know things, you'll learn. Everyone is still learning everyday, even me and Hia will always be there for you.”
But what happens when I finally fall over the edge? I don't want to fall alone. New wants to say but he instead tightens his grip around Zee’s shirt and buries his face in his shoulder.
He doesn't want to let go yet, he’s not ready.
They pull back as the others start to call for them. “We should probably go—”
“Can.. can Hia kiss me?” The words escape before he can stop them. Shia.
Zee pauses, his mouth remains parted around the words he was going to say and his eyes widen slightly.
“..Kiss you?” Zee asks.
There's no going back now. “Yeah.”
“Y..” Zee starts before shaking his head and clearing his throat, “Is this.. do you need an outlet for Kuea?
“That's the thing, I don't know.” New whispers the last part, voice shaky as he searches Zee's eyes.
“Okay, okay and that's fine but I need to know where your headspace is at New, because if you're vulnerable..” Zee trails off, looking away for a moment before looking back, “Look, if your still feeling the emotions because of earlier, that's normal, sometimes-“
“Hia, if you don't want to, its fine.” New cuts him off, starting to feeling mortified. “I'm just a bit of a mess right now, I'm sorry, we should–“ as he starts to turn toward the door, a hand grasps at his wrist.
The older’s grip—firm but not enough to hurt—pulls New back toward him and the younger gives as if in a trance.
Next thing he knows his back is hitting the wall and Zee’s gaze is on him, piercing and his face is close. His hands grip his hips and the touch almost burns.
And as Zee starts leaning down, he stops then goes to the side of his head.
A warm breath hits his ear, he shivers. “I won't right now. I want you to be in a better headspace and calmed down so you can think this through but if you still want it later.. then by all means.” He says in a low voice, sounding strained.
And honestly New wants to cry hearing those words, he even surprises himself, he didn’t know it was this bad but also understood—tries to anyway, gripping at any form of reality and sense.
“I understand but.. I wish you would.” New whispers the last part. He’s thought this over and over for months and he wants to be relived, craves it but there’s also this mirror and it’s full of uncertainties and unanswered questions. He’s afraid it’s going to shatter and handling that..
Zee pulls back to look down at his face then his hand comes up to cup the youngers cheek.
Their foreheads press together as Zee steps closer, “You have no idea how much—”
He’s cut off when a knock sounds. A sigh then escapes the older and he gives a gentle squeeze to New’s hip before withdrawing completely to go answer the door.
Suddenly It feels cold, too cold.
What did Zee mean?