Archive of Our Own

Something clicked the first time they were in the same room. Minho could still remember how the unfamiliar feeling filled his head and his entire body that day. While, at that time, he couldn’t tell who was standing on the other side of the room he was training in, the answer was now rather obvious. But still, he knew without even looking that someone’s gaze was following every movement of his body, he recognised the sensation of being watched. Somehow, his skin was itching and his head was begging him to just turn and look.

But it wasn’t the first time people were watching him dance. He was used to it and, in those moments, was probably craving the attention. Although it felt different than usual, he swallowed it and continued to dance, deciding on just ignoring it. Not turning, definitely not looking.

The pull was strong. Tight in his chest, so much that moving was getting more difficult with every passing second. He could not explain why or how he was feeling it, but his heart beating louder and faster, his blood warming up, as well as his entire body, was definitely not normal. More than that, the sharp ache of his body certainly felt different than the daily pain he was so used to at the end of a long practice. So, when the song stopped and his dancing companions all collapsed on the floor, exhausted, Minho finally turned. Not only his head, but his entire body turned towards the door, as if craving for something to ease the intense sensation.

He could only observe the way the wooden door was slowly closing, probably from someone leaving. He wondered if it was somehow connected to how the pull was slowly subsiding and his entire being was eventually calming down.

Not identifying what he was looking for, whatever that thing was, he still found something worth looking at. He met a guy’s eyes, who was smiling like he was handed the best gift in the world, and Minho learned later how this moment changed his life in more ways than one. The young man walked up to him, and said, all teeth and dimples :

“Hello, my name is Chan. Let’s talk !”

~~~

The first time their eyes met felt even weirder, and Minho was rather glad they did not have the time to dwell on it, before being interrupted by the presence of the other members. Chan organised a meeting in the dance studio, where he introduced everyone.

“Let’s all get along well and work hard to debut !” He said to the eight pairs of shy eyes looking at him. Everyone was sitting, forming a circle on the floor of the room where most of their days would now be spent. They all knew what they were here for, but still couldn’t quite believe why they would be chosen instead of someone else.

The only one who did not look as stressed as the others, was Changbin. He appeared proud to be here, participated to the introductions, and helped Chan explaining the group project they had. They were both so enthusiastic, Minho could only nod, as did the rest of them, and took a moment to fully look at his new team.

Meeting Jisung’s eyes was breathtaking. Like, fucking literally. He choked, coughed and felt his lungs giving up on him, to the point that two of the younger ones, Felix and Jeongin, both patted his back to help him gain his breath again. When he looked up again, Jisung was blushing, looking at his fingers. His hands were slightly shaking, probably from nerves, but he did not look as affected as Minho felt. What was he even feeling ? He probably just choked on air, or forgot how to do simple things such as breathing ? Embarrassed, he didn't need to see his ears to know they were completely red, and he tried to console himself by repeating in his head that none of the kids present in this room would think he was dumb, when everyone was this stressed.

On the other side of the studio, Chan looked at him, making sure he was alright, and when Minho nodded his head, the older boy continued his small speech to encourage the newly created team. He should be happy, and he truly was, relieved he was given a shot this early in his training, even if he had silently questionned Chan's choice to bet on him so soon. But that thought was far away now, because his mind could only focus on one question, as he observed the shy boy sitting a few meters away from him. What was up with him ?

~~~

Minho felt incredibly stupid when the first words he ever said to him left his mouth.

In his defense, the words were originally meant for Seungmin, who was standing not too far from him. And it was a legitimate question ! During their first afternoon all together, in a ‘get to know each other’ kind of way, him and Seungmin got distracted when they met two stray cats on the way to wherever they were walking to, probably the shopping center to play bowling. Committed to making sure both of them were alright, Minho ended up sitting on the floor, petting them. When he stood up, he suddenly remembered the beige pants he was wearing, and exclaimed :

“Is my butt dirty ?”

Turning around, his blood went to his ears when instead of Seungmin, it was a startled Jisung standing there, looking at him. Surprisingly, the both of them didn’t get the chance to actually speak together before ; they always seemed to rotate to the ones they already knew, Jisung sticking to Chan’s and Changbin’s arms, while Minho was normally only exchanging with Felix and Hyunjin. It was about time they talked, but he was not expecting it to start with a question about his butt. How typical of himself.

The younger man blushed, and it was honestly a sight Minho could not ever get bored of, he was sure of it. Deciding that only one of them could be shy, and it wouldn’t be him, he got brave. He tilted his head on the side, signalling he was expecting an answer from the boy next to him. The face Jisung made, like he was seconds away from fleeing, almost made Minho laugh at him.

Finally, he answered, with a bit of a stutter :

“Uh… Your butt looks fine !”

Minho’s brows raised and a smirk appeared on his face. Jisung appeared to realise what his words sounded like, because he quickly added :

“I mean ! I mean, your pants ! It’s not dirty ! Or anything, oh my god.” His hands were shaking in the air in big movements to make his point clear, and the dancer couldn’t help finally laughing at him. He was stupidly cute.

“Thanks, Hanji”, he smiled, and winked at the flustered boy in front of him.

“You dorks.” A voice said next to them, and both turned, surprised. Seungmin was laughing at them next to one of the cats, who was now trying to escape his arms when he moved to stand.

All day long, Minho couldn’t stop his pulse from increasing every time Jisung and he were talking, couldn’t help his smile from growing every time they as much as brushed their arms together or touched each other’s fingers. The feelings in his chest for this man he barely met were strong and unfamiliar, and he couldn’t explain why.

~~~

They never spoke seriously. It was almost a rule between them, it felt too weird, too meaningful to do so, so they just never did. But it still happened, and the first time Jisung and Minho had a somewhat deep conversation, it felt very overwhelming.

They had seen it coming for a few weeks now, but it still did not prepare them fully to loosing someone along the way. It was so weird, going from nine to eight. And while they were already giving each other the cold shoulder as they all knew he was leaving, it still felt especially silent, the mood so heavy when the dorm lost one of its occupants. Every one of the kids were in a sour mood that day, and they all implicitly agreed on not talking about it. That was dumb, everyone knew it was, but it was just too soon to mention the situation. Instead, everyone kept on going on with their day, dancing harder than usual, spending more time at the company than usual, eating less than usual. Everyone was affected, even if no one was mentioning it.

Minho was sure Chan was handling it the worse, even if he was working hard on not showing it. While he couldn’t really help him feel better except telling him not to feel guilty, he did the next best thing he could think of : take the role of the elder, lessen the burden on his leader’s shoulders for a bit.

He made sure Jeongin did not feel too abandoned by sticking to him more than usual, making sure Felix was eating enough, that Hyunjin was not training to his death, that Changbin was always with someone and that Seungmin was indeed waking up at the right time. As for Chan, he could only repeat to him to leave the studio before the sunrise and making sure he was at least ordering healthy food.

Jisung was something else. He wasn’t sure how the young man was dealing with the entire situation, and because of that, he had absolutely no idea how he could help him actually deal with it. What was he feeling ? Guilty ? Abandoned ? They wouldn’t even cross path anymore, because the rapper was spending his time producing music or writing lyrics, and he knew better than interrupting him during those moments. But it was unusual of them to spend so much time apart, and the dancer started to question if it was not on purpose.

They finally got the chance to have a full conversation a few days later. He arrived home from practice, Hyunjin pacing behind him after being forced to leave the dance studio, and stumbled on Jisung preparing himself a midnight snack in the kitchen. Hyunjin said goodnight, and Minho took the chance to have a word with the younger one. He seemed surprised to see anyone coming home this late, as he was spreading butter on a slice of bread, sat at the table in the middle of the room. Minho smiled at him and it seemed to ease his friend’s nerves, calming his body as he smiled back at him.

“Hey, what’s up ?” Minho said, pulling a chair to join him at the table. He grabbed a slice of bread from the package, and pushed it to his friend.

“I just finished a song, I’m waiting for Chan’s view on it now.” Jisung answered, shrugging, and offering a prepared snack back to Minho.

“Mmh” The dancer accepted the bread and bit into it hungrily after humming a quiet ‘thanks’. “He’s still there, so he will probably get back to you in a few.”

Looking up at his friend, he searched his face for something, any sign that showed how he truly felt. He could actually read him pretty well, maybe not as well as Jisung could read him, but still quite enough to perceive any discomfort if it was there to find in the first place. It was troubling, though, when nothing appeared at first glance. He seemed calm, comfortable, at peace, there, sitting at the kitchen table, putting ham between two slices of bread. It was odd, considering the situation.

“You good ?” He asked, because he never was one to turn around the bush. The rapper shrugged once more.

“As good as I could be”, he answered, shoving the sandwich in his mouth, not bothering cutting it in smaller pieces and Minho felt the sudden urge to poke at his best friend’s cheeks. He smiled, amused. Jisung continued, “How are you, though ? You’re doing a lot these days.”

Not expecting the question, Minho looked at him with big eyes, taking it in. Because he was met with silence, Jisung looked up and stared back at him, before asking again, his mouth still completely full :

“I mean… You’re taking care of everyone, but like… Are you taking care of yourself ? You’re up super early in the morning, and coming back super late in the night… You ate well today, right ? Felix said you were practicing during lunch break even after having a fuss at him because he didn’t stop to eat”.

He did not notice, to be honest. He thought he was on his own, taking care of the kids as best as he could, while trying not to drown himself. He honestly didn’t notice someone was observing, and of course they would, and of course someone would ask. Minho swallowed his food, and said :

“I was worried about you actually.” He received a soft smile.

“Mmh, I know, but I was worried about you.”

Minho smiled back. Did his friend really spend almost a week trying to avoid him just so he wouldn’t take care of him as well ?

“You didn’t have to. It’s not a burden to take care of you, Hanji.”

Jisung blushed and, again, of course he did. But still, he winked at him. The brat.

“Oh, do you like me, baby ? Is that why ?”

Minho laughed.

“Nevermind, just die, who cares.”

The younger man grabbed another two slices of bread from the package, right after hitting his friend’s shoulder trying to look offended, and started making himself another sandwich.

“But, really. Are you alright ? Do you sleep well ?” Minho pressed, knowing better than stopping at the first change of subject. It worked, because Jisung started talking.

“I don’t know. It’s weird. I…” He stopped. Leaving both his sentence as well as his movements suspended, his hand still around the knife, in a tight hold. He resumed after a while, quieter this time. “I really thought we would all stay together forever.”

Minho was silent, not wanting to interrupt him when he could sense that Jisung had more to say. So, he kept his mouth closed and waited patiently for him to continue.

“It’s dumb. But like, I can’t help doubting about everything now ?”

“Everything ?” His voice was soft, kind.

“Like…? This happening… It makes everything else so unsure now.” He sighed and looked very upset and frustrated with himself right now. “Now, how can I be sure about this group working out, you know ?”

He finished preparing his sandwich like he was not stating how hopeless he was about their future, their entire life. He cut the bread in half with great difficulty, considering the kind of knife he was using, and share one half with Minho, who accepted it gratefully. He really didn’t know what to say.

“I think everyone is unsure right now. But we have to keep working hard, maybe even harder than before. To prove ourselves that maybe…” Could he say that ? Minho hesitated.

“Maybe, eight is fate ?” Jisung finished his sentence anyway.

Minho nodded. They both ate in silence after that, with a heavy heart. If a few tears left their tired eyes that night, no one had to know about it.

~~~

While growing up, Minho was always fascinated with the idea of soulmates. While he did not exactly believe in the concept, it was still a nice thing to think about happening to him. Dreaming about finding the one person he was meant to be with was like his guilty pleasure : he would have no idea how it would manifest, how he would even know he had the right person in front of him, he just liked thinking about it.

The first time he even questioned it about someone, he could not believe that was an actual thought he had. Because until then, it had always been just that, a thought : a passing idea in his head about how lovely it would be. But here he was, actually thinking ‘what if you’re my soulmate ?’.

The sentence appeared in his mind, and just wouldn’t leave. It even escaped his lips.

“Yeah, we probably are.” Jisung said, answering him with a smile, shaking his head lightly. He probably could not tell how much Minho meant it, because he himself could not tell. “Soulmates, huh. We get along so well, right ?”

Because he had no idea how to handle the emotion he was actually feeling right now, he went for humor. That, he knew how to handle.

“I’m mad at the universe now. So much trouble, and for what ? You ?”, he grimaced.

“Yah !” Being offended was Jisung first reaction, but he started laughing so hard right after, that he couldn’t even pretend to be mad for longer than a few seconds. “Why are you so mean ?”.

Minho was smiling softly, looking at his friend while he laughed. They were both sitting at the table of a fancy restaurant not too far from their dorm. They had no idea why they chose this specific place to have dinner because they would probably leave with a bill higher than their rent. If one were to ask them, both would probably answer that it was the other’s idea.

They bought a lot of food and were now taking picture of it and of themselves. The sudden urge to say that out loud happened when he set his eyes on the picture he just took of Jisung, smiling at the camera with a big smile on his face and food on its way to his mouth between his chopsticks. He was really cute, Minho thought, and he looked so happy, he himself felt happy looking at him. He turned the phone towards the other boy.

“Look at you, you look dumb.” He stated, but Jisung nodded, still laughing.

“I do, oh my god.”

“Should I show it to Stays ?” He asked, already closing the photos app to open instagram.

“They would like it ?” Jisung asked, putting even more food in his already full mouth. Minho tsked at him.

“Well, I do. So...” He only answered, looking back at his phone and choosing a few pictures from the different ones he took to post. He missed the way Jisung smiled, his eyes focused on the screen.

“Of course you do, soulmate.”

Minho blushed.

~~~

The first day he actually recognized and accepted the feeling, was also the day he realized it was not completely reciprocated. It was a strange feeling Minho could always sense when he was near his best friend, but not that strongly. This time, it was really strong, he could not pretend it was him being tired or stressed.

“You good ?” Asked Jisung, watching his friend, worried. He was not looking so good, his face was red, and his hand went to Minho’s forehead to check how warm he was. Too warm, and he hissed. “Shit, Minho, you’re hot.”

“Stop hitting on me when I’m not feeling well !” He answered jokingly, it was like second nature for him now. But it did not make Jisung laugh this time, so he continued. “I don’t know, I was okay until now”.

“Let’s get you to bed, I’ll bring you a wet towel” He said, and stood up. The two made their way to Minho’s bed, the rapper excusing himself for a few moments to come back with a towel to put it on his forehead. “How are you feeling ?”

Minho shook his head.

“I’m hot, and my heart is beating very fast, that’s weird.”

“Are you having trouble breathing ?” He shook his head once more.

He brought his hand in front of his face, and both boys looked at them, shaking so much, the same way he would shake when he was about to dance on the roof of a high tower. For a couple of minutes, the boys just stared at the hands, not exchanging any words. Finally, Jisung grabbed them in his own, in a tight hold. Minho breathed out.

He stared at their fingers; he could not stop doing it. Something felt strange, he could feel it again, the pull. It was so strong, and he could not comprehend where it was pulling to, when he seemed to already have a grab of it, of him, literally in his hands. It was pulling, pulling, towards Jisung, but it somehow did not seem to reach him.

“Hannie…” He whispered, feeling his emotions drowning him, his throat was starting to become too tight to actually breath, and oh god, maybe he was having trouble breathing now.

He wondered, was that how it felt to find the one? Could it be, he actually had his soulmate in front of him ? It seemed a bit too unrealistic, but the idea was already in his mind for so long now, that he could not escape it. Was Jisung not feeling this ?

He looked up at his friend, meeting his eyes wide open.

“What ? Are you alright ?”

Minho shook his head. Maybe he did not feel the same way. Could the universe be this devilish and push him towards someone without making sure it would be mutual ? Was he a bad human in his previous life ?

“I’ll just sleep it off.” He said, and turned in his duvet, freeing his hands from the other man.

~~~

The first time he came out, was completely not intentional.

But Minho was sure he was still misunderstood.

They were in the dance studio, so were the other kids. They were practicing for their new comeback and were all oh so very exhausted. They were on a break now, breathing, drinking and drying their sweat off with whatever piece of clothing they could find. Minho grabbed Jisung’s sweatshirt, and that brought him a whine from the guy to give it back because ‘ew gross why would you do that’ and honestly, why else if not to torment him.

That ended up with Jisung pulling on the sleeve of the black cloth, pulling with him a tired Minho who just let himself crash onto him with the force. Both laughed when their bodies hit each other.

“You’re sticky” Said Jisung, causing Hyunjin to laugh somewhere behind him.

“That sounded so wrong” winced Jeongin. “Never say that again next to me, please.”

“Oh come on, why are you thinking like that about a pure and innocent friendship ?” Laughed Jisung, letting go of the sweatshirt to hug Minho.

“Yeah, right, pure and innocent friendship.” Said Changbin, who was sitting not too far from Hyunjin on the floor. “Nothing about this statement reflects reality”.

“Why, aren’t we pure ?” Said Minho, a small smirk on his lips, his hands slowly moving to cup Jisung’s butt.

“Yeah, aren’t we ?” Repeated Jisung, while his own hands moved up to Minho’s hair, bringing the both of them in a scandalous position if they were to be filmed by cameras.

Felix’s laugh resonated loud in the room, and Jeongin and Hyunjin actually gagged at the two boys.

They both let go after that, but still stayed close to each other while they sat.

“They’re right, baby. That’s a lie, maybe we should finally come out, mmh ? What do you think ?” Jisung joked, bringing his bottle of water to his lips to drink. But Minho couldn’t joke, not when it hit so close to home. Way too close. He was fidgety, he did not know what to say, what to do with his hands, with his body. Should he pull his arm away from Jisung shoulders? The touch suddenly felt too intense, and he could not take it anymore. Should he say something ? If he said nothing, then it would surely be out of character, right ? But what could he say ?

He let his arm fall off his shoulders. He licked his lips and looked down to his feet, extended on the floor.

“Don’t be shy, they’ll understand !” He exclaimed, putting a hand on his knee, and Minho just wished he would shut up. He could not take a fucking hint.

“I’m not shy, you’re just too sure it’s a joke”. He said, and OK, maybe it was not that explicit in itself, but it still was meaningful, it still felt too much. It was his way of dealing with things like this, and Jisung should know. He knew, right ? He finally looked up to meet his eyes, but only met confusion.

His eyes turned a bit to the left, and he now was looking at Changbin. If he wasn’t sure Jisung got the message loud and clear, he had no doubt about the other rapper, who was watching him with careful eyes. He always was the observant type of guy, after all.

“What do you mean ?” Said the younger one, eyes filled with questions. But Minho already lost all confidence, his stare not leaving Changbin’s, knowing fully well he just came out to him without any of the other kids even realising it, all of them minding their own business.

Thankfully, Chan interrupted them, calling them back to practice, and everyone took their place again in front of the mirror. Minho was the last one to stand, still shaken up from what he just said. Feelings were not his strength, and he did not know how to apprehend the wave of emotions that hit him. He finally took his place in the front, only half ready to lead the team again into mastering the new choreography. He breathed in and out, but only felt good enough to resume dancing when Changbin patted him on the shoulder twice, before positioning himself.

~~~

The first time he confessed, was actually very intentional. But still, Minho was not that good with words, and he had every trouble to express it without being ironic or mean about it. Emotions were hell, he decided. And if he had to actually express them out loud to someone, then it had to be in his own way, or he would definitely implode. No exaggeration here, moving on.

They were on yet another dinner date. This time, in a less expensive restaurant, but still classy enough that they felt the need to dress up for the occasion. This time though, Minho could not make himself post the picture he took. Jisung was looking at him, not the camera, and he was smiling widely again. He wanted to be the only one seeing this photo, he thought, and had no second thought when he put his phone away, to fully enjoy their dinner.

“No sharing with Stays ?” Jisung asked, teasingly.

“No. This one is mine, I decided.” He answered immediately and went to grab his chopsticks to get himself some chopped vegetables.

“Oh well, it’s only a picture, the real deal is already yours, you know ?” Jisung said, pointing to his own chest with his thumb, while looking at his food. This comment made Minho look at him again, a bit surprised. It was of course a habit of them to flirt like this, but the tone seemed different now. He frowned, and pursed his lips a bit, curious, frustrated.

He somehow could not take it anymore. He felt like he was being played, even if the rational part of his mind tried to persuade him that he was just a bit paranoid ever since Changbin caught on his slip, he couldn’t help feeling attacked.

“What are you doing ?” He said, not hiding the bitterness in his voice when he asked the question. Jisung immediately met his eyes.

“Huh ? Eating ?” He seemed lost.

“Hannie.” He whined, it definitely sounded like a whine, and Minho was a little mad with himself when the bitterness from earlier was lost, replaced with whatever this was. Still, he continued : “You know, right ? Or are you dumber than I thought ?”

He was being unfair, he knew it. But still, emotions were hell, and it was too much for him. So, mean it is.

“Why am I dumb, now ? I’m so confused.” He probably felt how the conversation was more serious than usual, because he actually stopped eating. That did not happen that often.

“Don’t make me say it.” A whine, again. He was such a child, why was Minho acting like that ? He was so bad with words; he should have just sent a fucking text.

“Hyung, what are you trying to say ?” Of course, Jisung could see right through him for some things, and now he could see how he was trying to communicate a new emotion he was feeling.

“Yah !”, Minho exclaimed, before sighing. “You shouldn’t say these things when it’s not in front of cameras.”

Confused, Jisung was the one to frown this time. He opened his mouth once, closed it, looking like he just thought of something. Then, he opened it again, understanding what it was about.

“Oh. Why ?” He had a small voice, expressing his sudden nervousness. Minho realised how long ago it was since Jisung felt nervous around him, and the thought did not sit right with him.

“It’s confusing.” He murmured. When no answer met his words, he swallowed hard, trying to let the words leave his mouth at least once, so he could move on. Finally, he continued “Because if it’s not for the camera, it makes me think it’s actually for me.”

The silence was loud. There was no denying what he just said now, and both of them knew that. The familiar feeling of something pulling him towards Jisung appeared again. This time though, he was expecting it. The fever was strong, but not as strong as before, but the beating of his heart and the shaking of his hands were too powerful for him to say anything more. He did not dare show his hands and kept them hidden under the table.

Jisung still looked confused, too confused, that Minho wondered if he was once again misunderstood. But he trusted the younger man to finally connect the dots, so he kept silent, waiting for him to fully register what was happening. Because waiting meant not speaking about his emotions, and he liked that idea better than pushing more words out of his lips to make it even clearer. So he waited, and tried to pretend he was not one second away from crying from the pulling getting so strong it started to hurt. He swallowed the tears that were threatening to fall.

Finally, words were spoken.

“Oh okay, I’ll…” He made a pause, bit his lips, and grabbed his chopsticks with shaking hands. “I’ll stop, then.”

The pain Minho felt was the one he would feel if his heart was made of tightened strings and Jisung just pulled one so hard that it broke.

~~~

The first time Minho could not care less anymore, was in fact when he chose to fully be himself. That day, the kids thought he was in a particularly good mood, and maybe he was. The intense pulling he was so used to feeling now around Jisung, was starting to hurt a bit less, and he could only imagine that it was because he was finally moving on.

Less pain meant more carefree joy, and he embraced the new sensation for the first time without any second thought. He was feeling good, or at least OK, and he could live with it.

Playful Minho entered the chat ; butt hunter, teasing master, hot dancer. Hell, everyone was loving it, the sudden boost in confidence and cockiness, and he loved it as much. He pushed the fan service to the maximum, making it so obvious that people even doubted it was not actually a plan to pretend they were pretending while they were in fact not pretending ? Yeah ? Minho was a genius.

The kids loved it so much, the mood and dynamic changed a bit in the group. It was for the best really, because suddenly, no absence was felt, and everyone finally found their own role in the success they were all having. They all slowly found a new definition for the word ‘family’ and everyone was proud, and united, and just fucking happy.

While it was a bit awkward at first, Jisung and his’ relationship only grew stronger. He accepted how two soulmates could have two different views on the relationship they shared, and while it was not fully mutual, it was still somewhat mutual, and it was sufficient for him.

Because he hated the thought of sitting down and actually coming out to people, he decided to do it in a more him-way. Read : sitting down and saying, ‘I could totally get him in bed’, pointing to one of the actor of the drama they were watching, until Felix raised a brow at him with a small smirk and Chan shook his head with a small laugh, whispering about how inappropriate it was to speak like that. They get it, that makes him glad.

He is less subtle when he says ‘no, no I don’t want kids, but the guy I’m with should expect to take care of at least three cats’. Jeongin stared at him with wide eyes, then looked around half panicked, before shrugging and going back to whatever game he is playing on his phone, listening to the conversation with one ear. Hyunjin, who asked the question, grimaced, and answered how terrible it is to have so many cats, why not a dog, dogs are cute and his partner should definitely not be a cat person, or else. Minho just smiled.

One night, they somehow end up talking about fucking marriage, and it puts Minho in a sour mood.

“Whatever, it’s unfair anyway.” He said, clearly angry now.

“What is ?” asked Jisung from his lap, his head lying on his thighs, while they’re both on the sofa. All seven boys in the dorm lifted their head to him, waiting for him to elaborate.

“Marriage. Not everyone can get married, that’s fucking unfair.” A small silence followed his words.

“Yeah, but you know, some idols do get married.” Said Jisung, and Minho just flipped his forehead with his fingers.

“You know I don’t mean that.” There was no bite in his words, though.

“I know, hyung. Sorry.” He said, and they just look at each other a few moments, smiling a bit. Minho felt calmer now, but when the faint pull came back, he looked up again. He put one of his shaking hands in the younger’s hair, while the other was caught in a comforting hold, their fingers intertwining on his chest.

“I’m sure society can change in the next years. It sucks to wait, but I have a good feeling.” Said Seungmin. The boy approached him, and put a hand on Minho’s shoulder, before sitting down on the armrest next to him.

Minho just stared at him; his gaze completely blank. He turned around to observe his members and met Changbin’s eyes. The guy fucking winked at him.

“Whatever, weddings are overrated anyway”

“Totally, man.” Jisung laughed, his hand tightening around his own.

~~~

It was not the first time Minho cried, of course, but it was the first time he cried for feeling too fucking much for one person. He was not expecting it, at all. This time, he was in his new bedroom, in his new dorm. He couldn’t believe he now had a room for himself, it felt surreal. They were successful enough for it now, and he hoped with all his might that it would last forever.

That night, the feeling in his chest was somehow heavier and lighter at the same time. The pulling was definitely more powerful, but in a good kind of way. He felt both peaceful and restless. He had the energy to run a marathon but at the same time could not imagine leaving his bed without his legs just giving up on him.

He received a text, asking if he was asleep yet. When he answered no, he only waited a few seconds before he could hear someone opening the front door of their apartment and entering it. He already moved in his bed to leave room for Jisung, when the boy knocked on his bedroom door softly.

“Come in”. He said, not too loud to not wake the kids sleeping in the other rooms.

A sleepy Jisung appeared in front of him. He was still dressed in the same clothes he had earlier, signalling he just left from the studio before coming here. While it was pretty common for them to just come unasked to each other’s dorm, it was still a bit weird for them to come this late into the night. Since it was a bit closer to the company, Minho guessed it was because he could not bother walking all the way to his own apartment.

“Hey, did you eat ?” He asked, because making sure he did felt compulsory when he left work after midnight.

“I did.” Jisung answered, making his way to the bed before falling on it with a loud noise. Minho rolled his eyes.

“Be quiet.” Jisung only giggled, before joining him under the covers. “Ew you’re still wearing your working clothes, now I need to change my sheets.” He complained, hitting him lightly on his back to accentuate his words.

“But hyung !” He whined, “I’m too tired to change…”

“Tsk.”

But still, Minho moved the duvet so it would cover both of them and turned on his side to look at Jisung. He had his eyes closed, lying on his stomach with his head turned towards him. He looked so soft. With a sigh, he put his hand on his back, and gently caressed it in a soothing way, before closing his own eyes, ready to fall asleep.

“Hyung ?” Jisung said.

“Mmh ?” It was so silent in the room, only the sound of them breathing could be heard. Actually, he could hear his own heartbeat going louder and louder and wondered if the other boy could hear it as well.

“There’s something I want to ask you.” He whispered, now. A secret shared in bed late in the night, how typical. Minho opened his eyes to meet his friend’s stare already on him.

“Go ahead.”

Jisung seemed to hesitate, and turned on his side, putting his right hand under his head and now avoiding Minho’s face.

“Don’t laugh ok ?” and while normally Minho would probably laugh at whatever dumb thing he would say, this time felt different. So he just nodded, knowing when to be serious.

He was definitely right about it being anything but laughable.

“I really think we’re soulmates.”

One. Two. Three. A few seconds passed, where they only stared at eachother. Minho waited for him to smile and tease, like he was so used to it, while Jisung waited for probably the same kind of reaction. But they just stared at eachother. It felt long, too long, and Minho needed to break the silence, so he said, with all the sincerity he had :

“Of course, we are.” So calm, so gentle.

“I’m being serious.” Jisung insisted, because he could not be so sure about the reaction he was facing.

“I am too.”

A long silence fell again. But this time, it felt lighter. It was not that important anymore.

A hand moved to his chest and stopped just above where his heart lies. Minho could not hide anymore how loud and fast his heart was beating, but it seemed like the thing that Jisung was looking for. So, he just waited for him to realize it.

But he was the one realizing something now : Jisung’s hand was shaking. It was shaking, and while it was often happening when he was feeling especially anxious, he still wondered if it could just mean something else. He lifted his own shaky hand and reached for the same place his friend went for just a moment ago. Looking up, he touched Jisung’s shirt right above his heart, and felt how crazy it was acting. How quickly it was working.

He bit his lips and closed his eyes when he felt them starting to burn. The hand on his chest moved and went to his face, slowly caressing his cheek. Under his palm, he could feel the heartbeat of his soulmate beating fast, as if it was trying to escape from his chest.

He could feel the pull again, but the pain was long gone. It felt right. So right, so comforting, he finally embraced the emotions that were begging him to finally escape from his own chest. He accepted everything, and let the frustration, the anger, the happiness, the longing, the love that was within him, come out. The tears fell, and the hand left his face to pull him into the warm hug that he needed.

Against his shoulder, he could feel the tears of the man in his arms falling against the fabric of his shirt, and he tightened his own hold to comfort him as well.

“I love you.”

He said, and it was surprisingly easy now. His mind and body felt content for the first time in a while, his heartbeat slowing down.

Jisung nodded.

“I love you.”