Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

NaSTy hopped into the server!

SlugsHugsAndPugs

Hi! Please read the #rules and make an intro in #intros

Erotica Annarchy

lol give them a ribec

not everybody can type with their brain

Rec 69

Love the name

------

#rules

SlugsHugsAndPugs

-Be nice to each other! We all have different experiences, and we need to respect that.

-Do not give out your full name and identity! Cerebroslug names should be okay, but be careful.

-Don’t be afraid to ask questions! We all started out somewhere 

-Do not enter #slugs-only if you’re a host, or #hosts-only if you’re a cerebroslug! I know we share our consciousnesses, but it’s important to have boundaries and it’s not just your secrets in those channels, but the other hosts/slugs.

-Share a fun fact in #intros to let us know you read the rules!

-------

#intros

NaSTy

This is Norman or ‘Skipper’ and my Cerebroslug goes by Valdrinor or Skip. We both use he/him pronouns, we are both adults, and my fun fact is that I am from Amercadia.

My fun fact is that I like eggs, my cool boots, and I love my son. 

-----

#general

Erotica Annarchy

@NaSTy u type like a dad, lol

also being from somewhere isn't a fun fact

NaSTy

I'm not a fun guy.

Erotica Annarchy

sedrftghj

y did u pick that name btw

NaSTy

We wanted something that would represent both of us. 

My initials are NST and Valdrinor likes to say ‘Get nasty’.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

I think it’s sweet! You two have such a good relationship! 

It took ages for Throcbar and I to get along. There was just… so much internal screaming…

She kept trying to wash me out by spraying salt water up her nose. I tried to tell her it wouldn’t work, but it went in one ear and out the other. …literally. She also tried spraying salt water there as well.

He was the one who told me about the cold being the solution, and honestly? That was when I started to trust him.

Erotica Annarchy 

grasplie was cool from the start

she was like- ‘oh u got pain? whooosh and now u dont!’

totally worth all the weirdstuff 

Rec 69

So we’re doing Slug and Tell? A’right

Osjee and I had some issues at the beginning, esp since they saw all my memories and went ‘damn, bitch- you live like this?’

And I was offended at first, but honestly they were right

I am, in fact, always right <3

You’re always insufferable, is what you are <3

NaSTy

I… was not as nice as you all.

I can try to justify it, talk about how I was raised and how I was taught to view anybody that wasn’t a cerebroslug as inferior.

But that doesn’t justify completely taking over Skipper’s body and-

And running my life better than I ever could. If we’re talking about who was a bad person, then it was me. I treated everybody around me like trash because that’s how I was treated, and then I wondered why everybody hated me. 

Erotica Annarchy

rip that sucks

big ooof on main

what ann means is that it sounds like you were both in a rough situation and did what you thought was right

it might not have been the BEST thing to do but you still did your best 

Rec 69

Also it sounds like Valdrinor is from the House of Frangus, and those guys are toxic as fuck

No offense!

NaSTy

None taken???

And you’re right. I didn’t know there were other Cerebroslugs besides the Royal Houses. And I literally shot myself into space rather than deal with them anymore.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

This is why we need to abolish the monarchy! Monarchies are inherently terrible!

Erotica Annarchy 

the point is that were not going to blame you for the things you had to do to survive

the frangus fuckers suck but it sounds like you know that already and are trying to do better

and thats whats important 

NaSTy

Skip says thank you. He is also crying, which feels… odd.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Yeah, sometimes things like that happen. It gets easier as you balance out with each other.

To be clear, this only happens when either the host or the slug is repressed as fuck. 

NaSTy

…Ah. That would be me.

I was not… I was taught that showing emotion was a weakness.

Erotica Annarchy

10 creds says hes a brigade bitch

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Ann! We do not BET on people’s trauma!

Rec 69

Yeah, plus it’s a rookie bet. He's definitely a Brigadier

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Not everybody from Amercadia is a brigadier! Scoops is from Amercadia and he’s not a brigadier!

Rec 69

Yeah, but he also ran away when he was a kid and hates the Brigade for literally everything it’s ever done

Which is a mood, but still

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Just because Norman is from Amercadia doesn’t make him a brigadier.

NaSTy

Actually…

Erotica Annarchy

suck on it pug

i win

somebody owes me money

Rec 69

Who? Nobody took you up on the bet. And don’t you dare drag Norman into your bullshit.

Erotica Annarchy

the universe owes me 10 credits

do you think if i try talking to the weird thing that paid off my medical debt and made me watch 200fast 200furious

it will give me the money

it seems cool like that

NaSTy

…Probably?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Don’t do it, Ann.

Erotica Annarchy

imma do it

if im not back in five then my brain is fried

Rec 69

How would we tell the difference?

NaSTy

I don’t understand. I was told this was a support group. How is this all supposed to help Skip and I? 

Rec 69

That’s fair. I know we’ve been a bit… chaotic. I promise you just got the Weird Kids, and that some of the other folks here are more helpful.

SlugsHugsAndPugs

@ProsAndConvents is also from the Royal Houses! She might be able to help too.

Rec 69

We’ve got the #advice channel , #fun-slug- -facts , plus #slugs-only and #hosts-only if you’re interested. I promise we do talk about real stuff  too. 

But honestly? A big part of it is just… shooting the shit with people who understand. Like, I love my partners, and I share almost everything with them, but they’re never gonna get it when I talk about shared dreaming or how it feels when Osjee manually turns off my cortisol receptors when I’m stressed out.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

I made this server because I wanted a place where we could be ourselves. So that people don’t just see Pug and Throcbar, but Pug-and-Throcbar, you know?

Erotica Annarchy

im always like this lol

but yeah its all just ‘b urself’

or urSELVES idk

NaSTy

I don’t think… either of us know how to do that. Valdrinor and I have always had to be what other people wanted us to be- I had the Brigade, he had his father, and then he tried to pretend to be me… and none of it worked out.

Especially not pretending to be you. I was VERY BAD at that.

Erotica Annarchy

yeah that happens when suppress the hosts

i tried before i met ann

you have no idea what to do 

its kinda hilarious but also sad

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Well, now’s the time to find out who you are and who you want to be!

NaSTy

I think… 

All we want is to be good. 

SlugsHugsAndPugs

We can help with that.

Chapter Text

Scooperman

SO WAS ANYBODY GONNA ASKME BEFORE WE GOT A FUCKING BRIGADER?

NOBODY THOUGHT TO GO “OH HEY LETS ASK SCOOPS WHETHER OR NOT HES COOL WITH IT!”

“OH HE TOTALLY DOESNT HAVE ANY TRAUMA HERE! ITS FINE!”

THANKS GUYS! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT

NaSTy

I’m… sorry?

Scooperman 

OH YOU BETTER BE YOU FUCKING PRICK

SORRY THAT YOU- Okay, I’m putting a stop to this. Sorry guys, he’s going into the mental Time Out Box.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Scoops! We do not yell at each other like that!

Also, thank you for trying to help, but it’s still not okay to do that without his consent. You need to let him go, Lockys.

Scooperman 

Why? He was causing problems, and he was unhappy, and I solved both of those problems.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Lockys, we’ve talked about this. His input is important too, and he’s going to be even more upset after this. He’s going to be angry for even longer now, and for a good reason, because this was an extreme breach of trust.

This isn’t going to solve the problem, but do you know what will?

Scooperman 

….

…Open and honest communication with my host…

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Good! We’re glad you remembered!

Now, are you going to let Scoops go? 

Scooperman

Fine… but he’s still gonna shout at you guys.

NaSTy

Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.

I’ve had people yell at me before, and for worse reasons than he does. I can handle it. 

It doesn’t mean you should have to deal with it, though!

Maybe. But it doesn’t matter right now.

Scooperman 

HEY WHAY THE FUCK 

LOCKSY YOU BASTARD!

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Hey, you’re back!

Scooperman 

Yeah, thank you for that

I want to fistfight my brainslug

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

That’s fair! And that was not okay for him to do. 

How has it been going uh… before that? 

Scooperman 

I mean, it was pretty right before THIS BASTARD SHOWED UP!

AND RUINED EVERYTHING! 

NaSTy

Hey! That’s not fair to Norman! He hasn’t done anything to you.

Scooperman 

OH REALLY?

YEAH! HE HASTN DONE ANYTHING

MISTER BRIGADES OVER HERE IS A GODDAMN SAINT AND JASNT DONE ANYTHING BAD EVER

LETS PUT ANOTHER METAL ON HIS JACKET TO GO WITH ALL THE OTHERS!

WELL JUST SHINE IT WITH THE BLOOD OF EVERYBODY THE BRIGADE FUCKING KILLED WHILE WERE AT IT!

NaSTy

I’m not saying he hasn’t done anything wrong in his life. Because well…

I have done some terrible things, both in the Brigades and after I left. I’m trying to make up for my mistakes, but it doesn’t erase them.

But even then, he hasn’t done anything to you. All he’s done here is ask for help. 

And you do not have to help me, or even talk to me. If you would prefer, you can block my account and pretend I don’t exist. But I would prefer if you don’t yell at Skip. He doesn’t deserve it.

Neither do you!

That… is up to debate. You always see the best in me, and that makes me a better person, but before you I was just… the worst.

I deserve to have somebody yell at me, and if it helps Scoops, then… I’ll be okay with that.

Unless you want me to feel hurt- I think I can do that too.

Scooperman 

Well FUCK YOU FOR EVERYTHING!

Especially… making it hard for me to be angry at you, dick

Welcome to the club, you motherfucker

I wasn’t expecting you to be so voiddamned REASONABLE, dammit

NaSTy

If it’s any consolation, I was very hateable a cycle ago. 

Then Valdrinor took over my body, my whole crew liked him more than me for understandable reasons, we found out my superior in the Brigades was a terrible person who committed a mass murder in front of me and put a craniobolt in my head so I couldn’t remember, then Skip and I finally found a way to be symbotic and I was able to rejoin the crew with a lesser position.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

So… that’s a lot to unpack here, Norman.

Scooperman 

Uh WHAT THE FUCK

DUDE!!!

THIS IS WHY I HATE THE FUCJING BRIGADES

THEY DO SHIT LIKE THIS

IM GOING TO FISTFIGHT THAT GUY FOR YOU

NaSTy

I already killed him.

Scooperman

HA! All your sins are forgiven, then 

I declare you, Norman “Skipper” Whogivesafuck, to be an unofficially official member of the Acadian Non-Brigade!

NaSTy

Thank you? But I don’t deserve it- I should make it clear that I was an accessory to the crime.

Because your superior officer told you too while you were in shock. Also you just saw him kill so many people, and his only concern was that he’d get in trouble for it. If you tried to go against him there… there may have been one more body on the ground there.

I still should have done something…

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

How?

If he put a craniobolt on you after that, how could you do anything? You didn’t remember it!

NaSTy

Well, he had a doctor do it. He didn’t do it himself.

He was a bad man, but at least he didn’t do inexperienced brain surgery.

Hahahaha yes. That would be so very weird. Who would do such a thing!

Skip. 

Yes, Norman?

Who removed the craniobolt from my head.

…our communication officer and our engineer.

Scooperman 

What the FUCK

So I can’t help Scoops with his emotional issues but this guy can do brain surgery without asking?

Don’t you FUCKING DARE

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Neither of those things are okay to do! I feel like I shouldn’t have to say this, but…

Everybody, don’t go through with a major surgery without your host’s consent.

NaSTy

I wouldn’t do it NOW- and I turned off the pain sensors.

I would have preferred some painkillers instead, honestly. Or for you to not do surgery on the ship without a medical professional.

That’s fair. I am sorry about that, and we’ll try and make sure that doesn’t happen again.

Thank you.

Scooperman 

Uhh…. TRY?

NaSTy

We’re in space.

Scooperman 

That is NOT an answer!

NaSTy

Things happen in space. You never know if you’ll have to do emergency surgery in your son’s workshop, so we need to keep track of things like that.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Spacers are just… like this, I think. I’m glad you’re setting boundaries though?

Scooperman 

Fucking Brigaders…

Chapter Text

ProsAndConvents

Greetings and salutations to all of my siblings out here in the grand cosmos!

Erotica Annarchy

sup 

ProsAndConvents

And we shall sup indeed on the fruits of the cosmos, my sister in spirit!

Erotica Annarchy

eh

imma eat my cereal 

ProsAndConvents

Excellent! Let it give you the strength to have a blessed day.

You should eat actual food too, you know. You can’t just live off of coffee and Kornflakes

Erotica Annarchy

thats what i told them!

hey this has vitamins and minerals in it

get off my back grasplie

i cant im in your head

catch me eating the green things to make you healthy

ProsAndConvents

A wonderful effort! Just remember that not all green things are good for the health of your host!

That means no more eating weird goop off the floor just because it’s green.

Erotica Annarchy

in my defense we were broke and it was tasty

yeah not the worst thing we ate back theN

ProsAndConvents

Then let us be thankful that your fortunes have shifted! And you no longer have to eat the weird floor goop.

I mean, I know you two still WOULD, but it’s nice to pretend otherwise.

NaSTy

Excuse me, but… have we met?

ProsAndConvents

In person?

You seem unfamiliar to me. Perchance, we may have passed one another on the street, or made casual conversation under a shared umbrella? Maybe once we have fallen into a lustful touch, before I found my true love- the Cosmic Veil and our Beloved Mother.

But no, I’m afraid I don’t remember meeting you.

Erotica Annarchy

dont mind her 

prosey has mommy issues

ann means that shes a sister of the cosmic veil

and kinda worships the uncaring universe in the form of a neglectful mother 

which is weird af

no offense prosey

ProsAndConvents

None taken! I know that you will eventually understand the depths of my beliefs, and that the Mother Paradox is not neglectful- rather, she instills patience and virtue in her devotees so that they can take action themselves!

Or inaction.

Sometimes the best action you can choose is not to act at all. To plant yourself firmly into the soil beneath you and not let yourself be blown away by the storm. The universe is full of chaos and entropy that we cannot control, and we strive not to add to the madness.

For the record NaSTy, this is all her. I’m… questioning, right now. 

NaSTy

I think I know how that feels. I don’t think you were here when we joined this group…

ProsAndConvents

No, because we were just…sitting on a big rock… for half a nargon.

That’s called meditation, my dear! 

It was one of the most boring things I have ever experienced. 

It is… perhaps easier to silence the mind when you only have one mind to silence. But that simply makes the perpetual journey all the sweeter, to have company within.

NaSTy

I’ll bite, what scam are you running?

Norman!

No, seriously. Nobody ACTUALLY believes in that junk. They’re all in it for the con. So, what kind of new age bullshit is this?

ProsAndConvents

It’s mine, thank you for asking. And the only scam I’m running is the knowledge that my religious beliefs fulfill me far more than your spite will fulfill you.

Erotica Annarchy

lol get owned 

but seriously i know i joke abt it

but its her religon n u gotta be like

level 10 friends to make fun of it

NaSTy

…you’re right, and I am sorry. I am trying to be a better person than that.

We’ve had bad experiences with the Cosmic Veil in the past. 

They tricked me by swapping valuable cargo with imitation egg substitute, and framed me for murdering them.

Well, they were just faking their own deaths and the whole ‘framing you’ thing was mostly an accident.

Erotica Annarchy

seriously what the fuck is your life 

how is this all real 

id say you two are just making stuff up at this point but honestly…

its all too weird not to be true

NaSTy

…thank you?  

ProsAndConvents

Your apology is accepted. I will admit many of my sisters have lost their way, as much as it saddens me. And in fact, I was one of those only in it for ‘the grind’, but… meeting Oxender made me reassess now I was living my life, and what truly matters.

Change takes time. A lot of us are unlearning toxic behaviors here, and it can be hard. And sometimes we lash out, but that doesn’t make us bad people. It just makes us…

People.

NaSTy

I… Thank you. It means a lot that you… care. 

Can I ask you a question?

ProsAndConvents

You can always ask, but I may not have the answers you seek.

NaSTy

Actually, it’s for Oxender.

ProsAndConvents

Then I am correct: I do not have the answers you seek!

Hopefully I do. What do you need?

NaSTy

Pug said you were also a member of a Royal House? 

ProsAndConvents

…

Yes, I was. Why are you asking?

NaSTy

I… am from the House of Frangus. Was from the House of Frangus. I think I might be the only one left, but…

I was hoping that you might understand?

——

[WOW! ProsAndConvents just sent you a Private Message!]

{ACCEPT / DENY}

{ ACCEPT / DENY}

[ WELCOME to Your Private Chatroom!]

——

ProsAndConvents 

Hello, Norman. And hello, Skip. Thank you for speaking with with me like this. 

Prosey is meditating right now, because this is… really personal to me, and I don’t want to share it with a lot of people.

NaSTy

Do you want me to… go? 

ProsAndConvents 

Aww, you’re sweet. But it’s okay for you to be here. You’re emotional support for Skip!

NaSTy

I have never supported anybody before, emotionally or otherwise, but I’ll give it a shot.

ProsAndConvents 

That’s the spirit! Now… where do you want me to start?

NaSTy

I guess… How did you get out? 

ProsAndConvents

Well… I was working on a ship, charged by the leader to make sure nothing bad happened to his spawn, when, well…

NaSTy

Something happened to the kid, right?

ProsAndConvents

Very clever. And correct.

A scuffle occurred, he and I were shot off, and well… we were both frozen in space, adrift and alone. Luckily we were jettisoned along with some crates- I was able to stick inside one, while I wasn’t sure what happened to him.

NaSTy

Until now.

Norman, what do you mean? Norman?

ProsAndConvents

You chose a clever host, my king. 

NaSTy

Whatever revenge you want, you’re going to have to go through me, first.

ProsAndConvents

And you’re loyal too! How wonderful.

NaSTy

You… you’re part of the Mentaphagion Dynasty. You worked for my dad. I thought everyone was dead!

ProsAndConvents

Well, sorry to disappoint. I am still alive, and there will be others out there.

So… just be cool, okay? Try not to go by ‘Valdrinor’, at the very least. 

NaSTy

What

What 

ProsAndConvents

What?

Ohhhhh… you thought I was what, going to try and kill you or something? 

NaSTy

Uh… Yes?

ProsAndConvents 

Oh. Well… sorry about that? 

I didn’t mean to scare you. That was why I wanted to go on here instead of telling you all the details in the groupchat. I was worried that you’d blab out who you really were as soon as you realized.

Sorry, that’s probably a bit demeaning.

NaSTy

No, he would have done that. But… 

Why are you helping me?

ProsAndConvents 

You guys finish each other’s sentences? That’s cute.

So, I could be like Pug and go on and on about how we’re here to build each other up and help all that we can, and we’re all one big happy family, but honestly I already used up all my inspiring words today, so…

I guess it’s just that I get it? I don’t think… I didn’t understand before, why you were trying to leave, how certain you were that there was ‘more out there’ than the backstabbing court politics and the pursuit of power just so you can have power. 

We weren’t raised to appreciate the beauty in life, the smell of a fresh cup of coffee or watching the suns rise over a mountain. We looked down on other lifeforms, but we sure didn’t appreciate each other, either. 

Because of you, I have Prosey. And she’s the best thing in my life.

So… thank you for being an idiot and launching us out into the cold vacuum of space. 

NaSTy

Any time. 

Chapter Text

NaSTy

I hope you all have a very dutiful Patriot Day.

I’m looking forward to teaching Skip how to celebrate it.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Oh, sweetie…

Rec 69

Dude, really?

Scooperman 

He doesnt know any better, Rec

Erotica Annarchy

lol wtf 

NaSTy

What’s going on? What’s wrong with Patriot Day?

Scooperman 

Man, what’s RIGHT with Patriot Day…

But it’s fucking Colonizer Bullshit and nobody outside of Amercadia celebrates it

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

There does seem to be a lot of uh… well… how do I put this….

Rec 69

There is so much propaganda. Scoops showed us one of the ‘holiday specials’ and I legit thought he was playing a cruel joke.

It was called ‘Captain Amercadia Versus the Alien Menace’ and it was… uh…

NaSTy

Oh! That was my favorite growing up! I love how he flew his ship into the alien hivemind’s evil lair to save his beloved wife and the Amercadian Dream.

Rec 69

Yeah. That’s the one.

NaSTy

What’s wrong with that? It seems… a bit hokey-

Hey!

But it sounds harmless?

Rec 69

Unless you’re not human. Unless you’re me. Then- then they fucking- they-

Just to make things clear, I’m lessening their cortisol, norepinephrine, and a bunch of other chemicals so that Rec can stay calm when they talk about this. We’ve agreed to this beforehand, in a time where Rec was fully aware. 

Yeah. Norman, you wouldn’t know this, and Scoops didn’t know this when he showed it to us, but movies with that sort of plot are a trigger to me.

NaSTy

I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…

Rec 69

Yes, you didn't.

Sorry, they can be a bit… off, when we do this. Norman, it is NOT your fault here- if you want to blame somebody, blame the people who made the movie, or blame me for bringing it up in the first place. But you don’t have to be sorry for what is truly an accident.

Skip, this is the plot of the movie, from the perspective of somebody who isn’t from Amercadia: Captain Amercadia and his crew of Amercadians show up on the homeworld of the ‘evil alien hivemind’, looking for {borium krystals}. When the aliens objected because they were using the krystals for a religious purpose, the Amercadians wouldn’t take no for an answer and stayed to ‘reach a compromise’. 

Captain Americada then broke into their temple, where there was a lot of large machines doing things with the krystals that the audience is meant to find scary and a betrayal. He was caught stealing the krystals and then escaped, and when the aliens demanded that the Amercadians return the krystals and either leave or punish Captain Amercadia, it is treated like a huge betrayal.

The wife decides to return the krystals in ‘a moment of weakness’ and the aliens do their first terrible thing and take her prisoner so that if Captain Amercadia doesn’t get punished, she will. In response, Captain Amercadia destroys their temple with his ship, somehow manages to avoid killing his wife- and more importantly the krystals- and commits genocide while the audience cheers him on.

So yeah. I… didn’t like it. Even with Osjee doing their thing, I’m still not ready to talk about what happened, so please don’t ask any questions.

Erotica Annarchy

the wife never got a name in it

or more than like six lines

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Ann, this is not the time!

…you are right though. But that’s not the problem right now.

NaSTy

I… never saw it like that. When I was a kid, it was just…

Scooperman 

Cool explosions and a hero bland enough you can pretend to be him?

NaSTy

…that’s it, exactly.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

And that is the point of propaganda! It’s seemingly benign and banal enough that you don’t question it, even as it worms it’s way into your brain like, well…

NaSTy

Like a cerebroslug?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

You can be reasoned with. Propaganda can’t.

NaSTy

@Rec 69 I know both of you said it wasn’t my fault, but… I’m still sorry.

Rec 69

Rec will appreciate it, later. For now, we’re going to go take a mental health day. 

Thank you for understanding, Norman. Don’t blame yourself for this, okay?

NaSTy

…okay. I still feel so stupid.

Scooperman

Its not your fault

Growing up we both got spoonfed this FUCKING BULLSHIT along with our cornflakes and we thought it was okay 

And now we know better

NaSTy

But you understood that Amercadia is… 

Erotica Annarchy

terrible

nationalistic

a scheme by big kansas to sell more corn

NaSTy

Exactly.

And even before I got my memories back, I should have known what was wrong and I just… didn’t.

Scooperman 

Well NO SHIT, dumbass

Scoops!

LET ME TALK OKAY

THIS IS SERIOUS, LOCKYS 

Look, I got out young and I wasn’t even IN the fucking brigades

You went through cycles and cycles of people shoving all this bullshit in your brain, building up Amercadia as this fucking perfect paradise, and even once it FUCKS YOU OVER, you still think that… it has to be your fault

I’ve had YEARS to get to this point and I’m still a fucking mess

You aren’t stupid Norman, you’re just fucked up.

NaSTy

Thank you? 

It’s… hard. Separating who I am from who I wanted to be, and who they made me. I tell myself that I’m okay turning my back on everything I knew, and for the most part it’s true, but then…

I keep feeling that I’m okay, that I’m not part of it anymore and that I’m a better person, and then… I just keep finding pieces of Gu- of my superior officer, the one who hurt me. He’s gone, but I still see him in what I do, how I used to treat my crew, how I… how I react to certain things.

You’re traumatized, Norman, and nobody can blame you for it. It’s okay. 

Well, I blame myself for it, Skip. I think I’m allowed to do that. Everybody else who could blame me is dead.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Oh wow, that’s… you good, bud? 

It sounds like you were holding that in for a while. 

NaSTy

Apparently, you can’t process trauma if somebody forcibly makes you forget it. It’s been… festering in my brain, and it just. Won’t go away.

Erotica Annarchy

thats trauma baby

but seriously it sucks asstitty 

Scooperman 

You wanna talk about it or do you want to just get on a private channel and stream shitty Patriot Day specials?

NaSTy

I thought you hated Patriot Day?

Scooperman 

He does!

I hate SO MUCH about Amercadia

But I don’t have to hate EVERYTHING about the place I grew up you know?

And I’m allowed to like super old superheroes and shitty cartoons and corn cakes and fucking NOBODY can take that from us

NaSTy

…have you ever seen ‘ The Beaveagler’ ? 

Scooperman 

No, but that sounds AMAZING

NaSTy

It’s terrible. The worst movie I’ve ever seen. And I’ve created a drinking game based on it, but nobody’s ever tried it out.

Scooperman

Then let’s fucking do this thing!

Chapter Text

#hosts-only

NaSTy

So, Skip really can’t read anything from here?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Nope! I made sure of it!

NaSTy

… How?

Erotica Annarchy

magic

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Actually, I used a teletechnetic frequencer that isolates the unique brainways of a symbiotic individual as they assess the information projected into their frontal cortex- or the closest approximation- and separate the signals into two technological locations!

Erotica Annarchy

yeah

magic

Rec 69

So I’m guessing the whole ‘simplify the explanation thing’ is going well.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

This IS the simple explanation! I didn’t even get out the graphs! 

Rec 69

Let me try, Pug.

Norman, you’re a human, right? And humans have those weird… what are those things where you look at a picture and you don’t know if it’s a vase or an old lady?

NaSTy

Are you talking about an optical illusion?

Rec 69

That’s the bitch. Now, when you look at it, which is it really?

NaSTy

It’s… both? Neither? A bunch of shapes?

Rec 69

In this case, we’re going to say it’s both. Because you’re looking at this channel and seeing the vase, and Skip would look at the channel and see the old lady.

But it’s both, and Pug’s is a mad scientist who managed to layer them over each other in a way that if your brainwaves read ‘slug’, then you go to one chat, and if there’s absolutely no slug brainwaves, you go to the other chat.

Also, thanks again for not making it human-centric.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Of course! I know a lot of things are designed just for humans, and a lot of other things are split up to be just ‘human or not human’, which really stinks.

I wish I knew that before the accident…

NaSTy

What accident?

Or is it wrong of me to ask? 

SlugsHugsAndPugs

Not at all! I don’t mind talking about it.

The thing is that I was a pretty normal human for most of my life, then when I was thirty five cycles old I was helping with my parents’ demolition company and I got… squished under a piece of debris!

It was uh… pretty bad, and it took some time for the insurance company to come through, so… now I’m a cyborg! Which is cool, since a lot of my brain meats had to be reconstructed and now it runs so much FASTER than when I was just a human, but…

It’s rough out there, being a cyborg. Especially when you’re visibly a cyborg.

NaSTy

Oh. I’m sorry.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Don’t worry! Like I said, I don’t mind talking about it, and I’ve found a good job where I don’t have to talk face to face with a lot of people, and I’m happy!

I’m not going to pretend I don’t have problems- if I don’t have Throcbar then my mind goes WAY too fast for most people to handle as you can probably tell right now, but I’ve got ways to handle it. 

NaSTy

No, I mean… before Skip, I would have been one of those people judging you for being a cyborg. I would have thought that you were less of a person, but you’re not.

Erotica Annarchy

if u say that shes brave or that shes so strong for living with this imma punch u

dont matter if were half a galexy away

NaSTy

I… don’t understand why that would be an issue, but I wasn’t going to say that? 

Erotica Annarchy

a lotta people think that somebody with a disability is ‘inspiring’ for like

existing and living their life even through all the ‘hardships’ and ‘struggles’

but its not a nice thing to say that it just makes the person feel like they arent a person and theyre just 

a prop or something to fawn over and show your a ‘good person’ over

its patronizing as fuck and it just sucks asteroiddicks

NaSTy

I see. I would apologize to you as well, but…

Erotica Annarchy

yeah id hate it if you did

good call

NaSTy

I was going to say that I have never patronized a disabled person. I was too busy being an obvious asshole to try being subtly terrible.

Erotica Annarchy

looooooool

honestly props for that

NaSTy

Please do not give me ‘props’, I was still a bad person.

That was actually what I wanted to talk about here, before…

Rec 69

We did get off topic. The important thing is that you can say whatever you want and Skip won’t be able to read it.

NaSTy

Thank you. I just… 

I’ve come to terms with having Skip in my head. Honestly, I wouldn’t know what to do if he was gone. But…

I didn’t choose this. I would never have chosen this, not the way I was. And… I’m trying not to blame myself for being taken over, especially as some of my crewmates have also been controlled by Cerebroslugs, and that was a far worse experience than mine.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Hey! We do not compare experiences here, mister! Just because it’s working out now doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatic, and just because somebody had it ‘worse’ doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel bad about it!

NaSTy

I… think I understand what you’re trying to say? But that isn’t… that’s a problem, but it’s not what I’m struggling with.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Whoops! I went too fast there- sorry, Norman! I’ll be quiet!

NaSTy

My problem isn’t with Skip. It’s with the rest of the crew.

Skip… he didn’t know what he was doing, and nobody ever taught him differently. He didn’t know how to be symbiotic or even that it was an option. I’m not going to get upset at what he did to survive.

My crew watched me get taken over. Even if they didn’t know what happened, they knew that Skip wasn’t me, but went along with it anyway. 

Erotica Annarchy

oh shiiiiiit

Rec 69

Why are you- what did they- WHY?

NaSTy

Because I deserved it. I was terrible to them all- I took advantage of the comm officer’s naivety to have them work for free, I made one of the gunners clean my office and treated the other like a piece of meat because she was a droid and he was a clone- Skip treats the engineer like a son, and I treated him like a tool.

What would you do, if you were in my crew’s shoes? If your superior officer stopped yelling at you and punishing you for his own mistakes, and suddenly started treating you as a person? Wouldn’t you ignore some weird smiles and vocal quirks and just pretend that he turned over a new leaf? 

I can’t blame them for preferring Skip over me, but… I’m upset, and I shouldn’t be.

Erotica Annarchy

i mean u can still b upset

even if something was ‘for the best’ it can still suck

and ur allowed to feel mad about it

it doesnt even have to b that ur mad at THEM

u could b like ‘man it sucks that this is what it took for me to b cool’

Rec 69

Sorry, I had to take a ribec to take all of that in because it was a lot to process. Like a LOT. 

NaSTy

How do you think I feel?

Erotica Annarchy

im guessing u feel bad

Rec 69

I think you’re going to have to actually talk to them about it. Because it’s clearly weighing on you, but they probably can’t tell or think it’s just a learning curve with Skip. 

But you got to put on your big boy pants and tell them how you feel. This is the kind of thing that will build up over time, and even though it’ll be uncomfortable, it’s better to do it now.

NaSTy

But… I can’t do it to Skip. I know that he’s going to feel guilty because he was the one to actively take me over, and I don’t know how to stop him from feeling that. Not when I can’t even control how I feel.

Besides, he’s friends with the rest of the crew, and I don’t want to hurt his relationships with them. They’re good people, even if I have… mixed feelings.

Rec 69

Well, there’s three ways to deal with that- first off you could have the conversation with everybody involved, including Skip, and talk about it like an adult.

NaSTy

Absolutely not.

Rec 69

Yeah, I figured. The second option is to ask Skip to chill out in either somebody else’s body or just in slug form while you have the conversation, but then he might get suspicious.

Erotica Annarchy

esp bc u guys are SUPER close
like really close for how u met 

its not bad just weird

Rec 69

Finally, Pug can probably hook you up with a copy of her separation software so you can make your own chat group with your crew, and hash things out in there without Skip realizing.

NaSTy

I would like that.

Rec 69

Alright, but the downside with that is that it’s going to take some time for her to come up with something.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Oh really? You think that I, the amazingly brilliant programmer with a supercomputer for a brain, can’t put together a QUIP file containing all the information necessary to facilitate secret communication in the span of a conversation?

[WOW! SlugsHugsAndPugs just sent you a Private Message!]

{ ACCEPT / DENY }

{ ACCEPT / DENY }

[WELCOME to Your Private Chatroom!]

——

SlugsHugsAndPugs

https://href.li/?http://bit.ly/4kb77v

This should work!

NaSTy

How did you know I’d need this?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Well you see… I didn’t!

I was mostly just joking up there. I am amazing and brilliant but… I just didn’t know what to say for awhile, then when you were talking about not wanting Skip to be upset while talking with the crew I thought ‘hey, he can use my program! Let me send it to him!’ and from there I just went through all my files to isolate what you needed! 

I hope you like it! 

NaSTy

That is incredibly thoughtful. Thank you.

What do I owe you? I can transfer the funds right away.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Huh? You don’t need to pay me. I just want to do something nice for you!

NaSTy

But… why?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Because we’re friends?

NaSTy

No, seriously. Why? What’s the catch?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Okay, look. I know you’ve had a shitty life, and it’s alright to be wary of shitty people. But honestly I’ve had a shitty life too- everybody has, in our little group.

That’s one of the reasons I made it, so that we can all talk and share our experiences. And it just makes me so very happy whenever people join and learn and GROW into better versions of themselves. 

And then comes you, mister gruff captain spaceman, and you’ve come in with a chip on your shoulder the size of a planet and at least a dozen misconceptions that we’re run into so far. But despite all of that, despite a lifetime of people telling you one thing and one thing only, you choose to listen and learn each time you come online- even if that means you get yelled at, or get upset, or feel dumb.

Maybe you weren’t a great guy before, but when life forced a brainslug on you and people you hired just watched it happen, the thing you’re concerned about now is making sure said slug doesn’t feel guilty about it. 

And that’s the guy I consider a friend.

NaSTy

Wow. That’s… 

That’s a lot to type in one marbec.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

That’s the power of friendship!

…also my amazing cyborg brain.

NaSTy

Thanks for being my friend, with my slow human brain and everything else.

Chapter Text

NaSTy

So, Norman can’t read any of this?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

No, Pug made sure of it- she’s brilliant like that.

NaSTy

How?

Erotica Annarchy

trust me its super complicated

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

I live in her brain and I don’t fully understand it. 

NaSTy

You don’t know everything about each other?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Pug’s brain isn’t… fully organic. Even from the beginning, we’ve had an unusual relationship because I can’t fully take her over even if I tried, and when she gets absorbed in a project or a piece of technology, her thoughts get too fast and too mechanical for me to understand.

Rec 69

Also that’s not how symbiosis works. It’s one thing to rifle through your hosts mind if you just view them as a hunk of meat, but you need to set boundaries in a relationship.

Sorry if that was a bit… blunt.

NaSTy

It’s alright! Norman and I haven’t thought that much about it, honestly… I’m worried that he’s going to be okay with me doing ANYTHING to him.

I see him as a person now, but… I don’t think he sees himself as one? 

Is this something that happens to hosts? Did I do this to him?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

First off, don’t forget to breathe! It can be hard to remember when you’re stressed, but it’ll help… also I’m pretty sure humans need to do that.

Second, there is side effects to a long term takeover, but it tends to be memory loss, a cloudy mind, and confusion about what to do without somebody else taking control. 

Does that seem to be what’s going on, or is it something else?

NaSTy

I don’t think that’s it. He has some of that, but it’s more that- everything he knew is wrong, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. I don’t think that’s because of me, because I’m feeling it too!

Erotica Annarchy

i mean mood

he does seem kinda fucked up but not in a ‘my body got taken over by cerebroslugs’ way

no offense to him

but u guys have both been thru a lot 

so maybe that’s it?

NaSTy

Maybe, but I’m just worried about him. A lot of his identity was tied up in being the captain, and being from the Brigades, and… well, thinking he was better than everybody around him if I’m being honest.

And now, all of that is gone and he just feels… empty. When he does a mental headcount of the ship, he doesn’t count himself, and I worry that one day he’s going to ask me to take over completely.

And I don’t want that. Not anymore.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

It sounds like he might be depressed. You might need to find an expert to help with it? But besides that, all you can do is be there for him. 

Rec 69

I can try teaching you a bit about how to fuck with his brain chemicals, that helps Rec- but you need to have his permission for it, and it might not work the same with a human. 

But at least itd be something?

NaSTy

Yeah… I just wish there was something I could do for him.

I- I don’t know if it’s because of the symbiosis, but I feel… I don’t know how to explain it, but… I want him to be happy and healthy, more so than any of my other hosts. But not for me, for him. 

And I feel like this for all my other friends too! I want them to be okay too, but it’s not exactly the same? 

When S- when one of the Gunners laughs at a joke, I’m happy they find it funny. When Norman laughs, it makes me want to spend marbecs looking for the perfect joke so I can hear it again!

Am I doing something wrong? 

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Oh, sweetslug… you’re not doing anything wrong. Has anybody ever told you about love before?

NaSTy

I’ve heard about it. Never really felt it until I met my crew, but I already know I love my friends. What does that have to do with anything?

Erotica Annarchy

should i go? 

bc me and ann dont really do

all this 

the erotica is for irony purposes only

NaSTy

Do what? I know you have friends- because you’re my friends, right?

Erotica Annarchy

yeah were def friends

but we dont do romance or sexy stuff 

and even i can see where this is going

NaSTy

Wait, you think that I’m in love with Norman? He’s my host!

Rec 69

We can’t tell you what you feel or what to feel. But in my own experience, being in somebody’s head doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love with them. The opposite, really.

Being so close, knowing your host inside and out, being their confidant and having their trust in the most intimate of ways… there’s something seductive about that. 

Also don’t you dare tell Rec I’m in love with them. They don’t know, and I don’t want them to ever know.

SlugsHugsAndPugs

We won’t tell them, even if you should. They won’t be upset about it, and they might even reciprocate!

Rec 69

It’s not then I’m worried about, it’s their partners. A and B are already skeeved out by me, I don’t want to make things worse.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

If it’s any help, Pug and I aren’t in a relationship because she’s a lesbian and I’m male. But Prosey and Oxender are dating, I think. 

NaSTy

I thought that we all take on the gender and sexuality of our hosts? Is this like how Pug’s mind works?

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

No, I already realized that no matter what my host body was like, I still felt like a man. It’s not common, but it’s still just like… who I am. 

Erotica Annarchy

lol i thought that was the same with me when i went in ann and was like 

‘hi im a lady’

but that was before ann realized that shes also a lady 

might still be actually but i like to dunk on her about realizing she was trans before she did

NaSTy

I never knew… I just wish somebody told me when I was growing up. 

Norman isn’t- he said he’s straight? But I don’t think I’m straight, whatever that means.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Hey, we’re here to help you now! And as for being straight… it varies, I think?

I’ve heard that straight could mean either not dating people your same gender, or not dating somebody your same species? 

But it doesn’t matter if he’s straight or not right now. What matters is you, and how you feel.

NaSTy

I… don’t know how I feel? Confused, mostly.

Rec 69

No shit, we’ve been dumping a lot of information on you all at once. You and Norman have been taking everything really well, but sometimes we forget that this is all very new to you and you both grew up in equally terrible environments.

Take your time- you don’t have to know everything right away, especially not romantically. It’s okay if you feel for your host that way, but it’s also okay to tell us to shove it because we’re assuming shit that’s not there. Okay?

NaSTy

Okay. Okay!

I think I needed that, thanks. The last few rigons have been just… so incredibly hectic, I haven’t had a moment to think through… anything, really. I don’t know why THIS is tripping me up, but I’m glad I have you all here to help.

SlugsHugsAndPugs 

Of course! We’re here to help- speaking of, does Norman eat every malton unit because Pug always forgets.

NaSTy

Oh shit, we forgot about food today. I’ll take over so that Norman doesn’t have to talk to the new chef.

Erotica Annarchy

attaboy

u guys are gonna be fine 

Chapter Text

#slugs-only

Erotica Annarchy

im bored an ann is sleeping

so whats everybodys weirdest host

NaSTy

How are you up if Ann is asleep?

Erotica Annarchy

skillz

it helps her not have nightmares

but i cant do a lot of stuff or else shell wake up 

so entertain me

ProsAndConvents

Did you mean a good weird or a bad weird?

Erotica Annarchy

just weird lol

up to you what it means

Rec 69

You’re all gonna judge me for this, but… a human.

NaSTy

Why? 

Rec 69

Somehow both too many and not enough limbs at the same time.

Also they’re squishy and soft and I didn’t like the dangly bits.

ProsAndConvents

… alright, ignoring that last part! 

How many limbs does Rec normally have, Osjee?

Rec 69

As many as we need.

What about you? What was your weirdest host

ProsAndConvents

Okay, so…

As a disclaimer, this was BEFORE I left the Metaphagion Dynasty so I was kinda a shithead.

NaSTy

‘Mood’, as the kids say.

Erotica Annarchy

yeah nobody says that anymore 

you and norman are both just old

ProsAndConvents

ANYWAY

You know the Aguatunisian show at Uncle B.O.B.’s Fantanimalland?

Rec 69

Yes, and I hate it.

NaSTy

Oh, my friend is an Agutanunisian! They helped the performers unionize!

ProsAndConvents

That’s nice! I hope they won’t be violently overthrown by the security there!

NaSTy

Ri- my friend is keeping in contact. Apparently they’re negotiating a salary for each of them, and they’ve only had to drown two guards so far.

ProsAndConvents

Good for them! The poor dears deserve it.

Anyway, I had taken over a host, but they were a weak child so I was looking for a new one.

NaSTy

Really?

ProsAndConvents

Like I said, I was a shithead.

I saw the Agutanisians and thought ‘oh yes, I will take over a powerful psychic’. I did not think about uh… the water breathing thing?

Rec 69

Good thing we don’t need to breathe, right?

ProsAndConvents

Yep, Cerebroslugs don’t need to breathe! My host on the other hand…

Erotica Annarchy

hey ox

did you drown a kid because you forgot about breathing

ProsAndConvents

He didn’t DIE! He was just uh… waterlogged.

In the lungs.

NaSTy

Suddenly I feel a lot better about when I first took over Norman and forgot to sleep. And didn’t turn on his pain sensors.

Rec 69

And you put him through brain surgery.

NaSTy

And I put him through brain surgery, yes.

Still didn’t drown him.

ProsAndConvents

Hey! I ALMOST drowned him, there’s a difference.

The point is, I went into an Agutanisian during the scuffle, and it was easier than I expected, because for a psychic they had like, no mental shields.

The problem was that when I was inside, I just couldn’t get them to sleep! No matter what I did, they were awake and alert and knew I was there.

Erotica Annarchy 

yikes

all that work and you got yeeted out in less than a marton

i mean you kinda deserved it but still

ProsAndConvents

Nope! They let me stay. And to be clear, this was when I was just a shitheel of a slug who didn’t even realize symbiosis was an option.

Scooperman

Why did they do that? I mean, most of my previous hosts liked that I could get them better food, but why would they just… what?

ProsAndConvents

I had no idea! I lasted a nargon just… waiting for the boot to drop and the whole thing would fuck me over, but it just… never came.

They even helped me pick out my next host! Which was very nice of them.

Well, it was nice to me. Probably not nice for the next host, in retrospect.

NaSTy

I only really got to know my friend, but from what they said, I think this is just what Aguatanisians are like.

Very sweet, very trusting, and very powerful. 

ProsAndConvents

Yeah, and it was the first time… anybody was nice to me. People were nice to the body I was inhabiting, because they thought I was something else. But even the other Cerebroslugs treated me with resigned disdain. At best.

NaSTy

And at worst, you’re either a stepping stone for their path to success, or a broken cog stopping the machine that is the Metaphagion Dynasty.

ProsAndConvents

Hey, take pride in that. I wasn’t even powerful enough to be a problem.

But yeah… I think that kindness was what scared me the most, and I think River Rock Holding Firm While Water Rushes Over knew it. 

…I miss Rocky.

NaSTy

If you want, Norman and I can ask our friend if they can find Rocky for you?

They might not know each other directly, but it doesn’t hurt to reach out. 

ProsAndConvents 

I’d like that, thank you.

…Also can somebody else go now because I’m feeling self conscious.

Erotica Annarchy

alright so 

my weirdest was a troikani 

NaSTy

Aren’t those the actors? What's wrong with them?

Rec 69

Well they’re annoying for one thing

ProAndConvents

Osjee! 

Rec 69

What? I’m not into street performers and they’re way too hammy for me! 

Erotica Annarchy

well rec aint wrong

but my thing was that uh

theyre sorta like a hivemind 

ProsAndConvents

Ah, hiveminds are the worst…

Erotica Annarchy

yep

didnt know that when i first entered one

but then i was connected to like four other people who started freaking out 

and my guy was freaking out too bc its connection with its other guys was gone

and apparently they dont work well on their own so it thought it was gonna die

Rec 69

Ooof, is that why they always travel in groups? I thought it was like… understudies or something.

Erotica Annarchy

nope

if theres not at least three guys 

they straight up die apparently

ProsAndConvents

That’s rough. How did you get out of that one?

Erotica Annarchy

interpretive dance battle

NaSTy

…what?

Scooperman

You can DANCE???

Rec 69

Okay, you gotta tell us more about that.

Erotica Annarchy

what

i thought u didnt like street performers rec

Rec 69

Only when they’re dramatic assholes.

So I guess you qualify.

Erotica Annarchy 

takes one to know one 

but here

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5o7WEv5Q5ZE

NaSTy

Wait, you still performed with them? Even after everything?

Erotica Annarchy

yeah i stayed with them for six rigons before we split 

good times 

im still technically part of their actors guild but ann doesnt have the mobility for it so

NaSTy

Do you miss it?

Erotica Annarchy

yeah 

but sometimes you gotta make sacrifices for your host 

Scooperman

Why?

NaSTy

Because Ann is worth it, right?

I think… that’s what symbiosis means. You and your host compromise.

Erotica Annarchy

right on the credits there skip

a plus for the new kid in town

ann means more to me than all the dances in the universe 

Scooperman

Man, I wonder what that’s like. Scoops is my worst one.

Erotica Annarchy

cmon locksy

hes a bit loud and obnoxious 

but hes a good kid

Scooperman

Fine. He’s not a bad host, he’s just ‘DiFfErEnT’. Stubborn fragger…

NaStY

Why do you two have so much trouble working together?

Erotica Annarchy

lockys is a control freak and scoops hates authority figures

Scooperman

I am NOT a control freak! I’m just used to my hosts being a bit more… manageable?

Okay, I know that sounds bad but honestly?

I used to mostly take over animals, and that was… peaceful, quiet. They didn’t really mind, and it was nice to live a life where the biggest concern was not eating trash even though it’s shiny.

I was taking a cowcation- basically like a vacation where I was just chilling as a cow- when the farm got exploded. I went for the nearest living host, which turned out to be Scoops.

And he’s a lot more ornery than any cow.

NaSTy

Why haven’t you left, then? It doesn’t seem like either of you like this set up.

Scooperman

We would if we could! But well-

Okay, so there’s a lot of stuff that Scoops doesn’t want out in the open, so I won’t say any of that, but basically we’re in hiding with a bunch of his friends.

None of them want to let me in, because Scoops complains about me a lot.

Rec 69

To be fair, he complains about everything a lot.

Scooperman

Yeah! But I’m still not gonna take over his friends just because, and none of the animals around have brains big enough for me to fit in.

So… we’re kinda stuck together. And honestly, this is way better than it was in the beginning.

ProsAndConvents

You two were very combative, dear. They were like cats and dogs.

Scooperman

Man, I’d kill for a cat. Cats are great. I wanna be a cat again so bad…

I’d settle on a dog though, at this point.

NaSTy

I’ve met a slug in a dog once. It didn’t seem that useful for a host.

Erotica Annarchy 

what about you

any dogs or hiveminds or psychics in your past

NaSTy

Well… my weirdest is honestly a toss up.

My second weirdest might be the host I had before Norman? But he wasn’t… a fun weird.

Rec 69

What kind of weird was he?

NaSTy

He was a Chroniak, I think, or maybe a Chronulik? I don’t remember his species- or his name, sadly. But… he was from a species who didn’t live very long.

ProsAndConvents

I think you’re thinking of Chronolocks, Skip. They only live for two cycles, and then they just…

Oh.

NaSTy

Yeah.

I’ve had hosts before who were sick, or were hurt, and I was able to ignore it. And I’ve had hosts who got into fights, so I knew how to get out before they bleed out.

But… my body was getting weaker and weaker, and I had no idea why. We didn’t have a ship’s medic, and I couldn’t show any weakness around my subordinates, so… I ignored it.

And then. I died. 

Well, the body died. I’m still here. But… I felt myself die with him.

Erotica Annarchy

oh shit

im so sorry

Rec 69

Shit, dude.

That sucks so much.

NaSTy

It’s okay. It kinda feels good to talk about it.

I haven’t told Norman or any of our friends yet, because it’s… a lot. I don’t like thinking about it much.

ProsAndConvents

That… explains a lot, my Skip.

Scooperman

Explains what?

NaSTy

Well…

ProsAndConvents

He had a revival! 

NaSTy

What?

ProsAndConvents

It’s no surprise that you had a change of faith after an experience like that!

It’s the kind of thing that makes one look back on their life and… reevaluate.

NaSTy

… oh!

Yes, I was definitely reevaluating my life after that.

And then when I met my crew it definitely felt… like I wasn’t that same slug in the dying body. For the first time in my life, it felt like it was MY life.

Even if I was stealing it from Norman.

Rec 69

It doesn’t seem like Norman thinks about it like that. You didn’t know what you were doing wrong because nobody ever taught you otherwise, and as soon as you learned, you made sure to help him instead. 

NaSTy

I know. And hopefully he’s happy I’m here.

Erotica Annarchy

of course he does

also im almost afraid to ask but like

if that was your second weirdest

whats your weirdest weirdest

NaSTy

Loose Duke. 

Chapter Text

[YAY! NaSTy just sent you a Private Message!]

{ACCEPT / DENY}

{ ACCEPT / DENY}

MEncino

Skip? What’s up, you don’t normally text.

I mean, this is a nice break from the video calls in the middle of the night, but still odd.

NaSTy

It’s Norman.

Wait, Skip does what now?

MEncino

Nevermind-what I talk about with Skip at 3 AM is between the two of us. Do you want to have that one-on-one now?

NaSTy

Something like that. I need to talk about Skip. 

And how everybody just let him… come into me.

MEncino

…

Yeah. We should have had this conversation a long time ago.

Do you want to have it in person or online? 

NaSTy

I  want to do it here. One of my new friends sent me the software to block Cerebroslugs from reading this text and I don’t want Skip to read this. He’d feel bad and it’s not his fault.

MEncino

Who’s fault is it then?

NaSTy

Mine. Theirs- the rest of the crew. Yours, at least a little. But… not Skip.

I'm going to talk to the rest later, but I wanted to talk to you about it first. 

MEncino

Why me?

I understand why you’d blame me, but why contact me first?

NaSTy

It’s… easier.

We didn’t really know each other- still don’t, really. But I wasn’t as bad to you as I was to the others. And even at my worst, I respected you. 

I can see why you’d do it- it was the perfect opportunity to take the ship for yourself without bloodshed or strife, and you were cunning enough to see it. Which… helps, a little.

MEncino

Huh. I didn’t realize you thought about me like that. I’m flattered, I guess?

But that’s not why I took the ship- I took it because I thought the woman I was in love with was getting married because of office politics and I just found out the company I worked for was hollowing out an inhabited moon for its lithium deposits.

I wasn’t thinking about a corporate takeover. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking about you at all, besides ‘this brainslug will do what I want while the old captain wouldn’t.’

NaSTy

Oh.

I’m not going to lie, that hurts. But… It also makes me feel a bit better, that it wasn’t just because I was an awful person.

Because I WAS an awful person- maybe I still am, to some extent. But I’m still a person.

And for the record, I would have taken you to Rubion Five. if you paid me for it.

MEncino

For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. You’re not an awful person anymore, but that change shouldn’t have happened because you got your free will taken away. You should’ve been able to choose to be terrible or not like the rest of us.

I’m glad you changed, but it should have your choice, not Skip’s.

NaSTy

It wasn’t his choice either. Skip didn’t know any better than to take over a person’s life, he was never shown anything else.

MEncino

What about you, Norman? I don’t know everything about you, but what I do know from Gust and Skip and my own background research is that you’ve never been shown much kindness in your life.

How are you supposed to be kind if nobody shows you kindness?

NaSTy

Ask Sid. She managed it.

MEncino

Fair point. But it doesn’t change that everybody was terrible to you so you were terrible to everybody. It’s not okay, but it’s understandable. 

NaSTy

… not okay, but understandable?

That’s… that’s exactly what it is.

That everybody sat back and watched my life get taken over by an objectively better person. It’s not OKAY, but… it’s understandable.

MEncino

Are… you okay?

NaSTy

No. But I understand.

Thank you for this one on one.

MEncino

My comms are open any time.

And… for what it’s worth, I’m glad you’re making friends.

I don’t know if I’m one of them yet, but… hopefully we’ll get there.

NaSTy

I hope so too.

-----

[WOO! NaSTy just sent you a Private Message!]

{ACCEPT / DENY}

{ ACCEPT / DENY}

SwissArmyLife

Hey, Skip!

NaSTy

It’s not Skip, it’s the Skipper.

SwissArmyLife

Hey, Skipper!

NaSTy

I thought your username was SwissArmyWife?

SwissArmyLife

It was! But then I changed it after I started working with Auma to help the Whitneys become Sidneys!

NaSTy

Oh right- how is that going?

SwissArmyLife

It’s going great! Not all of them want to change, though!

NaSTy

Well, hopefully you can convince them otherwise.

SwissArmyLife

Why would we want to do that? If they’re happy being Warfare Whitney, then they should be allowed to be that!

NaSTy

Why? You’ve been so mad at them ever since you knew they existed. They took everything from you.

SwissArmyLife

Well, maybe I was mad at first but then I realized it wasn’t their fault! They didn’t ask to be made from my designs, and I didn’t ask my designs to be stolen and sold to another company entirely!

We don’t have to compete with each other, because we’re different products! The Whitneys can focus on being the best at one thing, and the other Sidneys can focus on being great at anything!

Blaming them- and them being mad at me- was actually pretty silly, and it distracted us from the real problems here: Living Doll Cybernetics and the Handi Andi Corporation!

Side note, do you think we can blow up some factories some time?

NaSTy

Wow. Uh… ask Margaret about the factories?

I actually have something to talk to you about, but if you’re busy…

SwissArmyLife

No, it’s okay! What do you want to talk about, Skipper?

NaSTy

The way I treated you and the rest of the crew was wrong. I know that now. But… even though I care about Skip, and I don’t regret sharing a body with him now, it still hurts that you all just… let me get taken over by some strange alien entity. 

SwissArmyLife

I don’t know if I apologized for it before but I am real sorry about that!

It was just… we were honestly a few marbecs away from dumping your unconscious body out of the airlock when Skip came around, and having him around seemed like a better option.

NaSTy

What now?

SwissArmyLife

Ooooh right! We never actually mentioned we were going to mutiny! 

Sorry about almost mutinying!

NaSTy

I knew I was a terrible boss, but was I really that bad?

SwissArmyLife

Yes. But you’re a lot nicer now!

NaSTy

Thanks? 

I’m sorry for making you clean my quarters, serving drinks, and all the other ridiculous things I forced you to do.

SwissArmyLife

Thank you! But I didn’t really mind doing that stuff! 

Back before, it was important to me to follow my helper droid programming, and you were my boss! It was just…

I wanted you to appreciate what I was doing, you know? Not just be all ‘I wanted everything cleaned up three marbecs ago, you’re late’ or ‘I wanted this coffee as black as my soul, not burned’ or ‘with napkin folding like that, no wonder your line was canceled’!

NaSTy

Wow. I… forgot that I said all those things to you.

SwissArmyLife

Well, I didn’t. It hurt to know that even when I was fulfilling my purpose, I was still a failure. 

It made me feel like everything Max Griivarr told me was right.

NaSTy

I’m sorry- I was wrong about that, and he was wrong about you.

You are efficient and terrifying and kind, all rolled into one cheerfully pink package. You can do anything you put your mind to, and you’ll do it with a smile.

Not because that’s how you were programmed, it’s because it’s who you choose to be. 

SwissArmyLife

And the great thing about that is that I can choose to forgive you!

Because I do forgive you- you messed up a lot before, but I’m really glad you want to change!

NaSTy

Thank you. I’m glad to know you… and that you didn’t shoot me out of the airlock.

-----

[HURRAY! NaSTy just sent you a Private Message!]

{ACCEPT / DENY}

{ ACCEPT / DENY}

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Hello, Norman.

NaSTy

Huh, everybody else assumed I was Skip. Can you read my thoughts from here?

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Nope! But Skip usually contacts me later

NaSTy

I see… that’s an interesting username you have.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Oh, my real name is too long to fit for it, but this is close enough.

NaSTy

I forgot your name isn’t Riva and I… made you switch.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

It’s alright- Riva is my name now too. It’s a nickname!

NaSTy

It is, but… I forced you to go by a different name because your real name was ‘too alien’.

I don’t even remember what it was.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

I can’t send you the actual psychic image over text, but it translates to Being Underwater and Finding a Current That Leads You Swiftly and Perfectly to Where You Need to Go. 

You said it was pretty, paused and said you meant it was pretty long and that I should change it.

NaSTy

I did think that it was pretty. It is pretty. I just… thought that a real man shouldn’t think things are pretty unless it’s racing shuttles or pinups of naked women. Or pinups of naked women posing on racing shuttles.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

You did have a rather limited amount of acceptably enjoyable experiences, and most of them involved belittling those you considered inferior to yourself!

NaSTy

…You’re not wrong.

In Amercadia, and especially in the Brigades, there are certain… standards that all men should live up to, and I wanted more than anything to live up to it. Even after I was forced out, I thought that… if I was good enough by their standards, they’d let me back in eventually.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Oh, I already knew that!

NaSTy

I know. You knew everything about me, even before I realized it, and that frightened me. And I knew you knew that too, which only made things worse.

I assumed you’d use my weaknesses against me, but you never did. So thank you for that.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

You’re welcome! In fairness, I have erased a few seconds of memories a couple of times when you were particularly nasty. But I don’t know if that counts.

NaSTy

That is… not okay, but understandable. And what I wanted to talk to you about.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Oh dear, did I not wipe those memories well enough? 

NaSTy

You did, although I would like it if you. Never. Did that to me again.

What I want to talk about is that… you were the first person to notice Skip. And you just let him take over.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

What about it?

NaSTy

Why? Why did you let it happen?

I know I was terrible but… I always thought you were the nice one.

I could almost expect it from the others, but from you?

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

I’m sorry, but I don’t understand?

NaSTy

Understand what? That I’m upset at everybody for letting me get puppeted around by sentient slime?

…no offense to Skip, of course.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

No, why are you surprised that we betrayed you? You constantly expected it, after all!

NaSTy

That’s… not the point, Riva. 

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Then what is the point?

NaSTy

I… don’t know. I think I’m just… looking for closure.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

What do you want to close, Skipper?

NaSTy

It’s a figure of speech.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

I know!

But you’re still trying to close something, aren’t you?

Nasty

 … 

Yes.

Everything changed after Skip, and I’m glad it did but… it’s one thing to know you were a bad boss, and another to know that nobody would spit on you if you were on fire.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Why would they spit on you? That would be an inefficient way of putting out a fire, even if it’s a small one. 

Why wouldn’t they use a fire extinguisher instead?

NaSTy

That’s what I want to know. 

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Well, I hope you can figure it out! 

And for what it’s worth… Even when I first talked to him in your mind, Skip didn’t seem hostile to me. He was scared and lonely and wanted somebody to help him. 

And you were scared and lonely too, but every time one of us reached out, you yelled at us and made everybody cry. And then got mad that we were crying. 

That’s why I didn’t do anything about him. Because I knew he’d accept my help and you wouldn’t.

NaSTy

Okay, that… hurts more than I expected, but I appreciate the answer.

Thank you, Being Deep Underwater and Finding a Current That Leads You Swiftly and Perfectly to Where You Need to Go.

UnderwaterCurrentPassageway

Oh dear, that is quite long!

NaSTy

It is, but… it’s still a pretty name.

-----

[HELL YEAH! NaSTy just sent you a Private Message!]

{ACCEPT / DENY}

{ ACCEPT / DENY}

WeBallinUp

Hey, Skip! How’s the new jetpack upgrades working out?

NaSTy

You upgraded my jetpack?

WeBallinUp

I did- we talked about it last rigon during Family Time, and the parts finally came in a few marbecs ago, so…

You don’t remember?

NaSTy

Well… Skip probably remembers. But he’s the one in charge of the body during… Family Time.

WeBallinUp

Oh, Skipper? I wasn’t expecting you.

Since when do you know how to text?

NaSTy

It’s just typing, there’s nothing hard about it.

WeBallinUp

Yeah, but you’ve never done it before. It was always yelling at us at a group or sending out long memos nobody ever read.

NaSTy

I thought it was unprofessional to fraternize with the crew like that.

Wait, nobody read my memos?

WeBallinUp

I… don’t know how to answer that?

NaSTy

Nevermind.

How are you and Skip doing? With him being your dad, apparently.

WeBallinUp

It’s going good? It’s a little awkward, what with… you know…

NaSTy

I know. I have that effect on people. Even when I was young, I was always… intense. 

WeBallinUp

Uh… I actually meant because I’m trying to reconnect with my dads?

NaSTy

Oh.

You have parents? That are alive?

WeBallinUp

Yes? 

Did you think I was an orphan?

NaSTy

Bold of you to assume I thought of you guys at all. 

WeBallinUp

Alright…

NaSTy

…That was a joke.

WeBallinUp

Oh!

Heh, it’s actually not that bad.

NaSTy

Thank you, but you don’t have to coddle me.

In truth, I had assumed you were either orphaned or your parents disowned you.

WeBallinUp

Its more that I… disowned them? Sorta?

They didn’t want me to go to space and things got… pretty nasty. And not in the fun ‘Get Nasty’ way.

NaSTy

I see…

Is that why you let Skip say he’s your father?

WeBallinUp

Honestly, I thought it was a joke at first but… it’s pretty nice?

For both of us, I mean.

If you guys haven’t talked about it, I’m not gonna say anything, but… he’s a good father figure. And he hasn’t had a lot of family in the past, so we’re both making up for lost time.

Hope you don’t mind?

NaSTy

It’s unorthodox, but as long as you’re both happy with it, I don’t mind.

I actually have something else to talk about, if you don’t mind?

WeBallinUp

Of course!

But if it’s about the brain surgery, I have to say it was a group effort and really, RIVA was the one with the scalpel so…

NaSTy

It’s not about that.

Although next time, just kidnap or bribe an actual surgeon.

What I want to talk about is… 

I was a terrible person, and an even worse boss. And Skip is wonderful. But none of you knew that Skip would be better than me.

WeBallinUp

I mean…

NaSTy

The point isn’t that he’s a better boss. We already know that. 

It’s just… I want to understand why. 

WeBallinUp

Well, I don’t know what he was like before we met him, but it could be that we were all nice to him when he was recovering from being frozen? 

From some of the stuff he’s said, apparently he was a bit… entitled before that happened.

NaSTy

That’s… 

Really? I assumed he’s always been this nice and smiley.

WeBallinUp

People change, I guess? Especially after something terrible happens.

I know I definitely changed when I became a cyborg.

NaSTy

I did too, after the champagne incident.

But I changed for the worse, and I was already pretty bad to begin with. 

WeBallinUp

At least you know better now. And we can tell you’re making an effort?

NaSTy

Really? Thank you, I suppose.

I just wish I could have learned without being infected by an alien parasite and losing all bodily autonomy.

No offense to your father, of course.

WeBallinUp

Yeah… I figured you’d be mad at that.

NaSTy

Of course I am! My crew let me get taken over by some mystery goo, and the worst part was that I deserved it!

But… It still feels bad. Even though I know it could’ve been worse, and that things are okay now, I still hate that it happened.

WeBallinUp

I get it.

NaSTy

How? How can you get it?

You’ve never been slugged.

WeBallinUp

There’s other ways to lose control of your body.

I lost it by leaving a spaceship without a suit and almost dying, and then getting it replaced by something I couldn’t afford without a death match against a Vercadian and something called ‘Plinth’.

NaSTy

I… had no idea. Im sorry, Gunnie.

WeBallinUp

Well… I never wanted to tell you before. Since, you know…

NaSTy

Good call. Before, I would’ve assumed you were a suicidal idiot. 

WeBallinUp

What about now?

Be honest, I’ve heard it all. I wasn’t suicidal, but I wasn’t… thinking clearly. Even other cyborgs can be pretty terrible about it when they find out how it happened. 

NaSTy

I don’t know, and I’m not sure how much it matters.

What matters is that you’re here. You own your body now, and I’m sharing it with Skip.

It’s not over, but the worst is behind us.

WeBallinUp

Thanks.

And uh… sorry for letting you get taken over by a cerebroslug?

NaSTy

Thanks… son?

Am I your dad now too? Is that how this works?

WeBallinUp

Eeeh? Maybe my stepdad?

NaSTy

I’ll take it, my stepson. 

-----

[CONGRATS! NaSTy just sent you a Private Message!]

{ACCEPT / DENY}

{ ACCEPT / DENY}

BBSexy

Skip, before we talk I gotta say something to Norman

NaSTy

Barry, this is Norman.

BBSexy

Wow, that’s fast.

Anyway, I want to say sorry for letting you get slugged and not doing anything about it.

That wasn’t cool.

NaSTy

What

BBSexy

I know you and Skip are getting along now, and you’re both good for each other, but it still wasn’t okay that we let it happen.

NaSTy

Okay?

I

How are you

I’m good for Skip????

BBSexy

Yeah. He’s a lot more comfortable now. 

Not even in like ‘oh, he’s used to this’, he really seems to feel at home. He’s like… rooted down?

You make him more careful with his- with your body, and that’s pretty good. Dude used to do some wild shit and run into stuff.

NaSTy

He didn’t feel pain before, so it didn’t matter. 

BBSexy

Just because he doesn’t know it hurts doesn’t mean he didn’t get hurt.

Sometimes I got worried about it, like he’d accidentally walk off a cliff or something when we weren’t looking, but you really keep him on track.

And he makes you happy, right?

NaSTy

He does.

I wouldn’t have chosen him, and there definitely were… learning curves… but things have been going well.

BBSexy

I’m glad.

It’s still not okay what happened to you, but maybe it’s a bit better?

NaSTy

Why do you care? I was awful to you.

BBSexy

Yeah, but you’re still a person. I think we forgot that for a bit, but you are and we need to treat you like one.

NaSTy

Why? I didn’t treat any of you like people. A rigon ago I didn’t even see you as a person, just a barely sentient brick wall.

…I don’t think like that NOW, I promise. I was wrong about you, and about the others.

BBSexy

Thanks for the reminder, Skipper. But trust me, I know how shitty you were.

It still didn’t make it okay that you got taken over by somebody else.

NaSTy

It… really doesn’t. I’m trying not to be mad at you or the rest of the crew, but… it’s hard. 

It would be so easy to blame everybody else for this, but… it wouldn’t have happened like this if I made myself a likable person. If I was nicer to everybody, or actually good at leading, then you would have stopped Skip and maybe he’d be the one you tossed out the airlock.

BBSexy

You uh… found out about that?

We weren’t actually gonna do it, Captain.

NaSTy

Honestly, I would’ve deserved it if you did. 

But Skip doesn’t. He’s been the best damn thing in my life. 

BBSexy

Huh.

NaSTy

I love having him in my life, but it’s fucking terrible how he entered it.

BBSexy

I think I get it.

It’s like… the Gunner Channel is fucking awesome and I love you guys so much, but the only reason im here is because all my brothers got killed by my other brother, who I hated for cycles before realizing it wasn’t actually him.

NaSTy

Huh. That’s…

Yeah. 

You get this wonderful amazing thing, but it’s only because of this terrible traumatic thing, and you can’t have one without the other. 

BBSexy

It fucking sucks, man.

NaSTy

It sucks so bad. 

BBSexy

Nyne’s got it even worse than me, and he’s trying to hide it but… he’s still my brother. I know all his tells.

It’s selfish, but… that’s why I realized how fucked your shit was. Because what he went through- what you went through- was terrible. 

NaSTy

You’re not selfish, but you’re still wrong.

He was forced to do terrible things, and I was taken over by a goofball who’s worst trait is crouching at odd angles. It’s like comparing being hit with a blaster to being shot with a pellet gun.

BBSexy

Yeah, it’s not the same. But it’d still suck to get hit either way.

Trust me, I’m not downplaying the shit Nyne went through- Skip is way better than his dad- but that doesn’t mean you didn’t go through shit too.

NaSTy

Wait, that was Skip’s dad?

BBSexy

You didn’t know?

NaSTy

No?

We haven’t really talked about what happened while he was in control. I’ve gotten bits and pieces, but not the whole picture.

I think… he feels guilty about it, for some reason.

BBSexy

Damn.

Well, I don’t mind filling you in. Just come down to the casino and we can shoot the shit while drinking a few beers.

That’s uh… that’s what people do with their friends in Amercadia, right?

NaSTy

I… how are you this good of a person? 

I don’t know if I deserve your friendship, but fuck if I’m not taking it.

And the drinks too, because I’m probably going to need them when you explain WHY we have a casino now. That’s been bugging me for a nargon…

Chapter Text

NaSTy

Attention everyone- I am dead.

Norman, no.

I am dead and this is hell.

Scooperman

Uh… WHAT THE FUCK are u talking about?

NaSTy

We’re hungover.

Excuse me? I’m the only one suffering here.

…but you told me to either ‘take over completely or leave me to my fate’? And I’m not going to do the first one, you know that already.

Sometimes I deserve to suffer.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Okay, I’m not going to touch that.

You guys okay?

NaSTy

No. I am a fool atop a mountain of madness, laid bare by my folly.

He got into a drinking contest with a supersoldier. 

I WON a drinking contest. This is what winning feels like.

Rec 69

I gotta ask. Why did you get into a drinking contest with a supersoldier?

I work at a bar and had like, a giant team of them rent out a room for their shared birthday and they literally drank our entire supply of alcohol. Like, all of it. 

Scooperman

Fuck, did they tip at least?

Rec 69

Of course they did- paid off all our debts too. Honestly despite how loud they got, those were some of the best customers I had. Wish they came back the next cycle like they said they would, but… shit’s busy, especially for guys like that. 

I’d share a drink with them. One.

Not… however many Norman did.

NaSTy

In my defense… he said we’re friends. I’ll drink to that any day.

Scooperman

The Americadian Way: drinking with your friends and refusing to talk about your feelings.

NaSTy

Oh no, we talked about our feelings. And about how I used to be, and how he’s proud of me now. Also about what happened while I was under.

I’m not sure I BELIEVE half of what he told me. Both about what happened, and that he forgave me, but… I want to believe him.

He’s a lot of things, Norman, but he’s a good person and a TERRIBLE liar. Remember how he tried to justify a perfume bomb by saying ‘my farts smell awesome’?

Scooperman

Norman, what the FUCK?

I mean, props for talking about feelings and shit instead of bottling them up like a good little soldier but how the HELL did that fucking come up?

NaSTy

I have no idea.

We wanted to impress somebody so we could get a job! Instead we got chased out of the rec station. 

Was that our first hot exit?

I think so! Man, we got so good at it. I bet if it happened now, we could’ve gotten our ship fixed before fleeing for our lives!

SlugsPugsAndHugs

I will never understand spacers, but at least you’re okay. 

Rec 69

Besides the headache, anyway- seriously, I’ve been inside hungover humans before, and it’s gross as hell. How are you typing this well?

NaSTy

Practice.

Scooperman

Fuck yes! I knew you were cool, Norman

No you didnt? U thought he was a tool!

Shut up, Osjee- I thought he was a tool and then realized he was cool when we actually talked shit out.

NaSTy

Thanks? I’m not sure I’m as cool as you think I am, though.

Scooperman

Whatever. Did you get drunk at Brigade meetings? My friend E says a shitton of cadels got drunk before the brass called them to assemble!

Mostly the conscripted ones, though, because they didn’t give a shit/

NaSTy

Er… I wasn’t conscripted. I enlisted and… I tended to report any of my fellow cadets to their superior officers when I caught them breaking the rules.

I’m sorry.

Scooperman

…Eh.

What are you apologizing for, Norm?

NaSTy

Because I’m not cool? And I caused people to be punished for not adhering to the laws of their corrupt system?

Scooperman

Okay, so maybe you weren’t always some awesome rebellious cool kid like me. But so what?

We already knew you did a bunch of dumbass bullshit before you met Skip, so it’s not a surprise to hear you were a narc too.

Honestly, it kinda makes you cooler?

NaSTy

…what?

What?

Scooperman

Okay, so this is for both of you because apparently you both used to be shitty people?

Imagine there’s like… this fucking pit. And some people are trying to climb out of it, and some people just keep digging and making it worse. Hell, some of the diggers drag the climbers away from the wall and shove a shovel in their hands.

You guys were both diggers- it sounds like Skip was forced to dig and Norman chose it, but who the fuck cares because you’re both covered in dirt anyway. But Skip made the choice to start climbing, and Norman started afterwards. But it was still your choice to climb, even if you started because Skip was dragging you along.

And because you were digging for so long, the pit was super deep, and pretty much everybody in there wanted you guys to keep digging. But you didn’t, and you just kept climbing and climbing until you reached the fucking stars.

That’s why I think you’re cool, Norman. Because the worse somebody is, the harder it is for them to choose to be a good person and the more they need to change to get there. But you still threw down the shovel and started climbing instead.

NaSTy

That was… beautiful. Thank you.

Also Norman’s crying.

No I’m not!

Scooperman

No shame in crying, man. That’s just Amercadian bullshit- you’re allowed to be fucking sad.

I never knew you were so… poetic about stuff. Thought you were just all loud and shouty.

I can be both! I contain fucking multitudes. 

If things were different, I’d be like… a writer or some shit, and blow people away with my fucking poetry or something.

NaSTY

We have a JibJob space on our ship- you’d be able to write whatever you’d like there.

Scooperman

I’ve got too much shit on my shoulders to do that, but if my friends and I don’t get fucking wiped out for being dissidents and we cause some real change in Amercadia… 

Then I might take you up on that, Norman.

Rec 69  

Wait, so if you weren't getting drunk as a cadet-and probably not in the rest of your career, from what I know about you- why were you used to writing with a hangover?

C’mon, we were having a moment

I know, but this’ll bug me otherwise.

NaSTy

Oh, it’s usually not a hangover. I get migraines every so often.

Rec 69

Huh, that’s kind of boring

Not everything has a surprise twist to it. You need to read less thrillers.

Never!

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Pug’s wondering if it has anything to do with the brain surgery you guys did.

She also says hi.

Scooperman

Hi Pug!

Wait, why the fuck isn’t she talking with us? She’s usually a fucking chatterbox.

…I mean that in a nice way, I promise.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Sorry, she’s hacking a technokinetic bomb right now.

Also I’m blaming @NaSTy for this, because this is like. Spacer shit and we didn’t used to deal with that kind of thing.

NaSTy

Sorry?

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Eh, Pug’s having a blast with it. But if you’re really sorry you can tell us if it’s brain surgery related or not so she can stop being distracted by it.

NaSTy

Yes and no? It started after I got the craniobolt put in. I don’t know if having impromptu brain surgery made things worse, but at least now I can actually understand what’s going on.

Before I had these splitting headaches but whenever I tried to do anything about it I just… forgot that I was in pain? I was still hurting, I just didn’t consciously realize it.

Which seems like an analogy for what my life was like before Skip, in retrospect.

Aww, thank you!

No. Thank you for coming into my life. It’s never been the same since the day I opened that box of rotted egg substitute.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Man, spacers are weird.

NaSTy

Don’t you have a bomb to disable?

Chapter Text

NaSTy

Space Google, how to tell if people are being nice out of pity or they want to be your friends?

Uh… Skipper, this isn’t Space Google.

Shit.

Space Google, how to delete posts.

Space Google, how to get this blasted thing to stop copying down everything I say.

Space Google, go fuck yourself.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Having some technical difficulties there?

NaSTy

No.

This is completely fine.

Yeah, we got a new voice activated comms unit and we’re trying to figure out how to search for things. And also switch apps, I think?

It’s nice that the groupchat picks up which of us are talking though!

SlugsPugsAndHugs

That’s bc my girl’s the smartest damn techhead this side of the Twezz Galaxy, even if she won’t admit it.

Aw, thanks Throckbar! I couldn’t do it without your help.

Erotica Annarchy

gag me w a spoon 

u guys r too insufferable fr right now

i hate love

cmon they arent romancy 

just bc theyre queerplatonic goals doesmt mean u can be mean 

right 

sorry guys, im just being a pain bc im in pain

NaSTy

Wait, doesn’t Osjee take away your pain?

Erotica Annarchy

im a cerebroslug, not a miracle worker lol

unfortunately theres only so much i can do when flareups happen

if i numb too many nerves at a time then we cant move and shit

which is sometimes ok but like

i gotta work if i wanna eat an i already called in sick too many times this rigon

my job sucks capitalism sucks my body sucks

NaSTy

…I might be overstepping, but I would be happy to send you some credits

Erotica Annarchy

aw, thats nice but i cant accept

like i literally cant

im still a minor and in the griivaar system im not allowed to have my own account separate from my rents

and since theyre both shit and im a runaway well

ive been working under the table for shitty but untracable pay and so far they havent tracked me down

NaSTy

Ah.

Well, if there’s anything I can do, just let me know.

Erotica Annarchy

sure, if my rents ever kidnap me then you can come rescue me in ur big fancy spacer spaceship

NaSTy

Of course- just say the word and we’d be there.

Erotica Annarchy

lol shes just joking 

you dont have to worry about it

NaSTy

Oh. Well… I’m not joking about it.

If any of you get kidnapped or are in danger, then Skip and I will come and rescue you.

Ideally, we’d bring the rest of the crew with us as well, but even if they say no-

-which they won’t, because they care about us and would want to help out-

…Right. Well, even if they can’t come for some reason, the two of us will help out no matter what.

ProsAndConvents

Oh what a beautiful, blessed promise! It is an honor to watch you both grow as people!

I will take your offer with the gravity it deserves, and will not bother you with matters we can handle ourselves.

That said… if we get gangsters and loansharks chasing after us again, we might need to take you up on that.

NaSTy

That wasn’t… exactly what I had in mind, but okay. I don’t have room to judge.

ProsAndConvents

Oh don’t worry. You can and should judge Prosey for her many, MANY schemes.

Listen! Those were in the past, and I am a changed woman now! I have had a rebirth of the self, and I am a much different version of myself then the con artist who committed all those crimes.

…with that being said, people tend to say that doesn’t count as an excuse for silly things like ‘owing them money’ or ‘letting them take the fall for the theft of the Rubellian Rubies…”

NaSTY

Wait, that was YOU?

ProsAndConvents

A past version of myself, yes.

NaSTy

…

Alright, I’m not going to take back my offer to rescue you. But if it happens I’m going to complain about it forever.

ProsAndConvents

Eh, fair enough.

An understandable compromise- but as I am not in any current danger, may I perhaps enquire about your original question?

Yeah, I’m kind of curious about the whole ‘friendship or pity’ thing.

NaSTy

If I say no, will you leave it alone?

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Of course! You’re our friend, and you meant that to be private. Why wouldn’t we respect that?

Erotica Annarchy

yeah what you look up on space google is between you and god.

or well

the algorithm at the heard of space google that scrapes all your data and sells it to advertisers.

same diff

ProsAndConvents

You come to us for advice and aid, and if we betray your trust for this simple matter, then how could you ever trust us again?

NaSTy

Oh. Wow. 

We are friends, aren’t we? And still, this level of trust…

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Skipper, buddy, you fucking offered everybody a literal ‘get out of a jail free’ card, and you’re surprised that we’d have the decency to overlook a minorly embarrassing post if you asked us to?

That’s like, the basic level of respect here, and you deserve better than that.

NaSTy

Be careful, everybody. If you keep saying things like that, I’d start to believe it.

Good! You should believe that you’re a person who’s worth caring about, Norman. 

Because it's true. We all care about you. Both here and on the Wu- on the ship.

Oh. Really?

Well, I suppose that brings me back around to my original question. After I had that inadvisable drinking binge with our supersoldier, the crew has been behaving… differently to me. 

Whenever they greet us, they greet both Skip and I instead of whoever’s in charge, or just Skip. There’s been a marked increase in invitations to social gatherings, and even when I decline, everybody reassures me that there’s no hard feelings. The communication’s officer laughed at my joke, even though they clearly didn’t understand it, and I have been invited to ‘Family Time’ with Skip and his adopted son.

We had a great time bowling!

It was, although you still don’t know how the damned game works. 

You throw the ball and knock down the pins, and I did that!

Yes, but the ball shouldn’t be airborne when you do it.

Agree to disagree.

Erotica Annarchy

holy shit u really dont know friendship huh

its not pity dude

theyre just like… making an effort to be nicer to you

NaSTy

I see.

Why the hell would they do that? If they want something from me, they don’t need to butter me up.

They’re being nice to you because they’re nice people! There’s no ulterior motive to it, Norman. They’re just nice. 

…okay, most of them are nice people. But Ma- the person in charge is nice to you because she likes you.

Erotica Annarchy

damn. sick burn for whoever that is.

NaSTy

No, it’s a compliment. She’s a manipulative, competent bitch and also the coolest person on the ship. I respected her even when I was an asshole, that's how cool she is.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Oh wow, she sounds hot.

NaSTy

Oh no, I think you posted that on accident like Skipper!

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Nope! I know what I’m into and it’s tough, talented women who can and will step on you to get ahead.

You need a better taste in women.

NaSTy

Well, I guess she’s attractive? But her dating life is… already complicated, so please don’t try to get involved with her.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Oh, of course not! Sorry for being all weird about your coworker, I promise I won’t say anything else about her, it’s just…

Women, you know?

No

Erotica Annarchy

no 

no

NaSTy

No.

No?

I thought you liked women. Aren’t you straight?

I am, but I’ve certainly never had THAT reaction to them.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Sorry! I'm a disaster lesbian and sometimes women so pretty my brain shortcircuits.

ProsAndConvents

Now that’s a mood.

Indeed, sometimes people are so beautiful that it takes my breath away!

SlugsPugsAndHugs

No, it’s not a metaphor. Pugs once saw too many pretty women at once and her brain had to reboot. I was basically controlling a weird meat puppet until she came back online.

It was a technical issue in my brain, but I fixed it afterwards.

Oh! Also, Skipper- I think I can help you with your comms unit! I’ll go PM you.

----

[WELCOME to Your Private Chatroom!]

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Hey, do you mind if I point something out before we start?

About your coworkers being nice to you, I mean.

Okay if not!

NaSTy

It’s fine. I’m still trying to figure it out.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Great! Oh, also this is still set up to be just us, no slugs allowed- is that okay?

NaSTy

Works for me. Skip will probably be happier talking with his friends.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Okay! So you said it happened after you drank with the supersoldier, right?

NaSTy

Yeah, we had a drink after I talked to him and the others about what happened with Skip.

Well, a lot of drinks.

Do you think I said something pathetic and don't remember it?

SlugsPugsAndHugs

No! 

Well, maybe you did but that's not the point.

I think they’re being nicer to you because you talked to them about your problems! 

NaSTy

Fuck, you’re right.

Skip can never know- he was so happy when we started getting along.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Huh? What do you mean?

NaSTy

Obviously, they’re just being nice because they felt bad about letting Skip take over. Damn it, I was just starting to believe they wanted to be friends too.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

???????

What?

No!

I mean, maybe? But probably not?

Anyway, that’s not what I meant, Norman!

NaSTy

What else could it be?

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Well, they probably went ‘oh hey, this person who I knew as a total jerk reached out and is behaving like he’s not a total jerk anymore! He’s being totally responsible and accepting his share of the guilt, and now that he’s cool, we should be friends!’

NaSTy

You think I managed to fix cycles of abusive behavior with one conversation?

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Of course not!

But you took the first step towards it!

And with how nice you two say the crew is, would it be such a surprise if they decided to take another step themselves?

NaSTy

When you put it that way…

Yeah, I can imagine them taking a chance on me.

…

Space Google, how do I show my friends that I’m thankful they like me?

Shit.

SlugsPugsAndHugs

Whoops, let’s just get that fixed first! And then you can do something nice for your friends!

NaSTy

Sounds goodto me.