Chapter Text
Chapter 1
Come back rebound, simpler said than found
Night by night and tear by tear
Somehow some way we all get to someday
Mile by mile and fear by fear
Watari isn’t sure if it’s fate, if the world has maybe some kind of fucked up sense of humor. If maybe this was always here, sitting under the surface, simmering softly and the universe just, turned up the heat a bit.
But it’s crazy when after high school, Watari and Kousei both get accepted into universities in New York. Watari continuing his soccer career and academics at NYU, and Kousei getting into Juilliard.
Watari thinks it’s crazy that the universe sort of just ripped them both away from home and plopped them 12 minutes away from each other.
And even though they both live in school dorms, they stay in constant communication. Watari is eager to tell Kousei about any new girl in his school.
“She’s beautiful, Sei. Long dark hair and these incredibly blue eyes. She’s a cheerleader and I’m an athlete so it just kinda makes sense you know?”
Kousei is happy to complain to Watari about his classmates.
“They just want to… do stuff all the time. Go to a club. Go see a play. Go have dinner. It’s so much-,” He gestures wildly in the air. “-togetherness and like socializing all the time.”
Watari laughs loudly. “Yeah, Kousei. That’s what college is for.”
Kousei falls back on his dormroom bed, “Yeah but…” And sighs in frustration.
More often than not, Kousei spends time in Watari’s dorm, finding the other students at Juilliard to be ‘not his scene.’
Watari just laughs and reminds him,
“Kousei, they’re just like you. They’re exactly your scene.”
Despite the mountains of homework and constant practicing they both endure - they do their best to stay in touch. It takes awhile for Tsubaki to stop giving them the cold shoulder. Watari finally convinces her that it just… happened.
She just huffs into her phone, the sound small and defeated, “Yes, I understand that, but I just don’t understand why it couldn’t happen to me.”
He doesn’t know what to say back. But as time moves forward, the video calls between the three of them become less and less awkward and stilted and more and more open and friendly and before they know it, it’s like none of the awkwardness was there in the first place.
Watari’s first semester is muddled up in soccer practices and games, which Kousei attends religiously. He manages to sit front row in every single one of Watari’s home games, cheering him on louder than anyone else in the stands. Before he realizes it, he becomes a staple in the brunette’s life.
The first time the idea pops into his head, happens after his fifth game. Watari is freshly showered and getting ready in the dorms, Kousei complaining loudly about how hungry he is while he lies on his bed -
“Watari when I shrivel up and die, send my body to Tsubaki.”
“God, you’re sucha weirdo.”
-when the door to his room is thrown open and three of his closest players waltz in the door, snacks in hand and freshly showered bright faces.
“Can you believe it, Watari? We won. When you scored that goal before halftime, I thought that – oh, it’s you.”
The three of them freeze just inside the door, eyes taking in the scene. Watari’s part way through putting his shirt back on and Kousei lifts his gaze up from laying back on the bed, adjusting his rumpled clothes. Watari frowns and finishes slipping on his shirt as Kousei sits up and smooths out his clothes. Kousei, polite as ever, stands up, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Err. Hi,” He holds out a hand. “I’m Kousei. I went to middle school with Watari, it’s uh – nice to meet you.”
Jet, the team goalie tosses his hair back and smiles politely. “Jet. Nice to finally meet you. I was wondering when Watari was going to introduce us to his boyfriend. You’re at like – all his games.”
A second player surges forward holding out his hand. “Name’s Sky. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you – we uh definitely didn’t mean to you know interrupt…”
Watari finally glances over at Kousei and takes in the scene they were in before the other three walked in and – yeah okay he can see how things got misconstrued.
The third player gives a small salute. “I’m Jack Boscoe, but everyone call’s me Boss.”
There’s a tense silence and Watari looks over at Kousei to find him flaming red and trying to stammer something out. “We – I’m – we’re not-,”
Watari laughs. “He’s not my boyfriend. We’re just friends. You guys literally saw me with Keiko yesterday.” He turns back to the mirror and slides on his zip up hoodie. “I’m glad you all finally met though.” He rubs the back of his neck bashfully. “I was kinda worried about it. Kousei is a piano prodigy at Juilliard.”
“Watari…” Kousei warns.
“Wow Juilliard?” Jet eyes him with renowned interest and something about it leaves Warati unsettled. “That’s incredible.” He smiles brightly at Watari. “Sorry, I thought you guys were together.” He looks at Kousei with a hungrier look in his eyes. “Your loss is my gain though. Kousei, you’re cute.” He shifts his gaze back to his teammate. “We’ll catch you when you get back. Have fun guys!” And he ushers the other players out the door.
It takes their whole time at dinner for Watari to come to the conclusion that objectively speaking, Kousei is attractive.
And also maybe not allowed to have alone time with Jet.
Watari insists on walking Kousei to his train at the end of the night and the pianist rubs the back of his neck bashfully and chuckles. “You insisting on walking me to my train is probably why your friends think we’re dating.” He smiles over at him. “You’re too much of a gentlemen.”
The athlete just laughs brightly. “Can’t help it if I’m just a dazzling lady killer, always.” They round the corner and Watari doesn’t know what compels him to ask but, “What about you, Kousei? Any ladies catch your interest?”
Kousei stops walking abruptly and Watari staggers to a stop, caught off guard. “Watari… If I – well there’s a – there’s a boy -,” He looks away, and lifts his shoulders – tense and uncomfortable. “-he’s a flutist and he’s well – he’s kind of cute. He asked me to coffee, but I – I don’t know…”
Watari tries to recover from the shock and clasps a hand on Kousei’s shoulder. “Hey man, that’s – that’s great, are you going to go?”
Watari doesn’t have a problem with who anyone likes or doesn’t like but he knows Jet is into men and – well now he knows so is Kousei so…
Yeah, he’s definitely not allowed anywhere near Jet. Screw Jet.
…
Okay well he likes Jet, but Kousei is – off limits.
…
He’s really gotta stop thinking about this. Kousei looks pained and he drops his gaze again. “No I – it’s too hard, you know? I know it’s been almost five years, but I – I know they say it gets easier – that I’ll bounce back and - and I should be ready…” He flicks his gaze up and frowns, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes. “But I just – I just can’t.”
Without thinking Watari flips Kousei around and envelopes him in a tight hug. He stands there for twenty minutes in the cold fall air of New York clutching tightly to Kousei.
Kousei wears his heart on his piano keys. He doesn’t always know how to express himself, doesn’t always know how to – how to talk to other people, but the second he sits down at a piano bench, fingers on the ivory keys… it’s like writing a journal entry.
As his fingers dance across the keys he writes the apprehension of starting a new chapter of his life. He writes feeling scared about being so far away from home. He writes about the comfort of having Watari close by. The small bubble of excitement about making new friends… writes about the excitement of watching Watari play baseball.
As he wraps up his piece he pushes everything into the keys, playing directly for Watari, thanking him… expressing his affection that Watari always goes out of his way to comfort him, let him whine about school, force him to be social and make friends…
And when he strikes the final key, steps out to the stage to take a bow – the crowd roars. He lifts his gaze, locking eyes with Watari – his best friend since childhood, watching his eyes water and growing scarlet when the brunette shoots up and throws his hands in the air cheering loudly, the other players following as well.
He hastily makes his way off stage, shaking his head affectionately.
And just like that his first performance is under the books.
They return home for winter break, hooking up with old friends, finally seeing Tsubaki again, and the three of them even take the time to visit Kaori’s grave.
When he stands at the stone, face frozen against the snow, he’s surprised by the warm tears that stroll down his cheeks. Watari grips his shoulder tightly and steps closer to him, a warm and comforting presence behind him.
“She would have been proud of you, Kousei.”
He turns around and buries himself in Watari’s chest instinctively and cries harder.
“What?” He sobs. “Why is this still so hard.”
Watari instinctively runs a hand through Kousei’s hair. “Just take it night by night, Sei.” He murmurs. “Tear by tear. You’ll be okay. I promise.” He adds. “Someday, we’ll all be okay again.”
It’s weird, but by the end of the semester – Watari and Kousei are inseparable.
Kousei spends most of the time at Watari’s school. When the soccer player asks about it, Kousei just shrugs. “I told you. Music kids are weird and annoying.”
“Says the music kid…” Watari mumbles.
Kousei knocks shoulders against him. “Shut up, you stereotypical jock.” He snorts as they make their way through Watari’s campus towards his dorm. “Speaking of which, you got a date tonight right?”
Watari smiles wistfully. “Yup. Her name is Caitlin. She’s such a babe.” He gushes. “You’re going to help me pick out an outfit right?”
“Of course.”
Watari swipes his key to get into their building. “What are you doing tonight?”
Kousei shrugs “I’m hanging out with Sky and Jet tonight. Something about going to a club.”
They enter his dorm and Kousei flops onto his bed immediately while Watari thumbs through his clothes. “Oh! That – cantina like one, right?”
“I think so. Sky really likes cantinas, huh?” He laughs.
“Sky likes the women in cantinas.” They share a laugh and he pulls out a tight long sleeve band t-shirt from a hardcore concert they went to last week with Jack. “This one?”
“Yeah, and wear the dark straight leg jeans. They fight your thighs tight, but are just loose enough at the waist.” Watari blanches. He cocks an eyebrow. “What? What’s wrong? Are you sick? You ate a lot of fries at lunch.”
“What do you mean loose enough around the waist?”
Kousei loses color in his face. “Just – you wouldn’t understand – just baaahh – I like men, okay? Trust me that I know what I’m talking about. I know what’s attractive!” There’s a quick pause. “And wear your new vans we bought last week.” He pulls a book out from his backpack and starts thumbing through it while he waits.
Watari’s mind sticks to Kousei saying, I like men. I like men. I like men.
He knew this. After that one night… he knew, but –
Does he think Watari’s attractive? And why does he feel a pang of want for the answer to be yes.
The thing about Caitlin is that she checks all his boxes. She’s leggy. She’s fun. She’s bright and energetic. She’s got beautiful long blonde hair, deep brown eyes, and she’s… simple. Uncomplicated. And if he’s honest – a little easy.
Watari doesn’t sleep around per say, but he doesn’t necessarily say no to a decent hook up.
She’s gently prodding at his legs, playing footsie with him under the table. They’re tucked away in the corner of a nice Italian place just right down the street from campus – it’s sort of the go to spot for dates, at least amongst the NYU students. The guys and himself have taken many a date to the place.
He reaches a hand out on the table towards Caitlin to give it a tight squeeze when a bark of laughter catches his attention. It’s familiar. It’s melodical. It’s -
“Kousei?” He breathes.
Caitlin blinks sweetly at him. “Huh?”
But sure enough, he looks past her shoulder and sees Jet and Kousei at a corner booth, sitting close – way too fucking close – each sipping a glass of wine. Jet has his arm thrown across the back of the booth, finger tips inches away from Kousei’s shoulder. It’s a move of his that Watari knows well, but what he wants to know is why the bastard is using it on his best friend.
He watches Jet lean forward and grab a piece of bread and when he sits back down, he’s sitting just a bit closer to Kousei than he was and – okay that’s enough.
“Oh look! My friends are here – I’m gonna go say hi! I’ll be right back.” She seems surprised but he doesn’t wait for her reaction because he’s immediately striding over to their table.
When he lifts his gaze, Kousei looks surprised to see him, yet happy. There’s a light blush dusting his cheeks and judging by his low lidded gaze and lopsided grin, he’s buzzing pleasantly. “Ryouta!” He shouts happily. And that has Watari coming up short because although he uses Kousei’s first name all the time, he almost never uses it back. “Fancy seeing you here!” He looks around him curiously. “Wait, is this where you’re having your date?”
Watari glances back and watches his date tapping idly on her phone. “Yeah. It is. I – uh -,” He looks directly at Jet. “I thought you guys were going clubbing with Sky.”
Jet shrugs and gives a languid smirk. “Sky canceled last minute and I thought ‘hey what the hell. At least we can get some grub or something.’ And of course Kousei has never been here before.” He slides in close and wraps an arm around Kousei before pressing him against his side. “I’m surprised you’ve never taken him here before.”
Watari’s eyes narrow because he knows exactly what Jet’s implying. “Haven’t had the chance to.”
“Well don’t let us keep you from your date, Watari.” Kousei smiles brightly and a little bit of Watari’s hard exterior melts. “Jet will entertain me until you can talk to me about it tomorrow.”
It’s with reluctance that he starts to turn away. “A-alright.” He murmurs gently to Kousei. “Will you text me when you get back to Juiliard?”
He rolls his eyes affectionately and takes another sip of wine. “Of course.”
It’s fine. Watari insists when he sits back at his table and steals glances until his date is ready to leave.
It’s fine. He takes her out for ice cream that he can’t taste.
It’s fine. She kisses him goodnight and presses him into her door.
It’s fine. He pushes away and claims to have a test tomorrow.
It’s fine. When he’s laying in bed he glances at his phone to see that it’s 2am.
It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s fine. He falls into a restless sleep.
And the next morning when he still doesn’t have a text from Kousei – he stomps over to Jet’s dorm. He pounds on the door and pushes himself in when his classmate finally opens it. He comes to a grinding halt when he sees a sleepy Kousei sit up in Jet’s bed with messy hair and blurry eyes rubbing his left one with a knuckle – a few hickies littered against his chest and in that moment –
Watari realizes that it’s kinda not fine.
And when Jet and Kousei start dating – it’s decidedly and wholly not fine.