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Not even when you were children and the spark in your eyes lit up when Naruto was making one of his stupid jokes, intoxicating laugh boosting his ego. Or when you two sparred with chopsticks over the bowls of ramen over at Ichiraku's. Sasuke believed to be completely incapable of maintaining a conversation with you for more than a minute. You were pulled into Naruto's boisterous orbit while he stood behind watching and waiting. He could only hope that one day your eyes will lit up for him the way they did for the Nine-Tailed Fox boy. Watching from the rooftops how you would playfully wrap your arm around Shikamaru's, your childhood best friend, placing a quick peck on his cheek that had the boy flustered beyond reality.
That is how he found himself plagued by a simple question: What if?
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Not even when the Kusanagi was aimed at your throat, trying to cut the only bond strong enough to pull him back, Sasuke did not stop loving you. It was absolutely abysmal how small droplets of blood trickled down your neck, not a single tear staining your beautiful, smooth skin, vividly remembering those piercing eyes flash with determination.
When he left to find Orochimaru was the day when he also found out that your heart ached for him. Not for Naruto. Not for Shikamaru. Not for other stupid boys he deemed unworthy of your attention. It has always been him. Arms wrapped around him, your head resting into the crook of his neck, pleading. YOU pleaded for HIM to stay.
That is the first time Sasuke believed he had failed you. He was never going to be able to fulfill your wishes, to offer you the life you truly deserved.
The question still stood: What if?
You loved him with such fervor it was astonishing. If he could ever touch your love, the skin would scorch as if trying to get closer to the sun.
“Come home. ” your sweet, pleading voice tickled his dark heart, the faint broken tonality causing ripples in his soul. “Come back to me.”
Those were the words that had his soul snap violently, tiny cracks breaking the hardened surface. You were the only person capable of reaching him so painfully deep. Naruto could not raise his gaze from the ground because he knew, he knew Sasuke will never be able to come home until the dust settles. Sakura finally realizing, right there and then, that he will never be hers because you were his lifeline. Even Sai that had the emotional range of one of Orochimaru’s snakes could feel the agony. Yamato stood behind you, ready to protect your life no matter how much it hurt.
“I can’t. ” Sasuke replied coldly, harshly, full of hate, playing the well rehearsed act of not caring. “Not until it’s done.”
His heart was booming into the ears, waves of pain washing over him as the famous Uchiha dark gaze traced your powerful form.
God, you were a gorgeous girl! The way you held yourself, the slightly raised chin in defiance, the ability to look more like an Uchiha than he did.
“Take me with you. ” your beautiful voice cracked. “ I can’t do this without you.”
The next thing Sasuke witnessed, in all its glory, was your palm wrapping around the sharp blade of the Kusanagi, instantly rupturing your skin, blood flowing along its sharpness. Shock flashing on everyone’s faces as you stood there, imposing, intimidating, tightening your grip on the blade.
“Kill me. ” you spoke, oh, so softly it had his soul hum at the sound. “If that is what is keeping you back, I will accept it wholeheartedly. If that helps you to come back home, I will happily oblige.”
Sasuke wanted nothing more than to drop the sword and pull your body into his arms, to hold you tight and bind yourselves to a promise. He wanted to play with your hair, twirl the strands in between his fingers, to pinch your full cheeks and annoy the life out of you before letting out the laugh that joins in his dreams. Sasuke realized that he had never had the chance to kiss you, leaving when too young only to find each other again now. The way you stood before him now, the way your power was making itself known had him weak in the knees, wanting to capture your puffy lips into a deep kiss and never let go.
“Not now. ” Orochimaru spoke dryly, appearing out of thin air and pushing away the blade from your throat as your hand finally released it.
Sasuke knew Orochimaru was not incompetent as he was well aware that his beloved vessel would never be capable of killing the truest love he had ever felt since the grim end of his family.
Slowly vanishing into an illusion of fire, the last image Sasuke had of you was knees hitting the ground roughly as the tears finally escaped those eyes that never left his mind.
That day he broke and failed you for the second time. He once again knew that he was never going to be able to fulfill your wishes, to offer you the life you truly deserved.
Yet again, the question that started all creeped in: What if?
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The first time Sasuke dared to kiss you was during the war and its heat of battle, an entire world too preoccupied to care of two teenagers silently accepting each other. Despite the skills he had developed along the years, Sasuke's all too perfect Sharingan proved to be a worthy opponent for Uchiha Madara and his acolyte, Obito Uchiha, yet it was not enough to protect him completely.
"Y/N! " Naruto's scream ruptured from his lungs.
Sasuke's head snapped violently towards the direction from which the voice came only to be met by your wide smile, lips shut and a rather disturbing peace engulfing the gaze set on him. Arms raised to the sides, knees slightly bent and trembling as blood was trickling slowly from the corners of your mouth. Dread. Complete and utter dread washed over Sasuke, life draining from his pale cheeks as you let out a chuckle.
"I remember asking you to kill me a while ago. " you said swallowing thick gulps of blood. "I'm glad you didn't. Who would've protected you now?"
When the knees caved under you, his arms caught your body in an instant, Sasuke's eyes glancing at your back to see it riddled with multiple small, black rods, too many to count, embedded deeply into the flesh as some were halfway in, drenched in a Chakra that started to dissipate as they hit their target. You could have avoided this. You were not a simple Kunoichi that lacked the skills or the talent to dance between the deadly weapons. There was a choice to make to either let him be hit or protect him. You once again discarded your life for his, a memory of scrambled words pleading for him to kill you reemerging.
" Why do you always have to be so annoying? " Sasuke hissed cupping your cheeks, thumbs wiping off the blood from the corners of your mouth.
" Is there any other way? " you asked, eyes half-lidded, pushing painfully a small smile.
With complete disregard to bodies dropping dead around you, to the screams of Shinobi fighting, to Kurama's roar as Naruto protected you both, to Sakura finally reaching you, placing her arms on top of your back to heal you after removing each rod, Sasuke finally brought himself to do what he has always wished to. His lips captured your bloody ones, squeezing softly the flesh of your cheeks as you hummed. He was never the guy to show any kind of affection or emotion, to display it so publicly without shame, to let himself go in such dire situation. However, the fear of not knowing if tomorrow you will still be here crippled the most closed off boy this world has ever seen. God, he loved you so much it hurt. Searing pain twisting his heart in motions he never thought existed.
" Sasuke .. " Sakura whispered and he pulled back, jaw clenched with rage. " Leave Y/N to me, please."
" You owe me, Uchiha. " your hoarse voice barely able to keep up its usual volume. " I saved your life. One day you'll have to save mine. "
" Don't die. " Sasuke said removing his hands from your face as Sakura's arm wrapped around your torso to hold you steady in the process. " Then I can pay my debt and save your annoying ass"
As soon as the last two words rolled off his lips, Sasuke bent slightly, bringing his index and middle finger in front of your forehead before tapping them playfully against it just as his brothers used to. The last soft laugh you gave was met with immediate fainting, body resting into Sakura's arm as she healed you with the other. Your best friend's sadness was crippling because of the deep injuries you were possessing and he decided to throw himself into the battle, to have his mind not focusing on the thought of you dying.
When war broke, he swore to protect you even in exchange of his exhausting life. That day he failed you for the third time.
If you were ever going to wake up, to smile again, he would still plague himself with the question of What if?
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Tracing the few scars that could not be fully healed, Sasuke remembering each and every rod that caused them, even after three years since the war has ended. The warmth of your skin wrapped around the coldness of his fingers, a deep sigh leaving you at the touch. Both of your naked bodies were tangled into the sheets, limbs wrapped around each other as only slow, calm breathing could be heard.
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After the war, after choosing to not have his arm restored to always be reminded of his sins, a way of penance he deemed to be this particular choice, Sasuke left the Hidden Leaf to see how the Shinobi world will recover with his own eyes, to travel and reflect over the mistakes he made, to protect the village in his own way. He left without saying a word to you, silence filling the room as you both had nothing left to say. You hated it, you hated him for abandoning a promising life, you got tired of constantly begging for the love he had but never accepting it fully, so you stayed silent. Back turned, the door opened, Sasuke's steps leaving the wooden floor of your house for the last time.
After a year and a half since his departure, he crossed paths with his best friend, leaves shuffling under their feet as they stood into the woods on a hidden path. Naruto was on his way back to the village as Sasuke used it for a detour towards another travel. That is how he found out you were finally happy. Naruto explained how, after he left, Kakashi as the Hokage accepted your choice of forsaking the life of one of the greatest Kunoichi and turned to be a simple teacher at the Academy. Mornings with the children, lunch at Ichiraku's with Naruto, dinner with Sakura and Ino, evenings playing Shogi with Shikamaru. You laughed again, eyes no longer red from crying constantly, dark circles under them long gone from the sleepless nights, finally accepting the help of your friends. Sasuke absorbed each and every word, tucking them into the deep corners of his heart as it brought him joy. He could never offer the life you truly deserved but everyone around you could.
It didn’t fall on deaf ears how Naruto spoke of you, gaze not averting his, glossy eyes and blushed smile. Sasuke realized that his best friend was the real reason of you standing up and walking again on your own. He wanted to tremble with anger, to let himself be consumed by rage and scream in pain at Naruto. However, Sasuke could not. The man standing in front of him was capable of offering you exactly what he couldn't and it settled calmly into his troubled soul. If there was someone in this world he trusted more than anyone, it was Naruto. He was the only one he would entrust your heart to.
" Does she feel the same? " Sasuke asked leaning against a tree.
" I don't know. " Naruto replied doing the exact same, both face to face covered by the shadows of the trees.
" She should. " Sasuke said studying his surprised expression.
" Sasuke, that girl has loved you since I can remember. " Naruto followed a bit taken back by his friend's words.
" That does not mean Y/N cannot love another. " Sasuke replied with a small smile. " I have entrusted her to you the moment I left the village and you did not disappoint. "
Naruto's eyebrows shot up in surprise as he could not imagine for the life of him, no matter his feelings for you, to take away his best friend's only true love. He was probably the only person that knew Sasuke will never return fully to the village as there was simply too much torment in his heart.
" I am entrusting you with Y/N's heart. " Sasuke said pushing himself off the tree. " Do not fail me, Naruto. "
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Another year and a half passed since that conversation and it marked the present situation in which you and Sasuke found each other for the past two days. Nothing but naked bodies, consuming each other to the point of exhaustion, soft touches following, sweet nothings being whispered under the safety of this roof. After three years in which you had learned and managed to build a life without the love of your life, to finally grasp the true meaning of happiness and be capable of feeling love again, you left the village. A month of searching, mind focused only on a simple goal, you finally found Sasuke tucked away into a small room in one of the hot springs at the border between the Country of Fire and Country of Rain. You knocked on the door, took a deep breath and listened to his bare feet slapping against the wooden floor. Sasuke's eyebrows shot up in surprise seeing you standing in front of him, civilian clothes without even the smallest smile. Your eyes were stormy, something brewing into them. Without any warning, your body wrapped around his as lips latched onto each other, hunger and fervor overcoming you both instantly. Sasuke did nothing else but to kick the door shut before taking you all in, drinking in your presence, senses sinking into the scent that always graced his dreams.
Two days later when there was all said and done, he could not bring himself to let you go. You felt so good against him, the comfort of your voice and smile gave Sasuke a taste of how it could've been: the way your lips were capable of breathing life into him, the way your skin against his unraveled every secret he has ever had, the way your eyes captured his heart ever single time he looked at you.
" I know what you are about to say. " you said quietly, fingers tracing circles on his abdomen. " And it is alright. "
" You fell in love with him. " Sasuke said placing a small kiss on your forehead.
Both of you knew that this had to happen at some point, to wrap the entire story in a beautiful bow of closure. You had to have him, to feel everything he has denied you of all these years. Sasuke had to have you, to feel everything he has denied himself of all these years. You both knew that no matter how much you ended up loving Naruto, the man capable of breathing life back into you, the love that brewed for Sasuke will never go away. Both bound at a soul level, something no one would ever be able to replicate, steal or create.
Pushing yourself up, palms resting on his chest, noses brushing slightly, a small smile captured your lips, one Sasuke has not witnessed before. It was new, refreshing, full of hope and it warmed up his heart.
" I'm marrying him. " you said not losing the smile, the one that brought a newfound peace in your eyes.
" Good. " Sasuke replied reciprocating the smile, able to recognize that you have both finally reached the end of the road. " You deserve the life Naruto has to offer, you deserve the happiness, you deserve a family and you deserve him. "
He watched how your gaze searched for any bit of dishonesty on his face but Sasuke knew you would not find any. Pain? Probably more than he would care to admit. Regret? Surely. The mistakes he made were many and this was the biggest one: the incapability of healing himself and becoming the man you deserved. With all of that, he was truly happy that the woman he loved beyond any reason one could ever comprehend was finally happy.
Leaning in, Sasuke captured your lips into a soft, calming kiss that reassured you, that erased your worries, that healed that part of you which knew you will never have a life, a family with him. And it was finally and undeniably alright.
" One last time? " you asked as a spark of sadness briefly flashed into your eyes.
" One last time. " Sasuke replied with a soft smile.
As he pulled you into another passionate kiss, body settling under him, fingers intertwined above your head, both knowing that this was going to be the last act of your love.
" I love you. " you whispered against his lips.
" I love you too. " he whispered back completely lost into you.
Two hearts started racing in perfect sync and rhythm as never before for one last time.
Two souls speaking the same language for one last time and asking each other: What if?
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Leaves turned brown, trees shedding their clothes, snowflakes followed coating the world in a white cloak before the sun could emerge, reviving the earth from its Winter slumber, flowers springing, spreading their perfume, waking up senses and bringing smiles on children's faces. That is how the years have passed, life settling in comfortably with you grading the papers of your beloved students and your husband peeking relentlessly from behind as he frowned constantly.
" I bet you don't understand half of it. " you chuckled knowing how much Naruto used to love school.
" I'll forgive you for this. " Naruto laughed before placing one of his loving kisses on top of your head. " I understand everything, surprisingly. "
" Then why are you hovering? " you frowned turning to face him with a pout.
" Because it's almost time. " Naruto sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. " You do this every single year. How can you still forget? "
" I don't. " you jumped pushing your finger into his chest, voice laced with a threatening tone that was more bark than bite. " This time the papers took longer than expected. "
" Come on, love. " Naruto smiled stealing a kiss from you. " This is YOUR day, the one you can never miss. "
Pulling back from his embrace, your eyes bore into the bright blue ones that always brought nothing but pure love and happiness to you as he managed to make you the happiest woman in the world.
" Naruto? " you asked swallowing hard.
" Hm? " he nudged your nose with his softly.
"Thank you." you replied capturing his lips into a deep kiss.
" Anything for you. " he said smiling into the kiss. " I might've healed your heart but your soul will always need the extra help. "
Naruto wrapped his arms around you, your head landing on his chest and you felt thankful, grateful. This man, this absolutely gorgeous and loving man was your man, yours only, your husband that saved your heart, breathed life back into you and gave you the most beautiful family anyone could ask for.
But .. he was right. Your soul will never be whole, that small, yet deep crack remaining as some kind of a battle scar because it was exactly it: the result of a battle between your heart and soul.
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Every year, on this particular date, it was the exact same without a single change. You would walk on the old training ground where Kakashi was always so determined to knock some sense into all of you, laying the multicolored blanket Sakura bought, knowing how much you loved reading in nature, under one of the trees, the shadow of its leaves protecting your skin from the sun before lazily opening the book you were reading in that particular week. It was such a bitter-sweet moment knowing what it actually meant.
In the same tree under which you spent your day, Sasuke would sit patiently on one of the branches above you, hidden by the crown of leaves for the children to not see.
" Boruto! " your snappy voice, which had Sasuke always laughing quietly, resounded into the open space of the training ground. " Can you please stop trying to tie Himawari to that log? There will be plenty of time for that. Ask your father. "
" But mom! " Boruto would whine.
" No buts. " you instructed. " Play nicely. " Boruto huffed and puffed before picking up Himawari to soothe away the sadness of him trying to tie her to the log by placing small kisses on her plump cheeks.
A melancholic smile curved Sasuke's lips, remembering quite well what it was like to be instructed by you, always having a certain way of keeping everyone on their toes. He took in the happiness radiating from you when watching your children, how your nose crinkled when Boruto was being annoying, how you hummed with care and love every single time Himawari kissed your cheeks, how you bit on your lower lip when the plot of the book became too intense.
God, he loved you.
Sasuke was happy. You became exactly the woman he always thought you will be, built the life you deserved, had the family you always wished for. Even if it had absolutely nothing to do with him, simply knowing you were happy and loved was more than enough.
Years ago, he entrusted Naruto with your heart and he still considered it to be the best decision he has ever made. Even without the closeness of your body to his, even without the passionate kisses full of love, even without you smiling because of him, YOU were undeniably happy.
Sasuke owed you from when you saved his life in the war - he had to save your own when the time comes.
Now, the debt was paid as he proudly accepted that he had finally saved your life.
Shuffling slightly, your back hit the tree and Sasuke's gaze diverted from the children only to meet the warmth of your eyes. Head tilted backwards, wide smile spreading all over your face and a faint blush pinching your cheeks. Then and there he saw it, the only thing Sasuke did not lost when he chose to let you go: all the love you had for him .
God, you loved him.
The way every single year, on this particular date, you would sit under this tree and he would be there, watching from above. It was precisely the day in which you two shook hands, the only person Sasuke did this with much to the surprise of other students. It was the day your fate was sealed and every year you would meet up here on the training ground. There are no words, no touches, but simply the presence of each other, closing the deep crack in your souls for one more year.
His lips curved into a warm smile, leg bent upwards to place his elbow on it for his cheek to rest into the palm as he kept the gaze on you while the other leg casually dangled off the branch. It was still there, in his eyes, never diminishing as years passed by and you felt completely at peace: all the love he had for you .
Naruto might be the love your life.
But Sasuke? Sasuke Uchiha was your soulmate in life and beyond.
Hearts intertwined, souls bound together, eyes telling your story, a single, innocent question lingered in the air:
What if?