Chapter Text
“Are you nervous?”
After all they’ve been through, it’s only fitting that this meeting is happening in the crows nest.
They pass Ed the marmalade, careful to keep their flowy sleeve out of the jar. The crew was given one fancy shirt from the auxiliary closet per person, and Jim is on a mission to not be the first to fuck theirs up.
Jim kind of loves today so far. Seeing everyone in their fancy ass clothes last night for the rehearsal, waking up this morning wrapped around Oluwande, meeting Ed for his last crows nest breakfast as an unmarried man. It’s exciting, and the giddy air surrounding everyone on board is intoxicating.
It reminds Jim of their first fuckery, of stage-whispers behind curtains, powdery make-up making everyone sneeze, candles being strategically placed to light the room just right. Pageantry.
And today’s even better than the fuckery, because the goal is completely different. They’re celebrating two of the most insane people Jim knows, with a party. Nobody is scared shitless. At least, most people aren’t. Looking at Ed’s sweat covered forehead, Jim feels in over their head.
The last time he spoke was thirty minutes ago, when Jim said “hello,” and he choked out a “Hey.”
Jim’s gotten the same response for every stilted conversation starter they use. Silence. They would be genuinely concerned for his health if they didn’t already know him and how much he loves a good fuckery. Dramatic. Whatever, they think, they’ll play into it.
“Are you sick?”
They lean over to check his temperature, but their hand is batted away from his forehead. Ed still stares at his lap, not daring to take in the beauty around them. It’s not like Jim created this sunset themselves, but Jesus, Ed could be a little more grateful and actually look at it.
“Hey,” they snap in front of his face. Nothing. “I’m gonna get Stede-”
“No.”
“He speaks! What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Ed sighs. He finally looks up, meeting Jim’s gaze. His eyes are red and tear-rimmed. Did he get high without them? Dickhead.
Finally, he speaks again. This time, in a full sentence. Progress.
“I’m scared I’ll hurt Stede again. If I break Stede’s heart, maybe-ugh.”
Ed itches the corner of his inner eye, a Jim-patented “I’m about to cry and don’t want you to know it” move. Oh. He takes a deep breath, opens his mouth, and still can’t get the words out.
Jim knows this feeling. Knowing that you have to be open, you have to be vulnerable, for the good stuff to happen. You know you’re safe, but. You can’t get the words out. It’s like pushing a knife through leather, it’ll happen eventually, but it’s really fucking difficult.
Whatever he has to say seems important, and Jim is more than willing to wait. Ed has all the time in the world. This shit is hard.
Jim speaks for him, filling the silence while Ed figures out his words.
“Do you want to hear something cool?”
Ed nods his head, his eyes grateful.
“I had this dream last night, where I was in bed with Olu, don’t make that face, you pervert, we were asleep. I woke up before him, which is nothing new. Heavy-ass sleeper, like Stede.”
Talking about the real life Stede instead of whatever sad version Ed has in his head seems to be helping him. Ed smiles, just a little bit. Jim keeps going.
“So, the ship got raided. Still nothing out of the ordinary, seeing as we have like, three good pirates on board. You’re not one of them, by the way.”
Ed snorts. Okay, Jim can do this.
He’s pretty easy to figure out, once he forces his way into your life. Humor, trades, good food. That’s it. Sometimes he’ll get it in his head that he’s undeserving of love, and you’ll have to pull him out of the shitstorm that is Ed’s brain, but who doesn’t have moments like that?
“I traded myself for Oluwande’s safety. Obviously. You did the same for Stede,” Ed mouths along as Jim says the word, “Obviously.”
“And then I woke up. For real. I looked over, and Olu was there, and the first thing I thought was how much I would sacrifice for him. How many people I would kill. Like, fierce protectiveness. Until I remembered, he doesn’t fucking need me to kill anyone for him. He’s his own person, if he needs someone killed, he can do it himself.”
Ed’s resigned himself back to looking at his lap.
“I used to be of the mindset that I had to do something to be worthy of Olu. Like, there was no way I was just, allowed to be happy. There had to be a catch. Probably something in my childhood. But, like, fuck that, you know?”
Ed smiles to himself.
“Fuck that. Why should we have to sacrifice anything just to be with them? Yeah, you don’t deserve Stede. I don’t deserve Oluwande. Nobody deserves them, they’re still with us. We still make them happy. It’s not a bad thing that they make us happy in return.”
Ed still doesn’t meet Jim’s eyes, but he pulls them into a hug. It’s tight, and warm, and Jim’s arm is bent weird, but they wouldn’t trade it for the world. Their shoulder feels wet, and they start to worry that it’s raining on Ed and Stede’s big day, until they realize it’s not. Ed’s crying on them.
Jim picks up the conversation for like, the third time in ten minutes.
“Stede’s gonna be pissed if you ruined my shirt with your snot.”
Ed laughs again, sending tears and snot all over the place. Jim doesn’t care, but Ed doesn’t need to know that.
“Ugh, Ed! I was totally gonna win Best Dressed, you know. Not anymore.”
They flip their hair over their shoulder, smiling. Ed returns the grin, wiping his nose.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Ed says, like he means it. “I’m glad both our childhoods were shit.”
Jim raises their eyebrows.
“I just mean that we’re fucked up in the same way. We help each other well.”
“Yeah, I guess we do.”
They watch the sunrise together until their eyes hurt and they have to climb down, starting their day. Ed immediately gets pulled towards the captain’s quarters to get ready, Jim pulled into the rec room for their best mate responsibilities.