Work Text:
Kira was like a thick looming shadow, slowly worming his way into the hearts of the populace and criminals alike. In the pursuit to clear his name, Light felt completely alone. Kira branded him as his scapegoat, so it was hard not to take it personally, especially when Ryuzaki reminded him of it daily. He loathed it even more after he mocked him for it.
“Light, you seem stressed.”
“Are you alright? You’ve been sleeping less lately. Don’t tell me you’re picking up my habits.”
It was Ryuzaki’s job to poke and prod until he inevitably snapped Light’s psyche in two. Light was confident he could handle the stress and the constant accusations, but at night, when his mind ran rampant, he wasn’t as sure of himself. The monsters under the bed weren’t real, but Kira certainly was.
“Goodnight, Ryuzaki.”
Ryuzaki muttered a “goodnight,” typing on his laptop as he always did with a silent, “ I know who you are. Don’t forget that,” plastered on his lips.
As it had done night after night, the hum of his laptop supported his claim. It was an extension of Ryuzaki's mind. It was the knight's sword, and each thunderous clack of the keyboard reminded him of its power.
“Have pleasant dreams, Light.”
That was a slim chance. He’s had nothing but horrific recurring dreams since Ryuzaki tethered himself to him. Light didn’t understand what it meant, but he needed to see what lay beyond the Skyscraper… Then maybe the dreams would stop.
The HQ Skyscraper greeted him with gale-force gusts that nearly knocked him off his feet. It rose above the gloomy skies and towered above him. Lightning flashed behind gray clouds and he wanted to flee, but he knew fully well that he couldn't escape. He never could.
He noticed Ryuzaki climbing one of the outdoor ladders leading to the roof. The steel's whining cries revealed how weak it was as it shifted and tilted.
“Ryuzaki, get down from there! It can’t hold your weight!” His warning fell on deaf ears. If he wanted Ryuzaki to hear him, he needed to get higher. Rain fell as soon as his foot reached the first step on the ladder next to Ryuzaki’s, followed by a loud clap of thunder. His clothes quickly became sopping wet, and stitches of ice pierced his skin.
He picked up the pace and called to him. “Ryuzaki, climb back down!”
A violent blast of wind made him lose his footing, but he caught himself on the railings. Light looked down and realized how far up he was. He could get badly hurt if he fell from this height. It was too risky to continue. He descended.
The steel of the ladder vibrated, so he peered down and saw that the ground was shaking. He braced himself when he heard a tremendous rumbling and gasped as the Earth cracked and split open. The ground caved around the Skyscraper. It was the only object standing.
Light looked into the void and spotted a few reflections. Probably bits of metal… He gripped the railings with quivering hands, feeling faint and disoriented. He had no choice but to keep rising…
Ryuzaki didn't appear to notice the Earth crumbling into nothingness, as he continued climbing. Light recollected himself with a shaky breath before following him. After they meet on the rooftop, they could devise a plan.
The rain pummeled his body like heavy bullets, and then there was a loud crackle of thunder across the sky. His hands slipped from the cold bars. His breath caught as he fell into the emptiness below. His body spun wildly as the air became hot and heavy. His flesh burned with the tremendous heat.
Then Light’s fall slowed. Ryuzaki was watching him from the rooftop, his hands in his pockets with eyes hidden behind soaked bangs. He murmured invisible phrases Light couldn't hear, but he needed to know what he said. Was he damning him to death? Or was he apologetic?
Time resumed, and he was once again plunging to his fate. As he neared the mouth of the Earth, he realized what those reflections were: they were Ryuzaki’s enormous eyes, observing him from every crack and corner. As he sank further, he yelled louder and louder, and from the depths of his soul, he could sense the bottom approaching. He was on the verge of crashing into the core and–
Light gasped so hard that he burned the inside of his lungs. He sprung from the mattress and grabbed the sheets, his face contorted with the expression of a man who had just experienced death.
Ryuzaki recoiled defensively, clearly taken aback. “Are you alright? Was that another nightmare?”
Sweat clung to his clothes, so he unbuttoned his shirt to cool off. “I’m fine…” Ryuzaki’s gaze shifted to him, then to the laptop, and back to him. He was uncomfortable. “Sorry…” Humiliation blazed through his face like a roaring fire, and all he wanted to do was pretend like nothing happened.
“Do you have a history of nightmares?” He stuck his thumb between his lips, nibbling thoughtfully. “When I surveyed you in your home, I observed nothing unusual…”
The innuendo quickly caught Light's attention, and he narrowed his eyes. “What exactly are you suggesting?”
“I just find it odd that these night terrors began soon after confinement, along with your behavioral switch…”
Light swallowed as a pit formed in his stomach. “There was no ‘behavioral switch.’ I realized too late that the whole thing was pointless. We’ve been over this.” He sighed and crawled out of bed as he noticed the sweat stain on the covers. “I’m going to take a shower, then I’ll change the sheets.” Light couldn’t possibly feel more humiliated.
“I’ll have Watari change the sheets while you’re in the shower.”
He jinxed it. “It’s fine, I can do it.” Ryuzaki watched him through wide eyes, peeling back all of his layers until only the bones remained, observing every movement like he did on the Skyscraper’s rooftop. He could feel freezing wind and phantom rain on his skin. He was reliving the dream, but this time, Ryuzaki's eyes were drilling deep into his soul. Light swallowed and dodged his vulture stare. “Could you please have Watari unlock the handcuffs?”
Ryuzaki snatched the phone from the bedside table and summoned the butler to the room. Light folded his arms and leaned against the bathroom doorway, hoping Watari didn't take too long. The old man, like the detective, never seemed to sleep. Normally, he disapproved of Ryuzaki treating him as a pageboy, but today, he appreciated it.
Watari, like a faithful dog, appeared when summoned and untied Light from his leash. As he caressed the chafed skin on his wrist, he wondered who, in Ryuzaki’s opinion, was more like a dog: Watari or himself.
The butler left with a respectful bow, and Light cast aside his shirt as he ventured into the washroom. Ryuzaki jumped into the chair next to the sink, and Light walked into the shower under his careful eye.
When they first started living together, there were many things he had to get used to, including the unsettling showers. He wasn’t ashamed of his body; he was used to women, and sometimes men, undressing him with their eyes, but he knew it was more than that with Ryuzaki.
Light gasped and shuddered beneath the cold water. Ice rushed through his veins and it was all he could think of. Skyscrapers and death faded from memory, and Ryuzaki wasn't watching him perish. Just when he felt a semblance of peace and nihility, a wet soapy rag dragged him back to Earth.
“What are you thinking about?” Ryuzaki asked as he washed his back and shoulder blades with the washcloth.
He jumped as his breath caught in his chest. “Nothing.” It was the truth.
“The water is cold.”
You’re one to state the obvious, aren’t you, detective?
Light sighed and turned up the shower dial. The numbing water soon rushed with warmth that clouded the mirrors. “Better?”
Ryuzaki hummed and lathered the body wash over his muscles and spine. “You’re tense. Is something the matter?” He stilled the rag above the small of his back. “Is your nightmare haunting you even now?”
The shower droplets struck his skin harder, reminiscent of the flash rain at the Skyscraper. “Not at all.” Light knew he was doubtful by instinct. It never ceased. “I didn’t expect you to join me.”
“Yes, I hope it doesn’t bother you anymore.” He continued washing him. “I saw you standing under the showerhead and thought you would like help.”
Light would’ve preferred it if he hadn’t joined. “That’s kind of you.”
Ryuzaki added more soap and bunched the rag over his shoulders, letting the suds cascade down his body like a river. It smelled like sweet lavender and mint. He was lost in the scent, bewitched by its comfort. Then Ryuzaki trailed a frothy hand down his chest, drawing a deep gasp from him.
“Quit that…!” Light stiffened and pushed his arm away, embarrassed. “I can wash myself…”
“Alright, then.” He handed Light the cloth and went to get a new one. Light half expected him to mention how he accepted his help earlier, but he was relieved when the rest of their shower went without another remark.
Ryuzaki spoke up after they stepped out to dry themselves. “There has been an indisputable change in your personality during confinement, and I’ve finally settled on two theories.”
That was unexpected, but it piqued his interest. Light wondered if the concept came to him in the shower or if he wanted to say it now, while they were still in their towels. If that’s the case, it was a calculated move to exploit his vulnerability. “Oh? What are they?” He got dressed swiftly.
“Although behavior is relatively stable over time, it can and frequently changes during a person’s life. However, these changes take years or decades, rather than days or weeks. Sudden and severe changes in personality are uncommon.”
Ryuzaki put on his clothes and then hung the empty shackle from the ground, swinging it back and forth like a pendulum. “At first, I felt Kira's volition caused the personality switch. After all, that happened while you were imprisoned. Perhaps you were Kira, but once we apprehended you, he passed his powers on to someone else. That is the first theory.”
Ryuzaki slapped the handcuff onto Light’s wrist and continued. “Theory number two: you're still Kira, but his ‘personality’ is dormant.” He ventured into their bedroom and went to the bedside candy cabinet, where he rummaged for a cherry lollipop. “It’s a ridiculous notion, yes, but you were the one who proposed it first.” Ryuzaki inserted the sucker into his mouth, then yanked it out with a loud pop!
There was a major gap between the past and current Kira’s ideals, which Ryuzaki acknowledged. But why has he been silent until now? Was he waiting for proof, and if so, did he get it?
“What’s the behavioral pattern? How did you come to this conclusion?”
Ryuzaki licked the lollipop before settling onto the couch. “It would make sense if there had only been one significant shift in your personality, but there have been several. I don't think you've become Kira repeatedly since incarceration, I would have noticed. I'm believing it’s linked to–” Ryuzaki twirled the lollipop on his tongue while he deliberated on his next words, “repercussions, or an adverse effect from being Kira.”
Light’s mouth turned to sandpaper. Could the dreams be a ‘side effect’ from being Kira…? No, that was ridiculous! Under these conditions, nightmares about Ryuzaki and Skyscrapers were completely normal. It would be a different story if he dreamed about killing people…
“Your sleep terrors and overall demeanor were the obvious patterns that drew my notice. There are breadcrumb trails everywhere. Some are more noticeable than others, but they all lead somewhere. Have a keen eye and notice the patterns, no matter how insignificant they seem to be.” Ryuzaki crunched the sweet, and the sound irritated him.
“So, you think Kira left traces on me? That I’m a breadcrumb that’ll lead to him?”
“Mm, in certain ways, yes.” Ryuzaki sucked the remaining lollipop chunks from the stick.
Light pressed his lips into a slight grimace before changing the sheets.
If there was a trace of Kira within him, the dreams would be the most obvious breadcrumb, but he didn’t know what they meant. There was no overarching theme, just terror, panic, and loneliness. There’s no lesson to be learned from them because they were too cryptic. But what if the answer hid in the patterns, like Ryuzaki said?
Light tucked in the clean sheets before grabbing his laptop. The faster he could track Kira, the quicker he could free himself from Ryuzaki and, hopefully, from his nightmares.
“Goodnight,” Light said as he watched his father disappear into the elevator.
There was complete silence now that the two of them were alone in the monitor room. Ryuzaki was stacking empty creamer cups, using his nimble hands to construct the tallest tower possible. He was like the sandman of his dreams, sculpting the Skyscraper he’d inevitably visit later that night.
“Do you want me to wake you if I see anything unusual?”
It was like he read his mind…
“Sure…” He didn't think Ryuzaki would wake him up in time. He'd probably watch him struggle and suffer till the very end, attempting to see what he dreamed of through his eyelids.
“Let’s go to bed,” Ryuzaki muttered, and Light’s eyes lethargically trailed him as he turned off the monitors.
“Hm? It’s a little early for you to say that. Are you tired?”
“Not at all, but you are. Come now.” He tugged Light out of the chair without waiting for an answer, letting the shackle do the work.
“Ow—Ryuzaki! Wait up!” Was he that impatient to watch him suffer?
Light was alright until the elevator doors closed behind them. There, he couldn’t escape Ryuzaki’s soul sucking stare. His mind went fuzzy and his legs trembled like a building in an earthquake. The walls crumbled around him, and he needed to get out before— ding! The doors opened, and he was saved.
Light shivered at the thought of returning to the Skyscraper, but that was the only way he could learn the pattern. He didn’t like the idea of Kira leaving him messages in his dreams. He didn’t like the implication of what it meant, but at this point, he will do anything to stop them.
Ryuzaki wished him “good luck” as he draped the blanket over himself like a martyr preparing for battle. Light would have laughed at the absurdity of it, but they both knew he needed it. With a heavy heart, he fell into a deep slumber and was transported to a world full of pain and uncertainty.
The infamous Skyscraper rose above the dark skies, daring him to get closer. Light didn’t stumble with the wind, his footing was solid. Ryuzaki was climbing the ladder and nausea washed over him as he realized he had to relive the terror all over again, but he swallowed the bile and stepped onto the next ladder. It instantly cued the harsh rain and thunder, and he came to a halt.
This was a pattern! The storm always started the moment he touched the ladder. He let go to see what happened, and the ground trembled as if a giant walked the Earth. The ground cracked, and he rushed up the ladder, ignoring the large crevice that opened up. He’s seen it many times—he’s fallen into it many times.
Now that he knew backing out of actions resulted in catastrophe, he was careful, especially with the slick steps of the ladder. Every dream ended with him slipping, so he moved meticulously. Ryuzaki was still ascending towards the rooftop, so perhaps all he had to do was follow him unscathed? Was the rooftop his salvation? His lungs burned as he gripped one bar after another, and soon enough, he was right across from him.
“Let’s meet on the rooftop, alright?” Instead of stopping, the detective continued climbing. “Ryuzaki, stop!” He huffed and quickly matched his pace. “Wait for me!” Light finally caught up to him, but his limbs softened to jelly as he remembered how high he scaled. The crater waited patiently, expecting its meal any moment now, but Light refused to die. He gripped the ladder with trembling hands and sought Ryuzaki for guidance, who was a few feet across from him.
“Light…” Ryuzaki’s eyes flickered away almost regretfully. He knew something he didn’t. “Why?”
“What?” He didn’t understand.
“Why did you come to me? Why didn’t you reach the rooftop first?”
Light furrowed his brows and shifted on the ladder. “Because we have to reach it together. We’re meeting each other there, aren’t we?”
“No, Light.”
He swallowed thickly. “Ryuzaki, come with me! I can’t leave you here. Come on, let’s go.” Light clambered up a few steps before realizing that Ryuzaki wouldn’t move. “You can’t stay there! You’ll die!” Because they were on different ladders, he couldn't carry him up. He’ll have to convince him. “Please!” The rumbling began once again, and Light almost fell off. “We have to go now!”
“Do you choose to stay or go to the rooftop without me?”
Panicked tears pricked his eyes, and he felt glued in place. He didn’t want to abandon Ryuzaki, but if he stayed, the earthquake would consume them both. If they both died, everything they’ve worked towards would be for naught. Someone needs to see this through and if Ryuzaki didn’t want to, then he had no other choice.
“I’m sorry…” Light bit his lip and tasted metal as he ascended. He dodged falling chunks of Skyscraper, blinking away tears and dust from crushed concrete. A guttural death rattle echoed from below.
A blink later, and a murder of crows swarmed the ladder with dagger-sharp beaks. He screamed, surprised and confused. They screeched and dove for his hands and feet, ripping clothing, skin, and muscle. Light tried to swat them away, but it seemed as if they were ghosts. He couldn’t touch them. The largest crow perched upon the step above, peering through him with the very eyes that watched him sleep at night. Light recognized him instantly, and he felt less alone as the bars slicked with blood. He held on till his fingers cramped, but it was pointless…
The crow accompanied him as he fell into the crater, gliding past falling rubble and broken metal. Light thanked him and closed his eyes before he hit the ground.
Warm arms surrounded him. “Light…” Ryuzaki was gently patting his cheeks to rouse him from sleep. “Wake up now…”
Light blinked his tired eyes and tapped the bed, unsure where he was and what was happening. His arms and legs were weak and everything felt surreal. He had just gone to hell and back.
“Light, come back to me…” Ryuzaki pat the side of his neck and rubbed his arms. “It’s over now. You’re awake.”
Light grasped Ryuzaki’s shirt and ran his fingers over the soft fabric. The clock in the room's corner ticked quietly as he grazed his thumbnail over every stitch and thread. Ryuzaki had never looked so… kind. His eyes shined with tenderness. Light couldn't recall him ever staring at him like that before. It was dark, but he could see peaks of sunlight rising through the blinds. The morning birds chirped faintly, sounding nothing like the horrible screeching from the crows.
“What did you see in your dream?” Ryuzaki asked. “You mumbled and twitched a lot in your sleep.”
“Did you know what I was saying?” His throat and tongue felt like sand.
“What were you trying to say?” His voice was soft and almost… sincere. Was it genuine? Light bit his lip and rested his weary head on his lap. Ryuzaki threaded his fingers through his hair absentmindedly. “Was it about Kira?”
His breath caught in his chest. “I’m not sure…”
“Was it about me?” The clock seemed to tick slower than usual. “I see…” He sat back and gazed at the painting on the wall. In the dark, it appeared dreary and deformed. It looked nothing like the vibrant flower vase it was intended to be.
“After we catch Kira… what will happen?”
Ryuzaki hummed softly. “That depends… But the nature of this case isn’t predictable. I honestly don’t know what will happen, especially for us.”
Light knew the answer beforehand, but it didn't make it any easier to digest. Hearing it from him weighed heavily on his shoulders.
He rolled over and raised his eyes to Ryuzaki. “Do you really think I’ll become Kira? And if that happens, do you think I’ll kill you?”
Ryuzaki pursed his lips into a thin line and stared at him in his lap. He appeared subdued, and for a moment, he stopped combing Light’s hair. “If it comes down to it, I believe we have the capability of killing each other.”
If his worst fear ever came true and he killed him… His dead heart would be heavier than a mountain of bodies. Could Light shoulder the burden? When he left Ryuzaki in his dream, he felt horribly guilty and his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. He didn’t want to make that choice, but he could. He let him die so he could save himself…
But it was only a dream. It wasn’t real life and perhaps he’d act and feel differently.
“Stop it.” Ryuzaki tapped his temple. “You’re allowed to rest your mind now and then. You should know this. Don’t lose yourself.” He sighed and brushed his fingers over the crown of Light’s skull. “You’re valuable to the investigation…” Ryuzaki opened and closed his mouth in debate, but ultimately cut his sentence short.
“Yeah, you’re right. I guess I needed a breather…” He closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle touch. “Can I stay here?”
“Yes. Please rest now.” Ryuzaki shut his eyes and leaned against the headboard, following his own advice.
They both had death on their minds. Ryuzaki was scared Light was going to kill him, and Light was afraid of killing Ryuzaki. They were both exhausted to the bone…
Light sighed and nestled into Ryuzaki's lap even more. This tenderness was nothing like the nightmare he had just experienced. He never expected this from Ryuzaki, but perhaps he needed this too. A moment of silence to break the thick tension that had engulfed them since Kira’s birth.
A part of Light felt cheated since he didn’t know what lay beyond the Skyscraper, even after all the pain he endured. He’s fallen into the crater too many times to count. He’ll never forget the eyes that watched him from the moment he touched the ladder, but maybe those eyes weren’t out to get him after all. Maybe they were just watching the dominos fall…
Perhaps one day he'd reach the rooftop and put an end to this nightmare, but for now, all he can do is focus on the present and defeat the real enemy, Kira, with Ryuzaki by his side. He was desperate to put this behind him and move on. He couldn't let this impede the investigation. Hopefully, he’d be able to prove that the monster under the bed didn’t sleep in it as well.
Here's artwork from baranedizille! Thank you so much! I love it and I'm so happy with it! You did an amazing job <3
