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It won’t stop hurting.
It won’t stop hurting and Goose is gone and there’s no one to blame and nothing anyone can do. The grief is all consuming. Every second of every day Maverick can feel the loss of Goose at his side or in the chair behind him. They stop flying for a few days, give everyone time to process, and then it’s Goose’s funeral and he really, really isn’t ready for it. He’s not ready to say goodbye yet.
Putting his dress whites on takes no thought, he fastens every button without a tremble of his hand. He checks the mirror without even considering why and takes his hat and strides off to the church in Fightertown where they hold military funerals. He’s only every been here once before for a commander of a deployment he did not have any affection for, and he’d never thought he’d be back so soon. He never thought he’d be back for someone so close. At least not yet.
The rest of their class greets him outside with strong-armed hugs and muttered reassurance, but it doesn’t make the pain lessen. Ice squeezes his bicep and says nothing, eyes clouded and serious.
He does the only thing he’s ever been able to do.
He walks with his nose held high to the front, eyes following his every movement, and drops into the seat next to Carole and Bradley. Carole is dressed in a black dress, pinned at her waist, with her hair sensibly laid flat. Her eyes are rimmed with red, her skin sallow. Bradley’s bottom lip trembles. Even he, as young as he is, knows what this means. Maverick leans in and presses a kiss to Carole’s cheek and one to the top of Bradley’s head.
“Thank you,” Carole says, dabbing her inner corner with the pad of her middle finger, “for being here with us.” He nods, lump rising in his throat.
“I wouldn’t have sat anywhere else,” He affirms. Then Bradley is tugging on Carole’s sleeve and whining,
“Mommy,” He says, brows furrowed, “let me sit next to Uncle Mav,” He’s got his arms crossed with an adorable frown on his face and Carole laughs just a little,
“Okay baby,” She says, and hoists him up under his armpits, depositing him in between her and Maverick. He climbs onto Maverick’s lap immediately and peers up at him. The contours of his face already look like a copy of Goose’s and the bridge of his nose an echo of Carole’s. His blonde hair contrasts with his dark molasses eyes, honeyed in the light of the church, and Maverick smooths a hand over his cheek.
“Do you miss daddy?” He asks, gentle, and Mav nods, smiling sadly.
“More than anything,” He replies. Bradley considers this for a moment.
“Now he can watch you fly forever, and keep you safe,” Bradly fists his jacket, “Mommy says he’ll always be in the sky now where he belongs,” Maverick has to hold back the tears threatening to spill over,
“I know, Bradley,” Mav says holding Bradley to his chest, “I know,” He sways them a little, rocking him like he used to do when Bradley was really small.
The funeral passes in a blur. Thankfully, no one had asked Maverick to speak or do a eulogy which he was grateful for because he’s not even sure where he would start. They lower Goose into the ground, and the class fire his final rounds into the air with a synchronised crack, Bradley covering his ears, and then it’s over. Viper pulls him into a tight embrace, tells him don’t let this stop you, son. It’s almost too much. There’s too many people giving him pitying looks or pointing him out.
He was the pilot, they cleared him of any wrongdoing though, imagine how his wife feels about that?
Carole has told him a thousand times already it wasn’t his fault, but he doesn’t stop the niggling guilt that won’t go away.
“Uncle Mav?” There’s a tug on his pant leg, “Uncle Mav, I’m really thirsty,” Bradley is pouting up at him.
Maverick kneels down, hitching up his pants as he goes.
“You’re thirsty?” Bradley nods, “Okay, well, we’ll find you some water then,” He heaves Bradley onto his hip, manoeuvring through the throng of mourners to Viper.
“Sir,” Viper spins around, “Is there anywhere we could get some water?” Viper smiles, ruffles Bradley’s hair.
“Back in the church kitchen they’ll have some, just wash up the cup and put it back where you found it,” He says, features open and kind. He moves to address Bradley, “You did well today, little man, it’s not easy.”
It’s not easy might be the understatement of the century but Bradley flushes and smiles bashfully.
“Thank you, Mr Viper, sir,” Viper chuckles,
“Alright, off you go,” He says and motions them away. Bradley fights to get put down so he can walk, and Maverick complies, holding onto his hand. They stay silent into the church, and Mav puts him on the counter, taking a cup out of a cupboard.
“Do you think I could be a pilot, Uncle Mav?” Bradley asks quietly.
“Of course,” Mav replies in a second, “You can be anything you want to be, Bradley, and your mom and I will do anything to make it happen,” He hands the cup to him, keeping a hand hovering under it in case he drops it.
Bradley wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, putting the cup down on the countertop.
“I want to go home,” He says, a tear sliding down his cheek,
“Oh baby,” Mav says, picking him up into a tight hug. Bradley rubs his eyes into his shoulder, “Are you overwhelmed?”
Bradley nods into his neck, “miss daddy,” he says. His voice is muffled by Maverick’s collar but it’s thick with tears and he can feel his uniform getting damp. Mav runs his hand through his hair,
“Let’s go find mommy and go home,” He says quietly.
They leave soon after, Carole in a rush to get home as well. Maverick tucks Bradley into bed as Carole passed out as soon as she went to get changed in her bedroom. The day had taken a lot out of all of them.
“Are you still going to see me, now that daddy’s gone?” Bradley says, just before Mav turns the light off, hiding his face in his stuffy.
“Bradley, I will never ever leave you, okay? I love you,” He kisses Bradley’s forehead, “Goodnight, B.”