Work Text:
“Out of all the grimwalkers, you looked the most like him.”
“CALEB!”
Hunter jolted awake, eyes flinging open only to be met with darkness. A pressure settled over his chest, curling and writhing around his whole body enough to make his heart beat faster. He was trapped, suffocating.
Belos was going to kill him.
Hunter’s breath sped up causing a painful ache to spread in his chest as he silently choked on the all too stifling air in this room. He curled his fingers around the collar of his shirt, tugging at it to try and get more oxygen in his lungs. It didn’t help, he gasped silently.
Flapjack, alerted at his distress, fluffed up his wings and pecked at Hunter’s gloves. He chirped quietly, flapping his wings and trying to distract Hunter.
It worked, slightly. Hunter’s attention was drawn to the palisman as Flapjack made an—albeit—quiet fuss. He was able to suck in a clean breath, remembering what Gus had shown him before. He swallowed thickly, fingers twitching as he calmed himself.
As Hunter’s eyes began to adjust he was able to see the room around him. He didn’t recognize where he was, a blanket was draped over his form as Gus and Willow both settled near his sides, their breathing steady. They were fast asleep. How they hadn’t woken up was a mystery to Hunter.
That’s when the events of what had happened came back to him. They were in the human realm. They had ended up at Luz’s house after not knowing where to go for a while. The rain had stopped a few hours ago, but they all had been too exhausted to care.
The door was only a few feet away as he had nestled on the other side of the bed. The closeness to the exit had done well to calm his nerves when they had gone to sleep. Luz and Amity had settled on the other side of the room underneath the window, Hunter could barely see them from where he was laying down. Only a bit of Luz’s socks were visible.
Hunter wedged his arm underneath himself, managing to push himself up to a sitting position. The blanket bunched in his lap as he curled his fingers over the fabric, his thick gloves blocking out whatever texture it had. His body ached and he was still wheezing from his initial panic, a heavy feeling settling in his stomach. It weighed him down like he had just swallowed a bunch of rocks.
A tingling feeling spread over his skin and Hunter nearly gagged at the sensation. He yanked his gloves off, clawing at his arms to try and rid the itch. Flapjack made another fuss, flapping his wings and pecking at Hunter’s hands until he stopped. Claw marks ran down his arms, the sting of it barely registering in Hunter’s mind. He shook his head slowly, squeezing his eyes shut for a few seconds.
His hands were shaking and his fingers ached with the lack of pressure from his gloves. The scars covering his fingers still hurt sometimes and Hunter couldn’t do much besides curling his hands into fists. He trembled, gasping out a slow breath.
His bones had been used before, the skin that had been scarred and bruised didn’t even belong to him. How many of his scars were actually real that he had sustained in his life? How many of them had he already used his skin?
Hunter had been the closest to who Belos was copying. He didn’t even know the person that he was supposed to be, no one had told him anything. He hadn’t gotten the time to find out, and anyone that might’ve known was probably dead.
Was anything about him his own? Or was he only just a clone following the same path in life countless amounts of times.
How much of him was real? Was there anything in his life that was real at all? Or was this all just such a sick game that Belos had been playing for years.
He didn’t even know the person that he had been made to replicate, how could he tell what was real or not. Hunter had no way of knowing if he was just doing what he had been created to do, or if these were his own original thoughts. How much of this was just a sick game?
He was going to work himself into a panic again, Hunter could already feel the tightness clenching around his chest. The familiar pain of his anxiety rearing its ugly head the longer his thoughts spiraled. His stomach churned with growing nausea and Hunter had to calm himself.
Belos was human. He had come from the human realm. That meant there had to be knowledge of him here somewhere. Hunter scrambled to his feet, expertly untangling himself from Willow and Gus. Thankfully without waking either of them up.
He remembered the bookshelf that he had seen downstairs when Mrs. Noceda had let them inside. There had to be something there. He needed to find out who he was supposed to be copying, he needed to know how much was actually Hunter .
How many Golden Guards had that name before him?
Hunter crept out of the bedroom as silently as possible. His footsteps were nearly soundless as he shuffled towards the staircase. It was hard to tell which floorboards would creak or not, but Hunter did his best to avoid the obvious ones. He had learned from a long time of creeping through the castle.
The only thing that would give him away would be his erratic breathing. He couldn’t catch his breath. It was as if his lungs had constricted way smaller than they were supposed to be. Every breath that he took wasn’t deep enough, and it didn’t take long before he was hyperventilating. Flapjack followed him out of the room, slipping between the crack in the door as Hunter left. He fluttered a few inches away from Hunter’s head, his wings flapping.
His entire body trembled and adrenaline coursed through his body as the threat of waking someone up left him jumpy. He felt like a toy that was too tightly wound as he stiffly descended the stairs.
The living room was just as dark as the rest of the house, only the small amount of moonlight wafting in through the window illuminated the area enough for him to navigate around the array of furniture. Hunter ran his fingers through his hair causing Flapjack to twitter.
Hunter shushed him frantically. He couldn’t afford to wake anyone up, he was already staying here, the least he could do was to let people get the full night’s rest. Flapjack wasn’t helping if he was just going to chirp and chitter. He couldn’t even focus on whatever Flapjack was saying, his mind was running too fast for him to comprehend the palisman.
He spotted the bookshelf pressed against the wall near the window and Hunter made a beeline towards it. His breath caught in his throat and his heart was pounding hard enough that it caused his ears to ring. The bookshelf was small-ish, decorated with countless titles and little nicknacks.
It was hard to see even as Hunter’s eyes adjusted to the darkness. He remembered Mrs. Noceda and Luz showing where the light switches were and a few things around the house before they had settled up in Luz’s room. But it was dark and he didn’t remember how to turn on the light through his panic.
Flapjack settled on Hunter’s head the moment he stopped anxiously running his hands through his hair. He nearly gagged at the sensation of his bare hands in his hair, it tickled against his palms which caused his skin to burn. Why did he take off his gloves? Stupid.
Hunter pulled a book off of the shelf, squinting to read the cover. He didn’t even know what he was looking for, but so far these books didn’t seem to be worth much. Something with Philip or maybe even Witterbane. That seemed like a solid place to look for.
Replacing the book in its previous spot, Hunter pulled out a different one. The cover gave him nothing that would be helpful.
All these books looked similar to the ones that Luz was obsessed over with pictures of characters and designs on the front that gave Hunter little hope. They wouldn’t tell him what he wanted. Hunter hissed under his breath, forcing himself to breathe slower. Maybe he was missing something as he looked through the shelf.
Hunter’s hands shook and he had to take a moment to hold his wrists until they settled. His hands always shook when he wasn’t wearing his gloves and the feeling made him feel like he was going to collapse.
He wasn’t real. None of this is real. His entire life had been a lie and he needed to know what was true or not. But these books weren’t helping at all.
Caleb. Belos had called him Caleb. That was the name that Flapjack had given him when he had fumbled. Was that who he was at one point? Is that who he was a copy of?
Has everything been a lie?
Hunter bit down hard on his lower lip. He was getting more frantic with each book he pulled from the shelf. He was shaking so hard he could barely stand. His knees knocked together as he shifted uncomfortably.
Nothing he found on the bookshelf was helpful. There was nothing on Philip. Nothing on witches or magic or anything that he had grown up knowing. All these books were unfamiliar and so painfully human. These weren’t like the books that Hunter had found back at the castle or the ones that he had taken from the library. That thought almost pained him, as much as the castle was stifling and overwhelming, he missed the demon realm.
His fingers ached as he ran his fingers over the spines. The textures of the book caused him to shudder. His fingers were too sensitive, each rough spot on the corner of the book hurt like he had gotten cut.
Hunter pulled a larger book off the shelf in a last bit of desperation. Maybe this one would have more helpful information.
The book slipped from his shaking hands and Hunter jumped back. The sound was muffled by the carpet but it was still enough to cause his heart to nearly leap up his throat. His ears were ringing and he dropped to the ground as his knees finally gave out underneath his weight. Hunter curled his hands into fists, wrapping his fingers around the fabric of his shirt, a gasp pulling itself from his throat.
Uncooperative tears spilled from the corners of his eyes, running down his cheeks as they pooled underneath his chin. His head was spinning and he couldn’t think straight.
Belos’ words and everything that he had read about grimwalkers echoed until he was spiraling again.
His breathing was erratic and suddenly it felt like he was going to pass out with how the room was spinning around him. His chest ached and his limbs tingled. He wasn’t real. None of this had been real. It had just been some cruel game played by Belos.
The scars on his fingers hurt like they were new wounds and he couldn’t even grab at his hair without feeling like he was going to throw up. The living room was spinning around him and Hunter couldn’t breathe. He gasped and sobbed, tears rolling down his face.
He was just a copy, a fake. He wasn’t even his own person. He never had been. How many times had Belos killed him just to remake another? There had been so many masks, hundreds of bodies, and skeletons that he had seen inside Belos’ mind.
The sound of footsteps jolted him out of the whirling thoughts in his mind. Hunter uncurled himself slightly, his eyes darting around to see a figure standing by the stairs. He let out a gasp, his eyes playing tricks on him as the shadow seemed to shift into someone much taller.
His breathing sped up, heart leaping to his throat.
“Hunter?” Came a curious and slightly concerned voice.
Hunter’s eyes were wide and he wanted to stand. He wanted to get up to make himself look normal like he had everything under control. He needed to pretend like this was something completely okay and normal for him. But he couldn’t. His limbs refused to work the way he wanted them to.
A pained squeak left his throat and he jolted back as his hands brushed against the carpet.
As the figure stepped closer, the moonlight washed over them and Hunter almost immediately recognized who it was. Luz stood there watching him with a concerned expression, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, the bandage on her forehead wrinkling slightly. Shame filled his chest. He had woken someone up. He had failed at being quiet.
“S—sorry,” Hunter stammered, his throat closing on him, “I… I…”
“Hunter, it's okay, what’s going on?” Luz got close enough that she could see Hunter but not enough that it would crowd him. Hunter’s chest heaved and he curled his fingers around the front of his shirt, hoping that the lack of physical pressure would release some of the aches that he felt.
He shook his head desperately, the book was still on the ground nearby, he hadn’t even gotten to look at the title. Luz seemed to notice it on the ground.
“I know that you like reading but isn’t it a little late for that?” She tried to joke, sitting down on the floor, pulling one of her knees up to her chest.
“I needed... I’m…” he didn’t even know what he was trying to say, his brain was working too fast for him to form sentences and his mouth worked incredibly slow, “the…”
Here he was, panicking in front of Luz in her own house. How pathetic. He couldn’t even hold himself together for one night. Not even well enough to speak when she asked what was wrong. He owed her at least an explanation as to why he was interrupting her sleep.
“Breathe, Hunter,” Luz insisted, exaggerating her own breathing as an example. Flapjack twittered and chirped, fluttering from Luz’s shoulder to Hunter’s head. Hunter hadn’t even noticed when the Palisman had left him. Flapjack poked his beak against Hunter’s chin, giving a small chirp.
Hunter hiccuped, sucking in a sharp breath that whistled. He coughed when he exhaled too quickly.
He forced his breathing to slow down. Sucking in a deep breath and held it until his lungs felt like they were going to explode. Luz tried to offer some comfort, muttering reassurances and continuing to exaggerate her breathing in case Hunter was trying to follow it.
“I’m not real…” Hunter finally gasped out the moment he could breathe well enough to speak. His voice was shaking and he didn’t even know if Luz could understand him.
“What are you talking about?” Luz asked worriedly, shuffling awkwardly.
“I’m just… I’m just a copy…” his voice raised in pitch and he pulled at his hair ignoring the tingling feeling in his hands, “I’m just… I’m not real! I don’t even know what part is a copy… or what part of me is real.”
Words were spilling out of his mouth before he could realize what he was saying. He jerked his hands away from his hair. His fingers burned. His eyes widened almost impossibly so and he coughed.
“I’m just… the copy of someone Belos killed,” Hunter couldn't stop the sobs that shook his form, “Someone he killed over… and over… and over again… I’m not real.”
“Hunter…” Luz spoke softly like he was a startled animal. In a sense, he really felt like that. He felt like if his limbs would work the way he wanted to, he would be up and out of this house in seconds. He needed to leave, he didn’t want Luz to see him like this, she should be back upstairs asleep next to Amity.
“I’m not real…” he stared at his shaking palms, all the scars on his hands caused by years of injuries, some of which he couldn’t even remember, “I’m just made of wild magic.”
Luz made a small noise in the back of her throat like she wasn’t all that sure what to say. So instead, she extended her hands out toward Hunter.
Initially, Hunter flinched back, tensing up at the sudden movement. But then he realized what Luz was giving him.
In her hands, she held his gloves, the ones that he had yanked off earlier upon waking up.
“Flapjack tried grabbing them when he came and woke me up,” Luz explained, “but he was in a hurry and couldn’t get a hold of them very well.”
“Flapjack…” Hunter swallowed thickly, nervously taking the gloves. His heart pounded harder in his chest but a bit of relief wormed its way through the tightness in his chest as he slipped his gloves back on.
“He woke me up,” she continued, “tugged on my hair until I was up.”
“I’m sorry…” Hunter swallowed thickly. He curled his fingers around the fabric of his pants. They were new clothes, Mrs. Noceda had given them to him after all five of them had shown up wet and cold from the rain.
“Hunter, listen to me,” Luz spread her legs out in front of herself, staring Hunter in the eyes, “I don’t know what’s going through your head right now. But trust me when I say you're real.”
“I’m not… I’m not a person, I'm not a witch. I’m…” he trailed off, scrubbing at his face to try and wipe away his tears. His attempts were all to no avail as they continued to roll down his face.
“Flapjack is made of magic,” Luz said and Flapjack chirped for emphasis, “he’s real. Right?”
Hunter nodded weakly, whistling back to Flapjack's Short trill.
“Just because you’re made of magic doesn’t mean you aren’t real,” Luz said, “you are just as real as everyone else.”
Hunter sniffled and hiccuped, pulling his knees up to his chest. The longer strand of hair fell in front of his eyes as Hunter leaned his chin on his knees, practically curled into a ball.
“I don’t know what part of me is real… or just a copy…” Hunter whispered, Flapjack tugged at his hair but Hunter ignored him.
Luz frowned slightly, the corners of her mouth tilting downward. She looked at him worriedly.
“What are you doing with the books?” Luz asked, gesturing towards the book that he had dropped. There was a sense of caution in her tone like she wasn’t one hundred percent sure what was okay for her to ask about.
“I…” his chest stuttered, “Philip… he’s… he’s human. There are books on him… right? I—I needed to know more.”
“Oh…” Luz deflated slightly, “oh… Hunter…”
He wiped his eyes again, chest heaving. A stuttered sob ripped itself unwillingly from his throat and he hugged his knees.
“I don’t think we have any books about him here. We can…” Luz hesitated, swallowing thickly, “Tomorrow we can go to the library and look.”
Hunter looked up, a bit surprised. He didn’t expect that there would be a library in the human realm, but in hindsight, it made sense to him. A human library... that was an amusing concept to him.
“Tomorrow…”
“The library is closed now. We can go tomorrow, if you really need to know,” Luz spread her hands, a small smile spreading across her face.
Hunter sniffled, but nodded weakly, “okay…”
“Okay,” Luz repeated, “tomorrow.”
That thought reassured Hunter at least a little bit. He took a slower breath, calming himself down. They had a plan of what they were going to do and just that confirmation calmed him. And then Hunter could start doing some research if there was any way to make a portal to the demon realm from here. That was a good place to start. If Luz showed him where the library was and how to get the books then he could do his research.
“Tomorrow,” Hunter mimicked what Luz had said, repeating it a few times until he was satisfied with it. His heart rate slowed down a bit, enough that the tension started to drain from his shoulders.
Flapjack chittered and nudged Hunter’s cheek.
“Yeah,” Luz smiled softly with a small huff, “but I think first we need to get back to sleep.”
Hunter exhaled sharply, and the gap between his teeth whistled, “yeah.”
Luz pushed herself up to her feet, extending a cautious hand out to Hunter. He hesitated, still a bit shaky, but after a bit of debate, he took her hand. She helped him up to his feet and quickly pulled away to give him space.
“I know you don’t like touching very much,” Luz chewed on the inside of her mouth, “but you look like you really need a hug.”
Hunter’s eyes widened slightly as Luz opened her arms in a silent invitation. Hunter’s chest tightened and he stared at Luz for a long time. A part of him wasn’t even sure what he wanted. But when Luz wiggled her hands as emphasis for her offer, Hunter moved forward almost unconsciously.
Her arms were warm as she wrapped them around Hunter’s trembling form and he pressed his face into her shoulder, hugging her back just as tightly. His fingers curled around the back of his shirt and he let out a long breath that he didn’t realize he had been holding.
Luz leaned her head against the side of his and Hunter didn’t even know how much he needed this. The last bit of tension drained from his shoulders as he leaned into the embrace.
A part of him felt like Luz needed this too.
The hug lasted a long time, but when Hunter finally pulled away, a part of him felt like it wasn’t long enough. Luz sniffled and Hunter could see her silently wiping tears from her eyes. To be polite, he pretended not to notice.
“Come on, let’s get back to sleep,” Luz said with a small smile. Hunter nodded, quietly following her back up the stairs, noticing that she did little to try and muffle the sounds of her footsteps.
Despite the panic that he had felt earlier, Hunter figured that he just might be able to sleep the rest of the night. And then tomorrow maybe he would be able to figure some things out.
That thought was enough to reassure him.