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The first kiss is unbearably gentle.
Jake is all too aware of the perps in the corner of his eye, and by the way they’re watching him and Amy, he can tell they’re suspicious. They’re not entirely buying Johnny and Dora and it’s no wonder, really. Jake’s been keeping a somewhat respectable distance from Amy ever since they got passed the hostess, the feeling of her lips on his cheek etched into his memory. The kiss made his heart flutter, but it hurt. It hurt knowing it was all pretend, and that tomorrow he would walk into work and sit across from Amy and she’d smile hopefully, as if she were asking is this okay? Can we still be friends? And what choice did he have except swallow the bitterness and smile back? He’d tease her later, and she’d punch his arm, and he’d feel his heart rate speed up until he remembered that nothing would ever happen between them. It hurt to think about Amy kissing his cheek and acting like his girlfriend, because all it did was remind him that he was in love with her and she didn’t feel the same.
So to keep himself from unraveling completely, he’s been trying to keep away from Amy’s wandering hands and her (seemingly) sincere smiles. He can tell she’s annoyed that he’s not throwing himself entirely into the case by the less than gentle kicks under the table at dinner, but he can’t make himself pretend to be on a date with Amy Santiago and then brush it off later. He can’t do it. He doesn’t hate himself that much.
But now the perps are eyeing him and Amy and the appropriate distance between them, and he knows he’s going to have to do something. He can’t wreck the whole investigation, or someone’s going to ask him why he didn’t try very hard to stay undercover, and that’s not really a question he wants to answer.
So he takes a short breath and looks at Amy, who’s stealthily watching the perps leave, and he makes a decision. I’m going to kiss her.
He clears his throat. “Uh, Dora, dear?” His voice is just barely shaking, and it sounds wrong coming from his mouth. He doesn’t like playing Johnny; the character doesn’t fit and he feels awkward and out of place.
Amy turns back to face him. “What is it?” her voice is soft, and her eyes are asking lots of questions. He tries to answer them with his own eyes, but he doesn’t know if the message is getting across.
Jake takes another short breath to brace himself. He wipes his sweaty palms on his thighs before he steps closer, bending down slightly to match Amy’s height, and presses his lips to hers.
His lips are just barely touching hers when she sighs a little oh and he falls apart inside. There will be no picking himself back up from this one, not when her lips are so soft on his and her nose is pressing against his face as he slides his hands around her back to bring her closer. He’s in way too fucking deep. It’s the moment when he feels Amy place one hand on his arm and the other at the back of his neck that he stops being able to think of anything but Amy Amy Amy. She tastes like the wine they had at dinner, and Jake doesn’t think he’s ever tasted anything sweeter.
She presses harder against his lips, and Jake tightens his arms around her, and he never wants to stop kissing her, but it has to end eventually. When she eventually breaks away from the kiss, he keeps his eyes closed for a moment, not wanting to get pulled back to reality quite yet.
When he does open his eyes, Amy’s looking up at him and his chest tightens. They stand there for a few seconds, staring at each other with flushed cheeks and parted lips, breathing heavily even though the kiss didn’t last long enough for them to lose their breaths. Jake can’t make out the emotions on Amy’s face, and frankly, he doesn’t want to. Why let himself think she could be feeling the same exhilaration as he is right now when she probably isn’t?
Jake pulls his arms back and glances at the perps, who aren’t paying attention to them anymore as they start to shrug on their coats to leave. Kissing was the right move to sell their story.
“They’re on the move,” Jake murmurs, his face still close enough to Amy’s that she can hear his quiet voice, “we should be following.”
“Right,” Amy says, and he wonders if he imagines the crack in her voice as they step away from each other. Jake puts his arm around her waist as they start to leave, though: the damage has already been done, so he might as well make the cover as believable as possible.
*
The case is solved, and everyone else in the precinct is celebrating when Jake slips away. They’ll probably notice that he’s missing eventually, but for now everyone’s too excited about making the arrests. The perps have been at large for almost six months now, stealing and then selling people’s identities and making life hell for a lot of people. But it’s all over now, and everyone else is pumped and he’s feeling just about as low as he ever has.
He can’t stop thinking about Amy, and he wants to punch himself in the face every time her name swirls around his mind. He knows he won’t be able to get her out of his head all night, because he never can. He’s got a bottle of Jack Daniels at his apartment that’s begging to be drained, though, and he’s looking forward to getting home to try and block out the feel of Amy’s lips and hands and face and hands, did he mention hands?
He’s cutting through a small park to get to the street he parked his car on. There were no empty spots in front of the precinct when he pulled up, and he’s kind of glad to be getting the fresh air. It’s a cool night, and the stars are out, and he’s paying too much attention to the sky to hear someone’s footsteps coming up behind him.
“What are you doing, Jake?” a voice asks, and he freezes next to a tree. “Everyone’s wondering where you went.”
He turns around and Amy stands before him, her arms crossed over her chest to keep out the chill.
He shrugs. “I just needed to get out of there.”
She tilts her head. “You’ve never passed up the opportunity to celebrate closing a case,” she says, an inflection in her voice that’s trying to be playful, but Jake doesn’t bite.
“I guess I’m not feeling it tonight.” He tries to smile. “Don’t worry, everything will be back to normal tomorrow.” The attempt at assurance falls flat, and Jake just feels worse.
They lapse into silence, and it’s utterly unbearable. They just stand there, both knowing why Jake is upset and trying their best not to think about it too much.
“Jake…” Amy starts and looks up to meet his eyes, but then she trails off. They hold eye contact for a long time, just staring at each other, willing the other to find something to say.
Jake feels his heart curling in on itself as he realizes what he needs to do. He doesn’t give himself time to think and just starts talking. He’d do anything to fill the silence at this point. “Amy, look. I know you don’t want to go out with me because of your no cops rule, but I want you to know that I still like you. Like, a lot. And I—”
“Ilikeyoutoo.” The words come out of Amy’s mouth so fast Jake isn’t convinced he even heard her correctly. Her face is scrunched up like she can’t believe she just said that, and Jake chokes as the words ring in his ears.
“What?” he squeaks. His heart is knocking against his ribcage so hard he’s worried it’ll bruise or something.
But Amy doesn’t say anything, she just closes the distance between them and grabs Jake’s face, smashing her lips against his. The force of her kiss sends his stumbling against the tree, and by the time his back touches the bark, his arms are wrapping around her waist and she’s running her hands over his cheeks. This kiss is hungrier and definitely less gentle—Amy is pressing herself as close as she can to Jake and he honestly doesn’t know what he did to deserve this. There is fire on his skin at every place Amy touches him, and his hands curl around her jacket when she starts to dig her fingers into his hair. He kisses her deeper and feels shivers race down his spine.
The only thing he can hear is the blood pounding in his ears and his lips moving against Amy’s. It’s fucking music to his ears, and his toes curl when Amy breathes a moan against his lips at the crescendo. When they pull away this time, they’re both grinning and comfortable with the proximity of their faces.
“You like me,” Jake says with a shit-eating grin. “That’s so embarrassing for you.”
Amy rolls her eyes, but she’s laughing. “Shut up, Peralta.” She grabs him by his jacket and pulls his mouth back down to hers.
*
Jake manages to get through forty-seven minutes of work the next day before he drops a note on Amy’s desk that reads evidence lockup? two minutes? bring your mouth and he watches Amy blush when she reads it. He feels lighter than he has in months.
He smirks as he pushes into the evidence lockup and realizes that he’s still nervous about meeting Amy in here. Sure, he’s fairly certain she’s not going to reject him like she did last time they were in here together, but he still feels jittery, like maybe it’s all too good to be true. He’s been thinking about what it would be like to kiss and date Amy Santiago for so long now that he can’t help but think that something’s bound to go wrong.
“I brought my mouth,” Amy announces as she walks in, fighting to keep the smile off her face. “Honestly, Jake, don’t you think this is a little inappropriate?” But her eyes are twinkling as she says this.
He steps closer. “That’s the best part. Secretly making out at work? We’re practically living a risqué cop movie right now.” He smiles down at her again. “And you love it.”
“What if we get caught?” Amy asks, but she’s not moving away from Jake at all.
“What if we do?” he prompts.
She looks up. “I’m willing to risk it if you are.”
“You think I invited you in here to use your mouth for talking?”
This time, their lips meet in the middle. Jake’s arms find their way back to her waist (a familiar location for them now) and Amy lets her thumb skim over his cheekbone before bracing her hand at the back of his neck. It feels comfortable now: Jake’s body is still pins and needles and he’s hyper-aware of everything, but the nervousness melts away the longer he kisses Amy. Their bodies seem to fit well together, and there’s nothing awkward or uncertain in their movements at all. It’s just…nice. Jake can’t help but feel himself smiling as they kiss, and after a few seconds he feels Amy smiling, too.
When they eventually break apart, Jake says, “So, no more cops, huh?”
Amy shrugs, her arms still wrapped around Jake’s neck and she stands on her toes to press a kiss to Jake’s cheek. “I guess I can make an exception.”
“Yeah?” Jake can’t suppress his goofy grin.
Amy grins right back. “Yeah.”