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“Have you ever been to Disneyland?” El asked over every animated character known to the world showing off a brand new Pontiac Firebird on TV.
“No, my dad hates flying.” The back of Mike’s head rested on her legs as he craned his eyes to look up at her, his comic book discarded to the basement floor, “And I’d rather be punched in the face repeatedly than sit in the car with them for that long.”
She rolled her eyes at his dramatics, “Max went once. With her dad in California. She says it was a lot of fun.”
Mike’s eyes darted from side to side; she could almost see his ideas taking form in his head. Suddenly, he shot up, turning his entire body to face her, “We could go. You know, one day, when we have the money. If you want.”
El nodded, “I would like that.”
“It’s settled, then.” He smiled with a slight tilt of his head, “What are some other things you want to do?”
She never allowed herself to say the things she wanted out loud. The fear of jinxing it all beat out any desire to put it into the world, to make it real. It was an unexplainable thought, maybe it could be attributed to her connection to him in hindsight, but each time things seemed over, and the universe awarded her with a false sense of security, she knew deep down in the depths of her soul that it wasn’t. None of them were safe.
Having hopes and dreams and wants wasn’t safe. Not when they could be violently ripped away from her before she could bat an eye.
Though, for the first time in her life, over really meant over. Sixteen years of fighting for her existence and the world were put to bed just like that. When Vecna was defeated, she may have been on her hands and knees, covered in blood and grime, half-alive and reeling from the final battle, but she felt the universe shift once more.
So close to death, and yet, finally, finally set free.
But what did freedom look like? Real freedom? She was still new to it. Did it feel as good as it looked in the movies? Even then, people in the real world seemed to put constraints on what you could do with your life. It was the birds who always appeared most free to her. Taking off with a simple spread of their wings, doing whatever they wanted to do, whenever they may have felt like it. Could she be like a bird one day? She was bursting out of her skin to find out.
“Lots of things.” El shrugged as her list populated her head.
“Okay, like what?” Always so patient, he was. She opened her mouth to reply, but he leapt off the couch before she could start, “Wait, hold on a sec.”
He moved to snatch up his notebook from the coffee table and a pen off the desk on the far side of the room. He sat back down, one leg bent at the knee balancing the notebook, his other hanging lazily off the side of the couch. His messy hair fell into his face as she watched him scribble on a blank page.
El + Mike’s To-Do List (in no particular order)
- Go to Disney
She laughed lightly, warmth in her chest spreading to her fingers and toes, “You’re writing this down?”
“Of course.” He looked back up at her, flipping his hair out of his eyes, “We’ll need to keep track of it if we’re going to get it all done.”
She marveled at how easily the words flew off his tongue like he already knew he was included in her plans for the rest of time. How lucky she was, she thought, to have the love of a boy who would find a way to pluck every star from the night sky if she asked to see them up close.
It didn’t matter where she was going, whatever she would be doing, none of it would ever mean as much if she couldn’t share it with Michael Wheeler.
“Um, okay.” She cast her gaze downward, a futile attempt to hide the blush in her cheeks, “I want to learn how to swim.”
Mike chuckled to himself as he wrote her answer down, “Have I ever told you how I learned?”
“I don’t think so?”
“I was about four. We were at my aunt’s house, and my grandpa tells my mom he can teach me how to swim.” He rolled his eyes, “So, there I am, standing on the edge of the pool, and he just picks me up and tosses me in.”
She felt her jaw drop open, “You’re serious?”
“Oh, yeah. My mom was so pissed, but your experience will be way less traumatizing. Promise.” He grinned, “Anyway, what’s next?”
“I think I would like to have a dog someday.”
“A dog? Dogs are cool. What are we talking, big, small?”
“Maybe medium?” El pursued her lips, “Definitely not big.”
“Medium dog; got it.”
She shut her eyes as a grander vision came to her, except she couldn't quite place it. Mike's gaze was still on her, she could feel it, but it was relaxed, willing to let her take the time to think.
“Paris is the city with the Eiffel Tower, right?” She had only ever seen it on weird postcards and in Joyce’s old family photos; she had beamed so big showing them off. When Joyce’s mother was young, she’d spent a whole summer there. Even in black and white, it looked so glamourous.
“It is.” Mike nodded, shaking the pen in his hand, “Is that going on the list?”
She thought of all the things they could do there; romantic dinners and walks in the city.
“Yeah, put it on there.”
“You know, they call Paris ‘The City of Love.’” He smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.
“Oh, well, maybe you’ll be invited,” she played back, “if you’re lucky.”
He faked a wince, bringing a hand to his chest, “Ouch?”
“Kidding,” she grabbed his free hand, intertwining their fingers, “I would never do it without you.”
“Good. What’s next before my ego gets even more bruised?”
She hesitated, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, “This one is kind of silly.”
“Hey,” Mike dropped his head to meet her eyes, “silly doesn’t exist right now.”
El sighed, “I want to dance in the rain. It always looks like fun.”
“See? That’s not silly, and you’re right. It does look fun.” He turned his palms up, “And we live in Indiana; this one’ll be no problem to cross off soon.”
Oh, how she loved him.
They spend the next hour rattling off different ideas like finding a job she loves, learning how to cook as good as Mrs. Wheeler, going to a concert, and taking a road trip. All things that might have appeared typical to the average person but were once so far out of reach that she could only consider them extraordinary.
“Alright, so, that makes nine.” Mike’s eyes scan the list before returning to her, “Should we round it out?”
There was one thing she had in mind, contemplating whether or not she would mention it. One that was far bigger than all the others, and perhaps the most important because it was one she wanted most, but the last thing she wanted to do was scare him. Mike always knew, though, when she was withholding information from him. His eyes were gentle when he spoke again, filling the silence she left, “Whatever it is, El. You can say it.”
She drew a deep breath, holding it for just a second before pushing it out, “I want to be a mom. One day, when I’m ready.”
Mike lit up the room almost immediately, his close-lipped smile evolving steadfast into a toothy grin, “You’re going to be the best mom ever.”
“You think so?” Relief rushed through her.
“Yeah, I do, and I can’t wait to see it.” He shook his head vigorously, “I mean, I can wait, because you know, we’re just, yeah, but what I’m saying is when that comes, I already won’t be able to wait, you know?”
“I understand,” she laughed at how frantic the back half of his sentence came out, “thank you for believing in me.”
“Always.” Mike stood, bending down to kiss her head, before tossing the notebook back on the coffee table, “So, we’ll save that, and we can add more as you think of them.”
“Wait,” she motioned towards the book, “give me that.”
His eyebrows rose as he listened to her instruction, settling down next to her.
“This list is full of things I want to do.” She flipped through the pages until she found the right one, “What about what you want to do?”
“Well, some of those things I haven’t done, so they count.” Mike stretched behind her to wrap his arm around her shoulder, “Plus, the only thing really I want to do is be with you. That’s it.”
“Lame,” she teased as she took the pen to the page, her handwriting adding contrast to his.
“Hey!” Suddenly his hand was on her side, furiously trying to tickle her, “Not nice.”
“Okay, okay,” El squeaked out between laughs, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Exactly what I thought.” She watched his eyes turn sincere, “I love you. And all this stuff, and more, we will do. Whatever you want, I promise.”
“I love you, too,” she pressed forward to kiss him gently. “I think this is a good start.”
She let her eyes roam the page another time.
El + Mike’s To-Do List (in no particular order)
- Go to Disney
- Learn to swim
- Get a medium dog
- Go to Paris
- Dance in the rain
- Find good jobs
- Learn to cook like Mrs. W
- Go to a concert
- Go on a road trip (destination TBD)
- Become parents
- Be together
Not a bad start at all.