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Castiel presses the call button. At least he hopes it is. The stairwell is dark, and he only got up here to the floor of the LGBTQ+ Community Centre with the flashlight of his phone. He can't hear a bell ringing behind the door, but it's a wireless one, so maybe the person on the receiving side is simply too far away. Or the button doesn't work and he's making a fool of himself.
It has been so hard to come here. Castiel doesn't really have social skills, but he wants to feel accepted without hiding behind an anonymous account. At some point, the support of other aces he only met online wasn't enough anymore. He wants to talk to others like him, wants to feel normal for once.
A minute passes, and Castiel's anxiety goes through the roof. He's ready to leave when he hears movement behind the door and the doorknob turning.
A smiling woman welcomes him. "Hi. Sorry, I was in the bathroom. I'm Charlie. Are you here for counselling or the aro/ace group?"
"Um, the group. I'm Castiel."
"Awesome. Nice to meet you," Charlie says and ushers him in. "Dean?" she calls.
A man steps out of the room at the end of the corridor. "Yes, Your Highness?"
Castiel frowns but Charlie snickers. "This one's for you."
Castiel's heart beats faster the closer Dean comes. He's aesthetically very pleasing.
"Hi. I'm the group leader. Dean, he/him. I'm grey-ace and bi-romantic. And you?"
"I'm Cas—" Castiel croaks and swallows hard around the sudden tightness in his throat, "—tiel. Mostly he/they, sometimes she. I'm ace and romantically I'm totally indifferent regarding one's gender identity." He chuckles nervously.
"Awesome! Come in and let me introduce you to the others," Dean says and guides him into the room. "Everyone, this is Cass. He's new. Let's give them a warm welcome."
Castiel waves shyly into the round of mostly pleasant faces. Dean pulls out the chair next to him, and Castiel smiles to himself, his cheeks burning with a blush. He just hopes, Dean doesn't see it. Castiel can't remember ever having an instant crush like this. He doesn't even know the man.
Everyone introduces themself, and with every new name and background, Castiel feels himself relax more. The group talks about this and that, and the normality of it warms Castiel's heart.
At some point of the evening, the conversation drifts to living as an ace or aro person in an allo world.
"I feel like I'm not enough, sometimes," Jo says.
"You are more than enough," Rowena counters. "Everyone would be lucky to have you."
"We're not less just because we perceive others differently," Dean agrees. "If anything, we bring a new perspective that can question the status quo and make our relationships better."
"Tell that my ex," Jo sighs.
"If he couldn't accept you as you are, he didn't deserve you," Balthazar says.
"Would you say the same to someone who was romantically interested in you?" Jo asks.
"If they forced it on me? Yes. I'm repulsed by anything romantic. It's simply who I am."
"We can't expect allos to cut off a part of themselves. Some partners can, others don't. Both are valid. But when two or more people commit to each other, respect and acceptance are key," Dean says.
Castiel likes that. He's tried being with allosexuals in the past. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.
"No one should be pressured into doing something they don't feel comfortable with," Castiel says, "no matter what direction. If sex or romance is important to someone, that's valid, too."
"Exactly," Dean agrees and smiles at him. Castiel wonders how many hearts this man has won already with his smirk only. Damn! Castiel has always had a thing for cocky people. They only seldomly register his existence, though.
The evening continues for a few more hours, and Castiel finds himself struggling with leaving, even though usually, he's the first one to get out of a party. But this is nice. Especially with Dean leaning in ever so often. But it's not only that. Here, he doesn't need to hide. He can talk about his ever-changing relationship with sexual things, can mourn that he didn't have the right words to express himself in the past. He can say that he dreams of a relationship where sex doesn't play any part and that he fears he'll never find a partner to grow old with.
In the end, it's only him and Dean awkwardly hovering in the corridor leading to the exit.
"It was nice meeting you, Dean," Castiel says. He doesn't want to go, but he also doesn't want to grate on Dean's nerves.
"Yeah. Hope you'll come back next month. Or maybe to the 30plus meeting next week? It's for people all over the community," Dean says and worries his lip before he adds, "I'd love to see you again."
Castiel blinks at him. "Um, okay?" It comes out as a question. Does Dean invite everyone or…?
Dean chuckles nervously. "We could go out for a drink, of course. If you'd prefer that."
"Like… a date?" Castiel asks in disbelief.
Dean shrugs, a blush creeping into his cheeks. "If you don't mind."
Castiel's face breaks out into a smile. "No. I wouldn't mind at all."