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Gilan tried to look relaxed, casually sitting on the bench in his usual manner, but he could feel his calm demeanor slipping with each moment. He took a deep breath, his body still in a way only a Ranger's one could be, and told himself not to let the situation bother him.
When Jenny told him to wait for her to end her shift, he could sense her stiffness, and the way she wouldn't look him in the eyes revealed to him more than he felt comfortable with. He was… he didn't know, really – wasn't sure what his feelings were regarding the situation.
He wished he could claim he was scared, that a dread came creeping up his spine every time he barely thought of the possibility of Jenny breaking up with him, but that was far from being true, and Gilan, for all it was worth, didn't particularly enjoy lying to himself.
Lately, their relationship was far from great, he was aware of that. But he was used to it – it was a kind of friendship he could always rely on, no matter what. A friendship, he admitted to himself, yes, but it stopped being more after the fourth time Jenny declined his proposal. There were only so many rejections a heart could take without losing its heat.
So, when Jenny emerged from the kitchen, nervously fidgeting with her sleeve, he felt a wave of relief washing over him. Maybe it would finally be done – maybe they both could find someone who was more suitable for their lifestyles.
Gilan tried not to consider the possibility that nobody would want him too hard, but it seemed rather hard when Jenny sat on the other side of the table and smiled at him with sad uncertainty.
"You wanted to talk about something?" he asked, seeing her struggle with words.
She took a deep breath, similar to what Gilan did only minutes before, and nodded. She was like this from the moment they met, courageous in her own unique way. Gilan adored that. "I did, yes," she said. "I am not sure, though, how to put it into words without hurting you too much."
Gilan closed his eyes briefly. He knew it was coming, but surprisingly, even though he partially wanted it, it still hurt all the same. "I know what you want to tell me," he assured her quietly, tilting his head to look at her in the way she liked the most. "I agree with you, Jenny. It will be for the best."
She released a long-held breath. "I'm glad you think so, too." Jenny smiled at him, her eyes tainted with regret. Gilan tried to return the smile as best as he could.
He stood up, preparing to head out. "I wish you all the best, Jenny," he said to her, his voice strangled in a way it rarely was.
"And I you," she replied, not moving from her seat. "Maybe you could visit sometime. I would make that pie you like so much."
His hands trembled slightly as he hid them under his cloak, trusting it to cover them. "Maybe. After all, it's the best pie in the world."
With that, he left, not quite ready for a permanent goodbye yet. He had a faint memory of Crowley wanting to see him that afternoon, as he was visiting Redmont with Gilan, so he would show up and see what mission awaited him this time.
He hoped it would be somewhere away from Araulen, where he could deal with everything without hurrying. He didn't love Jenny, not that way, but their relationship was long and filled with happy memories he couldn't throw away in one moment. He needed time.
Crowley seemed to sense something was off, but he didn't comment on it as Gilan sat before him, one eyebrow raised in question. "You wanted to see me," he said, thinking with bitter humor that at least Crowley wasn't going to break up with him.
"I have a mission for you," Crowley said, regarding him with a cautious look. Gilan knew he was far from his usual, cheerful self, but he did his best to appear unfazed. "In Arrida."
Gilan couldn't help but sigh in relief, something he knew didn't come unnoticed. It was hard to hide anything from Crowley. "Alright, some details?" he asked, his mood a bit lighter.
"Seley el'then needs your help with something," Crowley explained. Gilan's heart skipped a beat, surprising him. "He requested you specifically, because, as he put it, it seems like there is no such thing as too difficult for you."
Gilan felt a small smile creeping up his face. It was good to know Selethen had such faith in his abilities – that knowledge made his cheek heat up in a very suspicious way he dismissed immediately. Everyone would be glad to hear their friend thought well of them.
"Alright, I suppose I should ask him for details once I arrive, yes?" he asked, pretending he didn't notice Crowley's eyebrow slowly going up as the commandant took in his reaction.
"Precisely," Crowley agreed. Then, he made a vague gesture with his ink-stained hand towards the enormous pile of paperwork. "Now, if you'll excuse me…"
"Of course," Gilan agreed, already grinning. "Have fun! And be careful with the ink."
Crowley sent him a glare. "I'm always careful with the ink."
When he finally closed the door behind him, he managed to hear a muttered curse as something fell from Crowley's desk and shattered.
Gilan snorted.
"Mention this to anyone," Crowley shouted, "and you'll have to look for someone to replace you as a Ranger."
Well, the walls would look way better with a touch of blue to them, in Gilan's humble opinion.
***
The journey helped him clear his mind – when the already familiar shore appeared in his sight, he felt more balanced than he did since the break up. He couldn't stop himself from an occasional twinge of regret, but it was mostly relief now, relief that he could start over with a clear head.
When the ship arrived, Gilan couldn't help but smile at his friend, already waiting at the docks. Selethen seemed as composed as always, standing majestically next to some guards.
Gilan expected the hug that inevitably awaited him once he got within Selethen's reach, so he just instinctively melted right into it, not realizing until then how he had missed him.
"My friend," Selethen said softly, his voice washing over all his worries and taking them with it. "It's so good to see you again."
Gilan untangled himself from Selethen's embrace and raised the corner of his lips up at him. "Seley el'then, seeing you is always a delight."
He didn't miss the way Selethen furrowed his brow – it lasted only for a split second and went back to normal almost immediately, but Gilan couldn't help but wonder. Did he do something wrong?
"You must be tired after the journey," Selethen said, an uncanny gentleness showing in the way he touched Gilan's elbow. "Do you need to rest before we speak?"
Gilan tilted his head, looking at Selethen in surprise. "Thank you for the concern, but I'm doing well enough to talk. I heard there's a mission for me, we can discuss it privately."
"Of course," Selethen agreed, still not letting go of his arm. "If you prefer to do so. But tell me, how do you fare? I see you so rarely."
Gilan was sure now – Selethen was waiting for something, it was visible from the way he made a pause at the end of the sentence, as if Gilan was supposed to say something the other knew he would.
"I'm doing alright," he replied eventually, keeping up with Selethen's fast pace without much trouble. "Thank you for asking. How…"
Before he could finish, Selethen waved off the guards. "Forgive me for interrupting you," he apologized. Gilan nodded. "But we're here."
Everything in the tent was just like Gilan remembered, with maybe minor changes such as different patterns on the pillows. He took a breath and allowed himself to relax, knowing he could trust Selethen without a doubt. He seated himself comfortably and watched his friend do the same. Then, he spoke.
"Crowley told me there's a mission for me here," he started, waiting for Selethen to pick up the topic.
"Indeed, there is," Selethen confirmed slowly, regarding Gilan with something hard to decipher in his dark eyes. "But there are more important things now. Is everything well, my friend? You're not acting like yourself. I have to admit to being quite concerned."
Gilan's head shot up at that. He was feeling a lot better than when he was still in Araluen, and he was certain he was back to usual, so Selethen's question caught him off guard. "There are some personal things I am dealing with," he said reluctantly, "but it's nothing you have to be upset about."
Selethen reached for his hand across the table and touched it, trying to comfort him. Something in Gilan softened at that. "You were so good to me when I needed it, my friend," he said quietly, looking Gilan in the eyes. "Let me repay the kindness. I cannot stand watching you like this."
He felt something flutter in his chest at that. He averted his gaze from Selethen, less burdened than before. Gilan didn't even realize there were so many things still bothering him when he thought he worked through it all.
A smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "I am quite surprised you can see anything with that delightful nose of yours," he teased, expecting Selethen to huff indignantly.
Instead, his friend started laughing, a faint pink painting his cheeks. Selethen looked at him with something very close to fondness. "I was hoping you would finally catch the bait and make that joke."
Gilan blinked, taken aback. "I'm sorry?"
"I said so many things about seeing today, and you didn't react to any of it," Selethen explained, seemingly unaware of the way he was still holding onto Gilan's hand. "I'm worried about you."
Gilan wasn't sure how to handle the situation. "I'm convinced there are more pressing matters than my private dilemmas," he said, but Selethen shook his head.
"Nothing too urgent, my dear. If you're willing to tell, I'm willing to listen…" he halted, realizing just then how he referred to Gilan.
Gilan discovered that breathing was actually a difficult activity. He could hear a tiny voice screaming incoherently at the back of his head, but he threatened it with his bow and it fell silent.
They stared at each other in silence, each unable to fully comprehend what had just happened. Gilan felt a warmth spreading in his chest – a hauntingly familiar one. He let himself smile slightly before he carried on with the topic as if nothing out of the ordinary occurred.
"If you say so, then maybe I could share," he said. He noticed how the tension that showed in Selethen's shoulders dissipated, and concluded that what he said was probably just a mistake that happened out of distraction.
Selethen looked at him expectantly, and suddenly, Gilan found himself unable to utter a word about his current situation, even with his hand still in his friend's reassuring grip. As he realized, telling Selethen about his past relationships wasn't exactly what he wanted.
"I'm just… afraid," he admitted hesitantly. "That I moved on too quickly. I could use your advice on this, if you want to give it."
Not much time had passed since he and Jenny parted ways, and he already started being aware of his new infatuation (which might have not been such a recent thing as he wanted, but that was irrelevant at the moment), and wasn't that just unfair? He felt as if he was, in some way, forgetting about a big part of his life and not paying enough respect to the time he and Jenny had had together.
He couldn't find a way to put his every thought into words – as a Ranger, he preferred listening to speaking, but Selethen seemed to understand him all the same, judging from the soft gleam in his eyes.
"There is no such thing as moving on too quickly, my… friend," he said, stumbling over the last word. "You can deal with something in a day, in a week, in a few months. No amount of time is too long or too short. The point is not to deny the good time, but to treasure and remember it – not to suffer from the memories, but to learn from them."
Gilan looked at him, speechless. Selethen simply smiled at him and continued. "What I mean is, moving on doesn't always mean forgetting about something. Sometimes it's just being able to think about it without hurting, without weeping, and instead treating it with kindness, greeting it with a smile. Moving on is not ignoring the time you have had, as I suspect you think. I'd rather perceive it as respecting it – respecting the love you shared."
"But it feels right to mourn a loss for a long time," Gilan said hesitantly. "No matter if it's death or just a parting of ways. Isn't grief a way of expressing love?"
"Nobody in this world or beyond would want to see the person they cared for broken because of them, Gilan," whispered Selethen. "Grief is but a shadow of love, a mere ghost of it. It's unwise to think differently, simply because with love, your heart blossoms – with grief, it withers. You cannot deem something so devastating love. That goes against its nature."
The burden from Gilan's shoulders lifted, his eyes sore. He was certain that during his journey to Arrida he got better – now he understood that he was simply trying to push everything away, and then he blamed himself for not taking his previous relationship seriously. People said that time heals all wounds, but without proper care, a wound could get infected before the healing process has the chance to begin.
He could say he was grateful that Selethen did so much to comfort him, but that wasn't entirely true. He was grateful for Selethen – that he was there, ready to support him.
"Thank you," he said, turning his hand so that he could hold onto Selethen's fingers. "I don't know how to express… what I feel right now."
A strange hope flickered in Selethen's eyes. "You would do the same and more for me," his friend replied. "But tell me, if you're willing, what happened that you have to move on?"
"A relationship," Gilan replied, lost in his thoughts. The way Selethen looked at him made him feel so many things, he didn't know where to start acknowledging them.
No amount of time was too long or too short, Gilan repeated to himself. He and Jenny were good friends, for the most part – if he wanted to truly be happy in a relationship, maybe it was about time to do something in that direction.
Selethen stilled for a second. "I… wasn't aware that you…"
"I find it difficult to share my private life, even when it comes to friends," Gilan said, gently withdrawing his hand from Selethen's grip to place it on his wrist instead. "But nevermind. I am really grateful for your help," he added. "That means the world to me."
Selethen smiled at him. Gilan tried to shake off the sudden feeling that something was wrong, but he failed to do so. He knew how Selethen smiled when he meant it – that wasn't one of those moments.
"Let's move on to the mission, shall we?" Selethen said.
Gilan furrowed his brow. "It is most unfair that only I get to talk about my feelings. Before we proceed with my task, I demand you return the favor."
"I don't see how my feelings are relevant right now," Selethen protested calmly. Gilan had to remind himself several times that only Halt could throw hypocrites out of windows without further consequences.
Gilan had to bite his tongue so as not to let his usual remark about Selethen and seeing slip out, but it must have shown, because a ghost of a smile danced across Selethen's lips.
"We both know what I want to say, so we can skip that part," Gilan said politely. "Now, will you finally tell me what's on your mind? You look a bit under the weather."
Selethen blinked in surprise. "Is it so noticeable?"
Gilan raised an eyebrow in the universal gesture of everyone who was close to Halt. Because, really, how could he not notice? Selethen was good at keeping a neutral, calm demeanor, but Gilan found himself seeing right through it. A certain tenseness of his shoulders, a stiffness to his voice, barely audible, but still there – he was able to gather all the elements and then piece them together to see the full picture.
"No," he answered simply. "It's not."
"So it were the mysterious skills of a Ranger, I presume," Selethen teased lightly. Gilan shook his head in amusement. He didn't need five years of intense training to know how his friend was doing at the moment. "It's nothing worth your attention. I am simply dealing with a private matter."
"I understand," Gilan said. There was a sting of disappointment that Selethen didn't return the trust he put in him, but he shoved that feeling away and locked it in a broom closet. "In that case, we can take care of the details of my mission. What am I supposed to do here?"
Selethen regarded him with a long gaze, something akin to regret carving its way into his features. "There's a group of outcasts wandering nearby. They bother our citizens constantly, but each time we try to catch them, they disappear into thin air and they cannot be found until the next time they willingly show themselves. There are some rumors about them being the last remains of the assassins from the Scorpion Mountain, and since you dealt with them without much trouble last time, I thought you would be most suitable for the job now, too. I fear that they could go after someone from Araluen again, you, for example, as you killed their leader."
He really doubted that, as there were no attempts at taking his life lately, but maybe it was a somewhat fresh case and they just didn't manage to find him in Araluen before he left.
"Alright," Gilan said, switching into his professional, working tone. "Do you have any information about the outcasts? I would like to know what they look like, when they appear, and how exactly they bother the citizens."
"I don't know anything for certain, but I heard there are four men and five women in the group. Usually, the… botherings occur at night, though there isn't any pattern to them beside that. Mostly, they just steal food, but one time a citizen got hurt when he tried to stop them from stealing from his shop. He recovered quickly, though."
Gilan narrowed his eyes. The facts Selethen gave him didn't suit the information he gathered during his last encounter with the assassins – those outcasts couldn't be from the Scorpion Mountain. He was fairly certain that there weren't any women there (he excluded the goddess, obviously), although the reason for that was beyond him. He had a few ideas on how to make sure his conclusions were correct.
"Do you know if they had any hair?" he asked. For him, it was a reasonable question that followed his way of thinking, but for Selethen, it probably came completely out of the blue.
"Most of them had long hair," Selethen answered, visibly thrown out of balance by the ridiculous question. "Why?"
"Those from the Scorpion Mountain were mostly bald," Gilan muttered in response, trying to figure out all possible outcomes. Of course, they could just be unable to find something to cut the hair with, but that wasn't very likely. Whether he liked it or not, there was only one way to find out for sure. "I'm going to wait for them to show up and I'll follow them back to their camp," he decided. "You'll have more information that way. And if they turn out not to be a threat, I can always deal with them myself."
"You'll go alone after nine people who might be qualified killers," said Selethen, sounding like Gilan just offended his dead grandmother. "What if they see you?"
"The whole point of being a Ranger is that they won't," Gilan reminded him. "And it's not like I'm completely careless. Have a bit of faith, won't you?"
"Of course." Selethen blinked, realizing his mistake. "Forgive me, I might have gone a little overboard with my worry. I will be waiting for your report once you spot the camp and find out something interesting."
"It's forgiven." Gilan sent him a weary smile. "I will rest now, if you allow it, and then I'll get to work."
He got up, preparing to leave, but a quiet voice stopped him midway. "Gilan?"
He turned to Selethen, who was still sitting in the same position, looking uncertain as never before. "Yes?" He encouraged him. "What is it?"
"I am glad you're here with me," Selethen said, his dark eyes warm and filled with something Gilan was too cautious to name yet. "You, no one else. And I hope we get to enjoy our time together…" he hesitated. "For however briefly we are allowed. You should get some sleep, my friend. You look exhausted."
Gilan looked at Selethen for a long while. There was something familiar in his words – he was sure he heard some of them before. For however briefly we are allowed. Wasn't that a saying in Arrida? Gilan couldn't shake off the feeling that those words were significant, and it frustrated him that he couldn't respond to them like Selethen deserved.
"I'll let you know when I find anything," he said and, unable to find anything else to do, left.
***
The night air was getting colder with each passing second, but Gilan didn't flinch. He knew that even the slightest move could betray his position, and during a mission like that, where the mission success depended on staying hidden, he couldn't allow himself any mistakes.
He had the cloak Crowley requested for him during his first mission in Arrida – he forgot it once, when he was trying to save princess Cassandra with the Herons, and he wasn't keen on letting that mistake happen again. It wasn't much use back then, but that wasn't the case now, so he was just glad that he was more sensible this time around.
Minutes stretched into hours as he stood, unwavering, and his thoughts wandered a little, dancing around Selethen and his uncanny behavior. He was sure there was something more to what he said, but the fact that he couldn't figure it out exactly almost drove him insane. Stupid Selethen with his stupid riddles, let him be damned.
Gilan breathed evenly as he considered the possibility of him being interested in Selethen. He couldn't find an answer to that – not because there wasn't one, but because he simply didn't want to. No amount of time was too short to move on, he agreed, but he was pretty sure that Selethen didn't say those words to assure him that he could confess his love for him without feeling guilty.
A part of him knew that Jenny would want this for him, as much as he wanted her to find happiness, in every way she possibly could. She always said to him that if he found something that would help him with being better, could make him more content, he should reach and seize it before it was gone.
But did Selethen want this, too? Gilan couldn't say for sure, and asking did not seem like the best possible option. Maybe if…
Sudden movement made him fully focus again. He saw the group Selethen described, trying to move quietly between the buildings. All of them were already holding something, and it seemed like they were heading back to their camp already. Gilan felt a dread creeping up his spine at the possibility of them choosing a different road and failing to pass in his field of view.
He followed them silently. Every noise he could possibly make wouldn't be heard over the noise the outcasts caused, but that didn't cause the tension from his shoulders to dissipate. Even the smallest mistake could end tragically.
He was sure by then that those people couldn't be from the Scorpion Mountain. Nervousness showed in their every move, and their steps were way too loud for them to be professionally trained killers. He wondered how exactly those outcasts disappeared into thin air when the noise they made was horrendous to Gilan's ears. By then, someone must have heard them – he assumed that the guards would tell Selethen that the outcasts appeared, so he didn't bother with finding and telling him that he had the situation under control.
Soon enough, the outcasts reached the desert, and Gilan felt extremely confused. Where were they hiding? And how did they do it so well that nobody could find them?
Everything became clear when one of the group, probably the leader, judging from the way everyone listened to him without hesitation, abruptly stopped next to two big stones, situated so close that from afar, they looked like one. Gilan started to understand as he cautiously came closer – between those rocks, there was a cave. That was probably the sole reason for their sudden disappearance.
The group all entered the cave. Gilan let himself smirk. That was very mysterious, of course. No way to tell where they went. Poor Selethen, he was never going to let him hear the end of this.
His instinct warned him from moving. He restrained himself from going in, and, after roughly two minutes, the presumed leader emerged, this time on his own, carrying a pile of food. Gilan narrowed his eyes. Something was clearly off there.
He let the leader go away for a safe distance before he carefully got even closer to the entrance. He doubted that the people inside posed a real danger to him – maybe he could even manage to reasonably talk to them. He wasn't sure what to do with his bow, knowing it would only scare them, but not wanting to leave it unprotected in fear somebody would destroy it.
Oh, how he missed Blaze. If she was there, he could just leave it with her.
The bow would only be a distraction in the cave, he realized. There was no way he could shoot someone in there. He thought about it for a while and, somewhat reluctantly, he left it hidden near the second rock. He couldn't risk it. He only hoped it would be alright – Crowley would murder him if he asked for a second one.
With a sigh, he entered the cave, instantly meeting with the gazes of eight very distressed people.
"Who are you?" asked a man closest to him, his voice shaking almost as badly as his hands. "We… we'll kill you, and…"
"You could do that, yes," Gilan interrupted him with indifference. "Or you could listen to what I have to say and live to see another day."
That shut him up and gave Gilan time to glance around the cave. It was surprisingly big, and if it wasn't for the bonfire lit directly in the middle, many more people could fit into it. Gilan grimaced. He had a feeling that there would be some trouble with that bonfire.
"Who are you?" asked a woman, standing up to face him.
"Akilah, he's going to kill you!" A man sitting close to her pulled her sleeve, trying to get her to sit down.
"I most certainly will not," Gilan assured him. "I would only like to know why, for the love of God, you're stealing food from the city when you have no idea how to do it properly. And answering your question." He turned to Akilah. "My name is Gilan, I am a Ranger who is helping Seley el'then in investigating a mysterious group of professional assassins."
Akilah looked at him, confused. "If you're after some dangerous killers, why did you come here?"
Gilan barely restrained a snort. That one sentence explained more than a long conversation could.
"Seley el'then has suspicions that you're the killers," he explained. "I wasn't sure if his assumptions were correct, so I decided to check. Turns out I was right in doubting your killing abilities," he added, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.
"We don't want to kill people," the man who threatened Gilan earlier said. He turned bright red at Gilan's raised eyebrow.
"We really don't," Akilah said. "But our leader threatens that if we won't steal for him, he will torture our families. We were planning on…" She stopped, looking at him with suspicion. "How can I know he didn't hire you to test our loyalty?"
Gilan tilted his head. "I suppose convincing you would be rather difficult," he said. "I can only promise you that, if you turn the leader in, Seley el'then will understand your situation."
Akilah sat down and Gilan did the same, trying to figure out how to resolve the situation. The leader was the main problem – he was certain that if he could get rid of him somehow, the rest would gladly go back to leading a normal life. He just had to come up with a plan on how he could help those people.
He looked around the cave. They were perfectly capable of handling the situation on their own – they just needed a bit of encouragement, perhaps a certainty that their families would be safe if they overthrew their leader.
His gaze stopped at the bonfire. The bad feeling increased. He turned to Akilah. "Maybe we could take this outside? I can gladly offer my help with overthrowing that leader of yours, but I'm afraid I left my bow there."
"You left your weapon outside while suspecting we might be assassins?" the man next to Akilah said with disbelief.
Gilan shrugged. "I've got a few others." He and Akilah exchanged a look. She was aware that he meant them no harm, he knew that – but being cautious never killed anybody.
"I suppose we can leave the cave," Akilah agreed hesitantly. "It will be easier to disarm him."
***
Gilan should have known that it would be that one time he expected everything to go smoothly. He should have known, simply because it was always times like that delivering the most chaos and destruction. But no – he got his hopes up, and of course everything went to hell.
In the beginning, everything was fine. He and the rest positioned themselves in a strategic place and waited, while chatting lightly, convinced that nothing bad could happen to them. They were mostly right, Gilan had to admit later on, but with reluctance.
Gilan sat next to Akilah and Ajmal, as the man from earlier introduced himself, and listened half-heartedly to their bickering while carefully scanning the landscape. He trusted his cloak to hide him, as usual, but he was aware that it couldn't do the same for the rest.
"Do you think our kids will make it out?" asked Akilah in a much more serious tone that directed Gilan's attention towards them.
"Of course, my dear," Ajmal said, trying to sound certain, but there was a small waver in his voice that betrayed his worry. "We shouldn't worry too much."
"Instead, we should just enjoy our time together, shouldn't we?" Akilah leaned close to Ajmal, resting her head on his shoulder. Those words moved a memory in Gilan, but he couldn't quite place the sensation.
"For however briefly we are allowed," Ajmal agreed, kissing the top of her head.
That finally rang a bell in Gilan's head – those were almost the exact words Selethen had said to him. He was right in claiming they were a saying in Arrida, but he still didn't know what they meant. He suspected it would be impolite to interrupt, so he probably had to restrain himself from asking so as not to ruin their moment together. A shame, really – it bothered him more and more.
He stole a quick glance at the pair. They were not engaged in a conversation anymore, so he decided he should take his chance while he still could.
"What does it mean?" he asked, his voice barely audible even in the silent air.
Akilah looked at him, confused. "I'm sorry?"
"The sentence that Ajmal said," Gilan explained, having a sudden feeling he just got himself into a huge mess. "Forget that I asked if it's inappropriate. I am simply curious."
"I am surprised it caught your attention," Akilah admitted, settling herself comfortably against Ajmal's side. "Most foreigners just assume it's ordinary."
"Is it not, then?" Gilan turned his head to look at her. Why did Selethen tell him something like that without any explanation? That made no sense. Gilan was familiar with ciphers, but they only worked when both sides were aware of what was going on. "A friend of mine told me this lately, and I just thought it was uncommon that two people used precisely the same sentence in pretty similar situations."
Akilah stared at him in silence. "A… friend?"
Ajmal raised his head to look at Gilan with a flicker in his eyes akin to amusement. "It's a saying that's used by people in love to express their attachment to each other, Ranger. I assume your friend is Arridan?"
Gilan's eyes widened as he nodded. In love? Attachment? It was dangerous to get any hopes up, he was aware, but his hopes just soared into the sky, singing a glorious battle song about victory, so there was that.
There was a chance Selethen returned his feelings, Gilan realized. There was a real chance. It was possible – it was probable. Dear God. That was a bit too much to take in in the middle of a mission, but he supposed that being a Ranger meant always having it the hard way.
"We should just get over with the leader quickly so that the Ranger can have a chat with that friend of his," Akilah teased. "You look a bit pale, Gilan. Is something wrong?"
"I am going through every stage of shock that was ever discovered," Gilan muttered, running a hand through his hair. "And a few that weren't."
Ajmal shook his head. "You really didn't suspect a thing? Usually, when someone's in love with you, you can easily tell."
Akilah laughed at that. "Like you could?"
Gilan heard the steps too late. He was sitting with his body turned in the direction where the leader went, so he should be the one to notice him – but, distracted by the conversation, he let his guard down and, before he could fully register what was happening, the leader lunged towards him with a sword.
Only his quick reflexes saved him – he managed to avoid the blow, instantly jumping to his feet and drawing his own sword. He regarded his opponent cautiously. His stance did not show the signs of an experienced swordsman, and neither did the way he held his weapon. Gilan could only hope he was not misleading him.
The leader marked an attack. Gilan did not fall for it, but there was a voice behind him – a short scream – that presumably thought it was real, and tried to warn the Ranger. He instinctively shot a glance behind to make sure everyone was still safe, and that was what lost him. In the split second he wasn't paying attention to the man, he took his chance and attacked him.
Gilan moved out of the way, but not fast enough. He avoided getting a fatal blow, one that would certainly kill him, but the sword cut his side deeply, making him clench his teeth in pain. With a wound like that, his chances were lower than before, as it would constantly distract him and limit his movement, but he didn't give up. He had some things that needed to be discussed with Selethen.
Gilan was quite embarrassed with himself, to be honest. It wasn't like him at all, to get distracted by such things.
He and his opponent circled each other, waiting for the smallest mistake. The throbbing in Gilan's side only got stronger, and he couldn't help but be grateful for his dark clothing. That way, the leader couldn't say for sure how serious the injury was, and Gilan could use that to his advantage.
Luckily, he didn't have to. Once the leader turned his back to the group, Akilah took out her dagger and sneaked up on him, holding it against his throat in an instant movement. He froze, not daring to flinch, and dropped his sword. The rest of the outcasts watched their defenseless leader with utter satisfaction.
"Could somebody bring me a rope?" she asked. Ajmal got up and hurried into the cave. "We can pass him onto the guards once we reach the city," she added, looking at Gilan. "Just make sure to tell Seley el'then before we arrive. You'll surely be quicker than us."
"Working with you was a pleasure," Gilan replied, smiling through gritted teeth. From what he calculated, his wound wasn't deadly, but as it turned out that night, mathematics might not have been his strongest advantage after all, so anything could happen.
She bowed her head shortly. "And with you."
The way back was not the most pleasant experience in Gilan's life – if he had to make a list, it would be somewhere between tortures and dying a horrible death alone and unloved. Such were the ways of life, he supposed. He would appreciate it more, though, if his side didn't hurt that much.
His regret for not taking Blaze with him was growing only stronger with each passing second as he made his way back to the city. Everything could be faster and less painful if she were there – and she could give him some useful love advice, unlike those mockings he received earlier. One could say that missing a horse was close to pathetic, but one would find themselves spiked with arrows soon after finishing that sentence.
The city was closer with each step he took, but he could feel his clothes sticking to his body because of the blood. He had an unpleasant feeling he could pass out any moment, but by the sheer power of his will, he managed to keep walking. He promised Akilah he would explain the case to Selethen, and so he would do that before suffering the consequences of his possibly-fatal-but-maybe-not wound.
When he finally spotted Selethen's tent, he exhaled with relief. He could see that the candles were still burning through the entrance – that meant his friend had yet to go to sleep. If he was particularly lucky, he would manage to explain the whole situation and maybe even avoid staining the rug.
He straightened up, ignoring the stab of pain that caused him to see stars, and didn't bother with hiding his presence as he went in.
Selethen raised his head up from the paperwork he was presumably preoccupied with. His eyes were tainted with red from exhaustion, but when he saw Gilan, he smiled brightly, relief flooding from him.
"Gilan, you survived," he said, his voice hoarse, as if he fell asleep while still sitting hunched over the table. "I waited for you. I heard those people appeared again, so I assumed you would follow them. I wasn't sure when you would come back, though, so I made coffee a few hours ago. I think it went cold."
Gilan felt his whole body relaxing, and a smile similar to Selethen's found its way onto his lips. Now that he was aware of what Selethen was trying to tell him without actually telling him, he could slip into their usual way of being without trouble. It just amused him that his friend thought that he wouldn't find out about it. He was a Ranger, after all.
"Thank you for the coffee," Gilan replied, his voice soft as never before. "You didn't have to stay up, but I'm glad you did. And of course I survived, that task is so easy you offend me by believing I could not."
"What do you mean, easy?" Selethen asked, amused.
"Well, I just didn't die," he explained. "I would say that's relatively simple."
The joke wasn't his best, it almost made him wince, but he could excuse himself with the wound that currently bothered him a bit, and Selethen laughed anyway, so maybe it wasn't so bad after all.
He wondered briefly if he should tell Selethen about his feelings – maybe it wasn't the best time, given the state he was in, but he found himself tempted to do so. His heart fastened at the bare thought of that possibility. But no, the mission had to come first.
"Those outcasts weren't from the Scorpion Mountain," he explained quietly. "They were just some people forced to steal by their leader, who assumed he would get richer that way. They got rid of him, and the rest of the group wants to repay their faults. They're waiting outside the city, you can send the guards, but only to get that leader. He should be tied up. The rest, you have to treat with gentleness. Their families' lives were at stake."
Selethen regarded him in silence for a few seconds. "Very well," he said, his voice warm. "I knew you would help them deal with the situation, as always. I assume you want to rest now?"
He nodded and tried to take a step in Selethen's direction, but a wave of burning pain overcame him, and he inhaled sharply, instinctively clutching his hurt side. Selethen watched in visible distress, and when he noticed that the hand Gilan touched his wound with was already covered in blood after barely a few seconds, his eyes widened.
"What happened?" he asked, terrified, hurrying to Gilan's side. "I thought you said you survived!"
"I said that I didn't die," Gilan corrected him, simultaneously collapsing against Selethen's chest, his legs giving up. "There's… I think there might be a small difference between these two."
"You don't say." Selethen caught him, careful not to cause him more pain, and held him close. "I will send for a medic immediately," he said. "Don't fall asleep, don't close your eyes."
But Gilan was already drifting away, his eyelids fluttering, getting heavier with every second. "Talk to me," he muttered. The warmth that surrounded him felt so safe, he couldn't resist it any longer. He was certain that his injury wasn't deadly, but the thought that he could be mistaken unnerved him. "Tell me something interesting."
Selethen went silent for a while, his grip firm yet tender against Gilan's back. "Well," he said eventually, his voice reluctant. "I think I know something very interesting."
"And what is it?" Gilan asked, wondering if Selethen was about to confess his undying love for him. That would be most suitable for a Ranger, his friend admitting his feelings while the other was bleeding out.
"A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out," Selethen said.
Gilan's jaw actually dropped at that. What was he even talking about? Then, everything around him went black as he passed out, a part of him calm from the knowledge that Selethen wouldn't let him fall.
***
He woke up to the sound of some very loud snoring. Gilan blinked, blinded by the light, and looked around, trying to figure out what happened. He was lying in bed, and he could feel bandages pressing on his wound. He wasn't in so much pain as before, so he figured he had to get better while being unconscious. That was, in fact, wonderful – maybe he could regain a bit of faith in his mathematical skills.
He turned his head to the side, trying to locate the horrific snoring sound. He never had a chance to hear an elephant desperately trying to sing a love ballad while failing miserably, but if he had, he was certain it would sound somewhat similar.
As it turned out, it was Selethen who made such ungodly noises. He was sitting on a chair close to his bed, the purple bags under his eyes visible despite the fact he was sleeping. Gilan came to a quick conclusion that he loved elephants. He just adored them and their adorable singing. Truly – there was nothing better in the whole world than elephants failing miserably to sing a love ballad.
"Will you quit snoring, Seley el'then?" he asked, surprised with how hoarse his voice was. "Some of us are trying to recover here."
Selethen basically jumped awake at the sound of Gilan's voice. Gilan snorted, and regretted it soon enough when his side burned with pain.
"You're awake," Selethen said. There was something so vulnerable in his voice, a shadow of an earlier fright that still could be captured, that Gilan let out a shaky breath. "For a while I thought… I was afraid that I might lose you."
Gilan held out his hand and he brushed his fingers across Selethen's knee. "Forgive me, my friend," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to cause you trouble."
Selethen looked so tired at that moment, like he was left alone somewhere in a sandstorm, unable to find his way back. The sand found its way into his heart and surrounded it, the wind howling of heartbreak and longing condemned to rot.
With love, your heart blossoms – with grief, it withers. You cannot deem something so devastating love. That goes against its nature.
Meanwhile, Gilan's hand found its way to Selethen's fingers. He caught them and held on, hoping that he could express every word he was unable to say out loud. The exhausted lines on his friend's face smoothed, and a small smile danced across his lips.
The sand fell, and the wind silenced. Not much was needed for a flower to blossom.
"Gilan," Selethen started, uncertainty showing in his every word, "I have to tell you something."
"Is it going to be another fact about crocodiles and their tongues, or are you finally going to ask me out like a normal human being?" Gilan asked. A small thought appeared at the back of his mind, claiming that was not romantic at all, but he shoved it away. He stopped caring when he found out that Selethen returned his feelings.
"I know it might be a surprise to you, and if you do not feel the same you must know that's not going to change anything between us, if our friendship will still be comfortable for you, that is, but I…" he halted. "Wait, what?"
It was extremely hard not to laugh at Selethen's struck expression, but Gilan still had in mind his pain from earlier, so he restrained himself. "Dear heart, you truly know very little about Rangers if you thought I wouldn't find out what that fancy saying of yours means."
Selethen looked lost. "I was simply trying to be subtle," he tried to explain. "I wouldn't risk pushing too hard and destroying our friendship. It's very… special to me, and the bare thought that it could be gone from my life frightens me incomparably more than not having my feelings returned. I wish… That's why I ask of you, perhaps selfishly, that even if you don't feel the same…"
Gilan couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed Selethen by his shirt and pulled him close, their noses almost touching, and looked him deep in the eyes. He could hear Selethen swallowing, a faint blush appearing on his cheeks. "Cut the crap, my loveliest," he said softly. "I adore you so, but there's only so much I can take when you're implying I might not reciprocate your feelings. Now, do you mind if I steal a kiss?"
Selethen placed his hand on Gilan's chest and pushed him back on the sheets. "I very much do. You'll open your wound again if you keep up that behavior, and I don't find the possibility of explaining to the medics how that happened particularly delightful."
Gilan stared at him in disbelief. "Now, that is just plainly cruel."
Selethen leaned over him with a sigh. "Alright, but if something happens, you explain it."
Gilan grinned against his mouth. "I might just conveniently pass out, you know. Unless you keep me awake with interesting facts about crocodiles."
Selethen rolled his eyes and gently caressed Gilan's cheek with his hand, moving a little closer. "Will you quit talking, Gilan? Some of us are trying to enjoy the time we have together."
Gilan's smile became tender. "You're right," he whispered. "Let's enjoy it – for however briefly we are allowed."
Then, he finally kissed him.
It felt like soft flower petals, sunlights, Jenny's pie and the ocean – like every good thing in the world that wasn't with him at that moment – and he realized that briefly wasn't the right term for it, not at all.
The amount of time he was looking for was perhaps slightly longer than forever.