Work Text:
Todd’s POV:
He started feeling crummy a few days before winter break, but didn’t bother with it, assuming it was just his one anxiety about having to stay at Hellton alone all break. The rest of the poets were off to spend the break with their families while his parents, oh-so-politely, ringed to tell him that they would be visiting his brother and wouldn’t have time to pick him up. He had lied when Neil asked him what he’d be doing over break. He wasn’t entirely sure why he didn’t tell Neil the truth, having never lied to the boy before without good reason, but he just didn’t want Neil to think he was pathetic. He didn’t want to admit that even his parents couldn’t stand the thought of having to hang out with him for more than a day at a time.
By the time everyone left he had developed a fairly bad cough, but still didn’t let it get to him. He could deal with a cough, had suffered from worse afflictions throughout his childhood and it just wasn’t that big a deal.
Until it was.
By the third night of break he couldn’t sleep, he kept trying, but he would simply lay in bed for hours until the alarm went off signaling breakfast. But of course his throat had been rubbed completely raw and he wasn’t able to eat or drink any of the food provided. It got to the point where his stomach was cramping painfully and he felt as if he was going to throw up bile at any moment. Still he pushed through, spending all day in his bed trying to force his body to slumber as he stared at the blank ceiling with blood-shot eyes.
By day six of break he was starting to suffer from paranoia, he couldn’t leave his dorm because he was convinced that the second he walked out of the door his parents and Jeff would be standing there. His mother would cry false tears over his ‘failures’, claiming that he was purposely messing up to make her look like a bad mother. His father would be holding his belt, his signature belt that was used countless times to correct him as a child when he sinned or fell short. He could practically feel the sharp, stinging pain that would last as a reminder of his inadequacy. Perhaps worst of all was Jeffery, standing there, letting it all happen with a face of faux sympathy. He hated how Jeff always claimed to be on his side when the boy never once helped him escape their parents' rageful grasp.
He didn’t quite remember what happened after he did finally get sick enough to walk through the door. The pain of his lungs, throat and stomach, matched with the throbbing of his head was too much to bear and he just wanted to be killed. He would rather be violently murdered by the hands of his father than continue on through the pain because at least he’d fine some piece in dying before he was thrown into hell.
However it wasn’t hellfire that his eyes opened to see after walking out of Neil and his dorm room. Instead it was an oddly familiar, houndstooth wallpapered, room filled with voices his foggy mind could barely recognize.
“-can’t believe he didn’t tell us.”
“You know him, he doesn’t-”
“If I ever seen them-”
“-how is he not dead?”
He was very annoyed with his inability to fully comprehend what the voices were saying, but he just couldn’t muster the strength to focus on listening. Instead he could only think about the tickling in his throat and the sudden tightness in his chest as a round of harsh coughs erupt from his mouth. It hurts like hell and he swears that he can taste blood in his mouth as tears sprout in his eyes from the pain. It doesn’t stop for what feels like hours as he hacks dryly only to whimper in agony.
“Jesus, Todd, here, drink up,” Someone is handing him a glass and he cautiously sips the cool liquid as his eyes flutter and he tries to comprehend what’s going on. It takes about a minute for him to recognize the six faces surrounding him. All the poets were there with matching expressions of concern and sympathy and he couldn't help, but feel confused.
“What,” He cleared his throat, voice all raspy as he winced, “what are y'all doing here?” His speech was slightly slurred, but he didn’t have enough energy to care.
“Well, Cam changed his mind about leaving for break and he called us when he found out about you.” Charlie says, throwing an oddly friendly smile at the redhead.
“But, what’s that gotta do with y’all being here?”
The six exchanged puzzled glances before Neil smiled kindly at him from next to his head and answered his question.
“Well, we weren’t going to just leave you here alone.” Neil said it as if it were the obvious answer, but it just made him more confused.
“I, I don’t understand,” He admits, beginning to feel embarrassed about being the only one left in the dark.
“Toddy,” His heart fluttered as Neil called him that nickname, “we came back because we were worried about you.”
“Oh,” He still didn’t get it, there was no reason for the poets to give up part of their break to be with him. He just didn’t get them sometimes, they didn’t make sense.
“Yeah, oh,” Neil rolls his eyes, but there’s still a small grin on the young actor's face letting him know that the boy didn’t mean it in a teasing way.
He closed his eyes softly, feeling too tired to keep them open anymore when a question appeared in his mind.
“Where are my parents?”
Neil’s POV:
“Where are my parents?”
The question catches him off guard and he looks nervously at all the other poets who are all wearing expressions ranging from rage to pity.
“Well, they, um,” He starts turning so he can stroke the sweat soaked bangs out of Todd’s face. “They’re not here, Toddy, I’m so sorry.”
“Oh,” Todd’s voice cracks and he can tell it’s not just from his cold. He feels so bad for the boy, even his parents would show up if he was as sick as Todd was at the moment. The boy had a fever of 104 and was severely dehydrated as well as sleep deprived. “That’s, that’s fine, I just thought, it’s fine. They’re probably busy with Jeff anyway, it’d be rude. I’m fine.”
Todd seemed to be trying to convince himself more than the others as he babbled to himself and he couldn’t help, but want to pull the poet into his arms to comfort the boy. The other poets all looked rather uncomfortable and he hoped that they wouldn’t say anything foolish.
But of course, Charlie was a fool.
“Todd, listen, fuck them alright, you don’t need ‘em.” The boy was obviously trying to sound encouraging and Todd mustered up a small smile at the effort, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“Charlie’s right,” Meeks adds, “we can help take care of you, all of us.”
“It’s break,” Todd mumbles, “you’re supposed to be having fun, not sticking ‘round me.”
“Don’t be silly, Todd,” He mumbles, clutching the boy’s hand in his to get his full attention. “How could we possibly have fun knowing you’re sick?”
“I don’t, I just,” Todd struggles with his words, clearly growing more frustrated the more he couldn’t express whatever it was he was trying to say.
“Hey,” A nurse walking by the open door comes traipsing in with an angered expression. “Didn’t I say one at a time, get back in the waiting room.”
The boys all start muttering apologies to both the nurse and Todd as they walk out, but he stays put by Todd’s side. Charlie sends him a questioning look before smirking and winking at him as he rolls his eyes.
“You don’t have to stay with me,” Todd mumbles once the room is empty except for them and the door is shut, “none of you do, I don’t want to be a burden.”
“You’re not a burden.” He hastily replies, eager eyes meeting Todd’s tearful ones.
“Clearly my parents would disagree with you on that.” And then the tears are falling freely and he doesn’t stop himself from getting up and hugging Todd as best he could. It was slightly awkward with him standing over the hospital bed, clutching at the half-seated, half-lying boy, but they managed. He whispered in Todd’s hair as he hugged him, about how wrong his parents were and how he’d never think of Todd as a burden.
“You’re incredible, Toddy. I don’t think of you as a nuisance and none of the others do either. I would gladly drop everything for you, you must know that.” He mumbles into Todd’s blonde hair, stroking tears off the boy’s cheeks.
“I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong,” Todd bawls, wincing with pain as the dry sobs hurt his inflamed throat. “I keep trying, but nothing I ever do is good enough. I just don’t get it, how can I be better? How can I be fixed?”
The boy turns to look up at him with pleading eyes as he speaks, begging for an answer he can’t give. It feels like physical pain to finally see just how insecure Todd’s parents have made him. He knew for a fact they were shitting when they gifted Todd yet another desk set that he hated for his birthday, but he didn’t quite grasp the magnitude of their impact on Todd’s self esteem.
“You can’t be fixed,” He starts and Todd looks utterly heartbroken before he continues. “Because there is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to change, not one bit. If anything they need to change.”
“What’d you mean?”
“Todd, they left you alone over winter break,” He starts, trying to tamper down his anger as he thinks over everything he’s learned about Todd’s parents. “They didn’t come when they found out you were sick in the fucking hospital with a fever of 104. They didn’t care enough to get you a good present or at the very least one that you didn’t already have. They clearly fucked over your self-image. They haven’t called you once this entire school year, nor have they set a letter to acknowledge you. They transferred you to a new school because your brother went there and they’re forcing you into a career path you clearly don’t want to take.”
He pauses to cool down after his little rant, not wanting Todd to think he’s upset with him or angered in any way.
“You deserve so much better than them, Todd. You deserve a family that doesn’t forget about you or not care.” He says softly and Todd is looking at him with an awed expression. As if the words he was uttering were entirely foreign. “You deserve a family that wants you to do what you want and that will support you. You deserve a family that truly loves you, Toddy.”
He looks eyes with Todd and it’s silent for a few seconds before Todd gives a watery laugh and wipes his eyes.
“Well, uh, it’s too bad I can’t just get a new family,” Todd jokes, clearly trying to make the atmosphere less intense.
“Todd you already have one,” He mumbles and the boy looks at him in confusion. “We’re your new family Todd. All us dead poets, family don’t end with blood you know. What’s that old saying ‘blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb’. You’re one of us now, Toddy, and there ain’t nothing you can do about it.” Todd smiles at him, the first true smile that didn’t have any hints of worry or discomfort. Just pure contentment, exactly how Todd always should be.
“Thank you, Neil,” Todd mumbles, pulling him down so they’re pressed forehead to forehead, eyes closed.
“Of course, Toddy,” He mumbles back, basking in the intimacy of the moment. “I’m only sorry I can’t offer you more than a bunch of eccentric, teen boys.” Todd giggles at his comment.
“Trust me, y’all are more than enough,” Todd pulls him back slightly so they’re staring each other directly in the eyes as he speaks. “You’re more than enough.”
He wasn’t quite sure who took the final step and leaned forward the last few inches, but suddenly their lips were locked together. It was chaste, but soft, a simple touch of the lips that lasted only a few seconds before they pulled away once more. But then they were learning back again and again and again until they had both lost track of how many times they’d pressed their lips together.
“You’re probably going to get sick,” Todd mumbls after a bit, when they had settled down and he was sitting on Todd’s bed, holding his hand.
“You’re worth it,” Todd smiles, and they both know that it’s going to be alright.