Work Text:
It's nightfall. At this time Chuuya would usually work or drink either in some bar or home while doing paperwork. But none of that was the case tonight. Tonight Chuuya simply laid on his oversized bed. He hasn't moved an inch since he threw himself onto it sooner that evening. Somewhere his phone beeped. Chuuya ignored it.
He was well aware it was just some app's notification. Nobody ever texted him. He only got work calls, and those were always just that, a call.
Why should they call him anyway? They had no relation to him other than work. They weren't friends.
And somehow despite trying his very best to befriend them, remember their names, birthdays, stories they told him, Chuuya didn't feel sad. His man looked up to him, the black lizard and Akutagawa respected him, boss believed in him. That's all there should be. No personal attachments.
No, Chuuya didn't feel sad.
He felt empty, useless, unappreciated.
He felt like a burden to those around him, yet he felt blank.
Nobody cares about you
Today 10 men died. That itself wasn't anything special, but three of them only died to protect Chuuya.
He would probably take it better if they sacrificed themselves willingly. But they only saved him because they had to. He was excetutive and one of (if not the very one) mafia's strongest weapons.
It was their duty to protect Chuuya. And the worst part was the expression on their faces. They didn't want to die, it was oh so painfully clear. But they had to, because he was careless.
They didn't want to die
you killed them
They surely hate you
nobody cares about you
Akutagawa is like a younger brother to Chuuya. He makes him want to protect and teach him, but it's hard. So damn hard when Akutagawa won't talk to him unless he has to.
Dazai hurt Akutagawa so much, yet the boy would follow him to grave.
Chuuya is kind to Akutagawa, yet the boy doesn't see him as anything other than mafia's excetutive.
Sometimes Chuuya wonders why is he even trying anymore.
Why don't you give up?
Nobody would mind
Nobody cares about you
Dazai. Dazai is somebody Chuuya trust with his life, but never with his feelings.
There was a time when he used to do even that, only to be left alone with his sorrows and countless bottles of wine.
Dazai himself never trusted Chuuya. He had no need for it. He was the master and Chuuya, as much as he despised it, was his obedient dog.
He should have known, really. After all, Dazai did hate dogs.
He never cared
It's your fault that he left
You weren't enough
You'll never be enough
Nobody cares about you
Chuuya isn't human. He knows, he knows he used to be. But how can he be a human with a god inside him?
You can't
Maybe that's why he'll never fit in with the others. Perhaps they all saw him for the monster he was.
He wouldn't blame them. He knows that he's a monster.
You aren't human
You'll never be one of them
Nobody cares about you
Chuuya opens his eyes, he doesn't even know when he closed them, and whispers into the darkness of his room „Why should they care?"