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It's 8:30 in the morning and someone was knocking at Mitch McDeere’s door.
Hearsay barked at the door, enthusiastic. Mitch had just gotten up, and hadn't had time to start making breakfast yet. He stared at the door, debating the pros and cons of answering it, and in the end walked over with a sigh. Might as well get it over with.
He was very confused to see his cousin, who he had not seen in years, standing in the doorway.
Danny Kaffee stared back at him, as if entirely too aware of the bizarreness of this situation, and nervously shifted from one foot to another. “Look. I don't have a good explanation for this.”
Mitch raised an eyebrow, his tone trying to be light but also a hint of sarcasm to it, “I mean, you could just lie and say you wanted to see me…”
Hearsay moved forward and began sniffing and barking at Danny, and Danny tensed up, as if forcing himself not to wince. Mitch chuckled as he got Hearsay to move away from the other man. It did not stop the barking, however.
Danny, to his credit, flushed red at that, “I did want to see you! That’s why I drove…from D.C.…”
Mitch stared, wide-eyed.
“Were you…driving all night?”
Because Danny looked like he had been up all night.
His cousin stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets, looking embarrassed. "Maybe? It's. It was too late to stop by the time I realized it might not be the best idea."
Mitch pats Hearsay enough that he stops barking, and Hearsay wags his tail and moves to sit at Danny's feet facing away from him.
Mitch frowned, but his tone was soft, "You want something to eat? You can tell me what your idea was over breakfast."
Danny nodded curtly, "Breakfast… sounds great. Yes."
Ten minutes later, Mitch started out making the coffee and then started cooking some eggs. He handed Danny a cup along with some sugar in a small dish, then turned back to the eggs.
"So let me just start off with the question I need to know the answer to first. Are you in trouble? Like legally?"
There was the sound of sugar—a lot of sugar—being dumped into the coffee. And then the telltale sound of a teaspoon clinking against the mug as the content is being stirred. "Uh. No. Not yet? None right now but..." Danny said, his tone uncertain.
A pause, and the click of a teaspoon being dropped back onto the plate. "I was driving under the influence, but nothing happened and no one caught me. So it's fine."
Mitch blinked. This was all very vague, but driving drunk wouldn't be the reason he left DC. Mitch turned the eggs over in a pan, sighing softly.
"I know you don't want to talk about it… but I think you would feel better if you did. We- we are family, I am not gonna say anything, okay?" Mitch stumbled a bit, feeling himself blushing. It was still so weird to have family who liked him.
A brief silence. Mitch glanced back at Danny, just in time to see him take a deep breath, then take a deep drink from the mug. Then sputtered, from what Mitch was sure was still boiling hot coffee.
Putting the mug onto the table with a grimace, Danny sighed and buried his eyes in a hand. "So I. Might have. K-kissed......someone. At new years."
Danny’s cheeks were tinged pink. Mitch started to remove the eggs from the pan and onto plates, thankfully he still had two clean ones. He placed the plate in front of Danny and sat down across from him.
A kiss huh? Mitch frowned, "Did you not want to kiss this someone? Kissing someone on new years is rather normal."
Danny’s other hand joined his first one to cover his face, and his face had gone from pink to bright red. He didn’t seem to notice the plate placed in front of him.
"The someone was...a......guy." The last word might as well have been a whisper, but Mitch still heard it. Suddenly he understood why Danny had to drive here instead of just calling. Why he drove drunk out here.
Yeah, queer panic can do that to a person. When Mitch realized he was trans he hid in a tree for 12 hours and declared he was going to become a squirrel.
Mitch sighed softly, his tone light, "I take it that was your first time kissing a man?"
"Yes? Is that bad?" Danny asked, his voice strained with genuine distress, "it's- I'm twenty fucking eight and, it's not like I haven't kissed girls before, but none of them have felt like I wanted like light myself on fire- fuck, what if I'm just an asshole-"
"No it's not-" Mitch started to say, but went quiet as Danny suddenly looked up at him, surprise written all over his face, but the hint of fear and panic was there beneath the surface.
"You…you're okay with that?"
Mitch smiled, a tired smile, "Why wouldn't I be? I am…bi. I have kissed guys before."
Danny visibly sagged with relief. Mitch adjusted himself in his chair to look even more directly at Danny, "This man you kissed, did you know him before you kissed him?"
Before Danny could answer, his stomach let out a growl in protest. He blushed, then picked up a fork and stabbed at the yolk of the fried egg on the plate, picking up the entire egg and biting into it like a piece of toast. "I did- I do. He's one of my closest friends. I think we were both drunk. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it."
Mitch chuckled, taking his fork and splitting off some of the egg to take a bite. Good, it wasn't a stranger, although the fact it was a friend might make things weirder.
"Well I assume from the drive over here you only had time to think. That's all you can really do when you drive, think…" Mitch muttered.
Mitch took another bite then swallowed, "And this kiss made you feel like you wanted to light yourself on fire? Because you are worried it will ruin your friendship? Or because you really liked it?
"I…don't know?" Danny said, taking another bite from his egg, "I just. I've never felt like this before. Like there's something burning underneath my skin. Kisses aren't supposed to be a big deal, they're just…they're just things that happen. And it's nice sometimes. But not…explosive."
He took another bite, reaching a bit of the cooked yolk. Danny made a face, then spun the fork around and took a bigger bite of the egg white on that side. "I think I liked it. Fuck, I don't know how it'd even work if he and I…"
Danny trailed off, as if he couldn't even say the next words. Mitch took a knife to his own egg and cut the whites off his own, the parts he hadn't touched anyway, and put them on Danny's plate.
Finally, Danny swallowed, "he's a marine."
Mitch almost dropped his fork, but quickly collected himself, taking a moment to think of what to say, "That explains the legal answer." Mitch smiled, "Well that does make things more complicated, but..."
Danny's eyes widened at Mitch giving him his egg whites, looking up at him in protest. Mitch gave him a small smile, and then sighed, "I think you should talk to him before you decide if you want to go that route. If you left there drunk, he is probably worried about you."
Danny was about halfway to forking the egg whites back to his plate when he froze. He looked up at Mitch, eyes wide, as if the idea that his friend would be worried about him hadn’t even occurred to him. Mitch wondered if anyone even knew that he panic drove nearly 400 miles in the middle of the night.
"I should…make a phone call," Danny muttered, standing up abruptly. Mitch watched as he looked around the room and smiled, pointing over to the side table next to the couch, the side that was closer to the door. Danny nodded gratefully at him and quickly moved over.
Just as Danny was about to dial a thought occurred to him, "Ah, try to keep it somewhat short, okay? Long-distance calls that are an hour-long aren't really in our budget." Mitch chuckled, trying to play it off, even as blush crept up on his face. God he hated being poor.
He watched Danny pick up the phone and go to dial before freezing. There was a moment of hesitation, before he swallowed and finally dialed a number.
The first ring didn't even finish before the line was picked up.
"Hello," a voice said, terse and serious.
"Hey, Sam," Danny greeted timidly. On the other end of the line Mitch heard a loud sigh, followed by something muttered that's too garbled by the phone to make out, then, "Danny, what the fuck. Jack’s been out looking for you all fucking night!"
As Danny frantically started apologizing, Mitch decided to busy himself with cleaning, only half-listening. He could only guess who Sam was, if Sam was a friend or the person he kissed. But it wasn't his business, not to eavesdrop anyhow.
Still, he was glad that Danny was able to get a hold of someone. Mitch knew Danny wasn't like him. Danny had friends, people who talked to him. Really all he had was Abby.
By the time Mitch was done cleaning off the pan, extra clean, like how Abby liked it, Danny was done on the phone. Mitch smiled over at him, "So, how did it go?"
"Well, Sam's fucking pissed, which, I don't blame him." he flopped back down on his chair at the dining table and stabbed at the pieces of egg whites Mitch had given him, making them into an unstable kebab, and puts all of them in his mouth in one bite. "But I had to promise that I wasn't in danger and that I'll drive back by tonight. Without alcohol involved. He's really a bit overbearing, sometimes." He muttered around the mouthful of eggs.
Mitch didn’t really mind how Danny eats, figuring he wouldn't care much about how he ate after he had his first gay panic moment. More pressing things. He was just glad Danny took the food he offered him.
"And…Sam is…?" Mitch asked, sitting back down at the table.
Danny opened his mouth to answer, but then closed it again with a frown.
"He is…a friend. My best friend, probably. He looks out for me a lot. We work together."
"That's good," Mitch said, finally taking a sip of his own coffee. Then set it down.
Mitch cleared his throat, "Listen you actually came at a good time, I have the whole day off, so I can stick around until you need to leave this afternoon. Also, Abby is out of town visiting her parents, so it will just be us." Mitch added with a huge grin on his face when thinking about Abby.
Danny laughed, a bit miserably. "Thanks, Mitch, and again I'm sorry, I'm-"
Suddenly he frowned. "Who's Abby?"
Mitch was in the middle of taking a sip of coffee and nearly spit it out before swallowing.
He chuckled dryly, "My wife." He gestured over to the wedding photo that was also by the phone, "I thought you knew."
Judging by the surprise on Danny’s face, he most certainly did not. He glanced back at the phone, to the photo that his brain had apparently just decided to glaze over, then turned back to Mitch, and visibly swallowed, growing panic on his face.
"I…don't think so?" he said, uncertainly, each word a higher pitch than the last. His face flushed red as he quickly continued. "She looks great, though. Abby. Pretty. Not that you're not pre- I mean. I'm very happy for you! Congratulations?"
He looked like he wanted to sink into the floor.
Mitch hadn’t meant for Danny to panic, he honestly thought someone in the family would've told him. Since Abby had told his mother they were married after all. But then again, it wasn't like Mitch had talked to the other family in a long time.
Mitch waved his hand, his tone lighter, a gentle smile on his face as he patted Danny on the shoulder, "Danny, it's okay. It was just a courthouse wedding a few years ago. I thought my mother would have passed the information on, but she didn't, so." He shrugged, trying to play it off like it didn't bother him, even though the way he said mother made it pretty clear he was upset about something.
"Thanks, regardless. It was just the two of us. We don't really have much money right now, o-other things were more important too, but we might do a bigger one a few years down the line. Abby being a teacher is how we can even afford this place." Again his tone was light but there was something behind his smile, a sort of tiredness.
Danny let out a laugh, "Yeah, well, my mom hasn't been exactly…talkative. Since dad died. So." He took another sip of his coffee, contemplative. Something told Mitch that he had not missed the hidden something behind the light tone. "I…would love to come to your wedding, when that happens."
Mitch let out a hearty laugh after he finished taking a long sip of coffee, waving his hand. "It's probably going to be a while. But you will be one of the first people we invite, I promise."
Danny smiled back, then he sighed loudly. "I'm so sorry Mitch, I wouldn't have come if I'd known you live with your wife. God if I'd shown up while she was here…”
Danny trailed off, seemingly lost in his own thoughts. Though Mitch didn’t notice, starting back on his eggs. Mostly because he had thoughts of his own. Thoughts of a wedding with all of Abby's friends, her family, and now his-
Mitch's heart sank. If Danny didn't know he was married that most likely also meant-
"Ah, so I assume your mother…didn't tell you about Ray," Mitch asked, breaking the silence, his voice quiet, but that didn't matter when his apartment blocked out all sound.
Danny snapped back to attention immediately, looking up in alarm. "What happened to Ray?"
"He…" Mitch took a slow breath in and then out. He barely talked about Ray. He hadn't really told this to anyone. How could he say this without making Ray seem like an awful person by mistake? Because it wasn't. It was an accident. A mistake.
Mitch took a sip of coffee finishing it off, his hand shaking the whole time before setting it down on the table.
"He had been drinking at a bar, and some asshole decided to pick a fight with him. The guy started in on Ray. And of course, Ray defended himself." Mitch's fists were clenched, one at his side and the other on the table, "But maybe it was the beer or the fact he was always a good boxer but…He ended up killing him."
Mitch looked back towards the cup, taking deep breaths, "He was arrested. I couldn't afford a good enough lawyer to defend him. He…he is in Wrightsville prison for manslaughter." He said it as slow as his mind would allow him, truth be told it was very difficult to say, his mind racing, his hand shaking.
Danny is quiet, for a moment.
"Is that why you came to Harvard Law?" he asked quietly, entirely too understanding.
Mitch leaned back in his chair, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath, "Pretty much. I picked tax lawyer because I always liked numbers. And…so few people don't know about taxes, and it's so easy to be fucked over by the government, by the system."
He took a moment to collect himself before going to pour himself another cup of coffee. "I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner but..." Mitch took a sip of the fresh coffee, hissing slightly before speaking, "Sort of assumed you had your own thing going on."
Danny made a face before finishing off his eggs. "It's fine, though being a naval lawyer isn't as exciting as it sounds. Mostly a lot of plea bargains, though we did crack an interesting case a few months ago that almost drove me up a wall. We got the fucker to admit his crime in court, though, hah."
Smiling, Mitch wondered what it would be like to be in a courtroom where he could actually do something other than just sit by and watch. "I dunno Danny, you make it sound pretty exciting. It's a shame I can't join the navy with you." Being trans meant that door would never be open to him, not that he minded so much.
Danny snorted. “Don't join me. It's not worth it. The military sucks." He shook his head, leaning back in his chair. "Anyway, that's not important. Anything I have going on is just trivial nonsense."
Mitch sat back down, leaning forward, being unable to stop himself from chuckling, "Danny, you drove all night to talk to me, because you had a gay panic moment after kissing your close friend. I wouldn't call that trivial."
The reaction was immediate. Danny groaned and buried his face in his hands. "Don't remind me. Fuck. That's not life or death, is it? I'm being dramatic. Why did I run away?"
Mitch smiled, "I mean I think this could've been solved with a phone call, but honestly, I am happy to see you."
He put a hand on Danny's shoulder, "Listen, I understand, that sort of kiss can be terrifying. The kind where you really…like the person you are kissing. I know when I first kissed Abby I was scared to talk to her for the whole day. Of course, I didn't run away but I couldn't drive back then, I am sure if I could've, I would have run too."
Danny leaned into his touch, to Mitch’s surprise, listening intently to Mitch's words, his face locked in contemplation.
"Wait, hold on, god this is going to sound so stupid, but," Danny bit his lips, "it's not like- I like Jack just fine! But. Are…are kisses supposed to? Feel like that?"
Mitch blinked in surprise thinking about the answer, "I mean most of the time, although maybe just first kisses."
Mitch frowned, "What have they felt like for you before?"
A half frenzied laugh escaped Danny’s mouth. "I- I don't know! They've felt like…like nothing!" He ran a hand through his hair, "I kissed the first girl I dated because that's what you're supposed to do on dates. It didn't feel like anything! Like, yeah her lips were soft and it was fun because I hadn't done it before but like? It's always been like that? Every single kiss I've had were just things that happened since we were dating. It never felt like this when I was kissing…all those…girls……"
Ah. So Danny was just going through the motions of dating more than anything else. Mitch watched as Danny trailed off and stared at the table, the exact moment when it clicked for him, wondering if he should say something. Well, he should offer some words of encouragement.
"For the record Danny, it didn't sound stupid. And…It's okay, you know?" Mitch spoke softly, an understanding smile on his face.
"How did I not know?" Danny looked up at Mitch, still looking shell-shocked, "I'm twenty-eight. How did this happen?"
"Sometimes you just don't know." Mitch said not unkindly, "Sometimes despite what people say, things change over time. I know I am not the shining example for that; I knew I was a boy most of my childhood, but it's perfectly fine if you are just finding out now."
Mitch was too busy explaining things and trying to be comforting to realize what he just said. Danny had leaned back and slumped against the back of the chair, listening to Mitch. But now he gave his cousin a teasing smile, "What, did you sometimes think you were a dinosaur when you were a kid?"
Mitch let out a loud laugh, covering his hand with his mouth as he continued to chuckle. Normally he would be worried about saying this, but Danny…Danny must have forgotten. That had to be it, or else he was teasing him.
"God, I wish it were that simple," Mitch muttered under his breath, before shaking his head.
"No, but other people, most of my family; They thought I was a girl. Pink blankets, dolls, dresses, that sort of thing." Mitch said with a wave of his hand.
Confusion settled across Danny's face. "But why would they do that? How did they- wouldn't they have known..."
Suddenly it clicked, and Danny stared at Mitch with wide eyes, looking stunned.
All humor left Mitch at once, he hadn't expected this reaction. Stunned silence. Something about it scared Mitch. Made his heart pound out of his chest.
Mitch pulled back, got up from his chair, and started to clear the empty plates in silence. Not daring to face Danny.
"Shit, no, Mitch, wait-" Mitch heard the scrape of the chair against the floor. The silverware seemed to echo across the room, but somehow not as loud as his heart in his chest.
The truth was Mitch hadn't felt this fight or flight drive in his own home before. But he knew one thing.
He hated it.
"I'm sorry, I was just surprised, I didn't mean it in a bad way."
Mitch put the plates down in the sink. Sighing loudly as he put both his hands on the counter, leaning forward.
"I'm sorry," Danny said again.
Mitch shook his head, his voice quiet, "I thought you knew…that's…that's why I didn't show up to your dad's funeral. I thought the whole family knew. Ray said he told everyone, and he told me it went fine but-"
Mitch wished his heart would stop racing, that his hands would stop shaking. Mitch wasn't aware that Ray had never said he was trans, just that he was a man. He had fooled everyone into thinking he was cis. Maybe if he did tell them, Mitch could actually breathe properly.
"Ray told everyone that he had a baby brother named Mitch," Danny said, his eyes distant as if he was trying to remember the day, "told me that you were about my age and that we'd get along great."
Mitch chuckled quietly at that. He was right, of course, but Ray was always trying to help him get friends. Guess some things never change.
He hears Danny move closer, slowly, as if afraid that he’d scare Mitch off again. “Mitch, listen, this doesn't- this won't change how I think or feel about you. You're Mitch and you're a guy and you're you. You're still family and I care about you."
Mitch’s breathing had steadied out, he was now running a hand through his hair. Taking a moment before turning around and throwing his arms around his cousin in an embrace.
"I am so fucking glad we are family." His tone was sincere but also just a tad sad.
Danny's arms came up instantly to wrap around Mitch, thrown a little off guard by the force of which Mitch hugged him with. But quickly he tightened them around his cousin as well, holding him and burying his face in his shoulder.
"So am I," he said, voice thick.
Truth be told Mitch wasn't sure how long they stood there hugging each other. But he did know after they finally broke apart Mitch felt better, like a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Danny was smiling, and Mitch found himself laughing, "Thanks, Danny. I…I am really glad you came up here, instead of calling."
Then his face turned into a frown, his voice firm, "But if you ever drive drunk again, I will go down to D.C. and kick your ass. I can't have another family member I care about in jail too."
Danny sobered, and an embarrassed blush settled across his face, "Yeah, okay, that's my bad."
He met Mitch's eyes and gave a solemn nod, "I promise I'll try not to. Honestly, sometimes I just forget."
Mitch rolled his eyes, but the smile remained.
"Well, it is going to be harder to forget when I kick your ass." It was a threat sure, but it was said with so much affection, and playful pushback.
They both laughed for a moment before Mitch asked, "Listen why don't you take a nap and we can talk about what you are going to say to your crush when you wake up?"
Suddenly Danny looked exhausted. He yawned, then blinked, like it was getting harder to think.
"Sounds perfect," he managed to mumble as he wiped at his eyes to clear the tears formed from the yawn. "Do I just crash on your couch?"
Mitch chuckled, "hell, you can take the bed if you want. It's not like I am gonna use it until tonight." Mitch looked around, suddenly aware of how small their apartment was and how messy it was.
"Give me a chance to clean up a bit. Maybe get something to eat?"
Danny frowned. "Didn't we just eat?"
"We did, but I need to go shopping for something more than just eggs for dinner. Not letting you go home with just eggs in your stomach."
Danny nodded along to his answer, and then yawned again, long and wide this time. "Fuck it, I'm just gonna crash on the couch. It'll be fine. I'm so tired I bet I'd barely feel it."
Mitch shrugged, " Okay, but don't blame me when Hearsay decides you are part of the couch." Mitch pointed toward the dog, who was currently sitting in front of the couch.
Danny turned to look at the dog, and delighted laughter bubbled out of him.
"Hearsay?" He laughed, his eyes bright, "that's the best name for a dog ever, holy shit."
Mitch chuckled, motioning Hearsay over to both of them. He sits down in front of Mitch, looking up at Danny, wide-eyed, tail wagging.
"He likes it too."
"Yeah? You like being Hearsay? Good boy!" Danny cooed at the dog, reaching out to pet him on the head as he ruffled his fur. Some exhaustion seemed to wear off just from Danny scratching behind Hearsay's ear as he slowly slid off the chair and sat down on the floor, hands still petting the dog. "I wouldn't mind him thinking I'm a couch."
Mitch smiled. This was nice. Hearsay was normally shy around new people. It was nice to see him more relaxed.
"Well, I am not sure Hearsay would mind, either. I am gonna clean up here, that okay?"
Danny hummed in agreement, his attention still on the dog.
"C'mon, Hearsay," he mumbled, "let's get off the floor." And with that, he half crawled, half scooted his way across the floor and finally climbed into the couch, all the while keeping a hand on the dog.
He knocked out almost immediately as soon as he closed his eyes, hand still buried in the dog's fur.