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minghao was the member with the largest headspace range. usually he would fall into the 3-5 range but there were still quite a few times he feel into the 1-2 range. what will happens when the members blame minghao for something that isn't his fault when he's feeling extra sensitive.
it was not often that minghao felt very sensitive. even the members knew of it.
despite minghao having one of the youngest regression age, minghao was extremely independent and rather did things on his own even in headspace so that's why the caregivers never had to look over minghao like they had to with jun and woozi (young headspace age), mingyu (clumsy) and dokyeom (slips often).
this morning was different. as minghao got up, his legs felt like jelly, his eyes refused to open properly and everywhere felt weak and warm
he felt his forehead. not a fever. he attempted to say a word but his throat was not sore. maybe it was just because of the last dance practise last night.
shrugging off the feeling, minghao got off his bed and got ready for schedules. luckily, there wasn't much today just the shooting of their dance practise.
minghao changed into what the stylist had laid out for the day but unlike yesterday, minghao did not feel satisfied. instead, he went to his wardrobe and picked an outfit.
it was a cute over-sized pink shirt with a bear print, flaired jeans, matching with a cute white bucket hat and some chunky white sneakers.
minghao shook his head. what was he thinking?! he couldn't go out like this! especially not for a shooting where all the fans would see his childishness.
standing in front of the mirror, minghao nearly dozed off again when he heard screams from the kitchen. probably just mingyu and seungkwan fighting again, he told himself after recognising the two easily distinguishable voices.
minghao sighed, putting away the clothes and going to change into the boring clothes beige themed clothes his stylist put out for him.
minghao couldn't help but feel a pull towards his teddy bear. looking under his bed, he made a grabby motion towards the box.
he took the teddy bear out, squeezing it tight in his arms before letting out a giggle and a babble.
the boy came back to reality quickly realising what was happening. shit. I can't fall into little space today. I have filming and practise.
minghao paced around his room, anxiously wondering if the members would find out. after all, he knew he was feeling extra sensitive today especially from the babbles.
as soon as minghao got out of his room he saw all the stern looks that were directed towards him. in the centre, mingyu standing next to a seungkwan with his arms crossed.
dokyeom gave his same aged friend a sympathetic look. minghao's other same aged friend had a hint of betrayal in his puppy-like eyes. on the other hand, his best friend, similar to dokyeoms but a mix of disappointment. everyone else? mad like seungkwan.
"h-huh?" was all minghao could let out without giving away his headspace. he hated when all the attention was directed towards him. he hated the feeling of eyes creeping all around him. the feeling of not being able to escape.
"don't pretend you don't know anything," seungkwan said, tapping his foot against the floorboard.
"b-but I really don't kno-"
seungkwan was about to start talking again but seungcheol out a finger to his lips. "the broken glass?" he said calmly but minghao could tell that seungcheol was mad.
"I don't even know what you're talking about," minghao said again. this time a hint of annoyance.
"don't give him that attitude seo myungho," jeonghan warned. there goes his korean name and minghao knows he's in shit but he also knows that he didn't do anything.
minghao frowned.
"you're the only one who stays up so late doing who knows what. playing video games with your outsider friends I'm guessing. it's kind of sad that you can talk with them for hours but not even help us. are they really more important than us-hyung?" chan started but nobody stopped him. only nods of agreement.
minghao was beyond offended, "o-of course you guys are more important. firstly, they're not outsiders. secondly, I don't even hang out with them that often."
minghao prayed they didn't hear the wobble in his voice. he felt like breaking down. never had he been in a situation like this in his 7 years with the group.
"you don't even hang out with them that often?! you never hang out with us anymore, you're always slacking off in dance practise
get it together minghao. you're a lead dancer. you're always sleeping so late because you okay video games all night with your friends. you're attitude has been so off recently. you've become so much more stuborn and I hate it!" joshua burst out. minghao must've done something that horrible for joshua to lash out on him.
minghao looked down at his feet and that's when the other members knew it was a sign they had to stop and continue later because the younger one would slip into headspace. especially when they need to film for something they can't afford for a member to be missing.
"I have to admit he's quite right..." jun spoke. not jun, minghao's best friend as well, "let's do a quick time out so you can reflect on your actions."
the dorm was for the most part quiet. jun carried minghao to the time out room. nothing but a small room, with wonwoo by his side, a blank expression plastered on his face.
"if you break a glass minghao, you need to tell one of us if you're in headspace or clean it up yourself. jihoon saw you last night grabbing a glass of water and he said you clearly were not in headspace so there was no excuse for you not to clean it up because you know how mingyu is. he's clumsy and we need to take care of him. to prevent accidents like this, we need to be more careful. then mingyu wouldn't have cut himself and seungkwan would have not blamed mingyu for breaking his favorite glass and mingyu would have not slipped into headspace. I'm very disappointed. 15 minutes."
15 minutes?! that means minghao did something very bad. minghao never even got 15 minutes when he was in his oldest age of headspace.
once jun and wonwoo left and osed the door, minghao spoke to himself. "i-i hurt gyu?"
the poor boy fully believed he was the one who broke the glass eventhough he clearly remembers he did not.
minghao began to spiral.
everybody was disappointed.
everybody hated him.
he was not a good boy.
he hated how he felt.
he hated himself.
he was the one who hurt gyu.
his precious same aged friend.
he's the one who ruined today.
he's the one who had always been slacking off when the other members were trying so hard to make the group successful.
was xu minghao a burden?
xu minghao only caused troubled after all, right?
seo myungho was utterly lost and xu minghao was spiralling.
I was being bad.
it was all my fault.
no caregiver deserves me.
I'm such a bad boy.
I hurt gyu.
I damaged the team.
I ruined the mood.
I'm the worst.
I can't do anything right.
I can't hold a simple glass.
minghao could feel a lump in his throat. his eyes began to water as he scratched at his bare, pale thighs. crescents formed on his legs as it stung. tears slowly fell down his face yet xu minghao felt calm. calm even when he couldn't breathe.
minghao grabbed at his throat. minghao tried to breathe. minghao was scared. xu minghao was numb.
never had xu minghao felt this bad before.
meanwhile, the other members were outside murmuring about the situation when their manager came in.
"I'm so sorry guys I hope none of you were injured," the manager said in s rush while counting heads, "11... 12... where is minghao?!"
"minghao's in time out. what do you mean you're sorry? and about injury?"
"did you not see the note on the fridge? I came in earlier to wake you guys up and I swear I heard someone blow drying their hair. I accidentally dropped a glass on the kitchen floor but I couldn't clean it up in time because the ceo called me and said to meet him immediately. again, I'm so sorry."
everyone's eyes opened widely before seungcheol, jeonghan, joshua, jun and soonyoung ran into the time out room while some members slowly looked from behind and some other members staying in the living room with their manager to give minghao space.
"what happended?!" their manager tried to ask.
"we thought minghao was the one who broke the glass since he's always up late at night. mingyu got hurt so minghao is in time out we didn't even give him a chance to explain what do we do hyung," vernon explained to the manager.
"give him time for n-"
"manager-nim!!" a loud, desperate cry for help coming from the small room making the members immediately rush over.
"g-ge, h-hyungs I'm cold," minghao said as he shook violently.
his skin was extremely pale and he looked so weak... so fragile.
"ge is sorry," june said softly to his younger brother.
"i-im tired."
"keep your eyes open for me minghao, please," seungcheol begged, in the verge of tears.
"h-hyungs it's hard to breathe," minghao wheezed desperately, tears rushing down his cheeks like waterfalls.
"you need to calm down for me okay minghao? squeeze my hand so I know you're still here," soonyoung said.
minghao lightly squeezed hoshi's hand, the older using his other hand to signal a thumbs up.
"h-hyungs minghao i-is sorry for being bad. m-minghao is sorry for leaving."
"baby don't say that. you did nothing wrong okay?"
"manager-nim!!" hoshi called out as loud as he couldn't feel minghao's hand anymore.
his hands were warm but how could minghao be cold.
minghao wasn't shaking as much. he looked peaceful but distressed, shaking lightly in his sleep.
the manager rushed into the room, on the phone was emergency services.
the members felt extremely anxious as they heard the doctors speak in a while new language which they could not understand.
something something distress something something cause something something medication.
and that's what made them even more worried.
xu minghao has been sleeping for hours.
when would he wake up?
and just like the members wished, minghao's eyes started to flutter open.
the boy started to shake again, ever so slightly, "c-cold."
"minghao baby, it's summer," someone spoke.
"i-i dunno why m cold," minghao said as he started shaking more violently.
"call the doctor," seungcheol said with a stern face.
the doctor came in, putting medications I'm minghao's iv. "this should do it. he'll be awake very soon."
the doctors spoke together. something something too weak something something no pills yet.
minghao slowly woke up again to joshua patting his hairs, "I'm sorry baby."
"it's okay," minghao said, feeling much calmer.
all the members started to comfort the boy showering him with praises and love.
the members looked towards the doctor as he had caught their attention, "minghao's condition isn't as serious as it seems. his reactions have seemed to be a caused of large amounts of stress, lack of sleep and low nutrition levels. we want to keep him here for a little longer so we can see why he feels 'cold' but we think it related to the high amount of stress."
"okay thank you doctor," the members said in sync after hearing those words.
a day later, minghao was able to go home.
"minghao, we're so sorry for what we've done and it might take a while for you to regain our trust because we treated you so unfairly so please don't say it's okay or I'm okay if you're not really doing okay. we want to proove to you that we can be the good caregivers you deserve. will you give us another chance?" jeonghan asked.
minghao nodded his head and fell into jeonghans arms.
he might have not felt the best during some moments but he definitely felt safe and comforted in their arms.
"what do you want to do our minghao?" seokmin asked.
minghao thought for a minute, "can Dada's paint with me?"
"yes of course bubs," mingyu replied, gently rubbing the back of minghao's head.
minghao sat at his table, kicking his legs. jihoon and wonwoo had helped dress him into a cute pink-bear themed outfit while vernon and dino helped get the art supplies and the other members set up the area to make sure minghao didn't end up painting the walls.
minghao giggled as he dipped his brush in paint and started swirling it across the page.
an hour later, minghao's tummy grumbled. "is our minghao hungry?" soonyoung asked, picking up the boy and twirling him around before helping the younger wash his hands.
meanwhile, the 97 liners were cooking meals for the other members and a special meal just for their minghao.
when all the members were seated, minghao was showered with praises as the members on both sides of the boy in headspace helped him eat the food.
"guys look what minghao painted!!" seokmin exclaimed.
"woah our minghao is so talented," seungkwan said as he pinched the boys cheeks, a light tone of blush covered the others cheeks.
"we love you so much minghao. our best boy," mingyu said, pressing a kiss on the top of minghao's head as he slowly dozed off.