Chapter Text
Una was almost asleep, but every time she fully relaxed, some reflex kicked in and her mind pulled her back out of it. She heaved a sigh, tossing the covers off her. She always had trouble sleeping right after an incident on Enterprise, but she was so tired after the encounter with the Gorn that she figured the exhaustion would override her instincts. Apparently not. She shuddered. Really, that was a much closer call than they’d had in a long time, and La’an’s stories had made the whole thing higher stakes. Una was famously unflappable, and even though she didn’t let on to the crew, this one had gotten to her. She was legitimately scared in a way that she had trouble boxing up and putting away. So of course she couldn’t sleep.
She was just about to get up and try some light exercise when her communicator chirped.
“Computer: time?”
“The time is 03:18”
An emergency would have come through the ship-wide channels, so this was one of only two people who would consider waking her up in the middle of the night, and she didn’t think Chris would do that given how exhausted he’d looked as well.
“Una,” she said, answering the comms. This was a personal call – no need for titles.
The line was silent for a beat, then La’an’s voice came through. “You said to call if …”
Una heard her start to trail off, so she cut in. “Where are you?”
“My quarters,” came the tentative reply.
“I’ll come over.”
“No –“ La’an’s usual forcefulness returned. “I’ll come to you.”
The line went dead. Una shook her head. No matter how many times she tried, La’an refused to offer social niceties on comms. No matter. Their relationship wasn’t about social niceties.
In exactly 3.5 minutes, the door chime sounded.
“Come in.”
Una raised an eyebrow as the younger woman entered, fully clothed in her uniform, hair either still tied up in her usual braids and ponytail or redone at some point in the last three hours since their shift got sent to get some rest.
“Did you even try to sleep?” she asked, gesturing to her couch. She herself was in pajama shorts and a shirt and her hair was down and probably very tangled, given her tossing and turning.
La’an shook her head briskly as she sat on the couch, although “sat” was probably generous for the way she levered an entirely rigid body onto the very edge of cushion. Una sat down on the same couch, but at the very opposite end. She knew La’an well enough to know that she wouldn’t want any kind of physical contact at this moment, but proximity was good. They’d been here before, many times. Been in much worse states, too. Honestly, Una was nearly bursting with pride that La’an had actually called her this time, instead of throwing herself until work until she broke down.
Una poured a glass of water from the pitcher she always kept out and handed it wordlessly to her friend, then poured another one for herself. She took a few sips, waiting to see if La’an would initiate the conversation. Nope, didn’t seem like that was happening. Well, she’d gotten herself here, Una could meet her halfway.
“Distraction or processing?” she asked. Long ago they’d established this shorthand for each other when one of them was upset about something, although Una was a lot better at actually using it. Working together on Enterprise helped them move into more of a mutual friendship, but Una would always be La’an’s mentor, and moments like this helped her understand that she actually treasured that aspect of their relationship. It was immensely gratifying to be the person that La’an sought out when she needed support.
La’an was fiddling with her uniform buttons, and hadn’t answered the question, so Una took charge. “Distraction first, then processing. Chess or backgammon?”
La’an let out the smallest of sighs – good she was breathing. “Backgammon,” she said.
Una nodded and went to get her game. As they set up, she started some quiet music, just to give some more outside stimulus. They settled onto cushions on the floor with the board on the low table between them, and played in silence for a while, until La’an finally unzipped her uniform jacket. That was the sign Una was waiting for that it was time to talk. She started slow and conversational.
“Did you talk with beta shift about your idea for the phaser array repair?”
La’an moved her pieces without looking up. “They’re going to do the prep work and I’ll get it going in the morning.”
“Hopefully they remember to actually disconnect the anodyne relays this time.”
Una smiled as she watched La’an’s mouth quirk up the tiniest bit at the edges. Watching her coworkers make dumb mistakes was the best way to get this woman to smile.
“I don’t have a lot of faith in that force field Spock cooked up for the cargo bay. That’s first on my assignment list for the science team in the morning. Dammit.” Una swore as La’an won the first round. That also got the smallest smile. Really, the woman was incredibly smug and competitive, and it was too bad the rest of the crew didn’t get to see that side of her.
They reset the game, and Una pulled her hair back into a loose bun. Maybe she’d pay more attention and win this round. She might also have a competitive streak, and she liked to win, whether this game was meant as a distraction for her friend while she processed a trauma response or not.
A few moves in, La’an finally spoke up. “I did a mind meld with Spock to recover old memories. I found out my brother sacrificed himself for me. That’s how I survived.”
Una froze. She’d said it so matter-of-factly, as if she was continuing the conversation about the next day’s repairs. She looked up. La’an was looking down at the board, so Una willed herself to do the same, although her attention was entirely on her friend.
“It was … awful while it was happening,” La’an continued. “But I’m actually glad I know. It was harder to wonder.”
Una hummed. She could understand that.
La’an picked up a piece, but it fell out of hands as she seemed to sag sideways, ending up with her head in her hands. This posture was one Una had seen many times, but it had been a long time. La’an rarely showed her feelings quite so physically. This was bad. Una crawled around the table until she was right in front of her.
“May I touch you?” she asked quietly.
La’an nodded, her head still in her hands. Una gently put her hands on La’an’s head, stroking her hair a few times before pulling it towards her chest. La’an let herself be pulled into Una’s arms. Una held on tight, breathing in and out in even deliberate breaths until she felt the other woman start to match them. They stayed like this for a few moments, and eventually the tension in La’an’s body started to soften.
“Come to bed with me,” Una whispered. It wasn’t a question, and La’an didn’t argue. They stood up, and Una helped her out of her jacket. She asked the computer to turn off the music as she sat La’an down and pulled her boots off as if she were a child, which in this moment, in a way, she was. Una stood them both up, unbuttoned La’an’s pants and gestured for her to pull them off. When she was finally out of the uniform, Una led her to her bed and sat her on the side. She tilted La’an’s head away from her and eased the hair tie off. She left the braids – too much trouble to redo in the morning – and planted a gentle kiss on the top of her head as she combed out her friend’s hair. They’d done this many times as well, although this was the first time on Enterprise. If Una was honest, she’d missed it. As much as she enjoyed the privacy of her quarters, sometimes she missed the quiet intimacy of getting ready for bed with another person.
La’an was silent the whole time and remained so as Una rearranged the pillows so they’d each have one and pulled the covers back. It wasn’t until they were comfortably curled up together, La’an’s back to Una’s front, as they’d done for that entire first year they’d known each other, that La’an spoke up.
“I don’t want to go through this again,” she whispered.
Una pulled her close. “It won’t be like last time,” she whispered back. “We know more, and we survived this time. We’re so much safer on Enterprise than you were before.”
Una felt La’an shake her head. “I don’t mean that. I mean … I was fine. I could sleep. I didn’t need … this.”
Una had to close her eyes at that and take a deep breath. She knew what La’an meant, and it wasn’t about Una at all. But it hurt nonetheless. Una didn’t want La’an to be in pain, of course. She didn’t want La’an to need this – to need her like this. But she did sometimes wish La’an would come to her for this kind of comfort because she wanted to, and not because she couldn’t function without it. But this wasn’t about that, it wasn’t meant like that, and this certainly wasn’t the time for that conversation.
“I know,” she murmured instead. “But it won’t be like last time either. You already know how to do it. And I’m here, anytime you need me.”
La’an was silent for a few moments. Then she found Una’s hand with her own and laced their fingers together. Una sighed. Now was not the time for the conversation about how much she loved this connection between them, but maybe it would be sometime soon. It wasn’t sexual, could never be with someone she at times considered to be a younger sister. But it was physical, and it was emotional, even if neither of them talked very explicitly about their feelings. And she loved it. She’d missed it more than she’d been willing to admit, and she was going to find a way to say so. But for now, she could feel her mind and body start to finally relax, and she gratefully drifted off to sleep.