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“You’ll tell me if you need anything, yeah?” Steve says, one hand on the steering wheel, one hand drumming fingers lightly on his light-wash denim jeans. Max wishes he wouldn’t — it’s making her feel weirdly nervous. Steve continues, his voice mellow, gentle. Cool and collected. “Y’know, like if you need a lift to the arcade, or one of the boys do something stupid, or if you— I don’t know, if you need help with a school assignment, or… something.”
“Steve, I appreciate the offer, but I’m not going to you for help with a school assignment,” Max says. It comes out sounding meaner than she intended. She can’t bring herself to care, not when the car is this hot, and the sunlight is harsh and bright enought to hurt her eyes. Even with the windows down, her legs are sticking to Steve’s leather seats.
“That’s fair,” Steve says, sounding entirely unoffended. “I mean, I barely passed half my classes, so you’re probably, like, making the right decision there. But… you will come to me for the other stuff, right?”
Max nods. “Yeah.”
“Max.”
“I said yeah, Steve. I’ll come to you next time Lucas is an annoying boyfriend or Mike treats me like I’m stupid or Dustin is being too… nerdy.” She wrinkles her nose. She does feel a tiny bit guilty talking about Dustin like that, because he really is a good friend, but seriously, there’s only so many times she can listen to him talk about their stupid Dragons and Dungeons game or whatever the fuck it’s called before she feels like she’s going crazy.
Steve gives her a slight smile. “No mention of Will?”
“Can you name one time you’ve ever been annoyed with Will?”
“Fair point.”
The car dips around a curve, and late summer sunlight streams in through the windows. They pass a slightly peeling sign that says in bold red letters WELCOME TO HAWKINS. For a split second Max is thirteen again, driving into Hawkins for the first time, and it’s Billy, with his hard muscles and curly mullet in the driver’s seat beside her, not Steve, with his lean arms and immaculately styled hair. Then Steve leans over and fiddles with the radio and some pop song she thinks she’s heard before starts playing, and she’s sucked back into the present. Billy would never have listened to a pop song. Max digs her nails into her thighs and tries to calm down. She doesn’t know why she feels so on edge. But it’s nothing new. She always feels on edge these days.
“D’you want the music on or off?” Steve asks. Max closes her eyes. Billy would never have asked her if she wanted the music on or off. She shrugs.
“I don’t care, really.”
“Okay,” Steve says. He keeps the song playing. Max glances at him — he seems like the kind of person who hates silence, spends his every waking moment trying to fill it. She knows she used to be a bit like that too. Before — everything that happened.
Steve glances at the dashboard. “I’ll have to pull into the gas station for a moment,” he says. “We’re almost out of fuel.”
Max feels a slight twinge of guilt in her stomach. “Sorry,” she says quietly.
“What… for?” Steve asks, frowning at her. He sounds genuinely confused.
“Making you drive all that way to pick me up. I should’ve just stayed with Mom. It was only a few nights out there. I’m being a total baby.”
Steve is quiet for a moment. He looks like he’s trying to find the right words to say. They pull into the gas station, empty of other cars, and park gently beside a gas pump. The engine stops, and the radio with it, filling the car with a sudden empty silence. Max stares down at her hands.
“I’m— I’m happy to drive out all that way, Max.” Steve finally says. His voice is quiet. “And I— I don’t think you were being a baby. You called me down there only a few hours after you left, so I’m assuming you were having a pretty rough time.”
Max shakes her head. Her eyes feel hot. She digs her nails into her thighs again, trying to ground herself — she does not want to cry. “It wasn’t— nothing bad was happening,” she says, trying to explain. The words feel heavy and slow in her throat. She looks up at Steve again, willing him to understand. “But everthing felt— it felt wrong. I just—” she pauses, trying to find the right words. “I just wanted to feel normal.” She laughs shakily, even though it’s not really that funny. “But nothing is normal anymore.”
“Yeah,” Steve says. His voice is quiet. “It’s not.”
Something about being here, in this overheated little car with Steve, makes Max want to talk.
“It’s so stupid. It’s— Mom is trying so hard to pretend things are okay. Planning these girl trips to— to try and make me feel better, or something. Like I can pretend Neil isn’t about to leave us both, and we won’t be forced to live in a— a motel, or the trailer park, or something.”
Steve rubs his eyes. He looks worn out, and worried. “Jesus. Okay. Um, well… that’s news to me… Are you… you’re sure you want to go back to your house? And stay with Neil while your Mom’s in the city?”
Max shrugs. “I mean, yeah?”
“I don’t know if I want you to do that,” Steve frowns. “He’s— I mean, you don’t exactly sound like his biggest fan, if I’m being honest.”
“It’s not like I have any other options,” Max scoffs. She fiddles with a loose bit of string in her jumper, avoiding Steve’s gaze.
Steve is quiet again for a moment. “You could stay with me.”
Max looks up at him, brows furrowed. “What?”
He meets her gaze head on. “You could. Stay… With. Me.” He says, slowly, as though sounding out the words.
“I heard you,” Max rolls her eyes. “Just— are you sure your parents won’t—”
“They’re not home,” Steve says. “Not for the next few days, either.”
Max bites her lip. “I don’t…”
“You don’t have to!” Steve says quickly. “Not if you don’t feel comfortable, or whatever. But I just… I’m not sure I want you staying with Neil. Because the way you talk about him... well, you kind of make him sound like the world's biggest asshole. And I worry, okay? I worry a lot about you little shitheads.”
Max raises her eyebrows. “I totally get what Dustin means when he calls you a mama bear now.”
“Little shit,” Steve rolls his eyes without any real malice, and then glances at Max again. “Look, if you don’t want to, then… that’s fine. But… think about it, yeah? Maybe I can invite Robin over, too, if you’d prefer that—”
“What, and watch you two make eyes at each other all night?” Max wrinkles her nose. “No, thanks.”
“It’s not—” Steve sighs, sounding resigned. “We’re not… Me and Robin, we’re not like that. No way.”
“Okay.”
“Okay to the me and Robin thing, or okay to staying with me?”
“Jesus, are we just gonna keep sitting here, or are you going to fill up this car?” Max says, exasperated and feeling slightly touchy. Impatient. Whatever. She catches sight of Steve's wilting expression and sighs. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
Steve nods. “Right. Yeah. Cool.”
“Oh my God, Steve, just go already.”
Approximately seven minutes later and they’re on their way again, this time with a cold can of coke wedged between Max’s thighs, relieving her slightly from the heat. Late August in Indiana isn’t nearly as warm as it is in California, but it’s still uncomfortable.
The sun has sunk much lower in the sky when they finally pull into Cherry Lane and park in front of her house, but it’s not dark yet — won’t be for another hour or so. Steve glances over at her.
“Last chance to change your mind. Well— not really, I mean, if you need me... if you do change your mind… you can just call me.”
Max scans the driveway. Neil still isn’t home from work, because there’s no car there — either that, or he’s out drinking again. Her stomach twists slightly at the thought of him returning home drunk at one in the morning, whiskey on his breath and anger running freshly through his veins. She suddenly feels very cold at the idea of staying over just by herself.
She looks between the house and Steve. The house. Alcohol and anger. Stale cereal for breakfast. A dead brother’s bedroom.
Maybe tomorrow, if she stays with Steve, she’ll have fried eggs and bacon for breakfast. Pancakes with maple syrup. Waffles or peanut butter on toast. Steve probably likes her enough to make her breakfast, even if Billy never did.
The thought, strangely, doesn’t make her feel like crying. It’s almost comforting. She makes up her mind. “Yeah, okay. I’ll stay with you.”