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"What is that?"
Urbosa gaped at Riju who tugged at the reins of her sandseal that had Zelda and Link tied together like a package.
"You said I should bring them together, so Patricia and I—"
"I said nothing about tying them up!" Urbosa hissed and whistled her to her guards. Together, they untangled the unlucky Hylians and sent them off.
"But—"
"Hylia above, I thought Daruk clashing their heads together was bad." She cocked her hip and leaned forward. "I need help to stop this endless circle of mutual pining."
"Let me handle that." Revali entered the conversation, lifting his bow, but Urbosa rolled her eyes. "PINING not pinning them to a tree."
"What—what is pining?" asked Riju.
"Pining is what this menace here is doing with Mipha. Staring dreamily at someone and making no move."
"Excuse me?" Revali fluffed up his feathers. "I don't stare and I'm surely not too cowardly to make a move."
"Then prove it."
"Fine." And off he went.
If only Hylians were so easy to provoke, but no, the two dorks didn't even get the message when they held hands. For Zelda's safety, suuuuure. Tell that to the King, but not to Lady Urbosa, the big matchmaker.
Urbosa had already asked all the Champions for help.
Mipha and Sidon managed to lull them to sleep with a presentation about the proposal traditions throughout Hyrule. Teba waved off, telling her they would figure it out on her own.
They clearly didn't!
Yunobo of all people made the only proposition worth considering: Persuade them to gift each other something from the jeweler. Unfortunately, they didn't know how to follow through so she was back to square one.
Maybe… a dinner?
Urbosa pinched the bridge of her nose — but it was the best she came up with. She called the guards to prepare everything in the inn of the bazaar so that they… talked it out over dinner after they had recovered from… whatever Riju's plan had been.
When she passed the location on her security round, laughter rang through the room lit with candles. Good. She would take care of those nasty Lizalfos outside the bazaar and check again later.
It was already dark when she returned, and the Gerudo guard greeted her by slamming her spear to the ground. "My report, Lady Urbosa: they fell asleep after dinner."
Sighing, Urbosa called it a day.
The next morning, she awoke to the sound of a playful brawl. Was that Zelda's voice???
Swiftly, she swung her legs out of her bed and made her way down to the throne room. Leaning on the ledge of the windows facing out of town, she observed the scene unfolding in front of her.
Link, his long-sleeved voe armor covered in monster blood, chased the princess and tried to catch something from her hands. Zelda didn't look much better — the fine silks protecting her from the sun were ripped and soaked with purple gore.
Zelda seemed to have the upper hand in the fight, literally, as she held something above her head, taking advantage of the few inches she had on Link.
"Come on, Zelda," Link pressed out between laughter and gasps for air. "I need it so that the Great Fairy can upgrade my armor."
"And I need it to make a potent elixir! I never had Molduga guts!" Zelda cried, bouncing to lift her arm higher.
Ah, the two early birds had been Molduga hunting, therefore, the monster's blood.
Link came dangerously close to snatching the part from Zelda now and with a nearly smug expression, he spoke directly into her face. "Weren't you worried for my safety just the other day? It only makes sense if you'll give it to me, then."
"The elixir is to keep you safe, too, you doofus, but fine, it's yours if you can get your hands on it." Zelda grinned and stood on her tiptoes. There are better places to tiptoe than shifting sands, so she wobbled, but Link, always the attentive guard, steadied her by grabbing her waist and pulling her flush against him.
Wait, what?
Zelda's eyes went wide but she kept her hands with the treasured item high up in the air — until he smirked and pressed his lips to hers. She made a surprised noise but melted into the kiss, tangling her arms around his neck and kissing him back.
Urbosa awoke from her stupor and turned to leave. Teba had been right, after all, they had figured it out alone.
Or maybe... not.
"Hey, that's cheating, give it back!" Zelda's voice rang through her window.
"Is it? We don't have to kiss it again if you didn't like it."
"I did like it and that's not what we're discussing here!"
Chuckling, Urbosa went for breakfast.