Work Text:
Prequel
Yoongi is frozen in place.
Chills slither past his legs from the wind that’s rushing in at the open door. His hand grips onto the knob, and really he should close it, but an all too familiar figure is in the way.
“Can we please talk about this?”
Something about the voice, the usual cadence of it, makes him sick. Worst of all, however, he’s still silently battling away the little voice in his head that is begging to say yes.
“For the last time,” he speaks through gritted teeth, “get the fuck out.”
“I love you.”
Maybe Yoongi has always been weak. Maybe things never got easier, because his heart gives a nostalgic squeeze and he falters.
No.
“Do you know what I hate the most, Sungho? It’s not even the cheating,” Yoongi says, though leaving no room for his response. “It’s the fact that I believed you, and a part of me still does. It pisses me off.”
“Yoongi—” Sungho starts, and the door slams into his face.
With a death grip on his doorknob, Yoongi sags onto the floor, trying to calm his breathing. No more of this. Every interaction has felt like torture, and it’s humiliating how he can feel himself falling for the same tactics Sungho has used to keep him in rein, as though he never learned.
He doesn’t realize he has his ear pressed to the door, hearing Sungho’s footsteps one by one as they grow more distant before disappearing altogether.
Yoongi stays there against his door until his shoulder begins to ache and gets up to pour himself a drink. For a while, he doesn’t touch it, leaving it there on the table while he sits back and scrapes his teeth against his nails, feeling his frazzled nerve gradually fading as it distracts him. For a brief moment, he considers calling Namjoon, but shakes the thought away just imagining his reaction.
Outside the window, most of the apartment building is now dark, save for a few scattered dim lights here and there.
And then a room lights up.
Yoongi’s eyes flicker back to the window opposite to his. The figure has a laptop in one arm, the screen lighting up part of his face. Yoongi can’t make out what it is that he’s watching, but it seems riveting enough that his eyes refuse to leave the screen even as he makes his way back to sit down on his couch.
He’s not watching anything scary this time, judging from how he isn’t holding up a hand to cover half the screen like last time. He actually seems invested this time, and Yoongi recognizes the pattern.
His eyes would react first, lighting up, then the rest of his face would follow to create an energy so blinding Yoongi feels like he has to shield his eyes.
“What are you watching this time?” Yoongi finds himself saying quietly, watching this life that is so much fuller than his.
Soon, he gets so excited that he springs up from his seat, walking in circles around his couch as if he’s trying to see whatever it is in every possible lighting. Just the thought of it makes Yoongi snort.
“Weirdo,” he murmurs as he takes a sip of his drink, and the night feels a little calmer.
The date
‘Maybe having feelings for your greatest enemy isn’t such a bad idea’ is Hoseok’s foolish thought of the day.
Something’s shifted, but he isn’t even sure what. There have been times where they were weird around each other, though he has no idea if that weirdness comes from something beyond what they both want to admit or just the fact that they don’t know how to be nice to each other.
Whatever it is, Hoseok has enjoyed this entire day’s worth of pretending—pretending that there are no consequences to him having a crush on someone who would probably break his heart, acting like his heart clenching at every little thing is fun. Even though he knows it is only that—pretending—he can’t help but wonder, just a little bit. Why has Yoongi stayed this entire time? Why did he never choose to leave every time he’s been given the option today? Why, even as they return to the apartment late at night, does Yoongi still follow him down the hall to his door?
As Hoseok turns to look at him, he wonders what would happen if he could just say the most ridiculous thoughts he’s been having.
Instead, because he’s a coward, he just says, “How was it for you today?”
Yoongi quirks a small smile, taking a second to really think about it. “I had fun today, despite everything.”
Hoseok snorts at that. “Despite everything. You looked like you were having the time of your life.”
Yoongi shrugs, not denying it. “Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He checks the time on his phone. “It’s late. I should go.”
“Oh,” Hoseok breathes, acknowledging the time for the first time today. 11pm. “Yeah. Okay.”
Silence, and then it’s all too natural for them to reach for each other. Hoseok holds him close, but the hug feels different this time. There’s a pounding sensation between them, clearer than before, and it’s suffocating Hoseok as much as it’s making him want to hold this body closer, just for a little longer.
That’s not how it works, of course.
“Is it time for you to run away now?” he whispers. It’s meant to be a joke, but the words come out with a tinge of sadness he didn’t prepare for.
Yoongi pulls away from him though not far, arms still wrapped around his torso. He looks at Hoseok with a gaze that’s difficult to describe when he murmurs, “Weirdo.”
The usual bluntness to the word is gone, replaced with something almost… soft. Hoseok doesn’t know if Yoongi has said it differently or if his awestruck brain has misconstrued it into something sweeter now.
Suddenly, Yoongi leans closer, and Hoseok holds his breath when lips come up to brush his cheek, soft. The sound of it is small but still manages to jolt his heart, suspending him between dream and reality.
Has today been a dream? The usually sarcastic and harsh Yoongi showing up with his camera, venturing into Hoseok’s world that he never said he liked but is willing to give it a chance. This sweeter Yoongi, who volunteers to record all these memories that mean little to him, carefully cleaning up the scraps of what he doesn’t really understand, all because it means something to Hoseok. The Yoongi now, who Hoseok kisses because he doesn’t want the day to end so soon.
Yoongi’s soft lips press back against him like he wants this, his arms still hold Hoseok like he wants to stay. Just as he pulls away, Hoseok presses in again, reveling in the way he can feel Yoongi’s lips stretch into a smile before he begins to wonder what it is that he’s even done for Yoongi, if anything.
It had always been him taking, he realizes. It had always been him pushing and Yoongi following, opening up, trying to understand the amalgamation of Hoseok’s being while Hoseok takes, not once trying to do the same.
Is this what Yoongi deserves?
Yoongi is smiling when he’s pulled away, the shy one he’s trying to bite down but can’t, and Hoseok shouldn’t be able to have this, surely. Not right now.
He doesn’t know what facial expression he has on right now, but it makes Yoongi snort. “Don’t act like I’m the worst kisser in the world,” he says, voice soft like he’s still in a trance. “I’m not that bad.”
Hoseok blinks, heart still pounding but now it’s painful. “I’m sorry.”
Oblivious, Yoongi is still smiling. “For what?”
Up close, Hoseok sees it all; the way the silence brews the realization that dawns in Yoongi’s eyes, the way his smile slowly fades into nothing. Heartbreak.
A million words rush through Hoseok’s head but he can’t find a way to say any of them out loud now to Yoongi. It’s quiet for far too long until Yoongi asks, “Is this because of RM?”
It’s the last thing Hoseok expected. “What?” he manages to say. “No.”
Yoongi’s let go of him now, and his gaze drifts away from Hoseok’s face to his feet. “So you just don’t like me,” he concludes, and then nods to himself like he’s accepted it. “That’s fine too.”
“Hyung—”
“Yeah, this is…” Yoongi scoffs. “Really fucking awkward now.” He clears his throat. “I’ll go. And please—” he adds just as Hoseok is about to speak. “This is really rude, sorry, but please don’t say anything else. Fuck,” he curses under his breath, and his face is no longer in view. “I’ll leave.”
So Hoseok keeps quiet as he watches Yoongi leave, not knowing what else there is to do.
Moving in
‘Is cohabiting actually terrifying or am I overthinking it?’ is Hoseok’s foolish thought of the day, although it’s far from the first time he’s contemplated this. He’s even listed out the pros and cons in his head before, and while the pros are quite sweet, the cons were enough to scare him. The main thing is this: what if he regrets it? What if they’re better off with that little distance apart?
But then Yoongi comes to sit next to him on the couch and he feels a little crazy for being so happy about it.
Yoongi looks at him weirdly. “What are you smiling about?”
Hoseok can feel the stupid grin on his face. “You.”
Like a charm, it works every time. Yoongi’s eyes would go wide, followed by a slight quirk of his mouth, and then his face is hidden away as he ducks his head. “Weirdo.”
How can a dumb nickname sound so fond coming from him? “I’m still advocating for the notion that I get a cuter pet name.”
Yoongi shakes his head immediately. “Denied.”
Maybe Hoseok is hopeless for still wanting to kiss him.
“Do you wanna know something embarrassing?”
“You’re always embarrassing.”
“Don’t make me hit you.”
Yoongi relents at that. “Go on.”
“When we were dating for…a month? Two months? When Namjoon went on a break,” Hoseok tries to calculate the dates in his head but gives up. “I think that was the first time where I didn’t see you for a while after we started dating, even though it was just for a week.”
“You sent me pictures of yourself in bed when you thought you lost one of your albums,” Yoongi recalls.
“Yeah, that…” Hoseok shyly rubs the back of his ear. “I remember missing you that night, and I didn’t have a lot of photos of you.”
“You have plenty. You take photos of me when I’m trying to sleep.”
“Shut up.” He shoves Yoongi lightly even though it’s true. “I was rewatching some videos of Namjoon when I noticed you in one of them—or was it your voice?” he recalls. “Something like that, and I realized that you’re probably in a lot of videos, so I spent like the entire night going through different videos on Youtube trying to look for you in the blurred-out backgrounds.”
Yoongi’s face in that moment is a sight to behold—a mix of awe and a desperate attempt to suppress it. “Did you find me?”
“Only a few times, I think,” Hoseok tells him. “Because of your hands and some of your shirts. There could be more, for all I know.”
“You’re right,” Yoongi says as he shifts closer. “That is embarrassing.”
Hoseok turns to look at him with a smile. “Is it really?”
“Really really embarrassing,” Yoongi assures him. “Typical weirdo behavior.” He moves so that he has one leg over Hoseok’s, hovering slightly above him. “Do I look better blurred out?”
Looking up at Yoongi feels like falling for him all over again. His sharp eyes have a light, excited glint to it, and his grin is unapologetic. “What will you do if I say yes?” he asks, teasing.
Yoongi only shrugs. “Preferences.”
Hoseok laughs at that. “Yeah, I love it when your face is just a blob I can barely see,” he says. “You’re so much sexier with a cartoon sticker over your face.” He can go on, but Yoongi’s face shifts closer and he decides that kissing him would be a better use of their time.
The apartment conversation lingers in his mind. He hasn’t been too focused on it, but it’s something he’s been considering every day, even in times like now with his lips pressed to Yoongi’s, thinking about how this could be them, minus the quiet thought that he has to go back to his place at the end of the night.
Yoongi pulls away with a sigh. “That noise again.”
Hoseok groans at that, resting his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. “Can you not bring that up every time we kiss?”
“You do it every time,” Yoongi rebuts.
“I really don’t.”
“You really do.”
“I don’t,” Hoseok argues, and Yoongi kisses him again. After a while, he feels Yoongi tremble before he breaks into a chuckle.
“You did it again!”
“I can’t help it!” Hoseok whines, his entire face burning as Yoongi clutches his stomach. “That’s it,” he huffs, turning away and crossing his arms when Yoongi leans closer. “I’m not kissing you again.”
He hears a chuckle, followed by a small kiss on his shoulder that makes his chest flip stupidly. It’s been months, yet his body still reacts the same whenever Yoongi initiates these small touches. “Taehyung might be barging in soon,” he hears Yoongi say. “He knows my door code.”
“That won’t persuade me to kiss you,” Hoseok quips, still stern.
Yoongi hums nonchalantly before resting his head on Hoseok’s shoulder. It goes quiet for a moment before he murmurs, “Do you wanna stay over today? You don’t have work tomorrow.”
Hoseok almost says yes, but remembers that he’s supposed to be mad. “Why would I do that?”
“Because you like it when I hold you at night,” Yoongi answers too easily and hugs Hoseok from behind. “Like this.” Hoseok considers breaking out of his hold, but it’s too comfortable to resist so he just gives in while pretending to hate it. “It’d be like that, every night… or maybe not because summer is a thing and I get overheated.”
Hoseok quirks at that. “What do you mean?”
He feels Yoongi hesitate for a second, though he answers, “...If we live together, it’d be like that.”
“...You’d hold me?” Hoseok breathes and slowly, Yoongi hums.
He turns his head back to brush their lips together, before shifting so that he faces Yoongi again. “Not a word,” he quickly warns when Yoongi’s usual grin returns before their lips meet again.
Just the thought of it makes his heart pound harder. Yoongi always being a reach away, no more quick glances at each other from the window or late night phone calls. Everything would just be here. Hoseok imagines it all as he falls back onto the couch and Yoongi follows, hovering on top of him as their lips part. He doesn’t even care about the noises anymore. Yoongi thinks it’s cute anyway.
Their breaths grow heavier as time passes and their bodies are pressed together. An insatiable need grows within Hoseok before—
In the distance, the door chimes as the lock clicks open, and Yoongi is suddenly standing.
“Please feed me,” he hears Taehyung say from the entrance, and the door shuts behind him. Yoongi, lips red and parted, sighs before making his way to the kitchen.
Hoseok has become one with the couch before he realizes, and curls into himself at the state he’s in.
“Where’s Hoseok hyung?” Taehyung asks from the kitchen.
“Hoseok?” Yoongi repeats dumbly. “Oh, he’s… napping.”
Napping… not a bad idea, Hoseok decides. He’s already in the position anyway. Anything is better than facing Taehyung right now.
So Hoseok naps to the passing thought that maybe a shared apartment wouldn’t be so bad.