Work Text:
Timestamp: 47510.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Return my ship NOW!
I am Dirru Weenta, Captain of the KSS Etho, currently ILLEGALLY IMPOUNDED by your very rude customs agents. I am scheduled to deliver my cargo to the Kellerun United government in less than 100 standard hours. I demand you release my ship and cargo from your ill-mannered brutes at once, and shall hold this station financially responsible for all fines and lost revenue as a result of this SHAMEFUL interruption!
Timestamp: 47511.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Return my ship NOW!
Captain Weenta:
This station is not the custodian of your vessel, which has been impounded under the Unified Interstellar Sanctions Act of the United Federation of Planets. To apply for the release of your vessel, complete the attached forms and send them to Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath at [email protected]. Please feel free to direct all further inquiries to Agent Ch'etinnath.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47511.8
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Return my ship NOW!
I filled out the forms and attached them, now release my ship!
Timestamp: 47512.5
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Return my ship NOW!
Captain Weenta:
I cannot do anything with these forms. As you are no doubt aware per my last message, you must send them to Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath at [email protected]. I consider my part in this matter closed and shall not respond to further inquiries.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47512.53
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: [SPAM] Re: Re: Re: Re: Return my ship NOW!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? You could have already forwarded it!!
Timestamp: 47512.6
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Re: Return my ship NOW!
Timestamp: 47513.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Re: Return my ship NOW!
Captain Weenta,
No documents were attached to your message. If you have a vessel in impound and wish to retrieve it, please fill out the attached forms and return them.
Cordially,
Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath
Timestamp: 47513.4
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Re: Return my ship NOW!
These are completely different forms than the station chief sent! What am I supposed to do with them?
Timestamp: 47514.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Re: Re: Re: Return my ship NOW!
Captain Weenta,
I cannot speak to forms you have previously received. I am reattaching the forms from my previous message in case you missed them. Please fill them out and submit them if you have an impounded vessel you wish to retrieve.
Cordially,
Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath
Timestamp: 47514.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Why are you still on DS9??
Dirru, according to your IFF pings you’re still on Deep Space 9. Are you on yet ANOTHER bender?
Best,
Erca
Timestamp: 47514.4
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath,
Per our previous discussion, please see the attached forms requesting the release of the KSS Etho. I have copied my supervisor on this message.
Dirru Weenta,
Captain, KSS Etho
Timestamp: 47514.8
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
WHAT!!!???
Timestamp: 47515.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
WTF is this all about? Sanctions??
Juske Meexa
CEO, Prophesiers Imports
Timestamp: 47515.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
Captain Weenta,
This message confirms receipt of your application for release of impounded cargo/vessel. The KSS Etho is currently under impound for the Unified Interstellar Sanctions Act of the United Federation of Planets, Sanction Order 7585799, issued 47480.4, Notice 22043818.
Per the aforementioned notice, the Sanctioned Entity, the United Kellerun government, now has ten standard Terran business rotations to submit an Affidavit of Exception attesting to and documenting at least two of the following conditions:
- Life Endangerment Assistance (no fewer than 10 million registered sentients)
- Environmental Hazard Mitigation (no fewer than 2 million square kilometers)
- Catastrophic Economic Mitigation (no fewer than 1 trillion UFPC)
- Lack of cargo availability from interstellar sources accessible via non-United Federation of Planets warp routes (no fewer than 50 light years)
Per the UISA section 23 paragraph d, under no circumstances will a sanction exception be granted to military cargo.
Please note that per UISA section 17 paragraph i, if no Affidavit is filed with the United Federation of Planets Customs Bureau, Administrative Building, Paris, Earth within ten Terran business rotations, the vessel and cargo will be placed on auction. You will be forwarded any proceeds that exceed the current delinquent sanction balance stipulated in Notice 22043818.
The United Federation of Planets regrets the inconvenience to any and all civilians impacted by Sanction Order 7585799. A copy of this message and all related documentation is available at the United Federation of Planets Customs Bureau, Administrative Building, Paris, Earth. While this matter is resolved, I advise you to contact your relevant embassy on Bajor for further assistance. Please direct any concerns about your stay to Station Chief Odo at [email protected].
Cordially,
Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath
Timestamp: 47515.4
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Personal property impound
Captain Weenta:
You have been detained on charges of disturbing the peace and assaulting a starbase officer (Station Chief Odo). Following your release in one standard station day cycle, you may recover your personal effects pending payment of the below itemized charges regarding your detention:
- Storage fee: 50 UFPC
- Inventory processing fee: 50 UFPC
- Inventory recovery fee: 50 UFPC
- Detention processing fee: 50 UFPC
- Room and board: 50 UFPC
- Civil fine(s): 100 UFPC
- TOTAL: 350 UFPC
See the attached schedule for currency conversions to latinum.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47516.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
WHAT IS HAPPENING? What do I pay you for anyway? Fix this NOW!
Juske Meexa
CEO, Prophesiers Imports
Timestamp: 47516.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
On it
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47516.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
WTF is this, you little rat? Are you stealing my client's cargo again? What do I pay you for anyway??
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47516.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
I'm pretty sure I know what's going on here, but just checking…is this legit?
See you Friday.
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47516.5
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
This is BS…right??
Warzi Vige
Chief of Staff
Ministry of Trade
United Kellerun
Timestamp: 47516.7
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
Major Kira,
Dujom Zeevig here, we met last year at the Gratitude Festival party on Bajor. I'm pretty sure this is some kind of joke…right?
Say hi to Commander Sisko for me.
Dujom Zeevig
Chief of Staff
Office of the President
United Kellerun
Timestamp: 47516.8
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: I quit
Timestamp: 47516.9
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
There's gonna be a ship auction?? Why didn't you tell me, Odo? I'm hurt!
Quark
CEO
Quarks Bar Holdings, An Interstellar Limited Liability Company
Timestamp: 47517.4
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
I assure you I had nothing to do with this. I'm contacting my sources on the station and will get back to you with some potential solutions. For my usual fee, of course.
Quark
CEO
Quarks Bar Holdings, An Interstellar Limited Liability Company
Timestamp: 47518.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
Go bother Than, you ridiculous scavenger.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47518.9
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
This is an automated notice. The appended message has been identified as originating from an entity sanctioned under the Unified Interstellar Sanctions Act of the United Federation of Planets, Sanction Order 7585799, issued 47480.4, Notice 22043818. Per the conditions outlined in Notice 22043818, all subspace routers maintained by the United Federation of Planets no longer accept traffic originating from the Sanctioned Entity (United Kellerun Government).
If you feel this message has been received in error, please contact the United Federation of Planets Customs Bureau, Administrative Building, Paris, Earth, at [email protected].
Timestamp: 47519.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
Get to the presidential palace right goddamn now.
Dujom Zeevig
Chief of Staff
Office of the President
United Kellerun
Timestamp: 47519.5
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected].
Subject: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTIONED QUARANTINE] Re: Official Notice of Sanction (United Federation of Planets)
This is an automated notice. The appended message has been identified as addressed to an entity sanctioned under Unified Interstellar Sanctions Act of the United Federation of Planets, Sanction Order 7585799, issued 47480.4, Notice 22043818. Per the conditions outlined in Notice 22043818, all subspace routers maintained by the United Federation of Planets no longer accept traffic addressed to the Sanctioned Entity (United Kellerun Government).
If you feel this message has been received in error, please contact the United Federation of Planets Customs Bureau, Administrative Building, Paris, Earth, at [email protected].
Timestamp: 47519.6
Sender: [email protected].
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: [SANCTION QUARANTINE] Re: [AUTOMATED REJECTION] Re: Official Notice of Sanction (United Federation of Planets)
This is an automated notice. This account does not accept incoming messages. For further information, please contact the United Federation of Planets Customs Bureau, Administrative Building, Paris, Earth, at [email protected].
Timestamp: 47519.8
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Call me RIGHT NOW (EMERGENCY)
Warzi Vige
Chief of Staff
Ministry of Trade
United Kellerun
Timestamp: 47522.5
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]; [email protected]
Subject: Contractual agreement/invoice for lobbying services
Dujom,
Please see the attached contractual agreement for lobbying services (UFP Trade Sanctions). Upon receipt of the initial retainer of 20 million UKC, my firm’s resources are at your disposal. I look forward to working with you in this regard.
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47522.7
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
WELL???
Juske Meexa
CEO, Prophesiers Imports
Timestamp: 47522.8
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Application for release of impounded vessel and cargo
Sit tight. I’m on it.
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47522.9
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Request for expedited documentation (Sanction Order 7585799)
Agent Ch'etinnath:
I represent the United Kellerun government, UFP lobbyist registration 7213494 (see appended affidavit of representation). Per the Unified Interstellar Sanctions Act, section 41 paragraph r, I hereby request expedited documentation of all notices, determinations, and other relevant records related to Sanction Order 7585799. See appended request.
I look forward to hearing from you promptly in this regard.
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47524.9
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Request for expedited documentation (Sanction Order 7585799)
Ms. Uhe:
I am in receipt of your request for expedited documentation regarding Sanction Order 7585799. See appended Sanction Order, Notice 22043818, and current impounds under said notice. Per previous correspondence, please note that one such impound will be scheduled for auction at UFP Deep Space 9 if an Affidavit of Exception is not filed by 47527.3 with the United Federation of Planets Customs Bureau, Administrative Building, Paris, Earth.
Cordially,
Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath
Timestamp: 47480.4
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: president@kellerun.executive.uk
Subject: Official Notice of Sanction (United Federation of Planets) (OFFICIAL COPY)
Dear sir, madam, or other:
This message serves as official notice that your polity has been sanctioned under the Unified Interstellar Sanctions Act of the United Federation of Planets. A brief summary of the accompanying quarantines follows:
- Warp lane restriction: All commercial traffic into or out of your stella-political space from UFP warp lanes is subject to seizure and impound.
- Subspace comms relays: All communications originating from within government domains of your polity have been blocked on UFP subspace relays.
- Asset seizure: All assets, cargo shipments, and/or material support associated with your stella-political space is subject to freezing and seizure.
Compensatory damages: All aforementioned assets subject to seizure under these sanctions will be auctioned and/or liquidated in consideration of the below itemized damages determined under the UISA:
- Danube-class runabout (destroyed): 20 million UFPC
- Fuel consumption (Sisko, Bashir, O’Brien): 50,000 UFPC
- Health care (Bashir, O’Brien): 200,000 UFPC
- IT modifications (subspace routers): 5 million UFPC
- Financial controls: 1 million UFPC
- Compensatory damages (Bashir, O’Brien): 500,000 UFPC
- Civil fines: 100,000 UFPC
- Administrative costs (miscellaneous): 1 million UFPC
- TOTAL: 27,850,000 UFPC
Please note that interest will accrue on this balance at the statutory rate of 10 percent, capitalized monthly. Additionally, civil fines will continue to accrue at a rate of 100,000 UFPC per standard Terran day until such time as the sanctions are lifted.
This Order may be discharged by the payment of the outstanding delinquent balance in full, the production of the individuals in the appended list for prosecution, and the initiation of an independent investigation into the assault and illegal detention of the aforementioned Starfleet personnel, with UFP oversight as stipulated in UISA section 19 paragraph y.
Please review the appended documentation carefully to understand the facts and nuances therein. For any questions, contact Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath at [email protected].
Timestamp: 47525.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Requested trades
Ms. Uhe:
Per our conversation and your written authorization, I have executed your requested trades, shorting all major planetary index funds and purchasing credit default swaps on several sovereign debt funds.
I am documenting that these trades were requested against my strongest advice, and in my professional opinion are the riskiest transactions I have ever seen in my career. Unless the entire economy of Kellerun implodes in the next month, you are going to be in more debt than the net worth of several megacorps.
See appended transaction receipts.
Regards,
Katyi Tulia
Registered Financial Advisor
Timestamp: 47525.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Auction plans
Bekko, my old friend! I have looked into the matter of the unfortunate KSS Etho. Its captain and crew appear to have quit and signed onto other freighters, so unfortunately, even were Earth to receive the appropriate paperwork in the next two days, there would be no one here to claim the cargo and it would be auctioned anyway. Fortunately, Agent Ch'etinnath’s assistant owes me a considerable dabo debt, and I believe I can arrange the auction to provide me with the cargo for a very reasonable sum of 30 million UFPC.
I shall even halve my customary percentage, since it is such an urgent transaction. The poor Kellerun, deprived of their replicators at the very moment they need them the most to rebuild! All I ask is you follow the enclosed payment instructions. We must all watch our backs when sanctions are involved, yes?
Once I receive confirmation of the payment I will arrange the rest of the details personally.
Quark
CEO
Quarks Bar Holdings, An Interstellar Limited Liability Company
Timestamp: 47526.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Auction plans
Your insurance policy has an exclusion specifically for UFP sanctions. If you want the ship and cargo, pay this and move on. Otherwise let it go and move on. Trust me, you don’t want to stay involved in this situation a second longer.
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47526.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Auction plans
If three million of that transfer doesn’t show up in my account the minute it posts to you, I’m going to call Major Kira and find out exactly how much you’re stealing.
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47527.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Transaction confirmation
An anonymous payment of 492 #BoredFangcats has been credited to your account. Thank you for using NFT Clearinghouse!
Timestamp: 47527.6
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Auction Receipt
Dear Sir, Madam or Other:
This message serves as your receipt for the purchase of UFP Customs Auction Lot 49, for the sum of 10 million UFPC. Please retrieve your purchased items from impound within three station rotations.
Timestamp: 47528.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Seizure notice
Quark,
If you’re going to smuggle replicators past UFP sanctions, you probably shouldn’t use the exact same vessel and crew. I’ve seized the cargo and vessel and I’m freezing your station assets. The crew are in the brig, and I’m transferring them to FedSec.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47528.5
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Seizure notice
Odo, you can be so cruel at times! I have no idea what you’re talking about. I had no shipments going out, nor have I received any compensation in any registered currency. And at any rate, I have already closed all my station accounts and exclusively use cryptocurrency now. Good luck with your smugglers, though!
Quark
CEO
Quarks Bar Holdings, An Interstellar Limited Liability Company
Timestamp: 47530.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Auction plans
Quark…where are my client’s replicators? And more to the point, where is my money?
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47531.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: You’re fired
I’m using your last invoice as toilet paper.
Juske Meexa
CEO, Prophesiers Imports
Timestamp: 47533.4
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Get that junkheap out of my docking bay!!
Odo:
That stupid Kellerun freighter is backing up my docking queue. I don’t care what you do with it, get it out of my way!
Major Kira Nerys
XO, Deep Space 9
Timestamp: 47536.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Blind copy: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Request for expedited documentation (Sanction Order 7585799)
Agent Ch'etinnath:
Please send an updated balance sheet under the sanctions and your protocols for transmission of payment.
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47538.5
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Blind copy: [email protected]
Subject: Request for comment
Mr. Vige:
Heju Xiter here, Bajor NewsNet. I’m finishing up an article on the sanctions imposed on your government by the United Federation of Planets following your attempted murder of three senior officers of Deep Space 9. I have a list of appended questions if you would prefer to answer in writing, but am available for a subspace live call for the next rotation. My deadline is in two rotations; hopefully I’ll be able to get your comments by then.
Heju Xiter
Senior Investigative Reporter, Bajor NewsNet
Timestamp: 47539.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Blind copy: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Request for comment
I’m coming to the presidential palace right goddamn now.
Warzi Vige
Chief of Staff
Ministry of Trade
United Kellerun
Timestamp: 47539.9
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Request for comment
Ms. Xiter:
I am representing the government of United Kellerun in current trade negotiations with the United Federation of Planets. We believe the UFP’s current position is unlawful and without foundation, and moreover was enacted unilaterally. Had they contacted my clients prior to this cheap stunt, they would have found eager partners in addressing the unfortunate incidents blown out of proportion in Starfleet claims. We look forward to resolving the matter shortly and anticipate no economic shocks or meltdowns.
Bekko Uhe
Founder/Chairman, Uhe Policy Solutions
Timestamp: 47540.6
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [Mass Message]
Subject: BREAKING: United Kellerun denies “economic shocks or meltdowns” from UFP sanctions
SECRET SANCTIONS? An explosive expose by Senior Investigative Reporter Heju Jiter reveals that not only did United Kellerun seek to murder the senior leadership of Deep Space 9, they have covered up the ensuing sanctions from the Federation for months, even attempting to route a shipment of replicators though a disreputable gambling den run by a Ferengi. CLICK to read…
Timestamp: 47544.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [Mass Message]
Subject: BREAKING: Planet-wide markets halted after fourth straight day of crashes; emergency elections called
Trading was halted planet-wide today for the fourth straight day as collapses of up to twenty percent cascaded across markets within hours of their tentative opens. No sector was spared as analysts struggled to catch up to the news that the United Federation of Planets has placed both Kellerun and T’Lani under sanctions. The government of United Kellerun was in bedlam following the resignation of the Minister of Trade and most of his senior staff, as well as the presidential chief of staff and the Minister of Foreign Affairs. Emergency elections have been called as a vote of no confidence in the government passed by large margins in the Planetary Assembly. CLICK to read…
Timestamp: 47545.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Requested trades, liquidation, termination of relationship
Ms. Uhe:
Per our conversations and your written authorization, I have executed your requested trades, liquidating all of your positions to a pre-tax profit of 700 million UKC. The entirety, minus commissions and fees, has been transferred to the account stipulated in your authorization.
I am documenting that these trades were requested against my strongest advice, and in my professional opinion the asset transfer out of regulated financial space invites multiple investigations as to the suspiciously convenient timing of your 3,400% profit as the entire planetary economy went into free-fall from news of the UFP sanctions. I shall turn over all documentation in my possession to the Kellerun Financial Regulatory Authority, and consider our professional relationship terminated.
See appended transaction receipts.
Regards,
Katyi Tulia
Registered Financial Advisor
Timestamp: 47547.8
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Docking bay delays
Odo…please deal with that freighter you took from Quark. Give it back to him for all I care; the delays are becoming excessive
Commander Benjamin Sisko
Station Commander, Deep Space 9
Timestamp: 47549.5
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Seizure notice
Fill out the attached forms and keep your mouth shut about it and you can have your ridiculous freighter. Just get it out of here before you get up to your nefarious schemes.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47550.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: SERVICE: Temporary restraining order of auction of illegally seized property
Station Chief Odo:
This message serves as official service of my client’s petition in Bajor Superior Court to halt the auction of the KSS Etho and its accompanying 20 metric tons of replicators. We also seek 50 million UFPC in damages and business restitution.
See attached petition and exhibits.
Ise Banto
Attorney at Law
Bajor
Timestamp: 47551.0
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Re: SERVICE: Temporary restraining order of auction of illegally seized property
Ms. Banto:
As the KSS Etho and its accompanying 20 metric tons of replicators were seized under the Unified Interstellar Sanctions Act of the United Federation of Planets, I am referring this matter to Federation Customs Agent Than Ch'etinnath. I have also transferred custody of the vessel and cargo to Agent Ch’etinnath and consider my part in this matter concluded.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47551.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: SERVICE: Temporary restraining order of auction of illegally seized property
Are you KIDDING ME??
Major Kira Nerys
XO, Deep Space 9
Timestamp: 47555.8
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Account opened
Ms. Uhe:
My fondest solicitations on establishing your account with Latinum Elite Finances. Your funds have been transferred in full, and your receipt for your purchase of Ferenginar citizenship is enclosed along with your account balances.
Please feel free to contact me at any time with any needs or concerns. I have also arranged for your newly purchased pleasure yacht, the FSS Resplendent Payoff, to be staffed with leisure workers of your specified species, genders and physical features. It shall arrive at your location in one and a half rotations.
I look forward to a long and very profitable professional relationship.
Kolarr
Certified Elite Investment Advisor
Latinum Elite Finances
Timestamp: 47560.5
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Notice of security breach, loss of funds
Valued trader,
We regret to inform you that NFT Clearinghouse suffered a security breach recently. We are pursuing all available legal remedies to recover losses associated with it. At this time, your account has been closed for lack of funds.
Thank you for using NFT Clearinghouse!
Timestamp: 47560.6
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Release my ship NOW!
Odo, this is getting ridiculous. I filled out all of your forms and I need that ship and cargo for certain business obligations while my cryptocurrency schedule is adjusted. Unlock the docking bay so we can all get on with our lives.
Quark
CEO
Quarks Bar Holdings, An Interstellar Limited Liability Company
Timestamp: 47561.4
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Release my ship NOW!
I fail to see how your difficulties with holograms of bored fangcats are my responsibility, Quark. At any rate, it’s out of my hands. I suggest you contact Than and stop bothering me about this.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47571.3
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [Mass Message]
Subject: BREAKING: New government formed; talks opened with UFP to end sanctions
Markets are surging on news of a new government formed in the wake of emergency elections. Newly appointed Minister of Foreign Affairs Jaaca Vabig announced he has already established contact with the United Federation of Planets and is confident of a swift conclusion to the sanctions saga that has wiped out a total of 30 trillion UKC in market nosedives. Additionally, incoming Minister of Justice Jise Fokeho said she is preparing multiple indictments regarding the bizarre murder attempt of senior officers of DS9. CLICK to read more…
Timestamp: 47573.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected]
Subject: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Re: SERVICE: Temporary restraining order of auction of illegally seized property
Dear sir, madam, or other:
This petition has been transferred to the Administrative Law Court at the United Federation of Planets Customs Bureau, Administrative Building, Paris, Earth. All parties are instructed to complete the enclosed forms and to submit appearances at the aforementioned court within 30 standard Terran rotations.
The current backlog for determination is: 2 years, 6 months, 17 days (Terran).
Thank you for your interest in the United Federation of Planets Customs Bureau.
Timestamp: 47575.2
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Fwd: Re: Fwd: Fwd: Fwd: Re: Re: SERVICE: Temporary restraining order of auction of illegally seized property
Consider this a stern warning against accessing Docking Bay 5 in between 47575.8 and 47576.0. I am resetting security protocols and would be most displeased were anything within Docking Bay 5 to go missing, as surveillance will be down.
With all due regards and respect,
Station Chief Odo
Timestamp: 47577.6
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: PRIVILEGED: Agreement for asset transfer
Mr. Rom:
My client finds your terms acceptable. Please complete the enclosed transaction instructions.
It has been a pleasure doing business with you.
Ise Banto
Attorney at Law
Bajor
Timestamp: 47580.1
Sender: [email protected]
Recipient: [email protected]
Subject: Account opened
Mr. Rom:
Congratulations on opening a starter account with Latinum Elite Finances! Your opening balance is enclosed, along with your transaction receipts. Please direct any questions to [email protected].
Kolarr
Certified Elite Investment Advisor
Latinum Elite Finances