Chapter Text
“What if I love you?”
The unexpected question pulled her from her thoughts of the upcoming battle and her feet slowed to a stop. She cocked her head at Erend, trying to see how serious the question was. His blue eyes were deep and vulnerable and soft and she can’t help but feel a twinge of…something.
The fate of Meridian was at stake—his timing was fairly terrible. He had only stopped by to check in on her and then their conversation had rambled and really she should’ve been asleep already. This was probably a conversation best left for another day. But still.
With a sigh she joined him on the bench. They sat side by side, not looking at each other and not touching. The atmosphere was tense. “ Do you love me?” she asked quietly.
He shifted restlessly, the toe of his boot digging into the worn wood planking. “Yes,” he said finally, sounding very firm and serious. Very unlike himself, she thought wryly. Then he scowled and tossed his head back. “I mean, I think I do.” He sounded less sure about that proclamation—which itself was already even less certain than the first.
He got to his feet. Her brow furrowed as she watched him pace. “I feel something for you, Aloy.” His voice was strained, exasperated almost. She wondered how long he’d been sitting on this.
This something . This thing that was not necessarily love but was…something.
In a moment of either weakness or bravery—she wasn’t sure which—she chose to be vulnerable. “I feel something for you too, Erend.” She’d been the one to say the words, they’d come from her own mouth, she was sure of it. But hearing them out there, free in the air between them—she froze.
And Erend froze too. His foot wasn’t even flat on the floor and his eyes were wide and…afraid?
They’d both proclaimed their something and they’d both frozen in fear. Aloy didn’t think it was supposed to work quite like that.
Erend’s eyes fluttered as he gathered himself. “Huh.”
“Yeah,” Aloy agreed. “Huh.”
He scrubbed a hand over his shaggy mohawk. He chewed on his lip as he stared at one of the tapestries on the wall. “Y’know I really thought I’d worked out all the possibilities when I played this out in my head.”
“And?” she prodded gently, hoping for some indication of what was going on in there. And hoping it matched what was flying through her own.
“ And,” he said, dragging the word out. “And somehow I still managed to surprise myself.” He shook his head and turned to face her, looking a little chagrined. Instantly she felt a weight lift off her chest.
She smiled. “You’re a really good friend, Erend.”
He threw his head back and laughed. It was a bit shaky but it was loud and familiar and it soothed her last remaining nerves. When he was finished he dropped back onto the bench with a thud. “I was so sure of it, Aloy!” He shook his head.
“Until you said it out loud or until I said it back?”
“I mean as soon as I said it I knew it felt wrong.” He nudged her shoulder with a quiet chuckle. “But as soon as you said it back—hoo! Not often I do an about face that quick.”
She leaned her head against his steady shoulder. Touch was still strange to her but Erend was becoming an exception. “I don’t have a lot of experience with people.” He snorted and she dug her elbow into his side. “Shut up, please, I’m trying to be serious.”
“Alright, alright,” he said with a snicker that entirely negated his attempt at contrition. “Sorry to interrupt.”
“What I mean to say is, our friendship means a lot to me. But maybe because I don’t, well, get along with very many people—maybe I mistook how I feel about you as something else.” She sighed. “Honestly maybe part of me wishes it was more.”
Erend was handsome and kind and silly and trustworthy. She felt safe with him. It would be nice—a relief even—to desire something beyond just companionship with him.
“Oh yeah?” he crooned, raising an eyebrow and wagging it suggestively. She shoved him harder that time and grunted.
“I take it all back, you are actually the worst.”
He caught her around the waist before she could escape and dragged her back to the bench. She growled but didn’t try to leave again and he leaned his head back against the wall. “I’d be a fool to not want something with you, Aloy.” The compliment made her cheeks heat. “But you’re right. No shock there I guess. Much as I think there should be something, much as I kinda wish there was…”
“There’s not,” she finished. “Not really.”
He hummed his agreement and then cocked his head. “Is helm over heels in like a thing?”
“Mmm, sounds like a stretch.”
They sat in companionable silence for a while. Thoughts of the battle ahead began to creep back in and she sighed, feeling all the weariness and apprehension churn in her stomach again.
“We’re going to win you know.” Erend’s arm slipped around her shoulder and she shut her eyes as her stomach clenched.
“You sound so sure.” How in the world could he be so sure?
“I am sure,” he rumbled. “Sure about you, sure about us—we’re a team, Aloy. A damn good one.”
A team. A something she was sure of, that she could rely on. She liked the sound of that. Very much.