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OA spends a full two weeks after receiving the invitation to a Westpoint convocation agonizing over it. He’s going to go, that much is certain. He has yet to, and probably never will, miss the opportunity to attend an event at his alma mater. The place that in many ways, shaped him into the adult he is today.
So the wild card isn’t his own attendance, the wild card is what to do with the plus one attached to this year's invitation.
He knows he isn’t exactly being subtle about his anxiety surrounding it either. He and Stuart haven’t had a direct conversation about it yet, but he’s been fiddling almost constantly with his ring, extending his morning runs, pushing around the food on his plate at dinner far more than actually eating it.
Stuart isn’t stupid, and Stuart knows him. OA is certain that he knows there’s something going on, even if he hasn’t said anything, and he also knows that it’s because Stuart knows him as well as he does, that he knows this isn’t an instance to push.
OA will open up when he’s ready.
Prying beforehand has the potential to backfire catastrophically, as it’s far more likely to just result in OA being stubborn and shutting down, thus not confiding in his partner at all.
What’s infuriating OA the most though is that bringing Stuart Scola as his date to the event should be a no brainer. They’re coming up on ten months together now, they’ve met each other’s families (which had been a massive source of stress for them both but had actually gone remarkably well). They’re out to everyone that really matters in their lives (not that Stuart had ever really not been, that had more so been new territory for OA).
They’ve navigated a lot together in that last ten months, from coming to terms with all of it, labels (OA finds himself leaning somewhere in the spectrum of either bisexual or pansexual, he’s still not sure and Stuart had assured him that that’s okay, he doesn’t neeed to know), to what this meant for him as a Muslim man, to how they fit into each other’s lives and other relationships.
They’ve overcome every hurdle, big or small, together.
Stuart is someone OA sees a future with.
They’ve attended a number of public events together.
So why the hell is the idea of bringing him to the one at Westpoint sending him into such a spiral?
He knows of course. Even if it’s easier to pretend that he doesn’t. Westpoint shaped him. Built him into the adult he is today, and he’s eternally grateful for that. Westpoint also shaped and influenced a lot of his worldviews though.
Liking people other than women had not really been at the forefront of OA’s brain as a young person. While his own family was far more open than parts of his community were, it still remained something that was often simply left unsaid. Especially with his dad. Besides, he did like women. The feeling in the pit of his stomach when he watched his first real crush, Nadia, throw her hair up into a ponytail didn’t lie.
It had been at Westpoint that he’d questioned for the first time if just maybe getting that same feeling from watching his buddy Brian workout meant that he didn’t just like women. The problem was, in no way was Westpoint a healthy or conducive environment to start figuring any of this out. The institution as a whole was so deeply entrenched in what he called at the time “tradition”, but what he now has now problem openly calling homophobia.
He’d been on a training course once in the winter, between semesters, when he’d been berated by his instructor for getting caught using lip balm that his sister Nour had sent him in a care package. While sure, the intention was supposedly to make him fall into line, not to be openly homphobic, being called gay for trying to handle chapped lips in the middle of a New York winter had essentially made OA shut down any osrt of questioning or feelings he was having.
Following orders like that is what made him such a good soldier in the first place.
It had taken a long time to work through the institutionalized homophobia he experienced throughout his time at school, and then perhaps even more so in his time in the military.
It’s that, the rush of bile that still rises in his throat when he thinks about all those moments, that’s making him so anxious about showing up with Stuart on his arm.
He’s strongly thinking about going alone, not putting himself, let alone Stuart through any of this, when he has a bit of an aha moment.
If he had seen, even once, in all his years there an alumni, a professor, a high ranking officer, just once in a non straight (or at least straight to the naked eye) relationship, it would have made the world of difference to him.
Had there been a singular role model that didn’t conform to the boxes of what they were supposed to be, maybe it wouldn’t have taken him so damn long to undo the damage.
It’s why as they’re getting ready for bed that night he takes a deep breath.
“I’d like you to come to convocation with me this year.”
Stuart’s eyebrow quirks just a little, but his tone is unbelievably soft. “Okay. Just send me the date and I’ll clear my schedule.”
It’s one of the things OA appreciates the most about Stuart. He doesn’t make a big deal about this stuff. He rolls with the punches, he knows exactly what OA needs, and here he seems to know that what OA needs is quiet reassurance and confirmation that Stuart will be there.
---
For the most part, OA is able to push a lot of the anxiety out of the way in the days leading up to the ceremony. It’s when he gets back from his run the morning of to see Stuart dressed in his dark blue suit and that white button up that makes OA go crazy, adjusting his tie pin, that it hits him again.
It must be all over his face, because Stuart sees him out of the corner of his eye, and the next thing OA knows he’s standing in front of him, hands on OA’s upper arms giving him a look full of so much love and understanding.
“Hey, honey. If this is too much, I’ll stay home. Or I’ll drive there with you and wait in the car. Whatever you need.”
What OA needs though, what he always needs, is his partner at his side. Swallowing hard he shakes his head.
“No. I asked you to come, I want you to come.”
Stuart’s voice somehow gets even softer, and he raises a hand to OA’s cheek and brushes it gently with his thumb. “Then I'll be there.” OA just closes his eyes and leans into the touch.
---
It’s a military event, so while he may not be active duty anymore, OA still wears his dress uniform. It fits a bit more snugly than it used to, but then again he’s grown up a lot in the years since he served.
He’s feeling a bit self conscious, tugging at the sleeves and fiddling with the medal placements on his chest when Stuart walks back into their bedroom, whistles, then comes up behind OA and wraps his arms around him.
“Nobody’s even going to notice I’m there with you dressed like this.”
It’s most certainly an exaggeration, but it does make OA smile, then turn around and give him a kiss. “I think you’re talking about yourself, but I appreciate it.”
Stuart just grins. “We’ll see. You ready to go?”
---
Stuart gets them lost on the way there, in large part because he drives like a maniac, but OA is almost grateful because it keeps his mind occupied, and it means that they show up just in time for the ceremony-which means any questions about the man by his side have to wait.
He still spends most of the time watching the graduates file up on stage fiddling with his ring, but that stops when Stuart reaches over and squeezes his knee. They aren’t even looking at each other, and once again, Stuart just knows. He knows what he needs, he knows how to make OA feel loved and secure, and he couldn’t be more grateful for his partner than he is in that moment.
Inevitably the questions do come, but they come during the reception, and they come from one of OA’s favourite professors. He’s standing chatting with Stuart when the man sidles up to them, and OA can’t help but grin as he hears the unmistakably gruff “Well if it isn’t Omar Zidan.”
Donald Johnson is exactly the kind of person OA is worried about reacting poorly to this. He’s career military, a 70 year old straight white man who is infamous for being a grump, and yet they’ve always had a soft spot for each other.
Well, he supposes, there’s worse people to start the introductions with.
“Professor Johnson, it’s so nice to see you. This is my partner, Stuart Scola.”
It’s gruff, but then again everything from Professor Johnson is gruff as he gives Stuart an appraising look. “Partner huh? How’s that fbi life going anyway?”
He’s clearly missed the point, and OA goes to speak up but Stuart beats him to it. “OA’s a badass agent sir. It’s definitely thanks to people like you. It’s a privilege to work together,”
A rush of gratitude sweeps through OA, but somehow Stuart being so willing to just be his work partner makes him even more certain of his decision, and he takes a deep breath.
“Actually professor, Stuart and I do work together, but my partner there is still Maggie, who you met a few years ago. Stuart..well he’s my partner.”
Bushy eyebrows raise, and the look of assessment is back on Johnson's face as he takes Stuart in again, this time from a different viewpoint. OA really isn’t sure how this is going to go, but to his surprise there’s a nod of approval.
“Well good for you boys. Stuart you seem like a fine young man, and you’re damn lucky with Omar.”
“I certainly am sir.”
With one more gruff nod Professor Johnson tells them he hopes to see them both next year, and continues his mingling. OA lets out a breath he wasn’t even aware he’d been holding, and turns to Stuart who is watching him carefully.
“Are you alright OA?”
“Yeah. Uh, yeah actually I am.”
He reaches out and places a hand on top of Stuarts on the table, suddenly not even thinking about who might see them. “That went better than I thought.”
It’s barely above a whisper, but Stuart leans closer. “I am so proud of you.”
Leaning into Stuart as well, OA looks around the room and whispers back. “Couldn’t have done it,
wouldn't
have done it, without you.”