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Rowan felt his heartbeat speed up as he stared out the open window. His mouth was dry, he couldn’t swallow. He tried not to shake. He curled up on his bed, covering his eyes with his hands. He could feel it watching him. It would always find him. He could never escape. Never be safe. He’d always-
“You ok there chap?”
Rowan jumped, his head shooting up. “Oh, it’s you Juniper.” He tried to stop his voice quivering. He cleared his throat.
“Indeed it is! What’s up my good lad?” The lanky man crouched down in front of the bed, his fluffy brown hair bouncing as he did so.
“Nothing.”
“Are you quite sure-“
“The window.”
“Ohhh, the sky?” Juniper glanced out the at the cloudless yellow. “Would you like me to close the blinds?”
“… the kids don’t like it,” Rowan breathed in heavily, shivering. “I can’t fucking sleep these days it’s all too much but I’ll put up with it-“
“Oh quiet with that,” Juniper got to his feet and pulled the string to close the blinds, barring the sky from view. “If it makes you uncomfortable you shouldn’t force yourself. I don’t exactly, y’know, get it, but I can tell you’re upset enough.”
“…” Rowan felt relief flood into his mind. He was safe now. The sky couldn’t see him. “… thank you.”
“Of course chap,” Juniper gave him a grin, and to his surprise, sat down next to him. Rowan watched him from where he was sitting. There were still faint bruises around his long neck from a few days back when his cabin had tried to hang him for his ‘crimes’. Despite it, Juniper was as chipper as usual, if not a bit ignorant. Rowan had realised Juniper wasn’t stupid a while ago, despite how he appeared. He just had a habit of ignoring negative things, until they got so bad he couldn’t even try to ignore them anymore, changing the subject and never mentioning a thing. “What are you looking at Rowan?” Juniper jerked him out of his thoughts. The man was staring at him intently. His eyes were a very soft blue. Rowan hadn’t noticed that before.
“Nothing,” Rowan smiled a little, and shook his dreadlocks out of his face. It was the end of the day, he’d taken them out of their usual partial bun and left his cuffs on the bedside table. “Just thinking.”
“About anything in particular?”
“Nope.”
“Well then uh-“
“I mean I’m kinda tryna work out how you got into my cabin but-“
“Oh well I uh…”
“…”
“…”
“I’m gonna go see Sydney. I can’t sleep.”
“Alrighty mate, I’ll see you in a second.” Juniper watched him stand up and leave the room. Rowan got a glimpse of his worried face as his closed the door behind him. It was late. He was tired.
Rowan knocked gently on the door to the nurse’s office, the very muffled sound of Sydney O Sargent’s voice pausing in response. Then, “huh? Jedidiah?” Rowan pushed open the door and stuck his head in. “Oh! Rowan!”
“Ah! No sorry, I uh, let myself in,” he sighed anxiously.
“Come on in, what can I do for you?” Sydney’s tired, pale face smiled at him from his desk chair, his long wavy black hair, littered with moths and mushrooms, spilling about the papers scattered over the desk itself. There was a small tape recorder set up before him, not playing anything, so recording maybe?
“Hi!” Rowan started, trying to stop himself stammering too much. “I-I know it’s late but… sorry, for that-“
“Nonono, don’t worry, uh, something wrong?” Sydney reassured him, holding his hands together in front of him.
“I, I uhhh… I…” Rowan tried to gather his words. “Ok I just wanted to see if you could give me any more of that um… anti… dark… visions medication?” His tongue nervously fiddled with his lip piercings.
Sydney pushed himself back a little, sighing. “I mean yes, but you’re gonna build up a tolerance to this stuff if you keep asking me for it dear,” he frowned a little, seeming worried. “I’m thinking you should limit your intake-“
“I-I know!” Rowan replied, a little more defensively than he meant to be. “But listen, I just-“ he sighed. “I… don’t think I’m going to fall asleep tonight without it, and… the kids don’t like it when I cover the windows and I… uh…”
“What’s the problem with the windows?” Sydney gazed at him with his big pale eyes, the darkness of the dark circles beneath them and his hair somehow making them appear lighter. One of Jedidiah’s clocks ticked loudly in the background.
“… the sky…” Rowan’s voice grew hushed as he spoke. “I don’t like when it can see me.”
“… I see,” Sydney blinked a few times.
“… I don’t think it likes what it sees.”
“Right. Ok.” Sydney seemed sympathetic, but Rowan couldn’t tell if he was taking him seriously.
“I-I need the medication,” he restated.
Sydney sighed again. “Well it’s mild and over the counter, so it can’t really hurt you,” he leaned over his desk, rummaging around a little for some specific packet. He finally recovered a little thing of pills, and handed it over. Four little black pills out of six remained. “Just… try to only take these as needed, alright? You’ll be even worse off if they stop working.”
Rowan nodded. “Sure,” he said, popping a pill out of it’s little tray and rolling it between his fingers. “Thank you.” He smiled awkwardly and turned to leave. Then he paused, remembering something. “Erm… how are you?”
“Oh! Y’know uh, I’m ok!” Sydney’s face lit up. Rowan knew that not many people talked to him. He must be pretty lonely like this. “People have been pretty friendly today. It’s nice to hear you talking too! How about you?” The small man fidgeted in his seat, trying to get more comfortable.
“Well, I… like working with the older kids,” Roman shrugged, turning back to him. “My cabin’s been easy on me so far, all things considered.” He pushed his dreadlocks over his shoulders, out of his face. “Which is good because I’m pretty distracted this summer.” He sighed. “And… it’s always harder with just one person.” Rowan tried desperately to shove the memories out of his mind. The memories of last summer when- no. Not right now. “I uh… I appreciate this Sydney. I’m… gonna get going, ok?” He realised his lips were dry and licked them. “Thank you.”
“Uh- I- oh! Oh! Ok! Yeah! Sure!” Sydney seemed a little disappointed he was leaving. “Um, let me know if you need anything else alright?”
“Aright,” he nodded. “Goodbye.” And he walked off before Sydney could respond. He closed the door behind him, being careful not to knock over Sydney’s walking stick which was leaning up next to it, and stood there for a second, gathering his thoughts. He popped the black pill into his mouth, and swallowed. The quiet continuation of Sydney’s monologue through the door indicated his queue to leave, and he was off back to Cabin Magpie Moth.
The medication had not yet set in as Rowan wandered back through his cabin of sleeping kids, and he could still feel the stabbing pains from his anxiety like needles in his veins. To his surprise, Juniper was still sat on one of the counsellor beds in Rowan’s room, glancing around in the low light and fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “Oh, hello again my good lad!” He laughed quietly. “Did you get what you wanted?”
Rowan sat back down next to him, shoving the pills into the draw of his bedside table. “Yeah. Had a chat with Sydney. He seems… tired.”
“Hmmm poor lad indeed,” Juniper sighed a little. “Old Jedidiah doesn’t seem too helpful at the minute, the man needs a break I say!”
“Who, Sydney or Jedidiah-?”
“Well Sydney of course!”
“… sure. But… yeah, no, I agree. Lucille’s kinda hard on him,” Rowan felt a slow calm start to gradually wash over him. The medication must be setting in. The slow easing of his sky-oriented worry was weird, but relaxing. “… why are you here again?”
“Oh uh, I missed my step,” Juniper chuckled awkwardly.
“… so you accidentally walked into Cabin Magpie Moth instead of Cabin Dung Beetle at twenty-five past twenty-five at night? Like, as a mistake?” Rowan felt a smile tug at his lips.
“Yes! That’s it!”
“And you didn’t just… correct yourself?”
“Well I got caught up in conversation with you my dear lad!”
“So it’s my fault?” Rowan grinned.
“I- well I didn’t say that-“ Juniper’s confidence was slowly dying, and Rowan hated how funny he found it.
“You may as well have-“
“No! I’d never accuse you of such things-“
“Don’t worry man I’m messing with you,” he gave the tall Brit a gentle shove. To his surprise, Juniper’s cheeks were tinged with a gentle red. Rowan tried to ignore this. “So… why are you actually here?”
“I told you I-“
“Nono like… why are you actually here?”
“… we’ll that’s embarrassing lad I can’t tell you that.”
“I won’t laugh.”
“… are you quite sure?”
“Eh, mostly.”
Juniper sighed, and to Rowan’s surprise, smiled. “… I was attempting to sleep, but that menace of a child Natsume, he would NOT let me be and for my own safety I had to flee or-“
“Wait seriously? You were scared of your kids?”
Juniper’s face fell. “… now Rowan, chap, I need you to understand-“
“They’re your kids Juniper you are allowed to say no, y’know?” Rowan raised an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry lad but did you see what they attempted to do to me but a few days ago?!” Juniper seemed desperately uncomfortable, even panicked all of a sudden. “I-I could be, well, dead and buried Rowan! They tried to hang and quarter me like one of her majesty’s great criminals! I cannot risk my well-being like that-“
“Ok, June, breathe,” Rowan let his own breath be exhaled slowly from between his lips. He didn’t even notice himself using the nickname. “The kids can’t hurt you.”
“Oh they bloody can,” Juniper’s long fingernails dug into the mattress. He seemed petrified. For once, Rowan was the calm one. “Natsume tried to take my phone Rowan! Do you realise what would happen if my father found I was working here?! If that demon child gets his mucky little paws on my mobile he could call him and then-“
“June. Breathe in. Breathe out.” Juniper went still. Then gradually started to breath in and out with Rowan’s words. “Breathe in, breathe out. It’s ok.” Rowan hesitated, then put a hand on the pale, lanky man’s shoulder, gently rubbing it with his, in contrast, much darker thumb. “You’re safe.”
Juniper sighed through pursed lips, seeming a little less fearful. He was still shaking, but that was normal; there was hardly a time Rowan couldn’t smell strong coffee or tea on him, and this was not one of those times. Rowan didn’t mind the smell though. Warm and bitter drinks had a pleasant scent. “… you ok man?”
Juniper didn’t seem sure. “I… I still don’t want to go back,” he shivered a little. “Those children don’t sleep… they watch me… I’m sure of it…”
“Well uh… you can… stay here… a… bit… if you want?” Rowan didn’t realise what he’d really said until he’d said it and Juniper was staring at him with his pretty blue eyes, surprised.
“… I suppose that would be… would everyone else be ok with it? What about your children? What about my children?!” Juniper was acting like Rowan didn’t want him there.
“I thought you didn’t want to go back to your kids?” Rowan raised an eyebrow.
“Well yes BUT it is irresponsible of me is it not-?”
“Juniper,” Rowan gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I do not care. If you’re scared of those kids, I mean yeah you’ll probably get yelled at by Lucille, but I dunno if we tell Jedidiah she can probably get a good word in with her or something, just… stay here. It’s fine.”
“… alrighty then,” Juniper looked away, awkward. “Ah when do we need to go and take the fish to the penguins? I fear it has uh, slipped my mind.” He laughed a little, distractedly wringing his hands in his lap.
“Uh, can’t remember right now,” Rowan glanced to the closed window. His anxiety had completely melted away now. It felt nice to feel safe for once. Somehow Juniper improved it further. He’d gotten a little attached to him in the past week, though he wouldn’t admit that right now.
“Well uh, it is a lovely night out is it not?” The previously anxious expression on Juniper’s face had been replaced by one of happy contentment. “Not like the nights back at ol’ Legsworth, aha! Not at all. Y’know was I was a young lad my father would take me out to the docks some nights to check the nets before we slept, and it could be quite beautiful. If you didn’t hate the damn sky so much I think you like it Rowan!” Juniper gave him a grin. Rowan smiled back, not responding in any verbal way. He liked the sound of Juniper’s voice as much as Juniper did himself. “Now a lot of times in the winter it would be a foggy night, little wisps of cloud around the boats, dark sky, the lot! The clouds often covered the moon and stars, a tragedy, really, the stars are quite wonderful.” Rowan realised he was still holding gently onto Juniper’s shoulder. He was tired, and any self-control he’d usually have with his alert awake state was gone. He softy ran his hand down Juniper’s skinny arm and it came to rest on the man’s cold hand. Juniper didn’t respond except to quicken his speech.
“And then wow, in the summer it’s just as cold, if not colder,” he laughed a little. His usually rosy cheeks were slowly growing redder. “No mist though, a clear sky. You can see all the stars and the moon, and then on nights where it’s a new moon it’s almost pitch black.” Rowan laced his fingers with Junipers and leaned a little into his side. Juniper laughed again, seemingly trying to ignore him.
“The creaking of the boats and the oh so quiet water rippling it’s truly… it’s… truly uh, truly…” Juniper’s face was warm with blush. He laughed quietly. “Rowan, lad, what’re you doing?”
“… your side was looking a little blank and comfy so I uh…” Rowan was very surprised he was not being blasted with adrenaline, but Juniper somehow kept him calm. Or maybe it was the medication. Either way, he rubbed Juniper’s hand with his thumb and avoided his eyes. So he jumped a little when Juniper brought a slightly shaky pale hand up to his dark cheek and awkwardly stroked it. Rowan didn’t respond. Then the man traced a gentle finger along his jawline and held onto it firmly. They sat there in the slight darkness, holding each other a little, quiet. The only sound Rowan could hear was Juniper’s heavy breathing, and then his racing heart as he shifted a little to be leaning against his chest. Juniper was like a scared rabbit, twitching a little, pulse racing. Rowan didn’t really understand how he could be so scared. “… your heart’s beating real fast June.”
“Oh aha, uh, is it?” Juniper swallowed anxiously.
“Yeah. You sound really scared, you ok?” Rowan’s tone was soft and a lot more affectionate than he’d intended.
“I-I’m fine. In fact, I was just about to continue with our previous conversation!” Rowan heard Juniper lick his lips.
“Hell yeah,” Rowan smiled and leaned a little more of his weight into Juniper’s lanky body. He could smell the tea and coffee on him strongly and he liked it.
“The water is so black in the ocean,” Juniper started up again, his voice a little quieter than before. He seemed distracted. “Especially at night, and you can smell the salt. You can always smell the salt at the ocean! It’s delightful, really dear lad you must smell it sometimes.”
“I’d love to,” Rowan murmured.
“Oh good good! What if maybe in the autumn I take you over down to old Legsworth and we get us some nice fish and chips on the beach eh?” The talking seemed to have calmed him down, or maybe Juniper was just a good actor.
“Hell yeah,” Rowan felt his eyelids dropping, his body heavy with, for once, peaceful sleep. Juniper kept talking as he drifted off, but he couldn’t hear him quite as well. It wasn’t long before Rowan had fallen asleep in his arms.
Juniper felt a sudden weight against him. Nothing had changed but how Rowan was holding himself. “… Rowan, lad?” No response. He was asleep. Juniper felt his stomach flutter pleasantly. There was a pretty boy asleep in his lap. He shifted his arms around him and slowly started lowering himself to Rowan’s mattress. He gently pulled the shorter man towards himself, trying not to shiver too much as to not wake him. He gently stroked his hand up and down Rowan’s jawline. He was so peaceful. Juniper had never seen him so calm, and it was lovely. “Goodnight dear lad.” And he closed his eyes.