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He remembers that day with perfect clarity. The fire, the sirens, the crying. Both out of joy and anger and guilt. Keigo didn't mean for him to get caught, it was a mistake, he would be mad. He was mad, but then the fire came. And he was free. For the first time in his life, Keigo was free.
Until he wasn't.
He remembers mom crying, but he doesn't remember why. The nice people would take him away; they would make him good. They would make him good again; he couldn't be good if he stayed. Besides, they gave mom a paper, she seemed satisfied then, she stopped crying.
At first they were kind to him, they gave him his own room- it didn't matter to him that it was dark and plain, that the only window was barred- it was the best thing he'd ever had. And it was his.
They taught him big words, shapes, colors, 'the basics' they said. He took to it all quickly, he had never had so much information(they taught him the meaning of this too!) given to him at once. His parents didn't teach him much, he didn't go many places besides home. Well- he didn't leave here much either- but they said he would one day! He just wasn't ready yet.
He remembers wondering when he would be ready. He remembers a few muttered 'soon's. He doesn't remember much, but Keigo remembers when the soft smiles slipped off their faces, and remembers how they were replaced by cold and calculated frowns.
He doesn't remember what he did to earn the harshness of their glares, doesn't remember why he would end up in small, dark boxes. He doesn't remember much, but he remembers the cloth wrapped much too tightly over his eyes, the exposed feeling of a part of him missing when he wasn't good enough, the pain in his stomach he thought he would never have to feel again. He doesn't remember much, but he knows it was his fault.
It was his fault when they starved him- no one wants a chubby hero, stripped him of his only defense- real heroes don't rely on their quirk, his fault when they hurt him- maybe if he wasn't so weak they wouldn't have to toughen him up, his fault when they locked him in that tiny, cramped box- dark, it's so dark, please let him out! He won't do it again, he promises!
He owed them everything, himself, his achievements, his success, everything. After all, they raised him, they saved him. He owed them his life. He doesn't remember much, but he remembers that he is in their debt.
They did all this for him, it doesn't matter that it hurt, doesn't matter that he was never good enough, doesn't matter how it made him feel. It matters that they made him stronger, they made him better- made him good again, it matters only that they made him into a hero. The hero, a perfect hero.
He owes them his all.
Soon enough he finished his training, he was an adult now- now he was free again. But was he really? He still reported to them, daily. But they had to make sure he wasn't up to no good! That he was still their perfect little hero.
And boy, he was perfect. It didn't take him long to climb the ranks, a few years maybe and now he was no. 3. So tell him, tell him why he still isn't good enough.
He may not live with them anymore, but they keep a close eye on him. They own his agency, his apartment- they own him. But it's okay, he owes them anyway. He isn't sure when his debt will be paid, he hopes it's soon.
'Soon' never comes. He's stuck, he feels muddy. He doesn't really feel like he's there most of the time. Like he's floating, gliding through his life. The only time he feels fully present is when he's on the battlefield. Maybe that's why he throws himself into his work, because it brings him back to the surface, because it keeps him from drowning.
When he's out in the field kicking villain ass he feels alive. He feels like he can breathe again. It makes him feel useful, makes him feel worthy, like maybe- they will finally be proud- he's good again. Just like they said he would be.
He doesn't get hungry often, or at all really, but when he does eat it feels like he's been starving. It feels like he needs to hoard his food, like someone's going to take it from him. Maybe that's why he still keeps stashes of snacks throughout his apartment, it doesn't really make sense- he has plenty of money, it's not like he's going to run out anytime soon. But there's always that what if.
What if they take it again? Does he even deserve it? He's been good! Hasn't he? He's trying, just please don't take it again-
He's fine, he's okay. He's productive, and that is all that matters.
Keigo doesn't remember much anymore. It's too fuzzy. All he recalls is good, bad, dark, ouch, and soon. And maybe that is best.
-
Keigo doesn't really keep up with the news, the HC tells him what he needs to know, everything else is pretty much useless.
He doesn't know why exactly he started paying attention, but maybe it's something about the upcoming heroes. They are only teens now, in their first year. But there's something deep in the pit of his chest that aches when he hears snippets about them. He feels..upset? Angry? No that doesn't sound right, who knows really. All Keigo knows is that he hasn't felt anything like that in a while, and it stops there.
And he floats.
-
He surfaces once more when internships start up, he chooses the one with the bird quirk, Tokoyami, he learns. He's a great kid, lots of potential, and Keigo won't deny he's got a soft spot for the kid. He's pure of heart and just wants what's best for everyone involved.
So he takes to guiding the kid, the Commission said it will be good for his brand. Keigo doesn't think he cares much for his 'brand'.
He doesn't train him like the Commission trained him, Tokoyami isn't bad like he was -and still is- and besides, the kid is easy to train. Quick and eager to learn.
Keigo's heart aches and he yearns without really knowing what he's yearning for.
-
He blocks it all out again until he hears that one of the students got fucking kidnapped. Isn't the school supposed to be super beefed up? The most secure place in the country? How the hell did they manage to let a kid get kidnapped?? And there it is again, this anger, this ache in his chest. It's different this time somehow. He feels…bad? But not like the other times, it's like he wants to protect(?) them.
They're just kids. So were you- A traitorous part of him whispers. But he shuts it up real quick. It's not the same, he was bad, he needed to be fixed. But they are just kids. They don't deserve something like that.
Keigo wants to help, but they tell him no. They remind him that they own him, that just because he's nearing fucking twenty-two doesn't mean they can't still train him.
So Keigo lets up, he backs off and is once again plunged into the watery depths of his mind.
And then All Might falls. And he takes a much needed breath of fresh air as he runs to the news. The kid who got kidnapped, the festival kid, is frozen still in the crowd. None of that fiery resistance is left and Keigo feels it again, that ache, that urge to protect. These kids are hurting, and no one gives a shit.
So Keigo does the most reasonable thing, he buries himself in his work. It doesn't matter if he gets tired. He's no. 2 now, he has to keep up if he's going to keep the title of good.
The few hours he has to himself he spends sleeping, eating once and a while on the clock. The HC seems satisfied enough, he wonders briefly if they're proud of him- then rips that thought out by its roots.
He feels like he's about to collapse when he gets to his apartment sometime well into the AM, when he gets another call.
They need him again. This time it's a bigger mission. He needs to be prepared to not return. Ever. He thinks that call is strange, but he's told they need him in again in a few hours.
He wakes up to his phone alarm blaring in his ear a few hours later, he doesn't remember falling asleep, on the couch nonetheless. He shrugs off the drowsiness of sleep and makes quick work of making himself presentable before snatching up an apple and heading to the headquarters of the HC.
Once there they chastise him about his appearance before moving onto more pressing matters. The mission is to infiltrate the core of the League of Villains, find out their goals, what they're up to and report everything. Emphasis on everything.
Now Keigo understands the ominous warning from the earlier call. If he fails he will surely die. He isn't sure why they chose him of all heroes, but he figures he's okay with that. Maybe then he will be accomplished, his debt paid, maybe they'll finally be proud, and he will be free.
Keigo accepts, not that he could have denied it if he wanted to. Which of course he doesn't, he's a hero, it's his job to put his life on the line. If taking the league down from the inside out is how he will take just a little more weight off those kids, then so be it.
-
Truth be told, it's really not that hard to fake a death. To prove himself the league wants him to bring them the body of a hero, Best Jeanist. So he tells the HC, they give him a hyper realistic body and Best Jeanist goes into hiding. It's really just that simple to earn their favor. The HC smiles at him when he later reports back his success.
While most of the league takes well to him there is one particular outlier that is weary of him, but that's okay, he just has to prove himself as worthy- something he's been doing his whole life, it comes so easily now.
He spreads his feathers far and wide throughout the league's new hideout, catching anything and everything he possibly can. He tells the HC everything, including his budding friendship with one of the more… unhinged members of the league. They tell him he did well, that they are hopeful he will live. He doesn't know what to think about that, so he doesn't.
Keigo hates that Twice is so kind and welcoming to him. Something about the man's unrelenting niceness puts him on edge. He's more unsettled by that than the sharp glares sent his way every time he and that burnt bacon bitch cross paths. He hates even more that it's kind of… working. He can't help but simultaneously feel relaxed and high strung around the guy. He needs it to stop, to stop before it gets too far.
The HC tells him this closeness is good, that it will help him take the league down in the endgame. It makes him uneasy, but he shrugs it off.
He takes precautions to make sure he isn't caught. Something as minor as coffee lets him off easily. He is able to warn Endeavor with ease, it does help that the league agrees he should keep up appearances so no one gets suspicious of his absence.
When he sees that a few of the UA kids are with Endeavor, he can't help the brief relief he feels to see they're okay. And it's pretty funny to tease the blond and see the small green once become a stuttering mess. The third one… there is something familiar about him Keigo can't seem to put his finger on.
Once he's sure Endeavor has gotten the message he takes his leave back to the league. He's met with a few side eyes, but other than that no one speaks of his absence.
When the war starts he's hesitant. It's probably the lack of sleep, yes, that is all there is to it. It definitely has nothing to do with the orders he received earlier. He… he doesn't want to do it.
As he walks beside Twice his heart stutters in his chest. He doesn't think he can carry this order out, but he has to. He needs to. He needs to be worthy.
His need for acceptance is what drives him to do it. He reminds himself of all the people his… friend(?) has probably killed and he is hit with a renewed confidence. Maybe if he makes it quick it won't hurt. Even with that thought he can't help the slight twinge in his voice when he asks Twice -begs- him to give up. That if he just lets go they can finally be free together.
Twice is quick to deny him, sputtering out how he made a mistake trusting Keigo. How he only befriended him because he felt bad for him, because he pitied him.
Keigo's chest stings and he's struck by a sudden rush of pure rage. It's something he doesn't think he's ever felt but it feels good. Good to get it out after all this time.
There is a rush of blue but Keigo doesn't care, his sole focus is on the dark grey figure on the floor as he gives the command to his feathers to strike. It doesn't fail to dawn on Keigo that that is exactly what the fire-user wanted. But he doesn't regret it, he doesn't give himself the chance to. He probably will later, but now isn't the time.
Right now he has an unhinged maniac on his ass and he is struck by the remembrance that fire is his only weakness.
His chest aches but this time it's by something physical, of smoke entering his lungs. He lets out a yelp as blue flames graze across his face.
He can't think. What's wrong with him, dammit! Just think-
He's heaving and coughing on the floor while the villain rants above him. He's cloudy, that muddy, stuck feeling returning. Which is wrong, he's mid-battle. Why is this happening now?
Glass breaks just as he feels a searing pain- hot, hot, make it stop, it's too much!- erupt across his back, that same age-old feeling of being completely exposed throwing him further into the safety of his deeper mind place. His safe haven, he hasn't been here since… since… he can't remember when, can't even remember why he created it. He's just glad he has it now.
It's warm, but a nice, comforting warmth, homely even. His eyes are glazed over and he feels a distant shouting in the back of his head, black feathers and a beak in front of him. Begging Keigo to do… something. But he can't understand, and he doesn't want to, he feels safe, warm. He doesn't think he has ever felt safe before.
He's teetering on the edge of consciousness and Keigo's last thought is- I don't want to die.
-
He's warm, floaty. He wants to stay here forever. But- but he shouldn't. Keigo doesn't know why exactly, but… but he has things to do. Even so… maybe just a little longer. A little while longer and he'll get up and go to work saving people and capturing villains. But for now he rests, he hasn't gotten this good of a sleep in… well, years.
He drifts.
-
He really should get up, the Commission will be mad. They probably already are. He… doesn't care, doesn't want to care. He just wants to stay here, where it's safe.
He drifts.
-
He really should get up. There is something tugging at him, urging him to get up. Which is a strange feeling, as he lives alone. But-
He drifts.
-
The next time he rises to the surface of his mind he remembers. The fire, the sirens, the burning. Feathers, but not like his, black, black, black and a beak.
Tokoyami!
Yes! His intern! Where is he? Is he okay? Keigo really hopes he's okay, he doesn't know what he would do with himself if a kid under his responsibility got hurt-
There's beeping, why is there beeping?
…
…..
Where is he?
Keigo reaches in the dark, there is something- he should get up. He really needs to get up.
Keigo breathes in a large breath and it burns, his lungs ache. And he coughs, and coughs some more before his eyes finally snap open and he takes in the blinding light of the white room.
No, no, no, no- Keigo coughs some more before he fully comes to reality. He's in a hospital by the looks of it, and someone is in the room with him.
Keigo tries to speak but it hurts, and his words are stuck in his throat. He grasps the bar and heaves in a grating lungful of air. He doesn't care that it hurts - he's been hurt worse by friendly hands - all he knows is that he needs to breathe.
Someone is talking to him and he fights through the muddle of his brain to turn the sounds into cohesive words. Something about, hurt, you, missing, accompanied with wings, breathe, and you're okay.
But he's not, is he? Not really. From what little he can gather from the person's words and the lack of weight on his back he can come to the conclusion that his wings are gone. For the most part at least, if the stinging of his back is anything to go by they were burnt off and the burns will need to heal before the stumps begin to regrow his feathers.
He is thrust into the freezing cold realization that his wings are gone, that he is completely defenseless. And there is another person in the room.
Shame bubbles beneath the surface now that he has registered just who it is in the room with him. Tokoyami, his apprentice, should never have to see his mentor like this. Reduced to something this weak and fragile.
Sound echoes around the room again. Ah, he's speaking. Keigo tries his hardest to decipher it all.
"-ou okay?" He tries to nod. "-said that-don't know-row back, but-and that you-you should get some sleep-"
He drifts again.
-
The next time he wakes is the final time. More people are in the room but, thankfully- Keigo seriously doesn't know how much more embarrassment he could take- Tokoyami isn't one of them.
The doctors go over his diagnosis. He's got a whole shit ton of burns, cracks in his left arm and a few ribs from a fall he must've taken, and his vocal cords are pretty burnt up from smoke inhalation. The worst are his wings- a subject they lightly glaze over for which he silently thanks them-, a burn on the right side of his face running from his chin to his hairline. The doctors say that the burns should heal pretty well but will probably leave a scar.
With that they leave with a promise to get him set up with a text-to-speech app until his voice is healed and a number of appointments with Recovery Girl the following few weeks.
It's been three weeks now and Keigo is still on bed rest. He feels antsy and restless. He needs to get out and do something, fly maybe. But he can't. He's stuck, grounded for the time being.
Currently he's in another meeting with Recovery Girl. This time she's frowning as she delivers some, honestly expected, bad news.
He is seated in the middle of the bed, tubes running through his mouth and nose, as she calmly takes his hands in her much, much smaller ones. She looks up at him softly.
"I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, sweetheart," Her shaky voice whispers. "But as you probably know," He doesn't. "My quirk can only heal so much- and, and, honey, I'm not sure just how much I will be able to heal your wi-back."
Keigo didn't really expect much else, he knew this was coming. And yet it still hurts so, so deeply. His chest seized and his heart squeezed, as he tried desperately not to cry. He's not that weak.
He nods and she continues. "When I can't heal anymore I will tell you, but for now," She plants a kiss on the back of his hand. "Just get some rest."
It feels like that's all everyone has been telling him. He doesn't think he's ever gotten this much rest in his entire life. It's teetering on too much, but the healing of her quirk quickly knocks him back out.
-
He's tired. He's exhausted actually, he doesn't know how exactly since all he's been doing is resting.
She can't heal him anymore, most of his injuries are healed, besides his voice, really. But… his wings.
They are growing back in, which is a great relief, but he's going to need a prosthetic. He will be able to fly again, the prosthetic is mainly to help support the growth and structure of his left wing - which had taken the brunt of the damage. And Keigo is unbelievably relieved.
The Commission hasn't contacted him the entire time he's been in the hospital and for that he is kind of… thankful? It does set him on edge, though, the thought that he failed, and that their going to take whatever little he has away again-
But he's fine, Jeanist visited him, as did Tokoyami and Rumi, and he's okay.
He is free to roam the hospital now and will be released once his prosthetic is attached. He visits Endeavor.
There he finds him with his family, and Keigo can feel something has changed. He enters the room anyway, 'cause fuck privacy.
He apologizes for intruding but then begins to plan. They need to take the league down and that's final.
-
He's floaty again. Keigo doesn't remember much, but he remembers this:
His wings are back to as full capacity as they can be, and he's on the hunt. They've already taken down most of the Army. Hell, kids are fighting on the front lines. So here Keigo is, getting revenge.
A petty thing really, but can you blame him? He doesn't have time to mourn, he needs to act. Dabi had never been anything but horrible to him, everyone really. So he gets him, he remembers the kid, Shouto, wanted to kill him. He doesn't know why exactly- but it doesn't matter. This is an order -and a bit of petty revenge- and Keigo's going to fulfill it.
It's easier than he thought it would be. Keigo is trained in the art of being swift and stealthy. He knows how to stalk his target, his prey, undetected. And he does it so, so well.
He almost grins in satisfaction when the first feather hits its target. But he keeps neutral, calm even. Even as the burnt bastard(scarring covering most of his body now, hardly any flesh left untouched) yelps in pain.
It's over fairly quickly, one minute he's stalking, the next he's incapacitated the target and latching a quirk canceling braclet onto Dabi's wrist.
Keigo makes sure he's transported to the prison successfully and that's that.
The war ends pretty quickly after that. The boy tried to save him, Midoriya, he learns, but it was too late. Corruption rooted too deeply. The leader, Shigaraki was killed and the rest of his group incapacitated and detained in Tartarus.
The boy and his classmates are a mess, but he's too deep in the water to care. He doesn't feel much anymore, he works himself into the ground. And so rarely does he breach the surface now.
-
It's been more than a few days after the war when he sees the video.
And Keigo breaks.