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“kris kris look”
kris ignored the female deer monster’s melodic voice. nothing would stop them from their moss-eating deed.
it was a sacred duty.
moss is a small flowerless green plant that lacks true roots, growing in damp habitats and reproducing by means of spores released from stalked capsules.
in other words, it was effing pog.
kris loved moss.
if moss could talk, it would love kris too. its luscious green hands seemed to drag kris further and further down into the flames of hell, caressing them slowly and gently with their tender touch.
they didn’t want to be dragged to hell.
idk about u but the weather forecast in hell seems to be scorching fire every day, not cool ngl imo no homo
but. but kris continued to let themself be dragged. deeper and deeper through the vicious inferno, through the fiery gates.
for moss was calling for them. the scrunch scrunch of its scrunching entranced kris like a siren’s song. its rough surface seared kris’ masochistic flesh. even if they were going to die, they were going to die like a badass bitch with moss.
“um, kris?” noelle asksksksksksed
kris finally looked up. the moss was with them, always. but now they had to engage in pitiful small talk if they wanted to keep their place in the socioeconomic hierarchy among the mortals (mossless).
“do u think susie is staring at me?” she blushes.
kris turns around to look at barney.
barney vision activate:
“damn if i threw ralsei hard enough would he reach escape velocity and colonise mars?”
“yea sure she’s staring” kris didn’t mind lying if it meant their ship could sail earlier.
and it better sail earlier bc they were getting tired of sitting through all this 10k words fluff and angst mutual pining slow burn friends to lovers bullshit
“omg is this a sign from the heavens?! should I ask her out?!”
kris nodded sagely. “yuh”
“ok!”
sucking in a breath, noelle walked up to susie.
“h-hey susie…”
“sup”
deer girl remembered kris’ advice from yesterday: “be straightforward.” they had said while sexily chewing moss, “she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a flirt, a baseball and a komodo dragon. smack her in the face. throw her against the lockers and steal her money if you have to”
noelle thought that was great advice. the hot love interest always pushed people against walls while muttering death threats in her self insert fanfiction, and surely fanfiction could never be wrong!
“i uh…” she smiled cheerfully, “want to push you against a wall!”
susie stared. “tf”
“I mean! in a platonic way!” noelle chuckled, digging herself further and further into the abyss. “like a uh platonic kabedon!”
oh deer god
“uhhhhhhhhh” susie chewed on her pencil. crunchy crunchy. “ur weird lmao i like it”
noelle’s body produced more adrenaline. “hey susie”
“hai nandesuka”
“you know what the most beautiful thing in the world is?”
susie cackled like a furry when they see a picture of their fox waifu at furcon. (wait is she a furry? does noelle count as a furry creature? hm, questions even aristotle could not answer indeed) “ye”
noelle’s heart went thunka thunka like a captain underpants sound effect
susie laughed. “it’s free ham sandwich lmao”
noelle laughed. “yeah! it’s yo- wait what”
“ye bro” said susie, as dense as a neutron star. “free ham sandwhich is my life”
“well… i think a certain purple monster is prettier…”
“damn is that monster a sandwhich?”
“no…”
“then u got bad taste buddy rofl”
sussie (haha sus amogus) vented and disappeared
“i don’t think i’m ever gonna recover from this.” noelle sighed melodramatically
“yo noelle” kris clipped through the walls “take some moss, doctors say it’s the best medicine after rejection.”
“where’s your source”
“trustmebro.com”
“k” noelle ingested moss.
“oh wow wait i think i just recovered”
“ye”
hail moss