Work Text:
« No. »
« Come on, Toshi ! » insisted Kondou with a kind smile « I promised to the girl ! »
« I have no time. » frowned Hijikata, scribbling at his desk « you may not have realised, Kondou-san but someone has to take care of this before morning. »
« I could do the paperwork. »
« No. It's not your role. »
« Toshi, I'm perfectly capable of doing the paperwork. » smiled Kondou with assurance « take the girl out. »
« I'm busy. » he answered curtly.
Kondou stayed silent for a while, the quietness of the room only troubled by the sound of the brush and the inkstone.
« Alright then, » the commander surrendered « I'll let you work. »
He stood up and made a few steps towards the exit, looking over his shoulder for a reaction but nothing came. A kind smile drew on his lips and he opened his mouth again.
« I'll ask Sano and Shinpachi. » he said « I'll tell Yukimura-kun to get ready. She's really looking forward to going to this festival, you know. »
« No way. » answered Hijikata, brows furrowed but not lifting his gaze « Who knows where these guys are gonna take her ? She doesn't go anywhere at night with these idiots. It's suicide. »
« Then Heisuke ? He's about her age. »
« He's too hot-head. He might get in a fight or worse, lose her. »
« Yamazaki ? »
« On mission. Shimada too. »
« Saito ? »
« I thought the girl was supposed to have a good time ? »
« Sannan ? »
« A Rasetsu, Kondou-san ? Just slit her throat, it'll be more merciful. »
« I can ask Souji... »
« Over my dead body. »
Kondou sighed with an understanding smile, crossing his arms and tilting his head, waiting for Hijikata to raise his face from his desk, which he eventually did. His eyes locked on Kondou and he grumbled, a hand combing in his front hair, teeth grounded.
« Fine. » he surrendered « I'll take her. Are you happy now ?! »
« Thank you, Toshi ! » smiled Kondou, beaming. « I'll go and tell Yukimura-kun to get ready ! »
« Hey, wait ! » protested Hijikata « Not now ! »
But the commander was already gone, fleeing before Hijikata could change his mind. Alone, the vice commander reported his gaze on the document he was writing. Shit. He's never gonna have this ready for tomorrow morning… He'll probably have to get back to it again after the festival. No sleep for him tonight, again.
Maybe he should rely on Kondou more… Or maybe Saito… He knew they were capable men but… Some of these could only be done by himself. Kondou had greater things to do. He was the heart of the Shinsengumi, the commander that everyone was supposed to look up to. Burying him under paperwork would make him lose that inspiring spark in his spirit and that's really how he was contributing to the Shinsengumi : with his optimism and his charisma. He was the beating heart, the hope, the dreams… and that meant that Hijikata had to be the brain, burdening himself with all the problems, inconveniences, negotiations, worst case scenarios, petty rivalries and all the day-to-day bullshit that was his job.
He couldn't put that weight on anyone else's shoulders, that was his to bear. That way, he'll give Kondou access to greatness. He'll make him get recognition and even make him a daimyo, just like he promised he would, a long time ago… when they were no more than farmers' sons dreaming of honor.
« Toshi ! » he heard behind the shoji « I'm with Yukimura-kun ! Can we get in ? »
« Enter. » he answered curtly, putting his brush down.
Kondou stepped in, followed by Yukimura and Hijikata immediately furrowed his brow.
« Are you kidding me, Kondou-san ?! » he barked « What's even the point in hiding the kid under a hakama if it's to make her wander the headquarters dressed like that ?! Do you have any idea how we're on thin fucking ice, trying to hide the girl's identity to everyone here ?! »
« Relax, Toshi ! » he laughed happily, oblivious to his friend's mood « Everyone's in the common room and the dorms for a special cleaning session. »
« That's not the point. » continued Hijikata « if one, ONE ! of the soldiers were to see her, how are you planning to justify it ?! »
« Don't you think she looks cute ? » asked Kondou, turning to Yukimura with a paternalistic smile « I hope Tama will grow up to look as adorable as you, Yukimura-kun ! Look at her, Toshi ! This yukata really suits her well ! »
There was some truth in that. With her hair up that way, it was showing the delicate curve of her neck more than with her usual ponytail. Or maybe it was an impression, because he wasn't used to seeing her in women's clothes. Her yukata was blue, with orange physalis flowers all over it and a simple plain obi. It didn't look that expensive and he was glad for that. Kondou-san might get enthusiastic but the Shinsengumi had no money to spend on such frivolities. Still, it looked nice. But honestly, that girl had a natural charm that would make her look nice even in rags. Not that he would admit this to anyone.
« It looks cheap. » he said « I'm glad you didn't put too much care in it. »
The girl's smile faded and he cursed himself for his lack of tact. He shouldn't have said it that way but now… Well, nevermind. Yukimura's gaze dropped on her hands, playing nervously with her fingers and he felt the urge to apologize but instead, he got up from his desk and sighed.
« Let's get this over with. »
« I leave her in your hands, Toshi ! » laughed Kondou before he stormed out.
….
….
A very uncomfortable silence. Was it the right time to compliment her or would she see this as an excuse after his stupid comment ?
« Let's go. »
« Hai, Hijikata-san. » she bowed with respect.
They exited the compound together, walking at a slow pace. The yukata of the girl was tight. He wouldn't like her to trip and fall. It had something strange to walk that way and stroll through the city. Usually, when he was getting out, it was to meet with the Aizu-han or even the Kuwana-han, even if less often. They were more fond of the Mimawarigumi than the Miburou. He never really took the time to walk, just looking around at the houses, the faces, the trees and flowers… The season of the sakura was gone, soon it'll be the one of the autumn leaves. He hoped he'll have time to go at least once, see the fire-colored grounds in some of the most beautiful Kyoto temples.
« Thank you, Hijikata-san. » said Yukimura, breaking the silence.
« It's fine. I don't have much work lately. »
That was a lie. A big one. And the girl probably wasn't fooled. She'd seen the light on in his office late at night more than once, he'd seen her shadow in the doorway, wondering if she should get in to give him tea or if she should leave him alone. He'd seen her care for him with little daily attention. He even woke up once this winter, with ink all over his face and paper glued to it, to find a haori on his shoulders and a burning hibachi full of wood. He never thanked her, for any of these, but he noticed. His heart sometimes was wondering if she was like that with all the captains or if only him had that privilege. He didn't really know what he preferred. He had no time to give her what she wanted, if she wanted something from him, even if his heart was achingly burning more everyday, distracting him from greater things. He loved her. It took him some time to put words on this feeling and acknowledge it but now, he was sure of it. Not long ago, she was a kid and a checkbox on the never ending list of his problems, but now, she was the reason for him to wake up in the morning, knowing she'll greet him with delightful tea, and the reason for him to become someone. When that'll be done, he'll see. In the meantime, she'd have to wait.
What am I thinking about ? Wait for me, huh ? I don't even know if she feels that way.
« Hijikata-san ? Are you okay ? »
« Ah, what ?! » he snapped out his daydream like a bubble exploding in his busy mind, to find Yukimura looking at him with concern.
« You were making a very strange face… » she blushed, averting her gaze quickly. « If you're not feeling well, we can go back, it's fine. »
« I'm okay, it was a work thing. »
« But you said you didn't have much work... »
« It was a work thing ! » he hissed.
« O… Okay. »
Fuck… He really should have let her go with someone else… She was looking forward to this evening according to Kondou-san and now he was ruining everything. For once, she could have a day to relax, for once she could dress as a woman, for once she could have some fun and he was ruining it.
They didn't share much more words until they arrived at the festival. The ambiance was very lively but Hijikata was unable to relax, eyes scanning every ronin, searching for a disturbance. Yukimura wouldn't be put in danger, not on his watch. She, on the contrary, was totally oblivious to his attitude and was joyfully clapping her hand at the passage of the mikoshi and looking at stands. They got some sweets; his, a simple dango and hers, one in a goldfish shape. Why a goldfish ? All they ever do is swim in a circle… It was alien to him, but she looked like she enjoyed it, and his company, so it didn't really matter in the end. She eventually stopped at an unusual stand, looking at the flowers displayed.
« You like flowers, Yukimura ? » asked Hijikata, lifting an eyebrow.
« Yes ! » she replied, beaming enthusiastically « I really like them ! »
He smiled a little as she brushed her fingers on some leaves. He liked flowers too. Cherry blossoms of course, but all of them really. He liked how they were always coming back in spring, announcing the return of the pleasant weather. As a kid, it was really something he looked forward to, the winters rough on his farm.
« Do you like them, Hijikata-san ? »
« Yeah. » he nodded « when they're pretty. »
« Maybe some flowers could bring a bit of joy in your office. » she said « it looks so stern. »
« I don't have the time to care for a plant. » he furrowed his brows.
« I'll do it ! » she proposed, excited « Please, I'll make sure it'll stay pretty ! »
He huffed with a bark of laughter. Flowers in his office ? Why not a pet ? Or cute curtains ? Still, the girl really looked like it would make her happy to care for a plant… As if she didn't have enough to do with all her chores already. But… It might make her come to his office more often.
« I'm not taking care of it and that's final. » he answered « if it dies, it'll be solely your fault. »
« Yes ! » she bobbed her head frantically with the most serious expression on her face « I promise it will not die ! »
« Fine. » he took a bit of money from his sleeve « which one do you want ? »
« It's for your office so… maybe you should choose ? »
He looked at the plants displayed in front of him. He had no damn idea which one of them would lighten up that stern room, as she said. When he was starting to lose patience and getting ready to ask the girl to choose or leave, his gaze stopped on little orange physalis, the same flowers as on her yukata.
Hearts in cages…
« That one will do. » he pointed with a finger and she nodded with a smile.
He paid and she took the plant in her arms.
« Give it to me. » he ordered.
« but it's... »
« It's for my office. » he stated « I'm not gonna let you carry my stuff. »
She grudgingly gave it to him but her smile soon came back, lanterns light dancing in her chestnut gaze. She really was pretty, looking like this… It was a sin, to cage her that way, at a time where a girl was supposed to find a husband. They were keeping her prisoner, making her do chores, taking care of their wounds, their meals and their laundry… How could she still find in herself the innocence to smile that radiantly ? It was as if her world was a lot more beautiful than his. He wished he could see it through her eyes, sometimes. That sure would be a sight.
« A gorgeous caged heart
Tied by the lianas of fate
An oath of freedom »
« Eh ? » said the girl, curious « is that a Haiku ? »
« It just came to mind. » he frowned, hiding his perking blush behind his knitted brows.
« Is it about these flowers ? » she smiled, pointing at the plant in his arms.
He looked at them and sighed, a gentle smile on his face.
« Yeah. Do you like it ? »
« It was good. » she nodded « It's amazing how you can come up with poetry like that, Hijikata-san. »
« Well, it's not like it's good anyway. » he grumbled « it was just in the sprite of the moment. »
« I still like it. These flowers, these little hearts in cages, they are so light… when the wind carries them away, I like to think that it's to some place they'll be happy. »
« I hope this too. » he stated « let's go back. »
« Hai ! »
She didn't know, in all her innocence, but he did. The wind was coming. A storm, a typhoon. May this little caged heart find happiness, if one day it were to be scattered away from him.